Close To Home
by sabriel81
Summary: Non canon, some similarities but completely AU : Blaine and his writing partner and best friend Wes may have the next Broadway smash on their hands, but if it means having to work with the infamous director Kurt Hummel, Blaine may decide that it's not worth the trouble, or is it? They both have so many issues to work through, and they might have to do it together. R&R loves!
1. Chapter 1

_**A/N:** Hello there lovely people! You guys and girls have made me so happy. The amount of reviews and PM's you gave me regarding my query into a fiction were so many that I couldn't respond to them all individually. I mean there were 20 reviews alone never mind the PMs so thank you for your feedback, it made this decision easier. It doesn't mean that I won't write the other ideas as well, it just means that this one is first by popular demand._

**_Non canon/AU_**

_**Synopsis**: Blaine and Wes were friends since high school and they took that friendship further and became writing partners. They haven't had much success yet but with the help of a new backer and producer there's the chance for them to make their humble story into a smash Broadway hit. Kurt is the director from hell that Blaine hates more than people's disrespect for bow ties. They have a past which will be explained later but they had no personal relationship as a couple. This has a very Smash like quality to it, except that the tension is between creative writer and director, not the lead actors. It will be rated M in future chapters, because honestly it's me. This will not be all fluff but come along for the ride and see what you think. Plus I am taking ideas for twists/plot bunnies so feel free to msg me at anytime._

_Hopefully this story will have weekly updates since I will be focusing on this fic alone for a bit. Here's a taste, please review as always guys and let me know if this idea sucks or not._

_Love and cuddles kids. Ta!_

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**Close to Home**

**Chapter 1**

(BPOV)

"This is about as likely as hitting a bullet with a smaller bullet, blindfolded while riding a fricking horse Wes. She'll never go for it."

"Try to be a little more pessimistic Blaine, I dare you."

My best friend never really could pass up the opportunity for sarcasm, but now was definitely not the time. I was losing my shit as I pulled the bow tie around my neck, leaving it there to hang uselessly while I dashed across my apartment, collecting the few pieces of sheet music I needed.. Wes just stood there aimlessly, watching with what could only be assumed as an amused expression on his face and leaning against the door frame of my study.

"Blaine will you calm the fuck down before you have a coronary? I am in no mood to explain to the EMS what happened when I have to call and tell them why you dropped dead. I don't like witnesses."

I would have chuckled at the anecdote if I wasn't having a mini freak out at the moment.

"Look, we've had this presentation prepared for months now and the idea has already garnered a lot of talk among lesser crowds. This is just the next logical step _Blainers_, remember she asked for this meeting, so just stop dashing about like a gay windstorm before you barf. We've got this man."

I was excessively nervous, because maybe, just maybe, this was the beginning of a great career push for us both. Or maybe I was finally setting myself up for the biggest swift kick in the ass that I had been expecting from the Big Apple since I got here just under ten years ago. Fuck ten years of mediocrity and having doors closing in my face really flew by fast.

Since I got here with my best friend whom I loved and loathed at the same time, it had been excessively hard to make names for ourselves as known serious composers and writers. Okay so maybe serious was a lucrative term, we were just getting by and we only had some successes off Broadway, but our original works and spin offs of classics had drawn some attention, not enough to feed us and keep us sated completely, because we both had other part time jobs as well, but enough attention to bring us to where we were today.

Today, being the first official meeting with our potential backer, Ms Santana Lopez, a woman whom made her money by literally using her ex husband's money to fund musicals. She had made herself an empire by backing and also producing some of the more recent Broadway smashes and it literally made my head spin that she was thinking of putting her name behind our works. This was still a big maybe but Wes seemed confident that since she was putting her time into this meeting that we had it in the bag, well at the least the first in many steps anyways. I just couldn't help but worry that if she didn't like our pitch that we would be black listed with her. And a Lopez black listing was never something a 28 year old or his composing partnership needed in New York these days. Not unless you wanted to start a new career or wanted to take the fast track to the bottom of an already very demanding barrel.

So here I was sweating a little, fretting about something that I now couldn't change because we had all of our eggs in one basket, only waiting to hear what she had to say.

"Come on dude. Tie your bow tie, grab your jacket and let's get going. I have the recording Sebastian did for the one track on my tablet and you have everything else. I do the schmoozing, you do the music work. Let's get going because I don't think being late will help our chances in any way."

He gave me a half hug from behind, pecking my cheek quickly, which was odd for my very straight friend, but he was my best hag even if he was a guy.

"This is what we came here to do Blaine. Let's do it."

I patted his shoulder and took a deep breath, looking out my small window from my small two bedroom apartment, hoping beyond hope that this would be the start of a better day and life for my best friend and I.

"Yeah, yeah let's go."

With that I tied my tied without even looking in the mirror, knowing I had perfected the art of tying a bow tie blindfolded years ago and headed out onto the busy streets of New York with my crazy partner in crime, holding onto a hope that it really could get better.

XXXX

Santana Lopez was everything and nothing like I expected. She was beautiful, well groomed as well with her long black hair giving off an almost silk-like quality to it, and her expensive suit jacket and skirt combo screamed money. What I wasn't expecting was her youth, she was the same age age as me from what I knew of public fact but she had a look that resembled a teenage girl every once in a while when she thought no one was looking. The rest of the time she seemed calculating, not cold but guarded and it was very intimidating.

After her assistant, who's name was Brittany from what I could remember, seated us in the spacious office, Ms. Lopez sat down and raised a quizzical eyebrow at us as if challenging us with our presentation.

Wes, being one for hard ball, laid on the business man mode thick. He was always one for a challenge of any type and thrived when people dared to doubt him and I guess that's why our partnership worked so well. Wes said it was my compassion that made me a successful composer where it was Wes' rationalism that kept me grounded and his way with words lyrically and figuratively that accompanied my music beautifully. Together we were a cohesive unit and Wes was thriving playing his game as I poured over the music, showing her what we had to offer after we had said our piece.

As we played the recording for Ms. Lopez it was the closing lines of our song that seemed to soften and bring out the youthful look on the Latina's face, as she closed her eyes and smiled.

"That last line. One day I will learn to love what I am, not fear where I've been. That's some deep shit guys!"

Okay that really surprised me, I wasn't expecting the minor vulgarity to just slip out of her mouth, and I guess she was counting on that.

"Oh boys, ¡dios mío. You should see your faces."

Wes cracked a smirk but I was still reeling from the last comment.

"You guys wanna drink?" Wes took the bait and stood up with the Latina and walked over to her mini bar. "Single malt okay for you? What about you Bilbo?"

"It's Blaine."

"I know short stuff I'm just pulling your chains. Did you honestly think this was going to be all serious and shit didn't you?'

I looked down at the antique table in front of me and began sorting through the already sorted papers.

"Blaine has a tendency to be slightly naive with certain things Ms. Lopez."

"Please Bruce Lee call me Santana."

"Then call me Wes and we have a deal." Santana and Wes clinked glasses like they were old friends and laughed when I had nothing more to really add to this conversation or in my own defence.

Santana downed the remainder of her short drink and moved to sit beside me now and let Wes take in the rest of her office. It was like Wes was letting me handle it from now on and I didn't know how comfortable I was with that.

"Blaine. Look I know that I come across as a bit of a bitch, and honestly I get that I'm intimidating. I have to be in this business. I don't ask for meetings with just anyone so you can relax. But know that my interest in this project is...genuine. You guys have written some amazing music and it's so original."

I looked over at Wes who was smiling as if we already got the best news.

"You guys did a great revival of Sweeney Todd ya know?" That was one of our more obscure works. I hadn't known she even knew about that.

"You saw that?"

"Yes hobbit, I did. I gotta say that your spin on the production with an all female cast was new, fresh, and creative. Which is why I want to do this musical with you."

"You mean...?"

"Yes I had already decided I wanted to do this with you before you came in the door. It was just fun to watch you two squirm a little under the pressure." She winked and put out her hand.

"So we have a deal?"

Wes and I shook her hand very professionally before hugging each other quickly.

"Oy my virgin eyes. Tone down the gay would ya fellas?"

Wes made a grossed out face in my direction.

"Sorry to disappoint but Blaine has too much penis for my tastes. He's gay, I'm straight."

"Hmm too bad. Would have been a nice show?" Okay was this woman even real? How many personae did she have?

"Look guys I'm gonna get down to brass tacks but I was waiting for a friend of mine to join us before we did that. He's kind of the prefect director in the city for this little project. Everything he touches his magical lady hands to, turns golden, which is why I seem to keep hiring the guy, no matter how bitchy he gets..

_No, not him._

"...I mean we've thrown chairs at each other and then go out for drinks later at night. You'd think he was my ex husband or something with the way we acted."

_No! It can't be him. I swore I would never work with that piece of sh..._

Just then without so much as a knock, the office door swung open a little too fast and harshly, making everyone jump a little except Santana.

"Sorry San that I'm late. I swear I get the same asshole cab driver every time I get in a cab on Lex and...YOU!"

Well that didn't take long. The man's eyes travelled over me quickly before sneering then looking from Wes and then finally back to Santana.

"Him, and his little partner, are you kidding San? You're taking a chance on them?"

"Hey would you mind not talking about us like we aren't here?! And could you turn down the bitch volume, I think they can hear you in Jersey."

Wes laughed under his breath at my outburst because the only person that seemed to get under my skin faster than my brother Cooper was this man, Kurt Hummel, director from hell.

"Oh would you shut up Anderson. You can't honestly believe that Santana here would really be interested in your little sing a long. This is obviously a joke, like your career."

If it wasn't painfully obvious, Kurt and I hated each other. He thought I was a no talent hack who got lucky with my small successes and I thought he was an arrogant unfeeling prick who wouldn't know compassion and real talent if it bit him in his overly fashionable ass. We had a history you could say but that's a story for another day.

"At least I got to where I am by not sleeping my way to the top. Maybe if I sucked a few of my producers off then maybe..."

"Okay okay, little ponies would you please shut the hell up! This is my office, now sit down like good little boys and listen the hell up. Auntie Tana here is in no real mood for cat fights so I will have you declawed if necessary. That goes double for you Kurt so shut your mouth and use your ears."

Wes sat on the couch in between Kurt and I, knowing our history, although brief was not something up for discussion nor would close proximity help. We loathed each other, but I did understand why he would he here. He really was a great director, and as much as I wanted to throw up admitting that to even myself, it was true.

Kurt huffed but remained silent which from what I knew of him was a rarity.

"Alright first things first. Kurt I am doing this musical with or without your help, but I know you love a challenge with a good story line and sorry to say, the fluffy musicals you've done in the last year were great but will never get you the Tony you've been looking for. Secondly I assume from the bitchy outburst that you know Blaine Anderson...

"Naive old maid." _Oh fuck off Kurt!_ Santana just rolled her eyes and looked at Wes.

"and his writing partner Wesley, please call me Wes and not Jackie Chan Montgomery." Kurt and I both chuckled at this but we both soon stopped when we realized that sharing a joke wasn't in the definition of our professional relationship. The hatred from years past was too much.

"They have written a so far unnamed musical about growing up...gay in middle America." There was a short break before she said the word gay and it was almost imperceptible to anyone that wasn't really paying attention. Kurt's reaction was not what I was expecting. There was no bitterness and his scowl that I knew to be permanently etched on his face softened to be more calmed and somehow intrigued.

"It's not so much a coming of age story as it is a discovery piece. The lead leave his home knowing he would never be accepted and takes on a whole new life. The story arc is actually great and identifiable."

Santana looked at Kurt and he only nodded.

"Let me hear the track. You _did _bring a recorded track with you right?" There seemed to be actual interest behind in condescension.

"Yes princess we did. It's called _Headed Home_." It was the closest to a sincere exchange in words Hummel and I had shared in nearly three years.

Wes cued up the track and for the second time that afternoon I got to see an almost free expression cross Santana's face. Ironically enough Kurt seemed to be having the same one as Sebastian's tenor voice filled the room. Throughout the verse as the song got more and more emotional I watched Kurt and Santana exchange the odd look which wasn't lost on me but I ignored my gut feeling to say anything.

When the track was done, Kurt didn't say a damn thing. He picked up the plot sheets we had been revising for the better part of a year and began skimming through them in silence. Wes, Santana and I waited on baited breath as Kurt hummed at certain spots before dropping the sheets back on the table.

"So Kurt, what do you think?"

"I think that this is going to be almost impossible to do accurately. I think that you are going to need one hell of a leading man, and more than just this one song to make it a hit."

Wes piped in, "We've written three songs in full, with accompaniment, two more have melodies but no lyrics as of yet."

Kurt continued as if he hadn't heard Wes at all. While I was a little livid by the arrogance Wes just patted my knee and let Kurt continue as if he wasn't fazed.

"I also think that you're nuts San for taking on this project now when you've just finished deciding to take a break from the theatre, and you're crazy to even bring this to me when I have more _appealing_ offers."

Santana just scowled but didn't talk because she knew Kurt wasn't done.

"I'm also going to suggest that we hold auditions for your male lead right away, so we need to organize a time and place for the first round where we are all available to be on the panel."

Kurt got up and grabbed his bag. "Does that mean you'll do it?"

San stood as Kurt went for the door.

"I love ya San but if you're wrong about this, about them, then it's your name in the mud not mine."

Santana hugged Kurt which was somehow reciprocated even if I thought the heartless man wasn't capable of human contact without behaving like a douche.

"Thank you Kurt. I will have Brit and Tina call you with availabilities."

"Don't make me regret this San. Workshop in 4 weeks, we need a leading man before then or this is a no go. Wes, _Blaine.." _He shook Wes' hand and Wes managed to not look like he'd been burnt before I mock waved in his direction causing him to roll his eyes and leave without another word.

I rested my head on the back of the couch, slumping forward at the whirlwind afternoon we had just had. Not only was I elated that we had gotten the gig, that Ms. Lopez, sorry Santana was backing us and most likely producing, but somewhere in the back of my mind my music and Wes' words had stumped and even impressed Kurt.

_Kurt._

Then there was the anger and confusion that bubbled in my chest when I thought about that man, and even though I knew my works would be in good hands, why did it have to be him who was the most sought after director these days. Fate definitely had a sense of painful irony it would seem.

"Well that went well." Wes and Santana laughed a little at my comment and I guess it really must have sounded funny since I was chuckling for a second as well.

"So boys, I guess we have our work cut out for us. Now if you will excuse me I have another meeting in an hour across town which I have to make. Gotta keep the investors informed."

Wes and I looked at each other and swiftly took this as our polite cue to leave. We had work to do too.

"Well thank you for everything Santana. We'll be in touch."

"I'm sure we'll be nice and sick of each other shortly boys. Now get your asses out of my office."

Confused and unbelievably happy, Wes and I left the office of Ms. Santana Lopez completely elated and absolutely terrified, but that soon became less of a worry as we headed out to celebrate the beginning of a probably hectic few months over a drink or four.

XXXX

Santana stood her office looking out her window for quite a while after Montgomery and Anderson left. She hadn't realized how impacted she had been on the boys idea for a musical until she had heard _Headed Home_ today. She knew what it was like growing up in Middle America and being different from the majority there. She knew that it was hard to be whom you wanted and get out of there in one piece. She also knew that Kurt would identify with the storyline as well, and that reason was second for bringing in her long time friend and directing partner. They could both understand the pain behind the story.

But what was it about this story that made Blaine and Wes want to write it? It had plagued her mind since the idea was brought to her but she was not really any wiser as to their motives for such a heart breaking story.

As she looked out the window still her cell buzzed with an incoming message. Her suspicions about the sender were correct.

**You alright San? - Kurt**

He was such a bitch but under the layers of designer clothes and icy façade he did have a heart despite people thinking he was the world's only living heart donor.

**Yeah, don't get your panties in a twist Hummel. I'm a girl but I'm tougher than your pansy ass so don't worry. - Santana**

It may have been harsh but it was how she talked, and Kurt Hummel knew this.

**Yeah yeah whatever Satan. Just know I'm around okay? We also may have a hit with this one, despite it being close to home for us both. - Kurt**

_Close to Home._

Instead of over thinking what he meant by that Santana just responded as per usual.

**Yeah here's hoping. Honestly I'm fine lady, just don't disappoint me or I will ends you. -Santana**

**Whatever you say dear. Love you too x- Kurt**

**xx, Thanks Kurt – Santana**

Santana didn't break out of her thought bubble until a tiny knock and a door opening caused her to jump a little.

"Santana, remember your meeting is in half an hour, did you need anything else from me before I go home?" Brittany was just standing there looking beautiful but always so innocent.

"Yeah I do. Come here." Brittany walked over to Santana and when Santana didn't protest, the blonde wrapped the Latina in her arms from behind and hugged her close.

"Thanks Brit-Brit. I needed that."

"You'll always be my maiden in shining armoires Tana."

"That's armour sweetie."

"That too. You okay?"

"Yeah just nervous about the new musical and if I can handle the emotions."

Brit just nodded seeming to understand everything the woman in her arms was saying even if it was cryptic to her.

"The dolphins don't like each other from what I heard, but the ninja seemed to help keep them calm. Are they going to fight a lot?"

"I think so, but I hope they can get passed it. Or this musical won't even get off the ground."

Brit hugged her lover close, knowing that she needed the hug.

"It will, I believe in you Santana, and the dolphins would never kill one of their own kind."

Santana just hoped that she had done the right thing for her career by bringing in two fairly unknown writers, a controversial script, and the bitch machine she knew as one of her best friends in on the same project. This would either be amazing, or a complete disaster.

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**So reviews? Pls take the time to tell me if this is worth continuing :D **

**-Sam xx**


	2. Chapter 2

_A/N (a long one sheesh): Hi there everyone. Well I can honestly say that I wasn't expecting the response but thank you for liking the story. It makes me feel loved in the most platonic cyber way possible. I may love you more though because you make me feel special._

_Now aside from my random gushings, I would just like to point out a few things regrading this story for you. This is obviously non-canon although there are a few things in here that could be construed that way. Kurt and Blaine are both from Ohio but they never truly met but maybe remember something fuzzy in passing. Blaine had an easier youth but a harder adulthood, while Kurt had a much harder youth than adulthood. Their backgrounds will be revealed in time I assure you, maybe even a glimpse of it here. ;)_

_Okay so in here there are some sadder events (just a warning) and there is a Seblaine friendship. Many of you won't like this friendship but remember this is my twisted look on Sebastian as a misunderstood slimeball who means well lol. So here's the filler chapter, I will be updating this hopefully every Monday since it's my off day but here's a new chapter a little early, although it's short for me, and if the response is good maybe I will let the next one slip tomorrow or something ;) We will see._

_Love you and thanks for reading this huge note...I have a tendency to ramble. _

_I own nada except the plot and my interpretations of events in this story. :) xx**  
**_

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**Close To Home**

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**Chapter 2**

**(BPOV)**

The rain was always comforting, especially when you wanted the relief from a headache of a hectic few weeks. The Hollow was what I guess you could say was the neighbourhood watering hole. It had karaoke on Fridays and Tuesdays, had a fully stocked bar and microbrewery, and a small dance floor that could turn really rowdy and fun on a Saturday when the vibe was right.

We only found the place when one night Wes and I were looking for places to test our material in. It had been a unspoken agreement between the two of us that if we ever needed to see if people responded to a melody, we would try it out at a different place on an open mic night.

It had been 3 years ago, when I was going through a lot of shit to say the least, some of it revolving around a hot headed brunette named Kurt and an ex named Andrew, that Wes and I found the Hollow.

Now it seemed to be the natural place to go whenever we needed to get away, but sometimes that had it's challenges too, because people always knew where to find you.

As I watched the condensation drip down my glass, which mirrored the rain drops running down the window to my right, I sat pensively for a bit, having somewhat ignored the bartender Cliff who had been hitting on me subtly for months now. I didn't need another relationship right now, I was too busy as it was. Seemingly though as I was contemplating my lack of love life and the headaches that came with my life these days, the door opened suddenly and before I knew it, I was approached by an infamous headache of mine: Sebastian Smythe.

_See this is why I need a new bar._

"Hey killer I thought you were busy tonight?" He had called me 5 times to see if I was up for a drink or maybe even a dinner. I swear I could hear the not so classy wink on my voice-mail.  
"Sorry Bas I didn't want to go out really but somehow I ended up here. I wasn't really ignoring you honestly. "  
Honestly I kinda was, but as oblivious as Sebastian was a lot of the time, sometimes he knew a pathetic cry for a little bit of company better than most.  
"Hey it's no worries man, seriously I wouldn't have minded if you just said, Bas please fuck off and let me wallow."  
"I'm not wallowing." I was adamant that I, this guy in his late twenties sitting at the bar by himself staring and thinking into the bottom of a gin and tonic, wasn't wallowing. Maybe I wasn't being as aloof and hard to read as I thought I was. I mean really I was a few tears shy of looking like an over used scene in a rom-com.  
"No, no of course not, you're a little ray of fucking sunshine."  
This is when I would glare at him, but I was a little too tired to give a shit.  
"Does that mean you are just telling me to fuck off? Because I find fucking _on_ has far greater results there buddy."  
God I loved and hated this man sometimes. I always spent a lot of time appreciating the lightened mood when he tried to be clever, even if the sexual randomness in the way he spoke would make others smack him repeatedly.

My life seemed to be highly defined by men that I loved and loathed and it was a little frustrating, but I knew that this was Bas, just trying to be his usual annoyingly odd self who was just trying to help.

He attempted to leave but I snapped myself out of it before he could get too far out of his seat beside me.

"Fuck, no Bas damn it, you don't have to go anywhere. Come on you might as well join me."

I grabbed onto the sleeve of his coat and I could tell his eyes were watching me very carefully. The years I had spent with this guy, we had never been a true couple, and not for lack of trying on his part, but he still knew how to gauge my facial expressions. He lingered and waited to see if I was sincere, and when I let out a tired sigh, he knew I actually did want to talk. I had come to terms a long time ago that I was just damn stubborn, and he knew it just as I did.

He just nodded and signalled to Cliff, ordering a scotch and soda, and nudged my shoulder playfully when his drink got there; the silent signal for me to 'give up the goods'. I was a terrible liar, so making something up to the guy that literally pulled me out of the worst relationship in existence and knew me better than most, was definitely fruitless.  
So I proceeded to unload all my small worries that had seemed to get to me when I put them together, and I was thankful Seb didn't say much while I talked.

I told him that today had been pretty busy actually. I had a lunch shift at Casio's where I worked as a line cook and they had made a few changes and new additions to the menu for the fall season. This meant I had to go in earlier than I would have liked to so I had the chance to go over the new ingredients and prep.  
Unfortunately before now and definitely before this project had begun, I had to work at Casio's at least three times a week, and usually during the days to pay the rent on my smallish apartment.  
As for today I was supposed to go with Wes to the dance studio where we would be holding our open auditions in 3 days, to meet up with Santana, but I couldn't get out of the shift.  
I told him about the very long conversation with Santana that had ensued about my investment in my project, saying that I wasn't all in and I had to be. I had argued that my writing partner had been present and of course he could speak for the partnership, but Santana ran a tight ship, she wanted all present and accounted for. I had said that she was kind of like a well dressed Hispanic Drill Sergeant which Sebastian proceed to double over thinking about.

Honestly I was tired from the constant pace at Casio's which always left me exhausted, and then having this project in full swing just added to that worry. Thankfully I wouldn't have to work during the audition period since I was taking a week off thanks to some built up vacation time but pretty soon we would have rehearsal, dry runs and tech, it was going to be insane if I had to keep working that much elsewhere and not concentrate of the musical.

I was starting to form a small regret in the back of my head regarding the project, as much as it pained me to think it. I gave Seb a little history about the storyline.

"When I was 13, I had this idea for a story in my head. Even though it was a little convoluted at that stage, the plot only grew as I grew up and experienced some of the things that my character might have gone through. Growing up gay myself in Ohio as you well know isn't a piece of cake and I can empathize with the character about hiding who you are to try and make it. When Wes and I had graduated college, we had been throwing ideas around and I had taken a chance and shared my story idea with him. Even though he knew that I was drawing on some personal experience, although no completely similar, he knew the story if it was given the right light would shine and of course the right timing. The time and partners are right Bas, this was how the story needs to be told. Everyone involved so far is perfect for the idea in my head, there's just so much to do."

That's when I flashed a memory of Andrew, the man who was then my knight and shiny armour who eventually made my life hell. The one man that saved me was the one rubbing my shoulder now as if he read my thoughts.

_Blaine stop thinking about him, it's been years._

Switching gears and shaking myself out of it, I told Sebastian that thankfully Santana had kept true to her word and that Brit and Tina had been stellar. The ladies were making most of the appropriate phone calls thus acting as liaison between Kurt and I in the process. Ironically I hadn't really heard heads nor tails from Kurt in quite a while, and I only found out by a random slip that told me he had to go back to the Midwest because of a family emergency. So that was a nice reprieve, not hearing about my lack of...well everything in Kurt's opinion. Santana had weirdly sided with most of Wes' and my creative decisions thus far however limited, and for that I was thanking my lucky stars.

So needless to say it had been an unnerving two and a half weeks, and we needed to narrow down our search for the perfect lead. So in 3 days time we were holding the first round of auditions. This is why I decided to come drinking by my lonesome tonight, avoiding Wes in the process who needed time to himself, whom I assume was still trying to woo his neighbour Jean, and I needed down time.

But despite my misgivings about it, my current down time was laying my woes to a man who's crude jokes and bad pick up lines outnumbered his normal conversation monologues, but I did feel better. He always meant well, it's just that he always used sexual innuendos as a defensive mechanism for his unease in emotional situations, even though he knew I could see through his bull. And underneath he was still a sleaze bag, but just a milder version. He was a genuinely talented guy, he was always honest and I guess that's why my subconscious held him back to join me, and why it was so easy to just talk to him like I just had.

"That's a lot of shit to have on your shoulders there man."

"Hmm." _How very non-committal of me._

It was, but now that I was effectively cheered up, a change in subject was in order.  
"So Bas, you nervous about your audition?"  
"Nah, not really. I mean I am a little but I can only do my best and hope ya know? I know you think I would be great in the part, and while I will always agree when you think I'm awesome..." He nudged me again which made me roll my eyes, "I just want what's best for the musical, really. It's your baby and I don't wanna fuck it up. Besides I've auditioned for you before, so I can do it again."

Even though I knew Sebastian in high school, almost as long as I knew Wes come to think of it, we only reconnected a few years back when he auditioned for us for our original off Broadway semi smash revival of _Le Cages._ Somehow if I looked back onto the cocky 17 year old Sebastian that I knew then, I wouldn't have said 'Yes I think Seb would be a fab drag queen'. Ironically, 7 years later, he was. Before I could get lost in silly images of Seb in drag he spoke again.

"Now Kurt, now that's a piece of work that actually intimidates me. Performing for him, ya that makes me nervous. What's up with you two anyway? Wes threatened to put my junk in a vice if I mentioned it but all this time and you never really explained it to me man. Why do you hate the ice queen anyway? He's pretty and all but he doesn't jizz gold. Why does he make your skin crawl so much, it's not like he's the first Broadway bitch you've dealt with for sure."

"It's a long story." It really wasn't that long of a story but there were a lot of emotions at stake.  
"I've got time."

I ran my hand through my hair which was something I didn't do very often because whenever it rained my hair would mat faster than an unbrushed terrier and threading fingers through it ungelled was a no-no.

"Yeah well I don't have the blood alcohol level to explain it all Bas, nor the current patience. Let's just say we had a previous altercation where he mocked my career, and I may have went to the press explaining that he slept his way to the top. I'm sure it was wrought with misunderstandings blah, blah, blah, but the guy is a dick, he has no feelings. Let's leave it as that hmm?"  
"Your details suck Anderson. Remind me to not get you a Christmas present."  
"You don't celebrate Christmas Bas."  
"Well no, but you do and I give awesome presents, so see if I get you anything."  
"STD's are hardly acceptable gifts man, so I think I'll skip any 'gits' you wanna give me."

Somehow Seb brought out a smile from me, which was one of the main reasons we still remained friends, even after the years of him pandering me to date him.  
"Ouch. Wounded sir, truly wounded."  
"You better perform better than that on Monday if you want the part Bas."  
"Oh hush, you love me."  
"Most of the time I'm not sure why."  
"I told you, it's the awesome factor, it's hard to ignore."  
"Well finish up that drink so I can continue to ignore you while we go for shawarmas, my treat."  
"Ahhh the way to man's heart, through his stomach." He grabbed his heart then moved it teasingly to his gut, smirking and wiggling his eyebrows at the way I watched his hand. I smacked him for his efforts because this guy would never learn, and part of me was always flattered that Seb continued to try.  
He downed the rest of his drink with a giggle and paid the bill as I shucked on my coat again.  
"Your stomach is the only organ you own that I will cater to." Chuckling and shaking my head, as I usually did around Sebastian, we headed out onto the sidewalk, running down to the little shawarma place that housed my favourite comfort food.

* * *

_Meanwhile that evening in Ohio..._

* * *

**(KPOV)**

It was the same every year. I made my way through the carefully laden grass and small shrubs towards the giant willow tree at the end of the garden. Even though it was the first of September it was unnaturally warm for Ohio at this time of year as it usually broke into cooler evenings, but not this year. I had my blazer folded neatly and wrapped over my arm as I walked across the still lush green grasses toward my destination, feeling the warmth of the setting sun against my left cheek..  
There was always a swoop in my gut every time I did this, a rush of excitement and definite sorrow as I approached, and this year was no different. I missed this; but not all the memories were good.

As I looked upon the tombstone topped with pair of tasteful angels, I began talking as I normally did, sitting on the grass for probably the only time each year. It was the only time that my fashion sense was second to the racing feelings that always overtook me here.  
"Hi momma. It's been an interesting year so far but only because of the new project I'm working on, and the old wounds they bring with them, I wish you were here." I ran my hand over the name Elizabeth Ann Hummel, and felt the tiny imperfections in the marble.

"I keep running into Blaine, remember that man I told you about. He keeps driving me insane with his perfect smile and happy disposition.."

I sighed knowing what my mom would say even if I couldn't remember her that well, it having been just over 20 years since her passing.

"_Kurt no one is perfect, try to be a little more understanding..."_ My dad always told me she was the most passionate and understanding person he knew. He thought I took after her like that, but I guess I may be letting him down with the way I was thinking now.

"Mom I know that everything happens for a reason, and I've tried. I've tried so hard to let people in, to try and understand the goodness of people despite what's happened. I'm trying to not be so harsh but it keeps me safe. And Blaine well...he doesn't seem to have that problem, and I'm jealous. I'm so freaking jealous that he can be who he is and I can't. I won't let myself. I can't let myself."

As I sat there saddened and frustrated over what I was feeling, I opened the one can of beer I always brought with me each year and poured a tiny amount into the earth beside the gravestone.

I smiled a smile I only reserved for him and spoke as if he were there as well.

"Hi dad. I miss you so much, but you understand why I can't let myself, right? If anyone understands it's you."

When I didn't hear an answer, as always, I just assumed he knew why I had to protect myself.

But then I chuckled when I remembered my visit last year and the mistake I made, and took another drink before pouring some more near the headstone.

"Yes dad, it's not light beer this year so don't even ask."

Every year I took out this little time to spend with my parents, the only ones who knew me before everything went to shit, and before I created the new Kurt Hummel, and this new man wasn't going to let Blaine '_I'm so frickin content in my skin'_ Anderson break down that wall.

I had a show to direct after all.

* * *

_So...did I do okay? Does this give a glimpse into B and K pasts. I am so so so so sorry for Burt being dead but it was a necessary evil for Kurt's past. Please don't hate me I loves me my Burt! _

_The auditions are next. Any ideas for song choices for Seb or anyone else for that matter? A new O/C makes an appearance soon and you may like him or you may not?_

_Review pls xxoo_


	3. Chapter 3

_A/N: On with the story then I guess. Not much to say since I didn't get much feedback, and the ones that I did, I tried my best to respond to you.:)and thank you! I hope this is a better chapter for you, its shorter but the bigger reveal is upon us for sure. Also I didn't want to turn this into a song fic which it easily could have so...more dialogue and inner musings instead :D_

_Charmedmich : This is for you and all your positive from the hip encouragement. I love you for it!_

_Read and review guys, here we go!_

* * *

**Close to Home**

* * *

**Chapter 3**

(BPOV)

At first I thought I was dreaming, the niceties of it all, but surely the ups always had its downs, and this I would find out sooner rather than later.

The up and own insanity all started the morning before the first auditions were going to take place and I had received a text message whilst I was sitting at my small kitchenette table reading a newspaper and drinking some coffee. It wasn't the best coffee but it was enough to clear my fuzzy head after the night I had with Wes last night. We had been looking over the head shots and portfolios for the men who would be auditioning for us tomorrow. San said it was good homework and even though this wasn't our first rodeo, we just thanked her and assured her that we would look them over before Monday.

Last night Wes and I had procrastinated a little in favour of some pizza and video games to relax us, which turned into a mini war of sorts where Wes accused me of cheating because I kept blowing him up. There was something so therapeutic about blowing your friends head off virtually, and then watching him try and tackle you for cheating.

Since we had left the 'homework' until the last minute we ended up being up super late and me cabbing it back to my house in the very wee hours of the morning. And since I couldn't sleep right away, the creative juices always hit me at the worst time, I had taken my keyboard up onto the roof, as was custom after hours, and played out there in the cold night air with my thermos of tea. I wrote almost an entire medley which I would show to Wes shortly, so it was a profitable night but it neared dawn when I finally passed out.

Then I proceeded to get up late and my body clock was all fuzzy which wouldn't bode well for the 9 am roll call at the studio, especially since I yet again had a dinner service at Casio's tonight.

Back to the point though, I figured it was my sleep addled brain that was playing tricks on me at first when I received the first message.

_New Text from Unknown Caller_

**Um hi. Is this Blaine's cell?**

Interesting. I didn't normally answer unknown numbers but since this person knew me by name, the least I could do was find out who the hell they were and how they got this number.

**No this is Blaine. My cell doesn't know how to talk. -B**

Okay, so maybe it was the exhaustion that made me cheeky, but before I could dwell on sending a correction message, my phone beeped again.

**Haha very funny Blaine. It's Kurt, you know the world's only living heart donor?-K**

Okay how did he know that was exactly what people called him? I felt a tiny bit bad when I realized that this wasn't something you ever wanted to hear another person calling you, and hopefully it wasn't from one of his friends. Did Kurt have any friends aside from Santana? That was a sad realty if there ever was one. But I decided to pick my jaw up off the floor and answer.

**Oh um hi Kurt. What can I do for you this morning almost afternoon? -B**

The reply was immediate because I didn't know if I wanted my enemy to keep talking or not and it was a little unnerving.

**Nothing. I just figured since we would be in close quarters and needed by the same people that we would be big enough men to share numbers in case of an emergency, sorry if my level of maturity was beyond you Blaine. - K**

A brief shining moment and then he had to open his trap and type something snarky.

**Fair enough. I will keep your number in case it's needed. Good day Kurt. -B**

There that wasn't so bad.

**Yeah, whatever. - K**

Okay I still wanted to smack the smugness off his face, but that was the first instance that lead to where I was today, gobsmacked, but I will get to that.

The second came when we had finally all gathered in the main studio and the throngs of hopefuls were waiting outside in the hallway, as I walked in the door for the first time. I heard a few whispers that a few men knew that I was one of the writers and I had to say that it was the first time that anything like that happened to me, and it felt good. I was smiling when I entered the room but it faltered when I saw Santana and Wes talking heatedly together, not in an angered way but an intrigued one. Wes was whispering in her ear and Tina was to her right taking notes. She was never without a pen and paper I swear.

This left me the end seat on the panel, right to Kurt's left with no one in between. He was on his tablet making notes himself it seemed, and this is where I was cursing myself for not getting there earlier, so I could avoid the close awkward proximity.

Figuring that pleasantries were unnecessary I just sat down without a word and opened the folder that I was asked to bring with me for the day, setting my coffee down next to what I figured was Kurt's.

This is where the second instance occurred however brief. I took note that our coffee cups matched. Okay maybe mine was a little bit bigger because well, I seriously needed the caffeine after the long night I had at the restaurant. Smirking that we both seemed to like the same coffee house, I stifled a yawn behind my hand and proceeded to shake it off like I would cobwebs.

"Long night?" I really wasn't used to hearing Kurt's voice so calm, even if it was tentative, so it shocked me a little. I looked up at him to find that he was looking at me, devoid of all expression, but making eye contact for once. I won't tell you that I had a mental image of turning to stone, because that wasn't nice however funny the thought was.

Kurt gestured to me and then to my coffee cup with his chin before looking back down at his tablet. Okay this was a little weird but I wasn't about to look a gift horse in the mouth, hell I wasn't about to shoot a gift horse in the face if he was trying to be civil.

"Um yeah, a really long one. Wes and I were up late reading the other night, then the composing bug hit me and I couldn't stop till I was dead tired. Then I was at my other job yesterday so I'm a little strung."

_Why was I telling him all this?_ Kurt really wouldn't care, but if to prove my point wrong he continued to talk, not looking at me mind you, but muttering as he continued to do whatever he was doing on his tablet.

"I can understand that. At least you have good taste in coffee, so it will help." A polite but vague answer, I could almost misconstrue Kurt for being a human being, but I wasn't about to get too far ahead of myself. But I continued to talk, hoping that this easy mini conversation wouldn't be the last we'd have. I really liked the idea of not hating the man's guts completely, maybe we could be grown up for a second. Maybe.

"Yeah, Jim always makes the best medium drips in the city. So what are you working on?" I hope I didn't push to far.

"Hmmm. Just emails."

That was pretty much the end of the conversation, Kurt going back to ignoring me and I just enjoyed the temporary silence, and this time I felt my shoulders relax, maybe this was a step in the right direction. Santana piped in, breaking the comfort zone just a bit.

"Alright let's see who's first. Kurt, Blaine? I hope I don't have to muzzle you both, are you two behaving?"

Kurt and I locked eyes briefly and nodded curtly before chiming in at the same time.

"Yes dear."

Okay so this was totally weird but it was much more relaxing.

_For now...I hoped it would last longer than five minutes._

XXXX

* * *

Surprisingly the auditions went by better than I originally thought they would. Thankfully we didn't have to have people walking in dressed in character since this was all original works but for some reason we had a few people show up in drag. Now I know that the character was supposed to be naturally effeminate and had to hide that in society but a few of the men coming to try our went a little to far.

One was dressed in a sailor suit that was anything but tasteful and I wondered silently how he had even gotten work before in this city when we went over his resume and compared it to the lack luster performance and appearance of the man whom obviously didn't take this seriously.

The rest of the late morning and afternoon passed without much incident and we had made comments on almost everyone.

We had decided that we would have everyone sing _Headed Home_ as their intro piece and only then if we wanted to hear from them again at alater date after we convened would we ask them to sing something Broadway or contemporary.

The bitchy Kurt that I loathed was back in full force unfortunately once the performances started. He kind of reminded me of a young and better looking Simon Cowell from days of my youth, basically slapping realism into the faces of some of the men.

I gritted my teeth, even if I did agreed on some level with the things he was saying. Wes would put in small words of encouragement for some of them to not give up, once Kurt had taken them down a notch.

"Why are you being so harsh Kurt?"

The third last audition of the day had just left the studio holding back tears when Kurt told him if "he wanted to make it in this business, he would have to be graceful at getting criticism. But since there was nothing graceful about that performance I can just basically say that your audition is over, thank you for your time."

I mean he was right. The guy that just left was attractive but he couldn't really convey anything the song was saying and his voice was sharper than Kurt's wit. But he didn't have to be so harsh on the kid, looking over his portfolio he was only 20 years old!

"I'm not harsh I'm realistic."

"Realism can be toned down and you can still get the message across." Kurt rolled his eyes.

"Yeah well sometimes pandering to people just gets their hopes up. I don't have time for non realistic dreamers."

"Maybe if you removed that stick from your ass you'd be more objective."

"What did you just say?" Kurt turned to me as if challenging.

"ENOUGH! Damn it we made it through the whole morning without you two going at it like possessed prom queens. Kurt stop being an uptight jerk, even if you're right. Blaine stop being so selfless, the guy didn't cut it so there's no softening the blow in this business, it does waste our time. You are both acting like kids, so shut up and lets hear the last two."

I think that Kurt and I grumbled to ourselves for a good few minutes but eye contact was definitely not made after that point.

When Sebastian and a new kid on the block that I had never seen before at any auditions named Dani Reid finished their rendition of the song, Kurt and I stayed quiet and waited for either Wes or Santana to speak, since every time Kurt or I said anything, there seemed to be a fight.

So we went through our lists, and mine read as follows.

**Adrien Ramsay** – 36, good portfolio, chorus for 2 different shows, currently U/E, may be a little too old?

**Dane Muller** – 24, slightly green, first lead on Broadway, only 6 months into first show

**Ian Finnegan** – 29, extensive dance experience, unimpressive vocals but could work with it, good look, chorus lead for Anything Goes for 4 years, U/E

**Louis Savard **- +++ good looking, 21, references available upon request? Was this guy kidding?

**Ashley Robbins** – 31, extensive chorus experience, too masculine to be effeminate, great voice though, probable chorus availability for this show.

**Reece Meirson** – 27, accent may be a little to thick for the part. Need to discuss.

**Val O'Brien **– 27, definite for chorus, leading man quality? Extensive experience, worked with him in Le Cages also. Spent the last year in Grease revival

**Dani Reid **– green, off the farm as it were. 25. fantastic voice (unbelievable actually) but is that enough?

**Sebastian Smythe **– 28, definite forerunner; experienced, fits the look. Must remain unbiased though.

My list seemed to be the one that was up for the most discussion since it narrowed down our choices the most and had the most detail.

Most of the men were considered misses, either speculated by Wes that he couldn't see his words seeming sincere out of some of these actors, and while the voices on some were great, they did leave a lot open for debate. We had decided that the role would be a singer predominantly and then a dancer as as a secondary, so that was one less decision to be made. When the topic of Sebastian came up Santana was the first to lead the charge.

"I like meerkat-face, his voice sounded great on the recording and hearing him do it again in person without flaws is a point in his favour. Plus he can pull off drag from his set shots, so effeminate shouldn't be too hard. CW hair has got chops I'll give him that."

Kurt chimed in for the first time since our earlier outburst.

"True he's great, but I don't want us settling on what the writers already want, I want to give someone else a chance to shine."

Well that was a recent double standard if I ever heard one.

"Says the egotist who just crushed at least 10 young hearts today by saying they had better luck running a goat farm. Was that an accurate quote Kurt?" I was looking into his eyes very determined. I was already exhausted from the last few days and my temper was short and part of me wanted to put on the proverbial boxing gloves and just go a round or two with him.

"Whatever dwarf. I like Dani Reid. He may be very green but his vocals, breath work and diction were perfect, I think we should give him a chance."

I was bitter and I knew it, but I couldn't help it.

"Yeah because you are infamous for giving people the benefit of the doubt and not crushing them for their lack of professional experience."

"Fuck you Anderson just because Smythe was a fuck buddy doesn't mean..."

"Sebastian is my friend Kurt! Don't you dare insinuate anything about my personal relationship with a friend of mine. I'm trying to be unbiased but I think he'd be perfect for the part! Not that you would know what a real friend is anyway." Kurt looked close to tears but the muscles in his neck were cflexed so hard that I was wondering if his head would explode.

Santana apparently had enough of this. Before I knew it she and Wes had grabbed both Kurt's and my arms respectively in a vice like grip and began walking us to the door.

"Enough. I will not have my name tattered after I worked so hard to make it without my stupid ex husband paying the bills. You will not embarrass me with your childishness. Either you two figure this out or you are both off the project. Fuck it I will ban the project altogether. Don't push me."

Kurt tried to interject, " Don't Kurt. I know but don't."

She looked at me pointedly, "You, I expected better of you. You were always regarded as such a sweet man but I won't tolerate this kind of bitchiness and lashing out even if self defence, when the project has barely started. Figure your shit out, both of you!"

I walked back and grabbed my bag, calling back to a stunned Kurt who was still looking bewildered at Santana, and onto a sympathetic looking Wes.

"I'll have my cell. Call me if you need anything. My list stands and so does my opinion your highness." Obviously I directed that at Kurt but before he could say anything I left.

I turned on my heels in a huff and almost bounced right off Sebastian when I slammed the door shut. He was in the hall still talking to the guy I recognized as Dani and few other guys.

"Hey B, what's wrong?"

"I need to leave. Just...I don't have time to explain Bas, I'll talk to you later." I was trying to hold back tears and thankfully Seb just let me leave, an understanding look even if he had no idea what to say or do.

Getting down the stairs and out onto the streets I finally took a couple cleansing breaths to try and cool down my temper. My temper had been at an all time high over the last few years, and I could say that I was easy to snap; but currently I was hovering between livid and hurt.

I started walking, knowing that I needed to keep moving. After a few minutes I reached the west gate of Central Park and I decided to walk through it instead of around it today. Maybe the sunshine and sight of people calmly relaxing in the afternoon among the trees would be comforting somehow.

Resoundingly I took a seat right inside the entrance, feeling exhausted suddenly now that I had fought back the frustrated tears and flopped on the first bench I saw unoccupied. Thankfully it was off the path so felt less exposed as I brought my head down into my hands in between my legs.

I think it was about 5 minutes later when I heard very harsh sounding heals running in my direction along the path. I imagined it was probably another woman, running home from work, worried she'd miss her train so she took a detour through the park in hopes of catching it. Or the romantic in me thought maybe it was a girl running after the man she loved, in hopes of catching him before he left the city for good.

_God was I really that much of a hopeless romantic even when I was thoroughly pissed off?_

When I finally did look up and the boot sounds stopped close to me I was met with the sight of a very out of breath, dishevelled, and now that I realized it, heavily heeled, boot wearing Kurt Hummel.

He looked at me relieved and then completely uncomfortable the second he noticed I saw him, as if was already second-guessing his actions.

"Blaine..I.."

I sighed, "What are you doing here Kurt? And are those heels?"

Kurt quirked an eyebrow and for once it wasn't menacing.

"Fashion knows no gender Blaine."

I chuckled even though I was confused how I could laugh lightly and somewhat carefree at a comment made by a man I had fought heatedly with not 15 minutes prior.

"So why did you run here? After me apparently."

Kurt looked at his shoes, and if I didn't know him better, well actually I didn't, but this was not normal behaviour, I'd say he was embarrassed.

"I came, I just wanted to tell you, and then you left so quickly, and well Santana, well she's was such a fucking.."

"Kurt just say it so you can leave okay?" Honestly I didn't really wanna talk to him much anymore, he usually never had anything nice to say, but fate it would seemed liked to mess with my chi.

"I'm sorry."

"What?" I may have choked on my own spit for a second. So this is what being gobsmacked felt like. My whirlwind few days had hit a ultimate high, or was it a low?

"I-I said I'm sorry...for, for everything." Kurt still wouldn't meet my gaze.

_Well what the fuck was I supposed to say to that?_

* * *

_So good, bad, fugly? LMK kids, Klaine conversation on the way as well as finding out who gets the part?...Hope you liked it Muah! xoxox - Next update may not be till the weekend, we'll see ;)  
_


	4. Chapter 4

_A/N: Hello again everyone! Thank you to the people that read and liked the last chapter, I know it was a little bit of a cliffhanger but I assure you there is more to this story than just a little apology ;) This continues from right where we left off. The big 'Klaine' moment you were all expecting isn't quite what happens here, so I guess we'll just have to wait and see. ;)_

_Your reviews help motivate me in this pursuit to merely entertain, so I thank you profusely for your time and love of this story. So thank you, and I hope your support continues. xo My work my get my down, and my life my get in the way, but these fictions and your love of them really make my day brighter. Just thought I would let you know that.  
_

_Ta. xxoo  
_

* * *

**Close To Home**

* * *

**Chapter 4**

**(BPOV)**

"I-I said I'm sorry...for, for everything." Kurt still wouldn't meet my gaze.

_Well what the fuck was I supposed to say to that?_

This was Kurt, Kurt Hummel, the man that inadvertently ruined my life, scarred me beyond repair, but yet unbeknownst to him, got me to where I was today. I hated him and silently thanked him with every breath I took, but how could I honestly say I would forgive him, when all he did was make me loathe him with every sarcastic and rude remark that came out of his mouth?

Yet here he was saying he was sorry for everything, did he really understand what 'everything' truly meant? I would bet my collection of bow ties he didn't have a clue.

**(KPOV)**

_I was sorry?_ Well I guess I was in a way but the levels of my apology felt a little thin. Was I just apologizing for being harsh and insulting him? Even if I thought he deserved some of my cynicism, and that criticism was key for personal growth, why did I feel like I was apologizing for something bigger than I actually knew?

Looking back at Blaine I could tell he wasn't expecting that, nor was I to be really honest, it kind of came out of my mouth before I could properly formulate my next words, but Blaine said something so sternly that my thought bubble burst.

"Why are y-you sorry? Enlighten me Kurt, what do you mean by everything?"

_Oh there was too much 'everything' to actually explain._

**(BPOV)**

This man was a conundrum wrapped in an enigma as he watched me with careful eyes, still a little out of breath, and now rubbing a spot near his shoulder a little self consciously as he tried to formulate a real response to my question. He looked a little vulnerable with his frame relaxed, and I finally had a small sneaking suspicion that he might grace me with the truth in his answer.

I stood up and the movement brought back a coldness to Kurt's eyes when he made contact with me again.

"Look Kurt, I get that it was an impulse to follow me and I can't even begin to figure out why you did. But saying you're sorry for something, anything, fuck everything is a little too vague for me. If you don't mean it, whatever it is, can you please not try and pretend you care, cause I can't deal with this crap anymore."

That was fairly well put considering I had no idea what I was going to say when I opened my mouth, and I thanked years in improvise acting classes in my youth for the quick footed thinking. A whisper broke the silence.

"I do care. That's what scares me."

It was almost so quiet that I thought I heard him wrong, or even heard him at all.

"I beg your pardon?"

"Are you hard of hearing Blaine, I said I fucking care! Look this is hard for me so please..."

"Kurt stop yelling! God dammit you're a pain. And your mood swings are making me sea sick!"

Kurt threw up his hands at the same time I did and we turned almost in sync, in full diva fashion. We hadn't known at first that we both did it at the same time. To the onlooker we probably looked like we were rehearing a play in the park, that or we were an old married couple squabbling about domesticity. The latter made me cringe even if it was unfair to think.

"Dammit Blaine...I'm fucking sorry okay, can you just accept my apology for being a dick today and let bygones be bygones?"

_Oh so this was just so I wouldn't be pissed at him?_

"No Kurt I won't accept it because I don't know what you're really sorry for, and why? Fuck there are just too many scars, too much shit between us. Why do you care now? Why weren't you sorry years ago when you ruined my fucking life then by opening your mouth, oh wait you didn't know that you did that to me huh? Why couldn't you just keep your opinions to yourself then and maybe you wouldn't have fucked up my life and caused so much pain for me because you couldn't stop being...well you!?"

Kurt froze, like literally froze on the spot, and he started to shake the tiniest bit. The words that had come out of my mouth in a moment of sheer anger at the memories they evoked seemed to make something snap in Kurt, and I was afraid for a short moment that Kurt would collapse. His voice was stuttering and forced when it was heard a few moments later.

"You're r-right. B-being me f-fucks up everything. I g-gottta go, I'm s-still s-sorry. I don't know w-why I came."

Before I knew it Kurt had turned and left, his heeled boots clicking in the direction from whence he came and I was left to gawk at the man who could make bi-polar patients looked confused at his personalities.

He looked so broken and so unlike him that I nearly ran after him myself, but stopped when I realized that I had nothing more to say to Kurt Hummel at the moment, because I was officially confused by every moment we had shared in the last few weeks, so I let him go.

XXXX

* * *

A week later and things had stayed remarkably the same for me. After the short and revealing outburst in the park Kurt had gone back to being excessively distant, using Santana and Wes as an in between for creative discussions and looking more closed off than ever before.

Part of me was thankful for the personality solidification since he hadn't had another mood swing since the one from the other day but another very small part of me was still curious about Kurt's motives that day, and I constantly argued with my inner conscious, who sounded suspiciously like Wes, about calling him on it.

The one difference in Kurt was that he made his notes on the finalists' performances that we selected, a little more cautiously. He was still eager to hand out disappointment but he seemed to be reigning in his displeasure of things by not being as mean with his judgements. This was definitely a plus, but it was odd. You know when you get used to something a certain way, even if it's bad, that it kind of becomes like second nature to you? And when that changes, even for the better, you feel a little uncomfortable because it's not the norm? Well that's how I felt about the director's mannerisms.

It got progressively more apparent during the last few days when we met with Sebastian and Dani again as our final two choices for their last call back.

Kurt actually gave helpful criticisms, and pointed out things that were wrong with both performances, that I completely agreed with and that I hadn't even noticed until he pointed them out. He was being professional, distant but professional. It was the first day that I really got to see that Kurt knew what he was doing in musical theatre, and as much as I didn't like the final decision, I guessed it had something to do with Kurt's faith in the kid when they decided to cast Dani in the lead role as Ben, with Sebastian as his understudy.

There were arguments on both fronts about Seb having more experience and how it wasn't fair to push that talent back for the newbie, but I sucked back my opinions and realized that Kurt knew what he was doing, at least I hoped he did, and Santana and maybe even Wes agreed with him. So I figured that since I was one of his best friends that I would break the news to him.

* * *

"_Was I not convincing enough B?"_

"_No, no you were fab as always Seb. It's just that the consensus was to go with the new guy. Dani has a lot of talent too, and we, well mostly they decided to go with him. I'm sorry man."_

_Sebastian just swallowed and shrugged and plastered a smile in his face._

"_Win some you lose some right killer?"_

"_Bas..."_

"_Nah it's cool. I hope the new kid works out. He's seems like a nice guy. Too bad he's straight cuz the things I could teach that guy..."_

"_Seb." I warned._

"_Untwist your girdle Blainers. I won't touch the newbie. I'll see ya around."_

"_Sebastian please I'm sorry okay? I know this meant a lot to you."_

_Sebastian stopped and his smirk failed a tiny bit. "I know, it's just business right? I'll see ya around bud. I gotta go. Places to go, men to meet and all that jazz."_

"_Rehearsals in a week Seb!" I called after him as he reached the door. He just lifted is arm in the air in response and pushed open the door far too quickly. _

_This was Sebastian's version of hurt and it bothered me more than I thought it ever would._

* * *

That night I had tried calling Sebastian after I gave him the news. but all I got was his answering machine.

"This is Seb, I'm away from the phone right now, please leave a message describing why I should call you back, and maybe I will. Make it worth it."_ Bas that's a shit message._

"Hey Sebby. I know you hate that nickname but, it's Blaine. I just wanted to make sure you were okay man. I know that the news was a little shocking but I just hope you aren't too upset about it. Wes, Santana and I, and well Kurt too I guess, want you in the show so much, and I hope that you can respect the creative decision we made. I love ya man, I think you're one of the best but you always said this was about what was best for the show, and I think it is. Call me back and let me know you're okay, please? Okay m'gonna go, take care Seb and we'll see you in a week for rehearsal right? Right, k bye."

I hung up and sighed. Sitting in my overly cluttered apartment, leaning back on my armchair I dropped the phone by side. It was a Friday night and I was alone yet again. I didn't mind it that much really, and since we were on a break as it were from the show until rehearsals started in a week, all I had to do was work the few shifts I had at the restaurant and maybe catch up on some much needed sleep.

As I sat there finishing my drink, I opted for allowing myself the first gin and tonic since the other week at the bar, and I wondered how I had become this depressed man sitting in his pyjamas on a Friday night. Wes and I used to go out all the time with Jeff and the guys when we were back in high school, and then when Wes and I came to town and finally got settled into the tough grind, we still always managed to go out and be young when we had the chance. The last year or so had been different.

All our outings were for research and material testing purposes it seemed, we never just went out to have fun. Looking down at the now empty glass in my hand, and then scanning my apartment in all its mediocre glory, including my very fashionable dress robe and boxer brief combo, I chuckled at my old man syndrome.

_Fuck it, we're going to have some fun!_

I picked my phone back up and sent out a code message to Wes that I hadn't used in a long time.

**Code Red and Navy. You game? - B**

This was our old school colours and thusly meant it was our secret code for karaoke night in true Warbler fashion. The Warblers were our high school show choir name and we had been a pretty rocking acapella show choir if I did say so myself. We used to have karaoke nights all the time but it had been a while since my friend and I had graced The Hallow during a karaoke night just for shits, giggles and ex-Warbler mayhem. Besides, even when it was just the two of us we always had a blast, and I needed some light-hearted fun to maybe help me relax a little and pull me out of the funk that I seemed to be sitting in.

I sat up and began straightening up the small mess I had made in my living room for a few minutes before I got a response.

**Can't B. Going next door to watch a movie with Jeannie, she finally said yes to a sort of date can you believe it? Besides I have an early morning tomorrow, my dad is coming to town and we all know what that means. :( - W**

Wes' dad was definitely not a fan of Wes becoming a composer/writer because he thought it was an ill fitted occupation wrought with disappointment and struggle. Even though Wes and I were doing better and this musical seemed to be pushing us in the right direction, I knew Wes was worried about the 'I'm disappointed' speech that his father would surely given him, he always did. He would say that he could have taken up a position with him in his family's law firm in a heart beat, but Wes always kept calm on the exterior even if I knew it bugged him profusely that his father had no real faith in him or us for that matter.

Sighing that I should be happy for my best friend I sent him a message back.

**That's awesome man! I'm glad she's finally coming to her senses and seeing you as the cool guy you are. Good luck! Also, I know it sucks when your dad comes, but if you need anything know I'm here. Oh and don't you dare wear the blue shirt, wear the charcoal one it's more flattering ;)- B**

I laughed at my phone because I knew for a fact that Wes was going to try and wear that blue shirt. He always thought it was his go-to shirt for dates, but it was not his style and blue was not his colour, no matter how much he argued otherwise.

**Thanks man, on all counts. I knew there was a reason I was thankful for you being gay. Even if you dress like an overgrown toddler yourself sometimes man, you give the best straight guy clothing advice. Love ya buddy and ttys. -W**

I pulled my dark purple dress shirt over my shoulders and undershirt as I smiled at my friend's message. 12 years later and I loved that controlling little man like I would a brother, not like my actual brother whom I couldn't stand, but a true brother. I just wish he could have come out tonight however selfish it may have seemed though.

**:) love ya too man. Later. -B**

After tucking in my shirt, I for once opted out of the bow tie and settled on a pair of suspenders instead, leaving the top button open, making it very casual for me. I grabbed the rest of my personal belongings, wallet and keys and whatnot, before throwing a thin black scarf around my neck and my black suede fedora. Yup I was going out and having fun for once and I was going to look fabulous. Maybe I would even have a chance at picking up tonight, because god knows it had been too long since I got laid.

I closed and locked the door on my apartment humming "Friday", a song from years ago, and chuckled at the memory. All my thoughts of worrying about Seb, the musical and Kurt's odd behaviour out of my mind as I got outside and hailed a cab, hoping to just enjoy the company of others I'd meet and the songs I'd maybe sing tonight.

XXXX

* * *

**(KPOV)**

"I think I'm l-leavin San." Santana, whom I had just found out was sleeping and maybe a little in love with her receptionist Brittany, myself and the aforementioned girl had decided that we all needed to go out tonight.

We had dinner at a very posh restaurant which I was only too happy to let San pay for before we ended up at a gay bar in the village drinking god knows what, for god knows how long. It was probably near midnight now as I watched Santana dropping her businesswoman mode and allowing the simple and kind-hearted blonde hold her in public and I don't know if it was the alcohol talking or if they're comfort with each other set me off, but I mumbled half in the bag that I wanted to leave.

Brit said something first. "But Kurtie, don't you love us anymore? I love my dolphins and Santana said us Lebanese and dolphins have to stick together." I couldn't understand this girl but it was hard to not love the woman. She seriously possessed a child like innocence that made you look passed her quirks, and she somehow honestly believed everything that she said however confusing to others. San was facing me, the blonde wrapped up behind her, and smiled shaking her head at Brit's words.

"Yeah Kurt. Don't you love me anymore?"

"I hardly think I ever loved you Satan."

"Perhaps not, but we're friends letting lose for once. Remove the wedgie from your designer backside and have fun." She leaned in and whispered in my ear.

"I know it's hard Kurt, but just be yourself and relax for me?" I coiled a little at her words and downed the tequila beside me on the bar.

"That's the spirit Gelfling."

Chocking a little at the bitter taste I attempted to smile as Brit kissed Santana's cheek. The world didn't really know Santana was a lesbian but after her divorce was finalized there were rumours, she just didn't seem to give a shit and melted back into her lover's arms. For such a strong woman, Santana seemed to let go for Brittany and it was sweet to see her so relaxed in the almost 15 years I had known the woman.

"Piss off San, you know I don't drink much. So please will you go fuck yourself."

"Ahh that's the fire I was waiting to hear. We're gonna go dance, you wanna come? Brit's an amazing dancer."

Santana spoke of Brit with such reverence it was hard not to smile, especially with Brit reaching over and making cute grabby hands in my direction.

"Please Kurtie, I promise I won't step on your fins." She leaned over and pecked me on the mouth and it surprised and literally shocked me that she could be so blatant with everything.

Santana came to my rescue a little quicker than I thought.

"It's okay Brit, go dance and I'll meet you there. Kurt's gonna go now okay?" She frown ed but understood.

"Okay." She skipped off with a smile and a big wave in my direction before Santana leaned in close so I could hear her over the music.

"I know this kind of, excuse the pun, _out_ and relaxed behaviour is hard for you sweetie. So I will give you a pass for the night if you wanna skip out. I just wanted to get you to have some fun. So go home babe if you want or shit go find a piece of man ass to corrupt and let out your frustrations out on because god knows that tight ass of your needs it."

I was about to insert my rebuttal but she cut me off with a kiss to my cheek which was very unlike her. She wasn't a physical person really and it was weird for me to see it with her and Brit and now towards me.

"I know Kurt, I know. Just relax, I know this week has been hard on you, after visiting your folks n all, but thank you for coming out tonight and supporting Brit and I. It's nice not hiding things for once, and I just wanted to remind you of the same thing."

She pulled away and looked me in the eyes and they were screaming sincerity. I nodded even though I was buzzed.

"You're welcome, and thanks San."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, now get out of here. I'm gonna go get my mack on with the hot blond over there, call me if you get any ass, I love kinky details. I just know you're a power bottom or top and you know I loves me my gay men..."

I hugged to basically shut hr up.

"I love your scary sometimes San. Now shut up and go dance. Love you."

"Yeah whatever lady, love you too, now get out of here. You okay to get home?"

"I'll be fine mom."

"Fuck yourself Hummel."

I joked back, "Not if I find someone to fuck me first right?" I winked just to add more brazenness even though I knew she was just being concerned.

"Ada boy. Call if you need anything, lube, condoms..."

"I will." Another wink and a hug later, I pulled away and left her to her devices and stumbled over to the coat check.

XXXX

* * *

When the cool air outside the club hit me I found myself to be a little drunker than I had originally thought. I knew where I was so it wasn't like I was that out of it, but I figured a little sobering up was in store. So I closed the remaining buckles on my coat and walked in the direction of home instead of hailing a cab. I probably wouldn't walk all the way, that would take far too long, but at least this way I could walk and think, and if the desire to head into another bar looking for a hook-up really came to mind then I would let it.

Santana had been right when she said I had recoiled a lot about myself in the last few weeks. I had just started feeling a little more comfortable in my skin in the last few years and then these past few weeks had been difficult again.

I blamed it on Blaine, even if it wasn't fair since he really hadn't done anything wrong,. I was wrong, I felt wrong and I didn't feel it as strongly until I was around him. The day in the park had haunted me this whole week because I knew that I had no right to apologize for being a dick because that's all I had ever been to him. My feelings for people like him, out and proud of themselves completely, were hard to ignore. And there was just something about him that made me crazy, whether it was a combination of his obvious talent mixed with his genuine nature that had people like him, I couldn't tell, but I did know that he made me jealous for his gifts and jealous for what he could be without criticism.

It brought back memories, horrible memories and I guess that was my stupid reasoning for being an ass to him on a daily basis. It just hadn't been in the cards when my conscious had taken over and ran after him.

God my feeling were just a mess. My head was so full of emotions and worries that I swore if I wasn't still a little drunk I would have a panic attack right here on the side walk.

I stopped walking in a well lit area, and I hadn't realized how far I walked until I leaned again a brick wall and looked across the street and read the street sign. Wow I had walked 16 blocks already?

Why I chose to stop here was beyond me, and I wasn't too familiar with the neighbourhood, but when I had checked out the street sign my eyes were diverted to a red sign with dark blue writing on it.

_The Hallow. Huh, interesting name for a pub? _

It was a corner establishment with a side patio where a few people were laughing into their drinks, some of them smoking, which made me cringe that I ever took up that horrid habit for a year after college. I blamed stress but honestly I can't imagine why I ever did it, but damn had it been hard to quit.

Looking away from the patio I could hear music coming from the inside, it seemed relaxed and the guy who I guessed was the bouncer was talking to a young girl very nonchalantly which gave the building a very friendly outlook.

Fishing in my pocket for my phone I saw that it was close to 1 am now and that I had a slurred text from Santana.

**Don't b afraid NEmore. Havz som fun ladylipps. U only liv once! oxoxox- S**

For once knowing that Santana was right, I jaywalked across the street, pulling my collar up on my coat against the chill of the night, and walked passed the bouncer who smiled at me with a nod.

I had a good feeling about this place even if I had only just walked in the door.

It smelled like booze and pub food, just how a bar should smell, but there was a faint hint of cherry which I gathered was from the scented candles from the bar-top.

I looked around and saw that the room was really packed, most of the people hovering near the small stage along the wall opposite the bar.

Someone had just finished singing and it hadn't been that bad, which gave me hope that coming here on a karaoke night apparently wouldn't disappoint. I sat at the bar, undoing my coat and folding it across my lap.

"Hi there. What can I get you hun?" I looked up at the man who had just obviously called me 'hun' with a little shock but smiled when I saw the sweetness of his features and the charming half smile. I could give flirting a whirl, maybe he was actually gay.

"Name's Kurt, but I guess I could live with hun. Amaretto Ginger please." There that wasn't so bad.

"Pleasure to meet you Kurt. I'm Cliff, I co-own the Hallow. And once you try my Amaretto Ginger I've afraid I may ruin you for other bartenders." Okay so mildly creepy but he spoke with such a kind disposition it was hard to not smile.

"The pleasure is mine Cliff. And I guess we'll just have to see about that." I guess the alcohol in my system must have been still working overtime since I felt confident talking to this guy.

"We shall. I'll be back in a minute with your drink Kurt."

For the next half an hour I kind of allowed Cliff to flirt with me shamelessly as I drank another drink or two. I knew he was catering to a new customer but it felt nice to be flirted with for the first time in a while. Plus he was easy on the eyes, dark hair, a little built but nothing extreme, and he really did have a kind smile. As I talked to him about nothing in particular, a few people got up to sing their selections which for once didn't bother me all that much. Considering I listened to trained professionals butcher songs all day long, I was surprised I could stand it here.

"So Kurt, you sing?" The question caught me a little off guard and I almost choked on my drink. Cliff had no way of knowing that this was sensitive topic.

"Um no, well not anymore. I used to in school but that was a long time ago." My thought was kind of cut off my a small cheer that erupted near the stage.

"That's too bad. Oh hey Blaine's singing. That boy has got some pipes, you ever heard him before?" Cliff was asking me something, but I don't think I could have really formed an answer.

All my previous confidence was drained when I looked up onto the stage to the performer in question, the one whom I could honestly say looked amazing in a fedora and suspenders, the one who made my life feel more complicated than it already was, and the one who had my attention as soon as he opened his mouth.

_**Blaine**._

* * *

_So? What did you think? The rest of this chapter was just too long to continue here, so I decided to split it up. Next one will be up in a day or two. Love you all so much for reading this, honestly. xx  
_


	5. Chapter 5

_A/N: __Hiya guys! Okay so remember when I said that I cut the last chapter short because it was getting long? Well I hadn't really realized how long until this one was finished, it tops out at 10,000+ words, holly hell! I mean I'm notorious for longer chapters but this one is a doozy so get comfortable :)_**  
**

_Now warnings for this chapter. It is sexy and fun at the beginning but then the shit hits the fan as I warned you it would. Here we get the explanation from Kurt and Blaine and it's hard to hear about in spots( and hard for me to write actually). **spoiler** This is the beginning of the healing process but everything is far from fixed I assure you.**  
_

_So please read and review guys, I am very proud how this chapter ends, and I would love some feedback since this is the base for where this story is going. More theatre shenanigans to come but this is the heavy weight that explains Klaine's past.  
_

_Song List at the bottom because I hate spoiling it early here :D  
_

_I love you all so much for you feedback, and to **StarGleekBelle**: this is for your flailing, this is for your ironically good guesses in reviews, and also for being a fan of this which continually surprises me. Love you oodles. xo  
_

* * *

**Close To Home**

* * *

**Chapter 5**

**(BPOV)**

"You gonna sing another one tonight Blaine? You kicked ass earlier."

I was shaking my head at whom you could apparently call my friends now, also known as a few of the chosen chorus for the show. Wes had apparently called Val whom he had become friendly with when we worked together on _Les Cages_, and Val had proceeded to tell the rest of the group that it was a karaoke night. I knew that Wes was making sure I had friends to hang out with, and it was really sweet, but I also knew he was playing mother hen a little.

I had originally had a small alcohol issue after all the shit with Andrew blew up, and since Seb, my usual 'caretaker' was nowhere to be found tonight, I knew Wes was just being a good buddy by making sure I was looked after for lack of a better term. I did have the tendency years ago to wallow at the bottom of a bottle.

That being said, I can honestly say these were a great bunch of people, even if they did scare the shit out of me when they came out of no where and joined me a few hours back. Ashley and Val had been in my lead auditions this past week, and they were not surprisingly chosen for the chorus. Val, as I said worked with Wes and I previously in _Les Cages,_ but until today I only knew him on a professional level.

The two ladies, Ann and Donna, were from one of Kurt's other projects. I think it was during his small _Chicago_ stint but I can't be sure. Either way the five of us had been having a great time all night which was something I wasn't really expecting since I was geared for a solo night.

I had sung once already,but I did have a double bill coming up. I just wasn't sure if I really wanted to or not, because honestly, I didn't want to hog the mic since I was surrounded by so much other talent.

Ashley had just come back from the mic having sung Adele's new single, and he did a bang up job considering Adele is freakishly hard to sing well , that and Ashley was a baritone, so you get the picture.

"What about you Val, how about a little _Summer Nights_ for old times sake?"

"Oh lord not happening. I sang that song every night for the last year. I may have vivid nightmares about Danny Zuko for years to come. Come on Blaine seriously, it's your turn anyway, stop stalling."

I sighed but smiled at their childish screams and cheers when I stood up finishing my drink.

"Alright, alright, you vultures. This is why I'm a writer; no performance anxiety."

"That's what he said." Donna said with a wink in my direction.

"Oh shut up."

Laughing as their cheers died down, I got up to the stage and reminded the karaoke DJ, who's name was Cassandra, which two songs I would be singing, and she said she already had then cued up.

I felt freer than I had in a long time, even if the musical was only in its infancy, the first major hurdle was done and over with, so I was feeling pretty good.

Grabbing the mic I looked out onto the crowd which had somehow grown in the last hour or so since I was last up here.

"Hey guys, I'm Blaine, um again. I know I haven't been up much tonight but the herd has requested I do a double for you, so here we go."

I tipped my head down a little, hiding my face under the brim of my fedora as I started. Playing the part and getting into the song, I was feeling confident and just how the song should be sung.

_Birds flying high  
You know how I feel  
Sun in the sky  
You know how I feel  
Breeze driftin' on by  
You know how I feel  
It's a new dawn  
It's a new day  
It's a new life  
For me_

_And I'm feeling good..._

I lifted my head, and smiled at the group as they started to cheer. The performance silence was broken as I moved across the stage swaying a little and apparently I was a shameless on-stage flirter when I was buzzed and happy.

_I'm feeling good..._

_Fish in the sea_  
_You know how I feel_  
_River running free_  
_You know how I feel_  
_Blossom on a tree_  
_You know how I feel_  
_It's a new dawn_  
_It's a new day_  
_It's a new life_  
_For me_  
_And I'm feeling good_

I missed this, I couldn't deny it. I walked down the main stairs to the group I was sitting with and sat on Val's lap as I sang. He laughed and god it was nice to just have some fun with great people.

_Dragonfly out in the sun you know what I mean, don't you know_  
_Butterflies all havin' fun you know what I mean_  
_Sleep in peace when day is done_  
_That's what I mean_  
_And this old world is a new world_  
_And a bold world_

_For me  
For me  
_

As the jazz beat picked up I made my rounds, dancing unabashed around the crowd and they seemed to be completely enjoying it. That's when I saw something that I hadn't intended. Someone was sitting at the bar, completely focused on me with his mouth slightly ajar, holding onto his drink on the bar like it was keeping him grounded.

_Kurt._

Well this is awkward. Fuck it, he doesn't think I have any talent, let me turn it up a notch huh?

I sauntered towards him, hat tipped until I was just in front of him. Kurt didn't move, he only remained in his seat and looked completely surprised and somewhat out of breath.

_I'll show you._

This was the mantra that played over and over in my head as I danced around him, singing to him, and thank god I knew this song backwards. I think the entire bar was watching us now, but I only saw him. I needed him to see that I wasn't a no talent hack and that he pegged me wrong, because he didn't even know me.

_Stars when you shine  
You know how I feel  
Scent of the pine  
You know how I feel  
Oh freedom is mine  
And I know how I feel_

I grabbed his hand in a movement that surprised me and squeezed it before I let it go. He was angry at my brazen behaviour but I just wanted him to actually see.

_It's a new dawn  
It's a new day  
It's a new life  
It's a new dawn  
It's a new day  
It's a new life_

I moved away from him with a wink as the song picked up again and headed back to the stage in one large jump, using a table as balance which Cliff would be angry at me for later but this was performance art, you couldn't ruin the performance because you were worried I'd break stuff with furniture jumping.

_It's a new dawn  
It's a new day  
It's a new life  
It's a new life  
For me_

My friends looked completely confused but impressed nonetheless. I guess they saw who I was singing to and thought I was crazy, but they kept dancing and cheering as the song came to a close. I knew I would have some explaining to do after.

_And I'm feeling good_

_I'm feeling good_

_I feel so good  
I feel so good _

If ever Blaine Anderson felt sexy, it was now as the crowd went nuts and I bowed before my encore, but I made the mistake of looking up to where Kurt was sitting, to see the man fuming.

* * *

**(KPOV)**

"So you know sex on a stick Anderson huh?" Cliff asked, a hint of maybe something like jealousy in his voice.

"Uh yeah. He's not my favourite person though."

"Too bad I bet he's a fantastic lay." The nerve of this guy honestly.

"Watch it. You don't know him, and neither do I really so just, lay off." Apparently I was all of a sudden getting defensive of Blaine, which made absolutely no sense. I grabbed my coat from my lap and downed my drink because I had every intention of leaving right then and there since I was already embarrassed by Blaine and now Cliff was pissing me off.

"Sorry sweet cheeks, didn't know you liked him that much."

"I don't.." It was a weak argument and one I didn't intend on continuing, but then a voice on a mic cut me off, and it was not just the song that made me stay.

* * *

**(BPOV)**

Wow Kurt looked pissed! I don't know if it was just at me though because now it seemed like he was taking to Cliff, and he seemed to be saying something that really irritated him. I quickly chanced a look at Cassandra and mouthed the song I was changing to, inserting a giant please for her patience with me. She mouthed back that this last minute shit was only because she loved me. I smiled as charming as I could before looking at Kurt again, and I wiled myself to make him stay and hear my message out.

I could sing the first bit acapella, I should know this song backwards by now anyway, Seb sang it over and over again in rehearsal. I had to make him stay, or was it to just make him smile? Searching for the courage and strength I needed, I just hoped it would be enough...

_I .am .what. I. am...  
I am my own special creation..._

* * *

**(KPOV)**

I Am What I Am. He had to choose this song. Something that was so close to my heart, and so close to home for me. How could he know that the meaning of this song was exactly what I was afraid to say, afraid to be? How could someone like Blaine, a person I hated for all intensive purposes really know the effect it had on me, and the effect _he_ seemed on have on me.

_So come take a look  
Give me the hook  
Or the ovation  
It's my world that I want to have a little pride in  
__My world and it's not a place I have to hide in  
Life's not worth a damn  
Till you can say  
I am what I am_

The music kicked in as Blaine never moved his eyes from me. It was as if he was willing me to stay, challenging me to hear the message in the song that I knew all too well.

_I am what I am  
I don't want praise, I don't want pity  
I bang my own drum  
Some thinks it's noise  
I think it's pretty_

Blaine made an overly gay hand gesture then which had the crowd and me laughing. I couldn't believe I was smiling at this. A song that was so important to my history and how I felt about myself, could be turned from a tortured anthem, to a song of hope from the man I loathed for being "who he was", ironically enough.

_And so what if I love each sparkle and each bangle  
Why not try to see things from a different angle  
Your life is a sham till you can shout out  
I am what I am_

_I am what I am_  
_And what I am_  
_Needs no excuses_  
_I deal my own deck_  
_Sometimes the ace_  
_Sometimes the deuces_

Blaine jumped off the stage again,( he has a serious issue with jumping on and off things), and went to his friends, well actually our co-workers table and danced with them again, making me smile still.

_It's one life and there's no return and no deposit  
One life so its time to open up your closet  
Life's not worth a damn 'til you can shout out  
I am what I am_

_I am what I am_  
_And what I am needs no excuses_  
_I deal my own deck_  
_Sometimes the ace_  
_Some times the deuces_  
_It's one life and there's no return and no deposit_  
_One life so its time to open up your closet_  
_Life's not worth a damn_  
_Till you can shout out_

_...  
I am what I am _

By this point he was standing in front of me again, a little out of breath but I could honestly say that I was too. Everything about this performance side of Blaine was breathtaking. His smile, his charm and good god his voice! Why the hell was he a writer? He should be out on stage doing this for thousands of people, not just for some drunks and saps who were the shells of their former selves. I would lead the charge in that pathetic department unfortunately.

He smiled and took the applause turning around to face the crowd and away from me, and I took this as my cue to try and leave. I managed to slip the money onto the counter and all but ran out the door. This was not the evening pit stop I planned.

I wanted to find alcohol induced flirting and maybe a quick fuck but what I found was talent and sincerity and laughter, all from the man who drove me insane.

I ran outside faster than my wobbly legs liked but there were things about myself that were laid bare under Blaine's hazel gaze that I wasn't sober enough to deal with. So I left.

* * *

**(BPOV)**

Turn around for a minute and he leaves, what was he, part ninja? I threw the mic back at Cassandra who just rolled her eyes at me. I approached the table and grabbed my scarf, realizing I hadn't brought a coat with me since I lived down the street.

"Blaine where are you going and what the hell was that with Kurt?"

"Guys I promise I will explain later. Love you guys, but I have some unfinished business. I gotta jet. Bye!"

It was abrupt but I knew that I had to chase after Kurt. Maybe this is what he had been feeling the other week when he came after me, it was some kind of electric pull that made absolutely no sense but it was compelling to say the least.

I panicked when I got outside and I didn't see him right away, and I feared he got into a cab and that this chase would end fruitless.

I thanked my stars after running down the street and turned to my left and across the street, barely visible, was the man in question sitting on a stoop, which for his designer clothing seemed a little wrong. I took off across the street in his direction and was barely paying attention w. I almost got smoked by a bus, the driver honking his horn loudly as I jumped passed him.

I stood there for a second in the middle of the street, trying to re-catch my breath from the shaking experience, and when looked up at where Kurt was I could see he was standing there covering his mouth.

I ran over to him and stopped just before I was in arms distance. He closed the gap and smacked me really hard on the arm.

"Ouch what the.."

"Watch where you're going! You almost got hit, you scared me!"

Somehow I couldn't help the smile that formed on my face.

"Aww you were worried about me? How sweet."

Kurt grimaced even if it was fake but I then noticed that he had be crying, and the cynical part of me realized I had never seen any real emotion from him aside from anger.

"I just didn't want you to get dead, okay Anderson?"

There was the Kurt I know, a little drunk like myself and not as sincere with his cynicisms, but he was trying to make an appearance again.

"Kurt, just stop okay, it's just me, you can stop hiding."

Kurt moved away and sat on the stoop again, and it was funny that he had chosen this stoop of all places.

"I'm not hiding, you don't know a thing about me so stop pretending like you do." A challenge, okay I can take that one. I sat down beside him as I started talking.

"Oh no? Well I can tell you that you are a director and a fantastic one at that. You love the theatre even if you never show it because you're always such an ass."

"Way to make me want to listen to you Blaine, insult me."

"Fair enough. You're gay but you're never with anyone publicly which either means you hate relationships or you don't want people to see you negatively in anyway. You don't want to give them ammo.

"You have a love for anything expensive in the clothing department and that tells me you love fashion even more than most stereotypical gay men. I know that Santana and you have some kind of special relationship that I can't understand and for some reason you chose to lash out at my work a few years ago and I still don't know why. I may not know everything about you Kurt but I know that much. I also know that tonight I saw you smile, and somehow I made you smile. If you really hated me you wouldn't have listened to me sing. How close am I?"

It was amazing that some of the most meaningful conversations you had with someone, were when alcohol was involved. It was like a liquid truth filter and Kurt seemed to finally be at a loss for words as a tear ran down his cheek.

"Hey, I'm sorry Kurt, I didn't mean to get so personal, it just kind of came out, please don't cry it makes me sad."

I wiped the small tear from his face and for some reason he let me. He just continued to face forward with his head bowed slightly as he tried to take calming breaths. I didn't know what to do as I just sat beside him for a minute.

"Kurt?"

"You're right, but I'm not doing this here Blaine. No matter how I try and avoid it, you seem to weasel your way into my life, and I think I'm drunk enough to tell you. If you want to know, then can we go somewhere quieter and preferably not a stoop?"

"We could go to my house? It's really close." It made sense even if it wasn't the best idea in the world at the moment.

Kurt sighed, "How close? Give it to me in feet Blaine."

"Uh, about 12 feet, I live in the apartment upstairs." I pointed behind me to the red door. "That's my front door."

Kurt chuckled and it made my stomach twitch, not in a bad way mind you, just in an unfamiliar and terrifying way.

"I guess that makes sense then." I got up and even though Kurt refused I offered to help him up as well. He stumbled a bit and I had to catch him a little by the arm.

"Whoa there. You okay?"

"Yeah m'fine, just stood up too fast." He pulled his arm away from mine and began ascending the stairs ahead of me. As I reached for the key I turned to face him and he looked a little puzzled at my pause. I tipped my hat up a bit so he could hopefully see the sincerity in my eyes.

"Before we go in I think there's one thing we should do first." He raised his eyebrow at me, and I saw a flash of irritation there, but I just put out my hand.

"I figured we may want to reintroduce ourselves. I'm Blaine Anderson."

Kurt chuckled at my gesture but put his hand in mine slowly. "It's nice to meet you, I'm Kurt Hummel."

"It's a pleasure to _finally_ get to meet you Kurt."

With a knowing smile at the double meaning, we unlinked hands and I sighed at the loss of contact for some reason, before opening the door and leading us into the building.

* * *

XXXX

I was glad that I had taken the time to actually clean up the small mess I had made earlier in my living room since I now had company.

"Home sweet home I guess. You can leave your coat on the rack here and make yourself comfortable."

I took off my fedora and scarf and put it on the aforementioned rack before retreating into the kitchen. I didn't want to watch Kurt, as I was suspecting that since he hadn't said anything since we shook hands outside, that even the slightest whisper of the wrong word could have the man fleeing the apartment faster than you could say Gucci.

Giggling to myself at unbelievably awkward timing that my brain thought of geek or fashion references, I stuck my head out through the service window to see that Kurt had taken a seat on the couch, and looked very nervous.

"Kurt, you want some coffee? Sobriety material n' all? I just got one of those instant coffee thingys, the ones that make all the awesome types of coffee. Come in here and chose your poison."

I gave him a cheery smile because as much as this man infuriated me, I was about to get to the bottom of his hatred for me, and I felt like playing nice. I was drunk enough still that being this cordial wasn't an option, I was just a happy drunk when I controlled myself.

The door to my kitchen pushed opened gently and Kurt tentatively walked in. It was only then that I got a really good look at what he was wearing. A white long sleeve shirt rolled to the elbows, a grey waistcoat with navy blue ascot. I had noticed the ridiculously slim fit black jeans, but I hadn't noticed the pocket watch attached to his vest. It added something that I could appreciated; class.

He looked great but a little unsure with what to do with himself in my small kitchen.

"Hey." His voice was soft and more controlled now and I wondered how much of his alcohol had burned off. I turned back to the cupboard and started naming things off.

"Okay so we have the following at Chez Anderson. Caramel Macchiato, Cappuccino, non fat and regualr, Expresso, Americano which is my fave, aaaand Mochachino but there's only one left and Wes might kill you if you drink his stock here. He gets very defensive."

I turned to see Kurt leaning against the opposite wall where a cork board which housed a lot of randomness sat against the wall.

"I would normally chose the Mocha myself but I won't anger the Asian. He may kill me in my sleep. I'll have an Americano since it's so highly recommended."

Was Kurt flirting with me? His voice was a lot more silken than I remembered.

"Uh yeah, sure no problem. Coming right up." I began busying myself with the coffees, but it was blessig and a curse that these drink too less than a minute each to prepare.

"Are these playbills for the same show all yours?"

The cork board in question which I honestly hadn't thought he'd notice was now being scrutinized.

"Yeah, they're all from West Side Story. Once a year Wes and I go to a revival of the show, even if it's the worst production of the play we've ever seen, just to watch it again. It was our first musical we saw in Ohio. Our rival school's club performed it in my junior year and it was the first time we figured out that anyone could put on a musical if they had the gumption. Artie Abrams directed it, good guy, he's now doing TV and movies mostly but Wes and I went to his after party that night and it was that night we realized that we wanted to write music for a living. Wes had graduated by that point but...he came and it was an eye opening night. So now every year we go as a reminder of our goal, you wouldn't understand."

I turned away from him as he sifted through the playbills.

"Oh I actually do. Artie's a good guy too. I haven't seen him since he moved out west a few years back. Los Angeles is a much more happening place for movie directing."

"Wait, you know Artie? How?"

"I went to McKinley Blaine, I'm from Ohio remember. Artie and I were friends, well are friends I guess. Santana went there too."

I handed him his cup.

"Whoa are you serious?"

"I told you, you know nothing about me. I keep a lot of my past to myself, for good reason."

"But Kurt that means we grew up like 2 hours from one another, how did we never meet?"

"We did."

I almost dropped my coffee.

"What? When, I'd think I would have rememberd you."

Kurt's eyes finally found mine. "I wasn't very memorable back then. I didn't want to be." I took a step towards him, and in my small kitchen that made us very close.

"Look, it's a long story so let's sit hmm?"

Kurt walked back out into the living-room and I had to collect my wits about me before I followed.

It was a tense kind of silence once we found our spots, Kurt back on the couch and me taking up my usual spot in my arm chair and used the remote to put on some music for background noise. Some Miles Davies, that'll work.

"So this is awkward." It came out of my mouth before I could really stop myself and all Kurt could do was laugh. He laughed so hard that I couldn't help but join in. It was the first real laugh that him and I had shared completely, and it broke the ice for which I was thankful.

"Look Blaine I'm not completely comfortable with a lot of this so maybe. you could tell your story first? If you don't want to that's fine, I just can't be the first to divulge, it's a little too much for me sometimes..."

"Kurt?"

"Hmm"

"Can I talk now?" Kurt just rolled his eyes and pulled his legs under him so he was cross legged. It was such a childlike pose that the worry lines on his face seemed to soften with the movement.

"Kurt I don't know why you hate me but I know why I hate you. I never used the word hate a lot and I can tell you that maybe I'm a little confused as to its meaning but, well, let me explain.

I grew up in Ohio with a lot of the same prejudices that all gay men and women do in the Midwest. I was taunted, called names and it was hard being myself. When I transferred to Dalton, I don't even have to explain to you where that is since you grew up apparently down the street from me as it were, but when I went to Dalton midway through my freshman year I finally relaxed enough in my skin because of the people I met there. I met Wes who was a junior at the time and we bonded over music. We were both performers, and as you can tell I didn't suck that much at it."

Kurt giggled, "Yeah I wasn't really expecting that big voice out of someone so small."

"See! Always with the height jokes, I'm only like 2 inches shorter than you by the way!"

"Potato potahto. Keep going short stuff." I snorted at the nickname but it was a casual insult and I knew that Kurt was just trying to deflect from the mild awkwardness we were still feeling.

"Anyways, the small struggles I had in high school did originally spur on the idea for this musical, I wanted to convey what it was like growing up in fear, and hiding what you thought was most important about yourself, and the struggles of finding love in a hopeless place. I thought I had found that love again when I was writing for the _Les Cages_ revival. Sebastian..."

"Meerkat? Are you serious!" His face looked cartoonish, and I kind of wanted him to stew with that thought for interrupting me.

"Not Sebastian in that sense. Don't jump to conclusions, hear me out. Now Sebastian I knew from Dalton as well, he was in my year and we had a love hate relationship before we fell out after graduation. But after he came back into my life during _Les Cages_ we hung out all the time; and he introduced me to Andrew.

"Andrew was a acquaintance of Seb's and we hit it off straight away. He was a dancer, he was beautiful and seemed to really care about me. We were together for 8 effortless months but there was a catch. He was a closet case."

Kurt seemed to mull this thought over but didn't say anything snarky which surprised me a little. He just took a sip of his coffee and hummed at me to continue. I guess he was like myself when something intense was discussed that I always settled back on the props I had at the time, and in this case it was cup of coffee.

"I knew that it would be difficult in this business to keep a relationship like ours a secret but he was adamant that is family would tear him limb from limb if they ever found out he was gay. So I did the best I could to keep everything a secret, because I loved him. Wes and I got more successful, even if it was only in small circles. Drew hated my friendship with Sebastian because knowing we were both gay and out was not helping his self esteem seeing a man like Seb being able to be completely himself around me. I actually think Drew was jealous but that was only the beginning of a rapidly fraying rope.

Drew would get mad when I wore clothes that seemed a little "too gay" when I was in public. I told him that as long as he wasn't with me, that my clothing shouldn't be an issue. It was a vicious circle I know and it all came to a head with you."

Kurt put down his drink. "Me? How do I fit into this mess?"

"That's the interesting part, you never knew you did. One night, right after the 6 moth anniversary of _Les Cages'_ revival debut Wes and I were going public with a new project that had been given to us. It was an original work that you would be familiar with, the Wicked Sequel, the Ugly Stepsisters' stories?"

"Oh god that."

"Yeah that. The one you ended up directing really well mind you, but your stupid leading lady got herself pregnant two months into rehearsal and neglected to tell you?"

"Rachel Berry."

"Yes that's the one. I heard you were a friend of hers at one point, I guess not after the show wasn't renewed because her understudy sucked. And she left you hanging after only one month on Broadway to run off with the baby's dad."

"Hers and my friendship was a rookie mistake, lets leave it as that. How do I fit into this story again?"

"Ah yes, well the night that we went public about being offered to work on the script a certain young director who's name is obvious, told some rather harsh things to the press."

"Shit." Kurt covered his face.

"And some of those words included bashing Wes' and my obvious talents but the phrase that stuck out in my mind and the mind of _all_ the media was.."

"Oh no."

"Anderson may think he's good but I assure you its a ruse. Just because he's gay and out and proud of it, doesn't mean he's cut to make it in this business."

I let the comment hang, I had it memorized from hours of pouring over the words in my head and now I selfishly wanted to see the man that said them to squirm, and squirm he did.

"That night I got a call from Drew's parents, who 'just happened' to be in town to surprise their son with a birthday dinner. After hearing the public statement they went to town trying to find out if I was indeed gay. Low and behold I wasn't as secretive with our life as I thought I had been. I hadn't been in the spotlight enough for anyone to really dig pictures out on me, but god knows they seemed to surface when people went looking for them. Before I could try and explain that it had all been a lie, and that it was some lie made up since I was in the theatre and people make up stories, they had hung up.

"I went home to find that Drew had heard the same interview and was fuming. Let's just say Drew and I got into a fight where he blamed me for 'making' him gay. I mean who the hell says that? Him and I went round for round, probably waking neighbours with him screaming that I ruined his life. His parents found out he was gay, no matter how much he said he denied it to them. He even tried telling his friends that I had corrupted him with the 'flash and lights' of the industry, making him vulnerable!

"As much as I was tough for my size, and angry beyond belief that the man I loved could even fathom saying the things he did, that night Drew literally beat the crap out of me. He had hit me once before but we had been drinking, it seemed to be the thing him and I did the most actually,and I hadn't known he had a problem till months after this point."

I sighed and rubbed my hands together and tried to not look at Kurt when I heard him sniffle.

"I don't know when I passed out but I remember that Sebastian was the one who picked me off the floor and got me to the hospital, and apparently had kicked Drew's ass. Somehow Seb had known that something was wrong, and to this day he didn't know it was you who made that statement. All he knows is that, that night my life went to shit, and he had been there for me in a way that no one else was. Wes was there but it was Seb who could really understand what I went through.

"So...many AA meetings for myself later, a short court case where I got a small settlement for not pressing any criminal charges against Drew, and my life finally picked up. But I was a mess for a long time Kurt. I came from a place where bigots ran rampant and just when I thought I found someone special, my life turned. Even if I can say now that what happened between Drew and I was doomed from the beginning, it was your comment that set my life into a tailspin. Your comment about someone you never knew caused that much pain. Why did you hate me so much that you had to say something so hurtful, I didn't know you, I still don't it seems. You're gay Kurt, you know what it's like, how could you use that against another like that? And to someone you don't know, without thinking about the consequences in our lives!"

I was in tears now myself, ever since I had controlled my alcoholism and when I allowed myself to not feed the addictive personality and only have a few drinks, I always turned into this emotional mess.

But I had said what I set out to say. I didn't tell him about the other times that I had tried to introduce myself to him in public circles and only got brushed off, nor did I mention that underneath all his irritating facade that he was a truly beautiful man, but I was so angry and upset by everything that I just told him that I couldn't say anything nice.

I looked over at him and he had indeed been crying, probably from the beginning of the story actually but now he was shaking his head from side to side.

"Even the new me makes people hurt. I-I've gotta go!"

Kurt jumped to his feet and was at the door in a matter of seconds, but dammit I wasn't letting him off the hook.

"Kurt!"

I grabbed him by both shoulders and turned him around, and he was definitely stronger than I would have given him credit for as he tried to shake me off.

"Don't you dare run! You are gonna talk to me for once."

"Let me go Blaine! All I do is fuck up everything, let me go!"

I grabbed both wrists now and held him steady, even through the sobs, and they were ones that I now shared.

"Not this time. Why do you keep running from me? I just told you why I can't stand you besides your superior asshole-nss, I just want a damn answer. Why did you even hate me to begin with?!"

Kurt's eyes were like liquid fire when they met mine only to be put out by the fresh tears that were flowing over them.

"I hate you because you're y_ou _and I can't be like that, no matter how much I want to!"

My grip loosened on his hands but I didn't let go.

"I don't understand Kurt."

"I can't be me Blaine. I can't be happy and out and stupidly proud of who I am. I'm gay sure, and the world knows it but I used to flaunt who I was and all that did was get people hurt. And then you tell me that being the bitch of a man that I have become only to protect myself has hurt you?! Fuck I'm so sorry I did that, I never wanted that, I just wanted to be left alone but I got so jealous of the pride you had in yourself that I lashed out, I'm so sorry. Please just l-let me lea-ve."

He whimpered and leaned against the door and I let him slide down it in defeat. Letting go of his hands I sat beside him while he let out everything in silent tears. I don't know how long we sat there, the picture of broken from Kurt and I couldn't even tell you what I was feeling. His words made sense and yet they didn't. What could have happened to him that made him hate someone who was proud of who they were? Only then did I notice Kurt had moved and was now leaning against my shoulder, and I didn't cringe back at the contact.

"Is this okay?"

"Y-Yeah it's okay. Is this?" I took his hand and linked it with mine, and it was the first time I got to appreciate the colour differences in our hands. Mine was a soft olive which stood out in contrast to his larger alabaster ones.

"Y-yeah, Blaine?"

"Hmm?" I leaned my head back against the door and closed my eyes but opened them again when he didn't say anything else immediately.

"What Kurt? We've effectively made emotional asses out of ourselves tonight, and despite the coffee we're both still kind of drunk. We're basketcases in our own rites so nothing you say can surprise me. So open up as much as you like. I'm not going anywhere, and neither are you. You won't scare me away."

I leaned my head back on the door and just listened. I hoped my approach would work and after a few minutes I could see that it did.

"In sophomore year in high school, I came out to my dad. He said he always knew, that my mom always knew. Apparently when I was 3, I asked for a sensible pair of heels for my birthday."

I chuckled and gestured to his boots by the coat rack, and he sniffled back a small laughed, it was bitter but it was something.

"I guess you found them huh?" Kurt laughed as another tear fell, so I guess humour worked but I figured I should keep my comments to a minimal if Kurt was actually opening up.

"I came out to them and to my friends at the time, the Glee club or as you remember them the New Directions. Artie was a member then too, that's how we became friends. Rachel Berry had been a friend and teammate at the time as well, and as much as she won't admit it, Santana loved being in the Glee club. Things went by pretty well, you know the usual slurs and shit people sling and it got old really fast, most of my comebacks went over their heads. But there was this one guy that through my junior year made my life a living hell. I got him suspended when he threatened to kill me..."

I gasped before I could really say anything else and all Kurt did was squeeze my hand. It was as if the flood gates had opened and Kurt was in a memory induced trance as he kept talking.

"Let me explain something. You know the other day when I stopped you in the park?"

"Yeah it was kind of hard to forget."

"Well that day was the first time in so long that I actually flaunted something about myself that wasn't malicious. I said that fashion has no gender, and for a long time in my youth I truly believed that to the greatest extreme. I wore a kilt to my junior prom and various skirts whenever I saw fit. I own equal parts woman's clothes and men's and it was all because I didn't want anyone bringing me down, I wanted to show them that yeah I was gay, proud and just a touch flamboyant...okay more than a touch but I wasn't Liberace's stunt double or anything, I was just me. I loved being me since it took so long to find me."

I smiled at the man sitting beside me, because I could totally picture him in sequined riding pants or something and it made me frown at the man I didn't recognize beside me in comparison. His clothes although stylish were muted now that I though about it, and it seemed ill fitted now that I had this image in my head of a different Kurt.

"I got a lot of flack for everything I did but it wasn't until...well until one night during the summer of my junior year when, well I was...changed."

Kurt stiffened and as if by a natural reaction so I put my other hand on top of our joined ones. This closeness was so foreign but it was what was needed since it spurred the now crying man on again.

"I dragged my dad to see the new Twilight movie. I know, I know, but Taylor Lautner's hot even if he's fat now."

Laughingly I agreed but said I was more of a Team Edward kind of guy, that there was just an appeal about pale fit guys. I hadn't known the analogy was as awkward as it was until Kurt looked at me and blushed which made me hang my head in embarrassment. He shook it off quickly, for which I was thankful, and continued.

"Well my mom passed away from cancer when I was 8, so if she was around I would have taken her and not made my dad to suffer through the movie. But he said he would give the stuff I was into a try so we had a father son day. I sat through a football game with him, and in return he said he would give this vampire movie thing a try. He grumbled about it through most of the movie but I caught him being attentive during some parts. It had been a good day...until it wasn't.

"When we left the theatre it was around 11, and most of the cars were gone since it was a Wednesday night and not many people were out. Well w-walking to the car we were stopped by-by my old tormentor, David. He and his friend ,whom I didn't know, had obviously been drinking and when they stopped us my dad tried to push passed them.

"My dad knew David and knew what effect he had on me. He also knew that he was violating the restraining order just by being within spitting distance of me. Anyway David insulted me again, called me names and my dad got more and more pissed off. I held him back telling him it wasn't worth getting into a fight over. We could call the police and he'd be put in jail, so we'd better just leave. David called my dad a pussy for protecting his faggot son. The guy said that if he had a son like me he'd shoot me and bury me under a rock to hide the evidence that- that I ever e-existed.

I had had a tough last few years but it was beginning to dawn on me that Kurt had experienced a whole new level of shit in his youth, making a parallel to my written character and him frighteningly more apparent.

"My dad was livid and almost lunged at David but his friend pulled a gun. A fucking gun Blaine! What did my dad and I do to ever have a gun pulled on us!? The other guy just raised it and pointed it at my dad's head and it was the first time he looked scared but he told me to get in the car. I screamed that I wasn't ashamed of who I was and if they wanted to shoot someone they could shoot me because my d-dad d-didn't do anyt-thing wrong!"

Kurt had curled into me whilst telling me all this and the weight off his shoulders was visible as my heart ached as to where this story was going. I had a bad feeling about it but I didn't stop him.

"The other guy ignored David's pleas that this wasn't funny and to put the gun away and instead he turned it towards me and just said, 'good idea fairy. It's not cool to be like you, and maybe others will get the message.' I heard him c-click the safety off and before I could react three things happened at the same time. The gun went off, my shoulder was in a lot of pain and I had an armful of my d-dad, who, who had jumped in front of me.

"Blaine they shot my dad in the back because of me, I was the reason those a-assholes even stopped us to begin with. The bullet went through him and em-bedded itself in m-my shoulder, they shot my dad because of me, because of who I was. He saved me, but his sacrifice was his life for that of his 'faggot s-son'."

I let go of Kurt's hands and did the only thing my saddened and now crying body told me to do, and that was to hug the man I hated, well used to hate, because god knows I hadn't known a thing about him, nor him me, but I needed to tell him he wasn't alone. His strength then and now was immeasurable.

"I'm sorry Kurt. I'm sorry the world did this to you."

"He died in my arms Blaine. The shot pierced his lung." He whispered these words and let them hang for an immeasurable amount of time. His father's love for him had saved him; but left Kurt with the guilt that his personality and life choice ended in pain.

"Santana had been working at the movie theatre as a part time job and was leaving for the night when she found me, covered in blood holding my dad until his last breath. I-I never got to hear him tell me he loved me, I don't know if he heard m-me say it to him over and over again. The guys took off but David fessed up and is now serving a life sentence. I couldn't be myself after that Blaine, all it did was hurt people. I just couldn't, I-I don't k-know if I ever c-can."

Time stood still as I held him, rocking back and forth for I don't know how long.

"I gave up singing, I couldn't be that out anymore. The last song I sang in public was the song you sang tonight. You couldn't have known, you couldn't have. But it hurt so much to hear it and know that you were singing it to me."

"I didn't know, I'm sorry."

"I dated in secret and took up my love of theatre in directing. It was like I was performing but from the shadows. I dress how I want but that's as far as I c-can go, and you, you Blaine, were always so...well you, even from the minute I met you."

He pulled away to look at me, and what a pair we must have looked like. Fully clothed and grown men blubbering on the floor.

"We met the opening night for..what was it again?"

"We met at Regionals in senior year, well my senior year. I wasn't in the glee club anymore, I'd quit but I promised Santana and Rachel that I would come and see them. When they were on stage and you sat beside me in the auditorium."

"No I didn't."

"Ya you did. I was wearing a hoodie which wasn't like me, some tattered jeans and I don't think I had moisturized in weeks. You asked if that seat was taken, I said no, and you proceeded to ask me about the New Directions. It was a short conversation and then after the performance you asked me what had become of the young countertenor that used to sing with them. I said he had moved away. You didn't even know it was me then, nor that you were asking me about me."

"I can't believe I don't remember that Kurt."

Kurt shrugged wiping his eyes, "I was forgettable, that's how I liked it."

"You could never be forgettable Kurt, if that countertenor in the New Directions was actually you, you definitely weren't forgettable, you were amazing."

"I'm not amazing Blaine, I haven't sang aloud in over 10 years."

"Maybe you should?"

"May-be, but it got locked up with most of my personality behind a wall of cold intolerance."

"Be that as it may Kurt, even if you are being a jackass I always remember you." Kurt snorted and it was kind of cute before his face hardened again. I couldn't imagine what it must be like hiding yourself every time an emotion slipped out, but Kurt seemed to be practised at this

"Yeah well that jackass kept me safe for years, until you came around again. "

Kurt grabbed my hand again in a mirror of his earlier gesture, which shocked me at it's tenderness.

"You being you just reminds me what it as like to be myself Blaine. It hurt that you could follow your dreams perfectly, and be who you were. I didn't know about the shit you went through and I can honestly say that I would give anything to take back the hurt I caused you, but Blaine I idolized you when you were at Dalton. That conversation you had with me was one of my first in what had been six months. I didn't wanna talk and when I heard about your school and the no tolerance bullying policy I almost applied to get into your school, but the money I had left over from my dad's will and the house wasn't enough to cover tuition, and Santana's mom, who had taken me in after everything, couldn't afford it. Your school meant safety which I couldn't have and maybe on some level at the time I think I didn't deserve. And then this kind man whom I knew was Dalton's lead and openly gay to boot singer approached me and spoke with me with true kindness, I was given hope Blaine, by you of all people.

"Blaine everything I was vanished that night at the movies, except for the few threads Santana helped me save. When I ran into you again 3 years ago, and I heard you were doing well, the 'New Kurt' I created wanted you to fail, because I was jealous and it wasn't fair! I know none of this makes sense, and it's childish but to me it did. I want to be the old Kurt again, you've helped me realize that, but I d-don't now h-how I could ever face those demons again honestly."

I moved to sit up and then stand up, offering him one hand while the other tried to wiped my eyes dry for the first time in however long.

"You just did Kurt." He took my hand and stood gracefully considering the little cracks I heard from his shoulders and cocked his head to the side not seeming to get my drift.

"You faced all these demons just now, and with me. If you'll let me, I can help you." Kurt laughed shortly.

"Why the hell would you help a hopeless case like me?I'm broken Blaine, I don't even know which personality is real anymore. Besides we hate each other right? I hurt you without even knowing it, and I childishly wanted you to fail because I was jealous because at the time you were everything I wanted to be and couldn't in my mind. Somehow I don't see you wanting to help me anymore."

"Kurt, I took a chance singing to you tonight, I took a chance coming after you even if I almost got taken out by a bus which was freakin scary Kurt!"

"Maybe you should watch where you're going then?" Ah the snark, that was something that was definitely part and parcel to both Kurt's.

"Touche but I took chances then and it got us here, on speaking terms, with all our sorrows.." I placed my hand on his cheek softly and only for a moment and Kurt closed his eyes at the touch, but I couldn't tell if it was good or bad.

"...and all our issues on the table. So will you take a chance on me? Take a chance to help mend our own fences and hopefully your own? I promise that I won't tell anyone that you're really a softie underneath the armour." Kurt pushed me in true school ground fashion.

"You did _not_ just push me."

"I believe I did Anderson, whatcha gonna do about it?"

"This." I grabbed him around the waist and thought about tickling him but instead I just rested my hands on his hips offering a hug I wasn't expecting would be received so readily.

"Thank you Blaine." He just hugged me back, and I was completely unsure if this was a good direction to be going in or not, but I couldn't deny it felt right.

"What for?"

"For making me laugh again. For putting up with my shit because somehow you knew it wasn't the real me, somehow you knew, and I just...I wanted you to know that I'm grateful that I could tell you about the real me."

"You're welcome." He squeezed my shoulders a little harder and sniffled again, and I don't know if either one of us could really produce anymore tears after tonight.

"I'm sorry for what I did to you Blaine." My breath caught in my throat, because I could actually tell this was a real apology, and now I had a reason.

"I'm sorry I couldn't understand why you hated the world Kurt, and hated me when you thought I had it easy. I guess we were both wrong." Kurt nodded into my neck, and I didn't have to tell that he was smiling against my now damp skin because I could feel it.

"So we're gonna try and be civil?"

I pulled away from the hug and smiled my first genuine smile at him and nodded.

"Deal."

Kurt grinned so wide at that point that I swore I would do anything to keep that smile on his face. This was a start.

* * *

XXXX

**(KPOV)**

It was an unsung idea that after my mini break down, okay maybe not so mini, and our confessions that I was in no state to either go back to my house or be left alone. I tried snapping at him that I was fine, the defensive Kurt still had his walls up, but after taking one long look into Blaine's cooper eyes I could tell it was no dice.

I told him despite his rebuttals that I was more than happy taking the couch since this was his house but he basically threatened to pick me up and throw me in his room to take the bed and the look on his face made me truly think that he actually may.

So here I was sitting in the dark under the covers, propped up against the headboard of my enemy's bed, I guess we weren't so much enemies anymore but at least there was a foundation of trust now, and I was freaking out.

The darkness hadn't been this dark in a while, and the voices in my head hadn't been this prominent in a while. The ghosts of an incident in a past I had tried to run away from, all got to resurface as I let Blaine in, and now as I rocked back and forth a little, I wondered silently if it was worth telling him if this was what my alone time would be like again.

"It's over, it's over. You can be you, stop freaking out."

I said this over and over to myself as I began to drift, my mind conjuring images of a body, one whom I knew better than others, cradled to my chest.

_No._

No this wasn't happening again, I buried this nightmare, why do I have to see his again? Why, why...I just wanna be me damn it! But the dream continued, the never ending turn of the body in my arms until I looked upon it's lifeless face, the last face I ever saw from my father, one devoid of life. As the body slowly turned I cringed inwardly, knowing that all I had to do was wake up and the image would be gone. I had fallen asleep and all I had to do was wake up.

It's only a dream.

It's only a dream.

It's only a dream.

I opened my eyes to the sound of a voice I knew but wasn't expecting. The cold dead eyes of my father that I was expecting were replaced by the concerned honey coloured ones looking over me.

"Kurt you okay? It's only a dream."_ It was Blaine saying that? _

No one had ever been able to save me from that dream before. I sobbed and reached forward grabbing around his neck like a needy child and I don't think Blaine could ever really understand how much those 4 words just helped me.

"I was so scared. Thank you Blaine."

I didn't ask why he was in the room, nor why he came in to check on me, all that I cared about at that moment was that he saved me again, and I didn't know another person could care so much about another when only hours ago, they loathed each other.

"You're welcome."

* * *

**(BPOV)**

Seeing Kurt cry and talk in his sleep had been one of the scariest things I had ever seem. My heart actually ached for him and I didn't know what more to do other than to repeat that it was nothing but a dream and try and wake him.

When he startled awake and launched himself at me, I melted into the embrace because as much as I was there to comfort him, he comforted me somehow as well.

"I was so scared. Thank you Blaine."

Such simple and kind words, but they were exactly what I needed to hear, the truth.

"You're welcome."

I pulled away and did what I figured was best even if it crossed a line, I actually got under the covers and got comfortable.

"Come one Kurt. We'll both feel better sleeping this way. I need it and so do you."

Just when I thought I ultimately ruined all the progress we had made, Kurt just said nothing and crawled under beside me. We didn't make much contact at first.

"Good night Kurt."

"Good night Blaine."

As we drifted it was just an unsung fact that our hands would link. The smallest touch, it was all we needed for now to begin healing, but everything was far from fixed, there was just less hate, less bitterness and more understanding.

* * *

_So what did you think? I am ridiculously proud of this chapter, however many mistakes, and I hope you were too. Please leave me a note/review on this, it was a labour of love and I hope I did it justice. xoxo - S_

_Song List: **Feelin Good** : I personally would love to hear Blaine sing this (ala Michael Buble)  
_

_** I Am What I Am**: from the musical Les Cages Aux Folles. I like John Barrowman's version, not the one in drag, the one as just him. It's such a powerful song and message -xx  
_


	6. Chapter 6

_A/N: Hi guys_! _That was some great feedback from the last chapter, keep it up, it makes me so happy to see you guys enjoying it. Now I know, I know those histories were intense, especially Kurt and no I don't like hurting my babies, I loves them, BUT they need struggle for this to work. Here is the continuation pretty much from where we left off, from some different points of view, and then a short jump forward to see where Klaine is at. There is method to my madness I assure you, there will be more drama, but there is a spark of change._**  
**

_Read on lovely, amazing and Klaine obsessed friends. Karolina, my love, this one is for you. I could write you a sonnet in thanks and adoration but instead I will just say I love you oodles and that this little rambling is yours. xo_

* * *

**Close to Home**

* * *

**Chapter 6**

Wesley Montgomery always considered himself a straight shooter, a control freak you could say. He always made sure he was punctual, professional and completed his tasks with an almost military precision.

This also made him a hard ass sometimes, a gavel wielding obsessive compulsive as his ex-Warbler buddies would call him, but it also made him passionate. It was this passion that he applied to his lyrics, but sometimes he was at a loss for words. Like right now.

Today Wes had to go meet up with his father. After an amazing night with Jeannie where he learned a great deal about the girl who had come from Anchorage 4 years ago to pursue ballet. It had been a very sweet evening but there had been a small worry in his mind the whole night.

Blaine.

Since his blow up at Kurt the previous week, Wes had been concerned about his best friend's well being. He knew what effect Kurt's comments had had on his life and Wes was not up for a repeat of the same offense. So when he noticed that his curly haired best friend had been a little off since his altercation with Kurt, and then suggested going out to the Hallow last night using the code navy and red command, Wes had thought it best to send in reinforcements.

Val had become a good friend to Wes in the short time they knew one another during _Les Cages_, and since the reintroduction that week, they had re-exchanged numbers so Wes put that to good use.

Since Blaine had recovered from his alcohol addiction, he had kept himself to a 3 drink maximum when he decided he was able to handle the pressure. Sebastian or Wes would go with him to make sure he stayed on that target, but since Wes had the date with Jeannie he figured that's where Val would come in. Blaine was now a light weight all things considered and 3 drinks would get him mildly hammered if he wasn't careful.

So, the only problem was Wes was a control freak, and before he went to see his father and feel worse about himself yet again, he decided to look in on his best friend to make sure he was truly alright himself.

_Control freak remember?_

Unfortunately nothing could have really prepared Wes for what he was about to see; it was something that not even a writer, who could use a plethora of unending words to describe a scene, could properly formulate.

Unlocking Blaine's door with the spare key he had, came like second nature to him. He came by literally all the time, looking for something he left there, sneaking in to use Blaine's larger TV, or to just walk himself in because Blaine said he was always welcome, and that had always rang true.

When Wes got in the first thing he noticed was the apartment was still quiet. Blaine was an early riser, despite not being a morning person, but now it was nearly 11 am, which was the first note that something was up. Secondly there were what looked liked 2 abandoned coffee mugs on the coffee table. Turning his head abruptly around he noticed a coat and a pair of boots by the front door. _Blaine got lucky? Nice!_

Then a moment of sheer panic swept through his mind. Oh god what if he got so drunk he slept with someone he'd regret, like Sebastian? What if Seb actually showed up? Blaine would kick his own ass if he did something that stupid!

This was when Wes' mind went blank, because after he checked Blaine's bedroom door for noises on the other side, and upon hearing nothing, took the chance and opened it to make sure there were no dead bodies, and there was no one insidethat resembled a certain Smythe. Sebastian wasn't a bad guy deep down, but Blaine also had had a bad day and when you mix anger and alcohol and stir in a little crush Seb has been carrying around for a decade, Wes worried.

But he wasn't expecting this.

With the sheets down to their mid torsos, sleeping as far apart as humanly possible, but as content as Wes had seen either awake in so many weeks, were Kurt and Blaine. Kurt had his one hand curled around his stomach while the other was above his head forming an L shape. Blaine was sleeping with both arms above his head and semi splayed like a star. What caught Wes' attention was when he tried to back out of the room and made the hardwood creak a tiny bit, Blaine reached his one hand out towards Kurt, and Kurt did the same. The simplest brush of fingertips and then they settled.

Backing completely out of the room, the writer began to form a list of questions he would be asking his best friend later, but for now as confused as he was, he was glad that Blaine was safe and that in some strange and alternate universe Kurt was with him and subconsciously comforting him.

It made him smile as he walked back out of the door, thinking that even though he had questions now, he would let this new development unfold naturally.

XXXX

**(KPOV) **

The sun was high when I eventually woke up. It wasn't like it was blazing or anything because the white fabric roller shade in the room had been pulled closed, but the sun was beaming just enough from the top corner that I knew it was later than I was expecting. Cringing and rolling away from the window and pulling the unfamiliar smelling pillow into my chest, I remembered last night, well I guess you could say early this morning, and where I figured I still was. Blaine's.  
Flashes of the previous day overwhelmed me at once. Santana and Brittany, the club, The Hallow, I think that was the little bar's name, and the prick bartender who seemed sleazier than Sebastian and that was saying a lot in my mind. Then there was the voice that had brought out the best and worst in me, the voice that came after me, that chased away my worries and through an alcohol induced haze at first, had begged me for my side of my story.

I sat up a little too fast when I realized what I had done. I had opened the vault that was my history; my past, something I promised myself that I would never do. Panicking for a moment that what I had done would end very badly, I almost burst into tears.

I was shocked and relieved a moment later when I found the man in question curled into an impossibly small ball to my left mumbling in his sleep. It was immediately calming and to my inner voice it was extremely unnerving at the same time.  
He was facing me and looked so peaceful so I tried to contain my mini freak out by keeping it to myself.  
He had come in to check on me last night, and remembering it better now, he had pulled me out of my nightmare as if with an iron hook.

There was so much finality in his voice in my dream that I had to remember that this was the man I loathed for his courage for years, and not the knight in shinning armour I had always hoped for myself. I had consciously decided to sleep beside another person for the first time in a decade that wasn't an alcohol or an orgasm induced coma. It was odd but maybe it was even a little bit soothing.

_Too soon Hummel, too soon._

Aside from the three alarm hangover I was sporting, the forever dull ache I felt in my shoulder and the complete confusion that I felt having my walls weakened even the tiniest bit, I felt somehow very relaxed. Well as relaxed. I ever got anyway.

Taking one more quick glance at the drooling, curly haired, and kind soul that slept still, I decide that enough time had been spent sleeping, even if a tiny part of my brain truly contemplated curling back under the duvet to forget the world for a while longer. Pulling the white t shirt I still had on down from where it rode up during sleep and adjusting the rest of myself, I tried my best to tiptoe out the of the room, which I successfully did. But I couldn't help the tiny lingering smile that formed on my lips when I looked back on Blaine as I closed the door with a soft click.

Thankfully, I remembered where the bathroom was from last night somehow, and went in there to do my morning usual. When washing my hands and my face I cringed a little at the lack of moisturizers that I didn't have with me. Finding a spare toothbrush that was unopened, I brushed the booze reminents off my teeth before taking a good look at the man in the mirror.  
He looked old, much older than the 29 year old I knew to be. The worry lines I fought against seemed deeper, and the tiny amount of thinning hair along my scalp wasn't a surprise but more of a constant reminder that I wasn't 18 anymore.

I pulled back the collar of the white tee down to my left shoulder blade taking a look at the decent sized scar that would forever be there as a reminder of that fateful night. They had managed to get the bullet out, but the deep incision and scar tissue remained, and every morning I would look upon it the same way, with reverence and lament.  
Today however it looked duller. I knew it was my subconscious messing with me, the scar itself would never heal more than it already had, but for some reason it seemed less bothersome. I chalked that up to hangover brain messing with my shit, but a very tiny part of me wanted to be believe that something had changed last night. That maybe I had changed a tiny bit and my visual scars were mimicking my emotional ones.  
I for once wanted to believe the best in something and that thought alone made me smile through the headache and I stopped staring at the flesh wound from long ago.

_Shake it off Hummel, nothing can heal overnight. or sometimes at all, don't dream, you will be disappointed.  
But..._

I figured I would make the best of the situation, even if it terrified me that I had opened a kettle of fish that I shouldn't have by letting Blaine into my life like I had. There was a first for everything and I hoped that this wasn't a first that I would regret. Holding onto the smile like it was too precious to let loose, I moved out of the bathroom to see the bedroom door closed just as I had left it. Blaine was still asleep.  
Sporting a grin that was laced with worry, I decided what I was going to do with the few hours I had before I had to begin planning rehearsals. It was time for a little pay back, and for once I could say there was absolutely no malicious intent.

(**BPOV)**

How long did I just sleep? I feel like I just slept through Christmas. I never slept this long, and honestly I couldn't figure out what about this morning was all that different.

That was until it hit me like a freight train.

I twitched and sat up, before losing my equilibrium completely and falling out of bed onto the floor, hitting the area rug with a thump. The resounding pain in my butt only matched the small one in my head as the haze of memories that was the previous night had come back to me. I had only had three drinks, but I could have easily messed up and had more if I was upset.

_Get it together Anderson. You almost broke your own promise to yourself._

But I hadn't and my record remained unscathed for now, and that had somehow been because of Kurt.

I sat on the floor still trying my best to figure out the paradox that was yesterday. There had been good and bad points but altogether it had been very revealing. I came to realize that it had been with Kurt that I had spent the night, in the same bed close but far enough away, when a few weeks prior I would have chewed off an arm to avoid being in the same room as him.

Kurt. Beautiful, irritating and emotionally tortured Kurt.

Only when there was a small knock on the door did I notice I was still on the floor and apparently lost in my own head space even if I was still a little 'morning fuzzy'.

"Kurt?"  
"Nope its Liza Minnelli." Kurt poked his head in and looked at me genuinely confused despite the sarcasm, as I dragged my ass off the floor about as gracefully as a dying crane in my opinion.  
"My, my Liza you look amazing this morning, incredibly youthful." Kurt grinned but apparently had no come back for that, so he just smirked and deflected.  
"Are you allergic to the bed or are you practicing to be an Olympic bed diver?"

All I could do was smile at the man still wearing the jogging pants I loaned him, his hip jutted out reeking of attitude, his bed hair tamed, with his white tee that clung dangerously well to his arms. It was still Kurt but it looked like I may have peeled back the super resilient tougher coating of his armour completely; or at very least completely for now.  
Personally I never saw him look more beautiful, especially now as he smiled at my lack of response which I apparently forgot to give him. He continued to just look amused and I decided that I liked that look. Finally I realized that I should actually say something in my own defence before I made a big ass out of myself when a fantastic smell made my mouth water and my attention deviate.  
"Kurt, what's that amazing smell?"  
"I hope you mean the breakfast and coffee and not the lingering smell of new York traffic through your living room window. Because if fumes get you off, I will be highly offended and feed your food to the pigeons. And those city chickens would love my pancakes."

Okay note to self, Kurt was on the ball with his comments and wit first thing because all my brain got was pancakes, maybe coffee, and his sweet but guarded stance. I was not a morning person even though I loved mornings. I loved them, they hated me.

"Did you say coffee?" Sue me okay I was tired, I woke up every hour or so to check up on Kurt and it s exhausting even though I knew he'd be fine, I was just a natural worrier of others.  
"That's what you got out of all that Blaine? Yes I made coffee, and food. Now clean up, I'll be in the kitchen, you know if that closet with appliances can be called a kitchen."  
I was about to rebuke the comment about my little kitchen when Kurt turned on his heal and seemed to centre himself and continue talking again, almost rethinking his words.  
"Come on Blaine. I really don't want it to get cold. Okay...yeah, just hurry up, um please."

Kurt left without another word and it made me ecstatic for some reason. That was the first and I hope not the only time that Kurt corrected an insult and said something genuine. It wasn't overly detailed but it seemed to have heartfelt feeling behind it and that was progress.  
His insults were still irritating but they we're more sarcastic quips rather than having the intent to hurt or sadden. I hoped this remained a trend.  
Waking to the bathroom as instructed I figured this was a night after that for me that would continue to be awkward for a good reason.

XXXX

The morning passed as I would not have imagined. When I had gotten out of the bathroom, forgoing shaving and taming the mop that was my hair, I was met by something that I will remember for the rest of my days.

Kurt was sitting on the couch with two place settings made up in front of him, both filled with pancakes, mine apparently more than his, and he had his back to me since the couch faced away from the hallway. He was looking at his phone apparently and seemed to be struggling with the person on the other end via text, but put it away once I came into view. He smiled and was maybe bouncing a little with mild excitement and it was stunning, so I really couldn't formulate any other words because it was a bewitching sight.

"Hey." His voice was soft and careful, but also dare I say it was musical.

"Hey. Kurt you didn't have to do this." I meant it, this was such a a nice gesture and it was far more than anything I had expected after last night's reveal.

"I wanted to. It's a sorta, well I guess a carb infested thank you for listening to my sob story."

_Ah again with the deflection. _He really wasn't used to speaking with his heart, so I tried to alleviate his worries.

"Kurt it's wonderful, thank you. And you are more than welcome for last night, I have no regrets about it in the slightest."

"Yeah, um, me neither, um I guess. Look I didn't know how you took your coffee so I brought in milk and sugar from the counter. You know that your kitchen is incredibly hard to navigate? It's like deranged gnomes designed it, you don't use your top cupboards enough."

Kurt just gestured with his chin to the creamer and sugar on the table and picked up his plate, trying his best to ignore me as he spoke. I knew it was a height jab but I could have cared less, Kurt and I were sitting in my living room eating something that I didn't have to cook for once, all because Kurt felt like he owed me thanks for the night prior. I decided that I just needed him to laugh and be thankful for the progress.

"Yeah well my kitchen works the way it is, since we all can't be freakish Amazons like you, some of us normal folk have to use what's given to us, and that includes reachable cupboards."

Kurt looked up as I winked and he smirked.

"I'm not that tall."

"I'm not that short."

"No you are just vertically challenged, well except your hair. That definitely defies gravity."

There was the Kurt I was beginning to like talking to; the witty one.

"Yeah mine defies gravity naturally, you use a whole can of hairspray to achieve it."

"It not my fault you hair is scared of your face and decides that up is the best way of going." Kurt began chewing on his pancakes and I decided if you can't beat him, might as well join him.

This playful banter filled the remainder of a half an hour as we ate and drank our coffee. We didn't talk about the evening before because he figured, and I agreed silently, that enough was said on the matter then. We had shed more tears than I thought possible, and we had opened up scars that were deeper than we could have collectively known. It was by far the most comfortable Kurt and I had been with one another, and something in me wanted to hold him and tell him that everything would be alright as long as he knew that being himself could only get easier. And maybe with a little support, I would make him understand. My hatred for him was melting rapidly because this was not the man I knew yesterday, in fact the scared man hiding behind clever quips was someone I had only met yesterday, and it was someone that I wanted to know better.

All too soon though Kurt was standing by my door again, redressed in his clothes from yesterday, this time not in tears and looking relatively calm in my presence. We had come a long way in a matter of hours, but I couldn't know what tomorrow would bring, or months down the road, all I knew was that a regret in my head that had been there for so long now had finally blown away with the wind. Kurt and I had aired our differences and were now beginning to see we knew nothing of the other; and hopefully that would change.

Kurt had been waiting for me when I came out of the kitchen drying my hands after cleaning up, and he looked so much younger standing there, staring at his boots.

He must have heard me come back into the room because he looked up and grabbed the door handle quickly.

"Um, thanks for having me over I guess. Not quite the night you had planned I'm sure..."

I put the hand towel down on the table by the door quickly before reaching my hand out and brazenly grabbing his, startling him enough to make him twitch but soft enough for him to not pull it away.

"You're welcome Kurt. And as I said no regrets about last night, and I also said that it was nice to finally meet you Kurt." I squeezed his hand." And I meant that."

Kurt shyly smiled," It was nice to introduce myself to you too Blaine. I should have done it back in high school."

"No regrets Kurt." Kurt just nodded and let go of my hand.

"You are annoying as shit Anderson, but you make me smile."

My brain shut out for a second before I knew what was happening.

"Don't get hit by a bus Anderson. See you in a few days for rehearsal, maybe we should grab coffee?." He pecked my cheek ever so slightly then all but ran out the door.

I wasn't sure if I should be scrubbing my face or doing the Macarena in my living room, so I settled on a grin that was somewhere in between as I went to grab my keyboard and head to the roof. I had just gotten musically inspired.

XXXX

(KPOV) _...weeks later_

Aside from the miniature freak out that I had about kissing Anderson's cheek that I had once I got home the other afternoon, I was dong relatively well with this whole " being me thing.", or at least I thought I had been for the first week or so.

Okay so maybe I wasn't really trying that hard. I still wore clothes that would be acceptable and muted, I still responded to most people with more than the normal amount of attitude, and only answered Blaine's texts asking how I was with short answers, but hey progress was progress and this shit was harder than I thought.

Blaine knew that I was being distant at rehearsals, he would wait for me to make the first move in conversation it would seem, and part of me was saddened a little because it felt like we had taken a step backward in this friendship, and I knew it was my fault, but subconsciously I was glad for this. I didn't want people raising suspicions during our first few weeks in rehearsals or that the director had finally softened and I certainly didn't want Blaine to have any unwanted attention thanks to me. _I had done that enough in the past._

He was meant to be respected as was I, and our personal friendship was no ones business but our own. But that apparently wasn't above the observing eyes of Wes and Santana. They both seemed very observant with Blaine's and my apparent professional co-operation. It was like they were waiting for the bomb to fall, and it was mildly irritating.

Actually everything was irritating. The way that I wanted to be close to Blaine but kept smacking myself internally for the thought. They way that this musical just seemed to bring up so much emotion in me. The way Wes and Santana seemed to stare whenever I was within spitting distance of Blaine, and now the way that Dani kept fucking up the block after the dance sequence.

"Turn, turn, kick, turn, then split...Val you have to keep this line or the whole effect is lost. Again from the top and Dani, your blocking sucks. Could you at least pretend to listen to what I'm saying and then maybe follow the direction from you know...the director? Jesus, let's try it again for the hundredth time."

"I'm s-sorry sir. It won't happen again." Dani looked like I had broken him and as much as I wanted him to suck it up, a tiny part of me felt bad.

"It better not. Sebastian take his place please, at least you know how to follow orders." Sebastian had be stoic and complied immediately, taking Dani's place in formation without a word. Sebastian had been quiet the last few weeks and his dynamic with Blaine had changed or so I noticed anyway, but at least he hadn't let me down in rehearsals, which was more than I could say for 80 percent of these uncoordinated buffoons.

"Dani take five, or hell take a month or however long it takes for you to screw your head on right so we can get this number finished. We need this perfect this as well as the other 6 numbers before the investors see it. Just get out of my sight before I get tempted and throw my egg white wrap that I didn't eat at you."

I leaned back against the mirrored wall of the studio complete flustered by the sheer lack of drive that the chorus was putting into this it seemed. Wes and Blaine's vision for the opening number was being ruined by these amateurs and I felt a familiar hot creeping up my neck as my annoyance with everything bubbled to the top.

Blaine and I had gotten together twice in the last few weeks, just to talk a little over coffee but it had been calming. He had tried to tell me about techniques to reign in my temper but it didn't currently seem to be working.

The music started again and I closed my eyes at the sound, feeling the cool glass behind me as I tried to centre myself before I had to watch this atrocity again.

_Control your temper Kurt, don't let people see you loose it, you're a damn professional._

Before I could register it I felt a hand on my shoulder. On instinct I flinched away violently, almost smacking the person in the side of the face, and started screaming before I could register that it was Blaine's attempt at grounding me.

"What the actual fuck do you think you're doing?!"

The music stopped and I had dozens of eyes trained on my shocked and now slightly horrified expression since I had just freaked out and yelled at Blaine, and that I may have almost slapped him on the jaw, but it was instinct. _Oh god Blaine_.

Blaine was just standing there completely at odds at my outburst and my backhanded swing when I'm sure all he was trying to do was be there for me, to comfort me. _Oh god what have I done?_

Blaine merely grabbed his messenger bag and sunglasses, placing them over his eyes and nodded at Santana who gestured for him to leave.

He did without a glance in anyone's direction. Santana merely spoke up in true Tana form.

"Alright there's nothing else to see here, Kurt just lost his shit. Now from the top guys and don't let me see you slacking Smythe, prove to us why you're the understudy."

I was still standing there as the number started up again, on the verge of tears that in just over a month I may have hurt the only new friendship I had ever had, just because I couldn't control my temper.

When I did look up all I saw was the steely gaze of one Sebastian Smythe and it was the first time I wanted to back down from a stare in my life.

XXXX

**(BPOV)**

It had been 8 hours since I had walked out and I had done the only thing that I knew I could; I went to work early. My boss thought I had my head screwed on backwards when I showed up an hour early for my dinner shift at 5 pm and it was now approaching midnight. My day had actually ended an hour ago or so but I stayed to clean and close up like I did on occasion, feigning that I owed the extra hours so Charles would let me be alone.

I basically just wanted the time to myself and somehow the kitchen at Casio's always helped me relax. I had stayed there for a few hours after closing before, but most of the time it was to keep composing. Charles never really cared as long as his 'baby' was locked up and that I didn't steal anything. He trusted me because I never gave the man a reason not to, so he had given me the keys.

The mundane simplicity and the fast pace of the restaurant had helped me initially calm down from Kurt's inadvertent lash out. I had finally come to realize that no, he hadn't meant to freak out at me and yes it was mostly my fault for startling him when I knew he wasn't looking, but our friendship this week in particular had seemed very one sided in my opinion. We had gone for coffee twice in the first two weeks, just to try and be relaxed with one another but there had been a backward slide since rehearsals had doubled.

He barely acknowledged me even in text and it was disconcerting. I wanted to help reintroduce Kurt to himself slowly by showing him he had support but he was resisting me at almost ever angle. I knew it was early in our friendship, if you could even call it that, but it still made me feel like shit that I was trying so hard and all he did was yell at me and ignore me. Then there was the 'almost hit' he had aimed in my direction. He hadn't meant it but maybe I should tell hm how sensitive I was to such things; he needed to know that was the main reason I had walked out. Hopefully sometime soon we could have that discussion.

So here I stood, packing the last of my messenger bag before I closed the kitchen lights and headed towards the front door.

That's when I saw something I wasn't expecting.

Standing in front of the large window next to the door was Kurt. He was looking into the restaurant like a little kid looking at a display window, and he looked happy and concerned as he saw me walking passed him and towards the door.

Ignoring him for a second while I closed up may not have been mature but seeing him again, however it made my heart feel, was irrelevant as the afternoon's events played out in my mind.

"Blaine."

"What do you want Kurt, and how did you know where I worked, I never told you?" I turned around to see Kurt holding a small yellow rose.

"I asked Wes today and even though he gave me the third degree as to why, I told him I needed to apologize and only then when I promised him I wouldn't fuck with your head did he tell me, he can be a real... This is for you."

I didn't really register the flower he was holding up to me, the part that I was stuck on was that Kurt had spoken to Wes, about me, and that showed a sign of feeling which maybe helped chip the small block off my shoulder.

"Yellow means I'm sorry, or at least I think it does. Tulips mean forgiveness but they were out of season and well Hyacinths are the flower that mean I'm sorry but roses smell better so this was the only real option..."

"Kurt." I chuckled at this random rambling man who seemed so flustered just merely talking to me.

"Sorry." He hung his head as I took the rose and smelt it gently. I secretly loved flowers and the gesture was more than I figured I'd ever get from him, especially considering he came all the way to little Italy to give it to me at midnight. He really was a connundrum, one minute he was cute and flustered then the next he was high in himself and a complete dick, but for some reason iw as drawn to forgive him and I didn't know why.

"I really am sorry Blaine. I just don't know how to control my personalities sometimes. I just, I can't..." I moved my hand under his chin and made him look up at me. He looked so lost and I knew that this was the real Kurt.

"It's okay. I'm not gonna say that it didn't hurt because it did, more so because as your friend you should know I wouldn't hurt you. But..." I stopped him from saying anything when I cut him off from butting in.

"But I just want you to try harder for me. Have you eaten since lunch?"

The question was from left field I know but I decided that this might be a really good opportunity to spend some time with Kurt without him feeling like he has to act a certain way. He seemed to mull this over for a second once the randomness seemed to catch on, and answered just above a whisper.

"I haven't eaten since breakfast really why?"

"Come on then, let's get some food." I reached for the door to the restaurant again, putting my key in before he could say anything really.

"Won't we get into trouble for being here after hours?"

"Nah, I'm good with the man in charge. Come on Kurt live a little, you only live once." Kurt just smiled as if there was a double meaning.

"Okay."

I smiled seeing the glint of mischief in his eye as I bowed a little exaggerated towards the door. "Right this way sir."

"Dork." I could hear the tentativeness melt away and I knew that I already forgave him. This could be an interesting night.

* * *

_Reviews? How did I do? This was a bitch to write and get right so please tell me it was okay. Next up their 'discussion', and some more forward thoughts. I may end this in 5 chapters, I may end it in 10...all depends on what you want. xoxo Love and Klainebows everyone!_


	7. Chapter 7

_A/N: Okay so this is a little bit of a surprise for you because __I can't normally update this fast, but huzzah and tada and all that jazz ;) Here's the next one, its a little shorter but it gets some unanswered questions answered for those who are wondering. It seems that our boys have issues in their heads, you'll see. Next update will be this weekend, since I have mad amounts of work between now and then. Love you all, and please send me feedback, I'm getting so much better at responding :D Also please excuse an errors, I was excited to get this out today and editing was not my forte, but it's not that bad, I promise. *le smooch*_**  
**

_Enjoy and such. Here we go. xx_

* * *

**Close to Home**

* * *

**Chapter 7**

Wes wasn't concerned about the big picture, he always fussed over the little things, because they were what the bigger picture was made of.

So when friends and co-workers alike started acting strange and being a little less like themselves, Wes knew there was usually a reason, and these reasons were usually never good because they affected the bigger picture.

Sebastian had been distant from Blaine for the last few weeks, and Wes had finally had enough of the complete polar opposite behaviour from the guy that he for some reason called a friend. Wes never really understood the dynamic between Sebastian and Blaine, but there had been occasions that Wes knew Blaine liked having Seb around and was sometimes even grateful for his presence. But something had changed. Blaine noticed it and had apparently confronted Seb on it, but was brushed off charismatically as if nothing was wrong.

This was the beauty of Wes being the fly on the wall in almost every conversation, he could observe and be completely unbiased, at least until today that is.

It had come to a head today when Wes saw a very uneasy gaze from Sebastian directed at Kurt. It was cold, calculating and if Wes wasn't mistaken it could be considered a warning. But a warning for what? A warning to say, lay off my buddy, take it easy on him or we will have words? Or was there more behind it? Wes figured the latter was true since Sebastian was behaving very unlike himself, and it was eerily quiet and alarming.

As Wes stepped back into the studio he found the man in question practising what looked like the exchanged between the end of the number into the dialogue from the opening number, but he was flustered. He stopped mid turn and saw that Wes had joined him in the room now, and he had a look of confusion on his face, more than likely wondering why he was there at 11 pm after nearly all day rehearsals.

"Sebastian, what are you still doing here?"

Sebastian sighed but walked over to his bag to fetch a bottle of water, refusing to make eye contact with the man speaking.

"The Chai'nes into the turn to the left is still messing with me. I may not keep the lead but I should at least perfect it while I have the chance."

Seb took a big gulp of water and Wes waited patiently, knowing for certain that the tall man wasn't done.

"Look, I know why you're here. I've been distant from Blaine and all that nonsense, so can we cut to the chase so you can tell me whatever it is you wanna say?"

Wes merely went over the the piano and sat down, confusing the hell out of Sebastian because he didn't say anything right away, but eventually he did. Everything was always on Wesley's own time, you could never rush him to say what he chose.

"You know I always hated the piano lessons my dad made me take. He said that if I wanted to do this whole music thing that I should be well rounded. Even though I told him I had a genius for a partner, he insisted that I take them during college. Funny thing is as much as I hated the lessons, and as much as we both know Blaine is the musical mastermind, I kind of regret holding so much regret in me for ever lashing out at my dad for his insistence."

Wes tinkered with a few keys, playing over the opening overture in its barest forms. Wes was no Blaine when it came to musical accompaniment but he was holding his own. Sebastian walked over and sat down beside Wes with a huff.

"Have you ever apologized to him, you know your dad, for not seeing his side of things?" Wes just kept playing.

"No, I guess I was too stubborn to admit that what he suggested was right. I guess I'm no better than the next guy admitting to someone that I was wrong for not seeing his view on the subject."

Seb seemed to mull this over. "Stubbornness is in high supply in this business. So is backstabbing so, I can see why some people are guarded." Seb was definitely not talking about Wes' father anymore as his face grew hard.

"Bas some people are guarded because they need protection. Some put up walls to protect themselves because they've never known kindness, so we can never really understand why people do the things they do unless they tell someone."

"Yeah and some things shouldn't be forgiven so easily." Now we were getting down to brass tacks.

"Forgiveness has to be earned Bas, and sometimes we can't judge when it's given out."

"And sometimes we can't let it happen when we've seen the aftermath of those wrong doings."

This was by far the most serious exchange of words that Seb and Wes had ever shared, but Wes knew what he was searching to say to Bas and he hoped he would coax the truth from him as well. No more subtlety.

"And now that we've been overly cryptic would you care to explain why you've shut out Blaine? I understand guardedness but I can't understand why you would block out someone you care about."

"I saw it." He said it through gritted teeth

"Saw what?"

"Hhh...the interview. I googled Kurt Hummel and for some reason I clicked on that one TV spot. I know it was Kurt that hurt Blaine years ago. It was Hummel that caused him all that pain."

"Bas, Blaine didn't want you to know..."

"You knew?! You fucking knew that the man that he would have to be in close contact with was the last straw in his spiral Wes?"

Wes dropped his fingers from the keys to finally look at Sebastian, he did not look impressed. He actually look very similar to the glare he sent Kurt earlier. At least Wes wasn't far off base when he guessed that it truly was a deep rooted anger than cause that flash of fury.

"I knew it was him yes. But I only knew that Ms. Lopez had a director in mind, and as much as their past is complicated, Kurt is a good director. This is Blaine's business, not our own."

"Oh so it's not our business to worry about our friends?" He put the emphasis on _our_ as if trying to coax Wes that they would see eye to eye, but that detail wasn't lost on Wes.

"Bas look. I just spoke with Kurt, actually I sort of politely reamed him a new one if he ever hurt Blaine again, and I can't be sure, but I'm confident that this friendship or whatever it is between them is what's currently best for the both of them. We have to let go of the bitterness we both feel knowing the pain that Kurt caused. Blaine asked me not to tell you because he knew that you would freak the fuck out.

"We don't know Kurt's side of the story and maybe Blaine has heard it from him. But whatever the case may be, Blaine is working out his differences with Kurt, and we have to think of what is best for the show and for our friend, and that includes everyone, and I mean everyone, being supportive of his choices. I trust him and so should you. Don't block out your friends Bas, it'll just be another regret."

Wes thought back to the morning a few weeks ago when he had walked in on two sleeping and emotionally drained men, sinking far into the mattress and subconsciously comforting one another. Wes had doubted they had slept together in the sexual sense because their postures didn't seem to fit. They looked tired but content, as if their new found weightlessness was something that could only be explained through deep conversation. Wes would never tell this to Sebastian, he was already a loose canon to begin with where Blaine was concerned, but he felt it necessary to let Blaine and Kurt's budding and confusing friendship unfold where necessary, because Wes couldn't remember a more contented look on his friend's face in years. He didn't bring it up to Blaine neither for fear of sounding disapproving or making Blaine embarrassed. He let it lie, and was content with damage control if need be, hence why he merely shooed Kurt in Blaine's direction and hoped that his warning was enough.

"So Bas, you've been distant with your best friend because you found out it was Kurt that hurt him? Or just because Kurt and him are mending their fences, albeit through some strange yelling matches on occasion?"

Bas stood up and walked to the window again, ignoring Wes' facial expression completely. Bas knew that Wes was right, he knew that being Blaine's friend was what he needed to be. Even though he hated Hummel's guts more with each minute because of the past hurt he'd caused and even more so now when he would yell at him in person, he knew that Wes was right. This was Blaine's business, it was his life but Seb had always been protective of Blaine, and only now did he verbalize to another person why that was.

"I don't trust Kurt."

"But you trust Blaine right? Let him back in Seb, he misses your friendship. You need him in your life and he needs your comfort, so try and trust his judgement or you will regret losing him." Sebastian dropped his head and sighed.

"I know."

Wes came up beside Seb and placed a tentative hand on his shoulder, patting him reassuringly before turning to leave.

"Blaine is doing better ya know. His and Kurt's friendship will hopefully only get stronger and he needs both of his best friends to support him because this hasn't been easy for him to hide, especially from you."

Seb just nodded as Wes finally went to pull the door to the studio open. Then Sebastian spoke just above a whisper, and Wes closed his eyes at the words he knew he would hear eventually, and hoped that Sebastian would get over their meaning.

"I love him Wes. I always have."

Without turning to look at him Wes responded with a sigh, "I know."

Wes walked out leaving Sebastian there to stew over his thoughts. He hoped that admitting he had been in love with his best friend for years would finally make him realize that he had to let him go. Blaine made his own choices and Sebastian had to learn that he may have saved him years ago; but he would continue to move down his own chosen path in life and also in love.

XXXX

**(KPOV)**

Both Blaine and I piled into the kitchen with a small case of the giggles. I'm not sure why we were so silly, it seemed like a very high school thing that we were doing; sneaking into the kitchen after hours. Blaine rolled up his sleeves and started taking out cutting boards and knives and varied ingredients while I placed my coat on another counter by the deep freeze.

"How does an awesome pasta with a white wine reduction sound?"

I almost moaned at the image, " Sounds like a way to my heart through my stomach, I'm starving." Blaine place the yellow rose I gave him on a shelf far from the stove and then handed me some things to chop.

"Okay, so we're gonna play a little game while we cook alright?"

"What are we five again Blaine?" I couldn't resist the sass, he was being adorable with his hair super curly, and with the excited gleam in his eyes that I only ever saw when he was singing or playing his music. Apparently cooking and being a goober was also on Blaine Anderson's list of things that make him happy.

"Shush, it's an easy game but it will help us talk more freely alright? All I want is for you to give me a true Hummel response. None of this formulated answer crap. Just be honest and I promise to do the same."

"Fine, hand me the pairing knife. So, um how bout an easy one to start?"

Blaine jumped and giggled that I had agreed to the game and this childishness was endearing and also confirmed his dorkish nature ten fold.

"Yay! Okay um, favourite colour? Set the cilantro aside once it's chopped too please."

"Sure. And in answer, no such thing. All colours if given the right accents could be my favourite." _Good truthful answer, that wasn't so hard._

"Alright same question." Blaine seemed to think for only a second before answering, he had to have expected the question back.

"Green. Emerald and hunter green mostly, lime should be a colour left in the eighties, oh or in cooking. Can you pass me one, on the rack to your left." I handed him the fruit as he took up the next question when I nodded that his answer was satisfactory.

"What do you like most about yourself. You're real self _and _you fake one. I want to know both."

I grimaced but I knew what he meant.

"My new self." I put the emphasis on _new_ since I was a little offended when he said fake. I was never fake, I was changed.

"...I guess you could say I like my bullshit detector. Since I started hiding who I really was it made for a great lie detector in others. And my old self...I guess you could say, my strength. As much of a double standard as it is to say, I used to be a strong person in designer clothing. It was kind of my trademark."

"And you think you lost that strength, I beg to differ." I turned away when he looked up and continued to cut the scallions he had given me, refusing to take the compliment from my handsome friend.

"That's not part of the question game there Anderson, that was a want for discussion. It's my turn. What's your favourite food?"

"I would say your pancakes but that would be cheap pandering." He grinned when he saw that the comment resulted in a small blush.

"But basically I would say anything edible. I love food. If my music had bombed I would have tried getting into culinary school. There's just so much love in food, from how you prepare it to how you serve it. Plus I love to eat, its a wonder that I'm not 300 pounds."

Try as I might I couldn't help but look over Blaine's figure. Sure I had noticed how toned his arms were the other week when he hugged me, and I had somehow managed to look past the petite broadness of his shoulders but secretly I couldn't smack the smile off my face when I imagined what was under the shirt in its more nether regions.

_Stop it Kurt. There's nothing there for you except disappointment._

"Yeah. For a guy who loves to eat, you've stayed really trim." There that was a less creepy response as opposed to, 'yeah you're kind hot and I'm trying to not picture your abs under your shirt'.

"That's because I box." Blaine just said it with an air of pride, but it was such a fantastic mental image.

"Really?"

"That Mr. Hummel, is a want for discussion." _Cheeky bastard._

"Can you pass those scallions, the pan is hot enough."

Watching Blaine cook should not have been as sensual as it was. I wasn't sure if the mild sweat on his brow was hot because he looked more masculine just now, or if it was because I hadn't been able to get the image of Blaine boxing, covered in sweat, his hazel eyes focused in concentration and controlled anger out of my head.

We settled into a quick and easy discussion then as I passed him the ingredients that I assumed he needed, I guessed some of the things he wanted before he even asked me for them, which resulted in a small smile exchange.

I found out that he had an irregular love for Roxy music, that he had a brother 10 years older than him whom he never saw eye to eye with, that his parents were civil regarding his sexuality, and that thankfully I was right in assuming that Sebastian and him had never dated. He also told me about his first guitar and how he had to sell it when he moved to the city with Wes so he could make rent, and he said he had an insane love for classic Hitchcock movies, his favourite being North by Northwest.

In exchange I let go that my childhood was simple and I remembered it fondly even though I was an only child. I told him about the New Directions some more and how I had a cat thrown at me in a nursing home once when our glee club performed. I also told him that I blew the final note sequence in defying gravity during a diva off with my then friend Rachel Berry, because I knew the bad vibes my father would get from the world when they heard his son sing a girl's song.

It had been a more involved conversation than I had thought it would be, and I silently thanked the confined walls of the restaurants kitchen for providing such a safe space for Blaine and I to talk; Blaine seemed have this idea all along and the gesture was definitely not overlooked.

As Blaine strained the noodles, he started talking again.

"So I know you can make pancakes, but what a man knows in the kitchen say a lot about his character I feel. Can you really cook?"

"I can, both me's can in case you're wondering." Deflecting on his earlier statement about the new and old me wasn't mature but he seemed to ignore the jab for now.

"Since my mom died young I had to cook pretty much everything for my dad and I for a long time. Granted I was more ahead of myself in my head than my skills were most of the time. When I was 9 or maybe 10 I tried to make paella and nearly burnt down the kitchen. I didn't know it was that complicated at the time."

Blaine chuckled at the image surely and it helped me refocus the question.

"So yes, I can cook, and very well might I add if the dinner parties I have hosted in the past were any indication. I love food, but I'm kind of a health food freak sometimes. I tried being a vegetarian, but I missed meat too much."

Blaine almost dropped the bottle of cooking wine he was using to de-glaze the pan because he started laughing.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Hearing a gay man say he misses meat too much to cut it out of his diet brings out my inner teenage immaturity. That was priceless Kurt, I'm sorry." He was still laughing as I threw a leftover clove of garlic at him which hit him in the side of the face as he added the noddles to the delicious vegetable concoction he had made.

"Hey that's a hate crime against garlic. Don't hate the garlic." I picked up more cloves and proceeded to chase him around the kitchen. It was so silly but I was fueled with Blaine's comments.

"Garlic hater."

"There has to be a vampire joke in here somewhere."

I had him cornered beside the closet freezer when he raised his hands in the air.

"Uncle, uncle. I don't want you upgrading to heavier garnishes." Blaine was a little out of breath and so was I as I lowered my hand still clutching the garlic down to the counter top behind me.

"Do you surrender?" There was a hitch in my voice that I didn't recognize as I said it, and Blaine seemed to notice it too I think.

"Do you?" Somehow I doubt we were still talking about the food fight. I couldn't stop looking at his eyes. They were such a sincere mixture of olive, gold and auburn that I felt like I was drowning in a sea of jewels. We were standing really close and for a second I felt like Blaine was moving in closer. I was on panic mode but the other part of me that seemed to grow stronger around Blaine every second, was keeping me from running to the hills and for once speaking my mind.

"I t-think I just might."

Blaine closed his eyes for a second and it was all I needed to think about leaning forward. The thought of touching my lips to his was almost overpowering, but Blaine jumping away a second later, broke that thought.

"Shit!"

Only when Blaine moved away from me to run over to the stove top did I realize that the pan was smoking slightly, and that the new smell was probably the overcooked food.

"Shit, okay so this isn't ruined and it won't taste bad, just not the same, I'm sorry Kurt." He had moved the pan off the stove just seconds later and added a tiny bit of vegetable broth to the dish to cool it off and hopefully prevent it from sticking.

"No, I'm sorry B-Blaine. I-I made you burn the dish when I distracted you."

"Kurt the dish survived, and you are never a distraction. We just lost focus."

Somehow I was wondering if Blaine's colouring in his cheeks was from the warmth around the stove top, the run around the kitchen, or from what he had been implying. He looked down as he started to plate the food, and for some reason not making eye contact with me.

I walked over to him and lifted his chin, mimicking a gesture he had showed me earlier that night.

"Hey, the food will be delicious I'm sure."

"It's not that." He finished the garnish, turning away from my hand rather quickly and maybe even a little harshly, as if he was mad at himself. I didn't push the change in demeanour but it was a little disheartening.

We ate in basic silence, and if it weren't for the amazing food this would have been truly awkward. After a few more minutes, and our plates being cleaned and the soaked I couldn't take the tension.

"Okay that's it. What the hell Blaine? You can comfort me when I'm upset but I can't ask what's wrong and be concerned?"

"No, dammit Kurt it's not that."

"What is it then? Care to enlighten me?"

"I just, I just almost overstepped a boundary that I shouldn't have." He cleaned off his hands and then stayed facing the large double sink.

"Weren't you the one that said we only lived once, and to live a little."

"Don't throw my words back at me." The words were almost growled.

"Oh no? Here's some words for you. You are the kindest man I have ever met Blaine and its infuriating sometimes. I want to get to know you and for you to know me but as corny as it sounds, this is a two way street. I give and you give, you told me as such, and what the fuck do you mean by boundaries? Just spit it out. If this is your way of getting back at me for my earlier bitch out I already said I was sorry..."

I moved a little closer so that I was basically right in his face. He stopped what he was doing to turn and meet me head on.

"You know damn well what I mean by boundaries Kurt. And I know about infuriating, your mood swings are irritating as hell." He challenged me and despite his height I could tell by the flash in his eyes, however hot it looked, he meant it.

"Kurt, I'm trying to protect you from making a mistake, and protecting myself from doing the same. I just don't know if that's a good idea right now. Forget it, I was off base."

He was mid turn when I stopped him by grabbing his arm.

"No you weren't."

Going completely on instinct I reached out and grabbed his face firmly and connected our lips in a angered and passionate kiss. Blaine and I simultaneously groaned when the contact was made and as if in sync we both moved our tongues out to meet the other in a quickly more heated embrace.

It lasted only a second longer when Blaine pulled back, and the irritation and lust I saw on his face had me impatiently groan at the loss of contact.

"Kurt...what the...you hate me...how?" His breathe was short from the brief but forceful kiss or maybe it was because even between words he decided to nip down my jaw.

"Live a little remember?" I brought his face back up to mine and reconnected the soft lips with my own, needing the fire and pressure more than I had thought. Blaine forcefully moved me back so that I was pressed up against the counter not moving his lips away but seemingly diving his tongue into my mouth that much deeper.

"God...Blaine..what the fuck are we doing..._ugh_." Blaine lifted me almost effortlessly onto the counter, dragging his hands down my legs to lift me in one swift movement. Having this insanely hot man between my legs was rendering all thought processes unimportant. He moved away from my lips with a somewhat embarrassing whine from me. Blaine looked nervous, probably as much as I was, but his words were clear as he spoke close enough to mouth that I could breathe in his words.

"Living a little, and forgetting our pasts."

"Fuck you Anderson, don't..._oh god._...don't throw my words at me." Blaine had kept his hands on my ass and squeezed rather harshly when I tried to talk back.

"Don't being so difficult and just relax Kurt. Let me show you that I _really_ like the new you." He dove and continued his assault on my neck. It was insanely hot, almost too good to be true..._Was this really happening?_

Blinking I came back to reality.

"...Forget it, I was off base." Blaine said as he tried to turn around, but I grabbed him to keep him facing me.

We were back to standing really close, him challenging me that he was off base and my thoughts slumped when I realized I had made it all up in my head.

_It hadn't happened._

Apparently my subconscious was so attracted to this man in front of me that I imagined the entire thing. I almost wanted to cry that it hadn't been real but I couldn't bring myself to be that brazen, I just couldn't. The shell that I had created for my actual self engulfed me once more as I moused away from doing what I really wanted to.

So instead I reached up and cupped his cheek and pecked his other swiftly, causing the dynamic to change from challenged and heated to sweet and much more guarded.

"You weren't Blaine. You really weren't. We're fine okay? Just hank you so much for the dinner, and the c-company, and for forgiving me. Come on it's getting really late. We should go home."

If Blaine knew of my inner struggle he didn't say anything, he merely nodded that the awkwardness and intensity of our previous few moments were over and he allowed me to forget the urge I had to kiss him, because he couldn't feel anything for me beyond pity. _He really couldn't. _This was something I had to keep telling myself.

**(BPOV)**

I wasn't quite sure what happened between Kurt and I tonight. After I dropped him off in the cab at his house, and after a smiling good-bye that was partially hidden under something that looked like regret, I had headed back to mine completely confused.

There was something that had changed in our dynamic tonight. I had wanted to kiss him almost more strongly that I had ever wanted to hate him; and that was saying a lot. I tried to rationalize me moving away as quickly as I had because of the food, but really it was because I was uncomfortable.

Kurt and I had for once shared an open moment of intimacy with our eyes and it was terrifying that he hadn't backed down. On the contrary, he seemed to regret not moving forward and seeing what happened and that was the terrifying part.

If he could only know how much I wanted that to happen, but my psyche wouldn't let me be the first person to cross that barrier, he had to be the one to do it. If we were ever going to move our 'friendship, relationship whatever the hell this was farther, he needed to initiate it. But I had wondered tonight when he looked like he stopped himself from saying or really doing what he truly wanted, if that would ever happen.

I slumped down on my bed, still fully clothed, where I let my mind wander to the possibility of soft lips and hushed promises of a future without boundaries, the yellow rose sitting on the pillow beside me.

* * *

_Dawwww Blainers...silly Kurt, silly Blaine. Hope you liked it even if you wanna hurt me for making the short angry make out session a fantasy. Love you? Don't throw things, I bruise easily. xoxo_


	8. Chapter 8

_A/N: Hello again my lovely readers. You guys are incredible and I sincerely love each and every one of you for still reading this. I'm sorry that I literally cockblocked the last chapter with the kiss that didn't happen, but it was necessary to get into Kurt's head a little. We all knew that Blaine was starting to notice a relaxed feeling towards Kurt but now we know Kurt is confused and sees Blaine as more than a friend even if it's the whispers of thoughts alone. This chapter is mostly from Blaine's POV and it will have Seblaine convos, I assure you this will NOT be a Seblaine story just in case you were wondering. I even ventured into the scary territory that was Sebastian's mind, ah! _

_Anyways the continuation of the kissed that missed will be addressed as well.  
_

_Read on and review guys! xo  
_

* * *

**Close To Home**

* * *

**(BPOV)**

I figured it was because of Kurt. It was because of a man that haunted my past with his anger and intolerance and now haunted my present and future with his complexity and beauty, that I was lost but happily confused in my desperation.

The following morning brought more promise, at least in my opinion anyway. It was great seeing that the sun was shining even that early, and that I had actually managed to get to sleep after tossing and turning for the majority of the night. But for some reason I still had the brightest smile on my face, albeit a confusing one considering the circumstances.  
The yellow rose that I had laid down beside me remained there still, untouched, much like a perfumed memory of the honest gesture the night before.  
Even if the memory was tainted with confusion and uncertainty regarding the beautiful man in question and how our relationship would unfold, it still gave me reason to smile.

_Today would be better, because I would see Kurt._

It hadn't been until recently that I noticed a visible difference in how I approached the day until I had began rediscovering my relationship with him. Much like a manic broken Ferris wheel Kurt and I seemed to dance around each other in circles at times but there were also times, like the moment we shared in the kitchen at Casio's or when he gave me the silly yellow flower that I was ridiculously attached to, that we were so at ease with each other. At those times we were like a well oil machine that flowed so easily in its gears that it made me truly happy.

So I got up, thinking for the best because any day that I got to see Kurt may be that new day where he would finally drop his walls for more than a few minutes at a time and allow himself to feel. I hoped I wasn't the only one that felt something between us, it was a sort of magnetism that drew me to him, and at first I thought it was a matter of complete opposites attract, but now...

Things were just so confusing, but as I hung the yellow rose upside down on the cork board that housed my playbills in my kitchen, I still couldn't shake the feeling that I may just have a better day.

_Because of Kurt._

This sentiment rang true in my mind and it only grew twenty fold when I heard my phone chime that stupid message alert I used, and I saw that it was from the man in question.

**Figured I hadn't used this number in a while and wanted say hi to my friend. Was it pointless? :( -K**

Oh Kurt you have this insane ability to make me smile at my phone like a moron sometimes.

**Not pointless at all. X Glad you still like talking to me. We left on an awkward note last night :S – B**

I really hoped that in maybe this avenue he would have the strength and courage to tell me what had been going on in his head after everything that did; or didn't happen between us last night.

I had grabbed my coffee and my keyboard and went up to the fifth story roof. Even though I hated having to climb four floors up everyday to my apartment, I loved that my fire escape led directly to the roof and I could have the little bit of solitude even in the big city.

It was cooler now since it was the first week of October but I wanted to get out here as much as possible before it got too cold to do it. Today had proven a little warmer as I settled into the really comfortable chair I had set up there, and set up my keyboard awaiting his response. It didn't come right away but one did from someone I wasn't expecting.

**Hey man. So workshop got cancelled today because Kurt's sick and Santana is going out of town for a few days to recruit and talk to potential backers. Wanna hit a coffee shop or something today, hang out? I kinda miss you killer, and I know I haven't been 'emotionally' available. - S**

Kurt's sick? That was what I got from that message and it gave me a funny thrill in my gut, and not a good one. I held off sending anything back to Bas immediately because I had an overwhelming guilt to ask how Kurt was.

**Sorry if the previous message was too much Kurt. I just heard about workshop being cancelled today, are you feeling well, I heard you're sick? :( - B**

That got an immediate and long response from Kurt.

**Hey no, no Blaine everything's fine with your last message., and it was a little awkward huh? But no I'm not truly sick, I just needed a day off and the production is coming along nicely enough so that we don't really have to spend every minute on it right now. The cast deserves a few days break from my tyranny. Also...who told you I was sick? I only sent that message out 10 minutes ago to San when she told me she and Brit were gong to Connecticut to talk to backers? News travels faster than my texting fingers. Okay that was a long text :S I'm gonna stop now – K**

I secretly loved his rambling, and I hoped I would see and hear more of it.

**Kurt you're adorable sometimes. Especially when you rant in text. I'm glad you are actually feeling alright, and that you aren't truly sick. The cast will thank you for the break which shows progress that you care ;) You softie you. - B**

The added cheek had the desired effect.

**I am not! You just bring it out in me Blaine. Anyway I have some chores to do but not too much, and some me time I think, maybe we can talk later? X – K**

Did Kurt really meant that hug he attached to the text? The giggling part of me really hoped he did.

Then forgetting that Bas actually messaged me I sent him one back, thinking that maybe he would actually tell me what the fuck had been bothering him the last few weeks.

**Sure Bas. Come over instead. On the roof, you still have the keys I presume, bring coffee from Jim on your way, this instant stuff doesn't hold a candle.- B**

**You're wish is my command Blainers. See you in a few.- S**

Maybe a little hanging out with one of my begrudgingly best friends would make the day even better. Maybe if he wasn't being a selfish dick like he could be sometimes I could talk to him about Kurt?

Oh Kurt, shit...

**Sorry, my phone won't stop this morning. Yes news travels fast. I hope you enjoy your day off and get some rest Kurt, you deserve it. I'll be here anytime you want to talk. x- B**

Placing down my phone and looking over the rumpled sheet music notepad I carried with me everywhere I decided to try and give in to the beautiful autumn morning and just let the music carry me before Sebastian got there.

The smile on my face was mostly, because of Kurt. Things could only move forward from here I hoped.

XXXX

"Knock, knock. That loses it's charm when there's no door to knock on." Sebastian had made it in record time from where ever he was, making me think he had already been in the area when he texted me. He climbed the last stair on the fire escape and sighed when he walked over to me with a steaming cup of coffee in his hand, sporting his trademark smirk.

Kurt had just sent a smiley face back to me a few minutes ago in response to my message and I hadn't even tried to hide the smile I was sporting since I knew what his genuine smiles looked like. Bas noticed it apparently though.

"Hey Seb."

"Hey handsome, what's got you looking so chipper about? Happy we don't have workshop today too?"

I decided to not bring up Kurt so soon, so I decided to let the conversation linger as it normally did with Seb, resulting in probable playful banter laced with sarcasm, it was how we rolled.

"Yeah, it's nice to just sit here for one morning without running out the door wondering if I remembered pants."

Sebastian chuckled as he took a sip of his own drink and got comfortable in the seat next to me that was normally vacant.

"Ah yes, the age old debate of pants versus no pants. I for one am always in favour of the no pants rule."

"Yeah, you would be wouldn't you?" I couldn't help the smile that continued to stay on my face, half from Kurt earlier and now half from my friend who was finally acting like I knew him to act.

I curled my legs under me, sitting in a mock child's pose in my chair and just inhaled the smells of the city mixed with morning and my java addiction. Yup, it was a good morning thus far.

Sebastian did have another characteristic that I was fond of; he ability to sense moods. He knew when he came to 'babysit' me at the bar that sometimes I wanted silence. He knew that there were just sometimes that I didn't need to be asked for the seventh time if I was 'all right'. He may have been a bit smarmy on occasions and people didn't quite know what to make or him or how to take him; but I could honestly say his ability to read my moods had been something I had missed in the last few weeks, and that though reminded me that I was still a little mad at him for shutting me out.

We drifted into a comfortable silence for a few minutes before I wrote something down in my notepad after testing the chord on the keyboard.

"So Blainers, whatcha working on this time? Beethoven's unfinished works? An Orange juice commercial? A love letter to Matt Bomber? He is pretty hot and recently single..."

"Shut up Bas no...he's your fantasy not mine."

"Buzz-kill, we would make an awesome threesome, super hot."

"Uh super no there Seb, oh dear god no." I couldn't stop the giggle this conversation brought. It was...nice, I missed it.

"Nah, just trying to fix the overtones for the last scene. It's supposed to be sad but also triumphant ya know? I mean, the man just lost the love of his life and now he has to face the music by actually admitting to everyone that it took losing someone so special to tell people who he is. It's the whole meaning of the story, it has to be..."

"Perfect." Seb smiled as he looked at me a little forlornly. He was right of course, as per usual taking the words right our of m mouth.

"Yeah, perfect." I echoed, sensing that something was indeed wrong with my friend when he hid his head and looked slightly embarrassed before shaking his head.

"Well, I've never had any doubts in your musical awesomeness buddy, it's your thing."

"Bas..." He changed the subject again.

"So I have Rangers tickets for next month. I know it's not a sport where the guys wear revealing clothing but I can't ignore I like the physicality of it..."

"Bas...what's..."

"Or I can give you the tickets, I'm not sure if I want to go or not really, maybe you can bring Kurt?"

_Kurt._

Well that was the least expected thing he could say. Did Sebastian even know that Kurt and I were on speaking terms, and sort of friends?

"Sebastian please stop rambling before I throw you off the roof?" He tried to look challenging, wiggling his eyebrows in a way that was supposed to say ' I double dog dare you', but it lacked its usual fire, and it disturbed me a little.

"What's going on Seb. Rangers tickets would be awesome, and I would love to go with you. We haven't hung out in a long time like that, but why would you bring up Kurt? I honestly don't think he's want to go personally, professional sports does NOT seem like his thing anyway."

"I just figured, that ya know, since you guys are friends, maybe I could help in some way. I dunno, whatever, it was a bad idea." So Seb knew Kurt and I were friends, I guess Wes told him as such, but it still didn't explain why he mentioned him, or why he was being a defensive idiot the last little while.

"You're right it was a bad idea, but the intent was sweet Sebastian so thank you. But for something like this I want my smirky sleazeball best friend to accompany me. No one over analyzes sport quite like you do, remember the time we caught the MLS game? You spent the entire time hoping it would rain so we could get a glimpse of the finer things in life when the guy's white shorts would go see through."

"Ah yes, when it did rain we had a fine view...a fine view."

"Yeah as perverted as it sounds, it did make the game more entertaining. Hence..

I looked at Sebastian and reached out to fist bump him like we normally would but hadn't in a long time it would seem.

"...why I wanna go with you." He smiled a little wetly and seemed more emotional than I would have imagined.

"It's a plan, November 20th, I'll bring the tickets. So?..."

"So? Are you going to to tell me now that you've used you're only out in not discussing it, what's been up your ass that you didn't like?"

"I'm a pitcher not a catcher Blaine."

"Ya, you keep telling yourself that, stop deflecting, what's eating you...and_ please _don't start giving me their names?"

Sebastian sighed, he never does that when set up for another joke. Instead he looked out at the sky that had finally turned completely blue, the rusts and pinkish yellows of the morning sun fading until another day, and started talking.

"It's about Kurt, Blaine." He hardly ever calls me Blaine.

"What about him?" The hackles at the back of my neck stood up at the mention of is name in this context.

"Don't get your panties in a twist Anderson. I've been thinking."

"Surely that hurt." He didn't have a comeback again which had me intently more worried as I rested my cup in the ground beside me, and shifted so I could look at him completely.

"Look, I'm sorry that I've been, unlike me and distant and shit but it's been, difficult watching you and Kurt be civil."

"I'm not following. You of all people should know what it's like for me to let people close and make new friends."

"Ya I do know, better than most." There was something in his eyes that flashed like a warning and I swallowed a little exaggeratedly because I wondered if Seb had actually put two and two together and knew who Kurt was from my past.

"So if Kurt and I are becoming friends why does that mean that one of my oldest friends has to shut me out?"

"It doesn't mean that, fuck Blaine I'm sorry okay? Everything in my head has been so messed up, and when I saw you talking to Kurt and when Wes told me that you too were 'working out you're shit'...

Seb really did a good impersonation of Wesley, but I would never tell Wes that or give Seb that gratification.

"...I got worried. I just...I don't wanna lose you B."I was shocked there was no hiding it.

"Lose me? How could you lose me?"

Sebastian stood up a little quickly which startled the then calm conversation and gave it a little more edge.

"I don't want to regret anything with you Blaine okay! You are basically my best friend and I love you alright?! I don't want you getting hurt!"

"Bas, I..."

"Watching you with Kurt, even if you want to rip his liver out through his ass sometimes like I know you do, you really care about him and I know what he's done to you in the past and I worry that he'll do it again!"

"You know?" _Fuck._

"Yes! And...I know that you kept it from me for a reason. It took me a long time to understand why you would even start talking to him, especially knowing what I know now, and I was powerless to stop it Blaine. I wanted you to be safe and not deal with his shit and baggage but I kept on the sidelines and shut down because you know the old saying, if you can't say anything nice, shut your fucking trap."

"I don't think it goes quite like that." I tried for the small smile and it worked, slightly.

"Actor remember? I'm add libbing."

"Bas, look. I don't know how you found out about Kurt being the guy that spoke poorly of me. I don't even want to know because I'm sure Wes had something to do with it and I might strangle the guy if you verified it. But Bas, you are my friend, one of my oldest and dearest even if I want to rip out some of your organs on occasion. You won't lose me, and our friendship has nothing to do with Kurt. Kurt and I are just...that. Kurt and Blaine. We've aired out shit, and talked at length about yourselves. It's a work in progress I guess, just like this musical. There's been good parts and bad parts so far but it seems to be moving down the right track. I thought you would be happy for me that I finally have some closure, and can start being happier again. Isn't that what friend do? Be happy for the other in times like this?"

I was basically pleading with him to understand. He had to understand that I wouldn't do anything that I didn't think was worth it; he just had to understand.

"I do want you to be happy Blaine. I came to realize recently that...well fuck, that it's all I care about sometimes. And if Kurt makes you happy, in whatever capacity ghost boy can muster..."

"Bas..." It was a warning to not continue with that insult.

"Then I am happy for you, and I'm sorry it took me as long as it did to say that."

I stood up and before I knew what I was consciously doing I wrapped both my arms around Sebastian in a hug we hadn't shared in years. I was thanking him for understanding, albeit not really willingly but he was trying, which was more than I had ever expected considering now that he knew the truth.

"You won't lose me, but thank you for telling me. And thank you for understanding about Kurt. He's getting more important to me with everyday, and I need someone to talk to about this."

**(SPOV)**

"...I need someone to talk to about this."

Feeling Blaine in my arms had to be one of the greatest yet most heart shattering things I had ever experienced. I always thought of myself as a free spirit, someone who couldn't be held down by anyone, or any man for that matter. The problem was that I recently came to know myself as the most caged man in existence, and that was why I had fled the comfort of the friend I had known in Blaine.

I was consumed by him in every way. I didn't know that I loved him until I had said it out loud to Montgomery, but the reason for my behaviour and solitude recently became realized when I knew I loved him from the moment we met. I hadn't been a free spirit like I thought, I was merely holding on to something that wasn't mine to have, and it hurt because Blaine nor I had noticed it; ever.

He was everything to me, and yet I knew that it was something that I would never have, not because I didn't deserve him, but because Blaine and I were meant to be friends, and nothing more.

Unrequited love sucked big time, and I had to push aside everything that made me me, the attitude, the wit and cheese ball lines and really look at this from a wider perspective.

Some would say it was personal growth, Wes would say it was me listening to his words of wisdom, but I would say that I just needed Blaine in whatever capacity he would let me. And if he wanted Kurt to be that guy that _might_ bridge the gap between friendship and love then I as his best friend needed to let him choose that, or I might lose him for it. The combination of seeing him with another man that made him feel and want more really hurt, but loving my best friend and then losing him hurt more, and that wasn't worth all the ass in the village. So I held him tighter for one second longer.

"I'll be here to talk Blaine, sorry it took me a while to come around. I can be slow at times." I pulled away to see that Blaine was smiling, and I had put that smile there which made me return it just as widely.

"You can be a bit dim Smythe." He let my arms go and turned to face the city again. "So what's your plan for the day? Who's ass are you going to attempt to swoon today?"

"Jealous?" Yeah this banter felt right.

"Not on your life Bas, I was just wondering where to send the warning note to."

"Clever Anderson, but honestly there is this guy, his name's Kevin, he works at the coffee house on weekends but he picked up a shift today."

Blaine's eyes basically lit up, and it made me internally smack myself to not swoon.

"Oooh cute one with the dark hair? The one that looks like superman's scruffy stunt double?"

"He is not scruffy!" I rolled my eyes at myself when I jumped to the man's defense so easily.

"Oooh defensive, Seb's got a crush.'

"What are you four?"

"Five thank you very much, now spill. If you haven't slept with this guy and actually got his name, it must be serious."

Blaine turned and sat back down in his chair sporting an elated smile as he bounced waiting for the details. Honestly Kevin had asked me out for a drink a few weeks ago and I hadn't said no surprisingly, which was my automated response, I didn't date.

"It's not serious smart-ass, he's just hot and I dunno, maybe I should agree to this drink or whatever."

"It's called a date Seb, it's not a dirty word."

"It sounds dirty. But maybe I should go down there and ya know, like talk to him or something."

I didn't have the plan to do such a thing but I was looking for a clean exit now that I had bared my soul to him almost completely. But Kevin was kind of cute...

"Go! He is hot and if he saw passed your insinuations he might be a keeper. What are you waiting for?"

I sighed, knowing that I couldn't act on it even if I really wanted to. The 'Blaine' wound was still to fresh even for a make up fuck. I was done playing with my heart now that I knew it was vulnerable.

"I dunno, I just need time, anyways I have a few things to do uptown, no time like the present huh?"

Blaine seemed to sense my deflection and stood up again, all sense of playfulness gone.

"Need time?"

"Even I need time to heal Blaine. Some wounds are just deeper than others." Blaine put a hand on my arm and I knew I couldn't loose it in front of him. I would get over him surely but for now, in this moment, I had to leave.

"Sebby, I didn't know..." As much as I hated the nickname, Blaine's voice always made it tolerable. I climbed the fire escape and turned around to look at my beautiful best friend.

"Forger it. See you in a few days Blainers, and I'm happy for you, whatever you choose. Love ya sweet cheeks." I winked overly brazen and he just smiled and rolled his eyes knowing that more prodding into my emotions would be a dead end.

"I love you too Sebby. Call me." My heart ached but swelled at the same time. Many men could say that Anderson stole their heart, but I was one of the only ones that got a permanent place in his, and that was enough for me. I just needed to get over the rest and I would be fine. I smiled completely and genuinely knowing that we would be alright.

"You know I will. Don't wait up for me honey." I mock blew a kiss at him and I knew we would be fine when Blaine threw a napkin at me.

"Asshole."

"My second favourite body part for 200 Alex." Chuckling together I smiled again as Blaine rolled his eyes and I descended down the fire escape, into his apartment. I went into the kitchen and tossed out the garbage I had been carrying with me, some papers and the empty coffee cup, when a sight made me stop in my tracks.

A single yellow rose,a little dehydrated now but that was the intention surely, and it was pinned to Blaine's playbill board. It obviously already had a special place in his heart if he was keeping it, and it had to be recently given.

_Kurt. I had to be from Kurt._

I knew I shouldn't be jealous as I walked out of the kitchen and towards the door, but I just knew it was from Kurt. But the other part of me, the growing one that was happy that I had Blaine back just smiled because I knew I had made the right decision.

Blaine seemed to fancy Kurt somehow, and even if it confused me, the yellow petalled symbol in Blaine's kitchen showed me I was right.

I swallowed my pride and tried to hold back tears, because my friend was happy, and it was starting to show up at random.

After locking the door I heard Blaine's voice in my head. ' I love you too Sebby', and I knew he did even if it was never the way I wanted. I could just hope and pray to the spaghetti monster in the sky that Kurt didn't break my best friend because he already seemed so attached.

XXXX

**(BPOV)**

The rest of that day went as follows. I wrote, I cooked up random stuffs for the next few days to store in the fridge and freezer for me to reheat, and I decided to crawl back to the living room and eat way too much popcorn and eventually have a movie night.

It was relaxing and well deserved I think. I had spent some of the day texting Wes and he said that he had decided to take Jeannie out for a drink tonight since it was seasonably warm, and Seb had messaged me back eventually saying that he chickened out talking to Kevin because he said he wanted to talk to him with his head not his groin. I called that progress. He would be meeting Val and surprisingly Dani for dinner that night, and it seemed that our friendship had mended immediately. I didn't question it, I just accepted that there had to be somethings in this life that were easy, and I guessed my insane love for my most 'special' best friend was one of them.

I had also told Wes that Seb and I had talked, and despite the small bitch out I gave him for confirming Sebastian's suspicions about Kurt, I thanked him for talking him down. Wes as always shrugged it off and made it seem like nothing, saying that he was glad Sebastian removed his head from his over used ass and was there for me. I was glad too, even if the imagery was disturbing.

Kurt had also messaged me, and that was the reason for the movie night in general, it had been Kurt's idea. We had playfully been talking via text all day, in between vigorous domestic insanity as he called it, and it seemed relaxed at first. Some of our messages went like this.

**Hey you. Just picked up my dry cleaning and went looking through my bowtie collection. Thought of you, not sure why? ;)- K**

**Ha ha funny Kurt. You're just jealous that I have a better bowtie assortment than you do? - B**

**Not on your life, more isn't always better, sometimes its just more Blaine. Good things come in 'short' supply, right Anderson? ;) - K**

Kurt letting loose like this and being flirty and witty at the same time was coming out more and more every minute.

Throughout the day and into the movie night, that Kurt said he was going to have as well at his own hose, we texted back and forth. I had images of Kurt dressed in a smoking jacket and cravat in his overly stylish house curled up with a fuzzy kitten named Marc Jacobs or something, eating Brie En Croute or something else over the top and the image made me laugh. I knew Kurt wasn't nearly as stuck up as he allowed everyone to think, it was just me being silly, but the image was entertaining.

Kurt really was coming out of his shell, and part of me wondered if this was just the ability to write what you wanted to say being his courage, so I took a leap when An Affair to Remember was being cued up to start.

**Watching A.A.T.R now, you going to watch? - B**

**Um yeah that was the plan right? Or would you rather not? - K**

Here was my chance.

**Well I was thinking do you wanna come over here, or me come there? I dunno I just love this movie and I may cry like an overgrown infant if i don't have someone to talk to. - B**

Okay I really hoped he took that with a grain of salt and didn't laugh in my face, well in my face via instant messaging anyway.

**You are just barely an overgrown infant. - K**

This was vague but maybe there was a loop whole I could work with.

**Is that a yes to any of the aforementioned? If I pouted would it work? - B**

**Please no, puppies get envious of that pout. Tuck away the lip Anderson, I'm thinking. It's just...wouldn't it be awkward, like how it was last night?- K**

So he was still worried about last night's unsureness. Personally I was as well, because we had never really dealt with it in any sense, but he wanted to at least acknowledge it, and that was better than I had expected.

**Look Kurt. You know I love your company, somehow we seemed to be getting around our initial discomfort, and I want to see you again, not in a few days, sooner. You decide what you'd like and what would make you most comfortable and let me know. Okay? - B**

I let that hang. I had opened myself up as much as I figured was safe and just waited to see if he would take the bait for not. If he even had the slightest interest in seeing me he would at least acknowledge me positively, and if there was more, then he would agreed to the meet up.

He really was beautiful, on the outside surely. His eyes were literally becoming my new favourite shade of beauty, but on the inside, his tortured true self was addicting and I need to see and him and experience more with him, even if he didn't want more from me.

Waiting on bated breath for more than five minutes made me realize that if I was going to leave for the evening to head to Kurt's or for Kurt to come here, it might be a good idea to tidy myself up a bit.

I brought my phone with me into the bathroom and proceeded to try and style my hair the way that Brittany actually told me how to. I know, it sounded weird but Brit had her moments that her sheer genius came out. It was like she reserved all non ridiculous comments until that one crucial moment when things mattered and then gave truly good advice.

The simple minded girl was heart warming to be around and I silently thanked her for introducing me to the relaxer that I was using on my curls now, and I silently screamed at myself for not getting a haircut sooner. I opted to not shaving off the new beard I had grown in the last few day but merely trimming and shaping it. A little scruff could be attractive right? I was hoping my laze on the subject wasn't the wrong choice though.

I was about to go and change into something more appropriate to leave in when I realized that I had gotten ahead of myself; I hadn't even heard back from him and I was assuming. Maybe I should just call him.

Swallowing my nerves, I dialled the number I had wavered over calling numerous times and pressed send. Four rings later the line picked up. I heard minor shuffling and scuffles.

"Shit, damn it that hurt...hello?"

"Um Kurt you okay?"

"Blaine?"

"The one and only, don't you check you're call display?"

"I do it's just, fuck sorry hold on, I'm going to put my blue tooth in, yeah, hold on...shit."

After a few more fumblings that I had to stifle giggles at, Kurt finally sounded clear and more composed. His voice over the phone sounded sweet actually.

"Sorry Blaine, you literally called me when I had way too much in my hands."

"There's a dirty joke in their that I will refrain from making."

"Oh hardy har Anderson. Now what did you want to talk about, that you needed to call me right now. I would have gotten back to you shortly ya know?"

There was a playful excitement in his voice that I couldn't quite place, but it made me happy for some reason just hearing it.

"I just wanted to know what you thought of the idea, that and I was starting to freak out a little that I was overstepping boundaries since we haven't really talked all that much about the awkwardness at the restaurant. I just don't want to screw this up and make you hate me again, because I just honestly started to really like your company and..."

"Blaine shut up for a second. I like your company too...oh hold on." There was a faint sound that sound like Kurt thanking someone but it could have been the wind or his TV in the background for all I knew.

"Sorry, so yes Blaine I really do like your company but sometimes the way I , ya know feel, surprises me I guess. I'm not...well used to feeling anything so I act abruptly around you but I'm trying to get better at it, I swear I'm trying..."

"I know Kurt. I just don't want you to feel uncomfortable."

He paused for a second and sighed.

"Yeah well, I guess sometimes taking chances, although uncomfortable may be whats best. So, did you want to come over here tonight?"

The words were literally just out of Kurt's mouth when I heard a knock at the door.

"Fuck! Whoops pardon my french. Hold on Kurt someone's at the door."

"Take your time, but I don't want you to leave me hanging for too long here."

"I won't, I'll be right back." I put the phone down on my dresser in my room, noticing I had been siting on my bed the entire time I was talking to him, and rushed out in complete annoyance to the person who would be interrupting right now. It was barely 7:30 but didn't door to door salesmen have some time limit or cut off?

I had shattered the glass in my peep hole a long time ago when I slammed the door and I hadn't brought it up with my landlord fearing he'd make me pay for it so I just never complained.

When I did open the door I kept the chain on because hey, this was New York not suburban Ohio, but I would have expected a gunman as opposed to what I saw. I slammed the door shut and then opened it again really quickly.

"Or ya know I could come over here?"

"Kurt?" He was holding a tray with two coffees, and a small bouquet of yellow roses.

"The one and only."

"You're here..."

"Very observant. I figured I would feed your caffeine addiction like my own and I kind of owed you the other 11 roses." I smiled sweetly and then for a second remembered my manners.

"Oh lord Kurt, here let me take something, come in, come in."

I took the coffee and the roses from him and held the door with my foot as he came in and locked it behind him. I placed the coffee down on the table beside the door and then held the roses tighter as I turned around to see Kurt taking off his coat.

He was wearing a black shirt with a dark purple waistcoat and deep silver cravat that covered that long neck. He was now peeling off his white Doc Martens which were a little more eclectic than I normal saw from him.

_This was definitely progress._

"Kurt...thank you for these, it's, well they're lovely thank you." I took a deep smell of those flowers, closing my eyes at a smell that I would forever associate with Kurt.

When I opened my eyes I was met with Kurt standing incredibly close, but far enough that we weren't touching.

"I had to, Blaine I had to come over. I've been debating this all day. That's, that's why I 'called in sick' as it were. I've been thinking all day and arguing about coming over here and I just..."

"Kurt what is it you wanted to say, just tell me."

"I've got one better." He leaned in and I think my entire being froze with the confidence that this man showed in one brief moment. He kissed my lips, cupping the one side of my face gently, and barely whispered his lips over mine before he moved away.

"I should have done that last night."

The words were spoken against my lips and the taste of Kurt was something like honey and lemon, tart and sweet but soothing, and completely unbelievable because of what it meant. I opened my eyes to see Kurt still close but at a more respectable distance.

"Hi.", he said with a completely shy rasp.

"Hi."

_Well shit, now what?_

* * *

_Sorry...don't shoot, I do love my mini cliffhangers. But here's the skinny guys, this is a turning point. I have exactly two places this story could go. Short passionate and sweet-ish...or more detailed and longer, not less passionate but more drawn out. LMK, love you! *throws virtual cookies* Catch!  
_


	9. Chapter 9

_A/N: Hello everyone, long time no see! I am sorry that this has taken a while to come out but honestly between work stresses, Thanksgiving here, and the 'Break Up' episode, I have been having a hard time writing this story. In the earlier chapters where there was more angst sure, but now that I have some fluff to write (yes this chapter is very fluffy in spots), I have had a trying time getting it right through my own emotions.**  
**_

_Now I know a lot of you have had a hard time as well even reading fics because of the last episode, which is why I am dedicating this 8000 word love letter to Klaine to you guys. We are in this together, have faith and I hope this brings you some smiles that we have been denied horribly by one Ryan Murphy._

_The movie and quotes from it are from **An Affair to Remember** starring Deborah Kerr and Cary Grant. Old school romance that is timeless and beautiful in its own right._

_I own nothing, except the ideas behind this story so read on, and I hope you love this little dedication to my favourite TV couple ( they need to still be a couple *shakes fist* )_

_Review if you can loves. xx_

* * *

**Close to Home**

* * *

**Chapter 9 - To fall**

**(KPOV)**

I wonder if someone can actually die from psychologically and emotionally freaking out over one action? Up until the moment that I decided it was a great and courageous idea to kiss Blaine Anderson I would have laughed in your face that would actually happen, but now...

I was trying my damnedest to not look like my brain was short circuiting over the amazing and liberating experience it was letting my heart have that one moment to express my thanks and growing affection for the man. He was gorgeous, even when I hated the man I could admit it to you, not verbally because until recently I rarely had anything nice to say, but he had always been in the drop dead category; also known to me as out of my league.

But once again I was floored time and time again by his kind nature and somehow his smile seemed to calm the storm that was in my heart. Every day my want for something more, something more dense and tangible from him grew, until it hit a precipice last night at the restaurant. This is what made me decide to not be a chicken for once and open myself up to the man that handled my heart and emotions like none other had.  
Ironically Blaine made me comfortable, much like my late father had which scared the living day lights out of me. No one had ever crossed that barrier with me, allowing me to 'want' to feel like my true self, not since him, not since dad.  
So today, after much deliberation, I had decided that enough was enough, and I was going to stop being afraid for more than 5 minutes and express something positive physically to the man that was acting my saviour.

But as I was saying, I had done it, it felt amazing and sweet and I had even managed to get a word out after, but now as I saw him standing there holding the flowers close to his chest, the picture of shock, the happy feelings in me began to fade and the panic started taking over.

* * *

**(BPOV)**

_Now what? _

I couldn't deny it to myself, his lips felt amazing. The sweet tartness lingered there even though our lips had barely touched, but god did I want him to do it again. His one hand was still nestled on my face and I won't rebuke that it felt warm and centring. His courage just now astounded me but somehow it looked like it was faltering. The blue in his eyes looked to be turning steely grey as shock or something that looked like fear crossed his face.  
His hand lowered slowly and I could tell if I didn't do something fast I may have another case of a run away Hummel on my hands.

_Oh no you don't._

I grabbed and held his hand against my face keeping it there and using the most soothing touch I could muster, trailed my own hand up passed his wrist and along his arm, pulling me into his personal space, close enough that his breath hitched and it was as if we had just swapped breath.  
"Kurt, stay with me...don't pull away, I've got you."  
"I'm so scared Blaine..."  
"Me too." I tried to soothe his features, if only for a moment with the tips of my fingers through the hair behind his ear.  
I looked into his eyes deeply, asking for the permission to do what I wanted since, we'll probably since I got to meet the true him. When he stopped concentrating on everything he was pretending to be, his actual self was perfect enough to me, imperfectly perfect I guess, because it was him.

Kurt didn't look less worried but he didn't move away, and he may have even nuzzled a little into the warmth of my hand as I caressed his cheek.  
"Just breathe." I tried to practice what I preached as I kept my eyes on him and leaned in to just feel those lips again, even for just a moment.

As I moved in further, failing to hold back the urge any longer, I closed the remaining distance between us. This was when I forgot that I had been holding the roses Kurt gave me to my chest with my other hand, and when I brought Kurt in close, the crinkling of the wrapping that housed the flowers brought me out of my haze. It had been excessively loud compared to my quiet apartment.

It was such and inappropriate noise for what I was hoping would have been romantic, but it had an effect I wasn't expecting. Kurt laughed. It was almost a giggle and a snort at the same time which had me pull back almost comically fast, dropping the flowers to my side and giving into the laugh.

"Blaine I'm sorry but we really suck at this." He was still laughing as he backed away.  
"Oh god do we ever. Flowers one, the mood zero."

I couldn't help amidst my laughing to feel a little crestfallen, because I had really wanted to kiss him again. Kurt seemed to sense the minute change in my features and even though tittering adorably he ceased laughing and reached out to grab the hand that was without flowers, his previous fear all but gone for now it seemed.  
"Hey, I know that wasn't the most...well smooth on either of our parts, I kinda almost lost my shit after kissing you, and your valiant effort to calm me resulted in one of the most non romantic noises ever. This, whatever this is, is so new to us both apparently. So I guess what I'm saying is-is that, it's nice that we are sorta stumbling together?"  
So he was back to the blushing and sometimes stuttering boy that I saw more and more glimpses of, but he seemed to have an air of eloquence still.  
_Stumble together? I can do that, as long as we catch each other too.  
_  
"Yeah, that sounds about right, we'll talk more about this..." I gestured between us, " in a bit but for now, did you wanna actually come in? Properly this time, and away from my front door?"

Kurt was still holding my hand and as I said this, so I swung our joined hands back and forth with a tiny skip in my heart that he still wanted me to hold any part of him. Apparently as I brought the roses up to smell them again I bounced a little on my heel waiting for his response.  
I turned down my bottom lip when it looked like he was pretending to think about it, and I even turned up the pout factor; it worked.  
"Oh jeez yes, yes I do. Now do tuck in the lip before you trip on it. Envious puppies remember?"

I pulled him with me as I laughed, the odd tension gone just like that again, as we made our way to the kitchen to find a vase and water for the flowers. His wit was back and in tact it seemed, so I gave in that he was comfortable with our current connections.

I had to say too, there was something so youthful about holding Kurt's hand, it was electric, so I decided tonight I would do as much of that as humanly possible. I just smiled as wide and cheesy as I could when I handed him the shears to trim the stems while I looked for a vase and I finally said something.  
"Sorry I will try my best to turn down the adorable, but you like it, you can't deny it."  
"I'm coming to terms with that fact."

Kurt let go of my hand then and began to trim the stems while I stared at my cupboard in compete dismay. The top shelf was where I housed most things that I didn't use on a regular basis, and my vases and assorted breakables were among them. I tried standing on my tip toes, I even jumped a little to try and grab the small blue hourglass vase but it seemed to attract unwanted attention from Kurt other than actual success.  
He finished what he was doing, and that was when I noticed as he turned, that he had been biting his lip hard enough so he couldn't laugh at me.  
"Want some help Keebler?" He said shyly but with a purely joking intent.  
"I am not a cookie elf, I am not that annoying, nor do I look anything like them." I remained pouting just because he seemed to smile bigger when I did that, and this time was no exception, aside from a sly quirk of his lips.  
"Oh I don't know. You used to be really annoying to me, and you are kinda short, and you seem jovial all the time, and you hair is cute and curly..."

He passed his fingers through my hair and the relaxer I put in there earlier helpe Kurt ease his fingers through the short ringlets. It felt so nice I probably purred a little, and I wasn't ashamed to admit it. Kurt's hand tightened on my hair reflexively for a second before letting go when he cleared his throat.  
"Um so yeah...you want me to grab the blue one there for you, shorty?"

Okay so he hadn't freaked out after initiating something physical although small, and that was the second time tonight. Kurt must have been telling the truth that he had been doing some serious thinking today since even touching his skin before unless we were sobbing messes, seemed like an impossible task.  
"Please and thank you. But could you get the green one instead? It's way in the back."  
"Sure." He smiled and reached up on his own tiptoes to take the blue on down first, the tiny stretch revealing a small patch of ivory skin just above his belt buckle, and I had a sudden urge to lick it which I figured may be a little too much for today; but damn the view was since. _So what? He had delectable looking skin and had a nice ass, even when I hated him I could have admitted that. _

"This one? " He reached up again and took down the next, a clear one. God he really needed to keep exposing that sliver of skin, because the further back he went the more I saw, including the way his painted on pants hung just below his hipbones it would seem

_Ogle yes, but focus too there Anderson._

After he pulled down three things he looked at me, and I was already arranging the flowers in the blue vase whilst smiling.  
"Anderson, you little shit."

"Now now no need for names dear." _Okay so I've resorted to pet names...interesting._

"Why exactly did you make me keep doing that?"

"Since you were sooooo poignant about me using all my cupboards and mocking my height the other day, I figured I would put that fact to good use. Turn about is fair play. Besides, your ass looks great in those pants and the view was fabulous."

He smacked me lightly on the arm since I had apparently rendered him temporarily speechless and blushed putting the other vases away again while shaking his head at me. I came to the conclusion that blushing was the second most important thing I would make Kurt do. Yup, hand holding and blushing, two very keys ingredients in making me pull the real Kurt out into the forefront.

"What, a guy can't admire an ass? What has this word come to?" I copied his eye roll the second he did it, because I could see it coming. What I didn't see coming was his cheeky smile when he leaned near my ear before walking out of the kitchen. He paused and whispered one phrase.

"Flattery will get you everywhere." That's when my brain short circuited and Kurt pinched my ass as he left the room.

Once I cleared my brain of the fuzzies that had accumulated there, and wiped the redness and smirk off my face from the rush I got from the impromptu pinch, I grabbed the flowers and headed into the living room again to find a place for them; and to see where Kurt had toddled off to. He was in need of some retaliation. Or maybe the pinch had merely been because I had admired his butt earlier. _Eye for an eye, butt for a butt? Wait that's not right..._

"Are you going to find a permanent home for those flowers, or are you waiting for them to grow roots?"

Kurt was walking towards me again, this time holding a small messenger bag which I hadn't noticed before, but he must have had to swung over his shoulder behind him when he first got there. I must have been standing there while my inner monologue was going amok.

I placed the flowers on my fake fireplace mantle and saw Kurt waiting for me with a nervous expression on his face.

"Um, can I use your bathroom? I brought some stuffs with me in- in case, you didn't mind, well in case you allowed me...oh fuck it! I'm spending the night if that's okay. Can I go change and stuff before we watch the movie?"

I was a little surprised that he corrected himself without me having to place a hand on his to centre him, so I just nodded and told him he was welcome and that the bathroom hadn't moved since yesterday, and that I would make more popcorn.

I had a little addiction to the stuff, this time it was caramel corn so I didn't have to make it as much as open the bag, and I wondered if health food freak Kurt would indulge for me.

Kurt just nodded in acknowledgement curtly, then graced his face with a smile.

"I'll be back in a few."

"I'll be here." I pecked him on the cheek causing his breath to hitch a tiny bit. "Be quick."

Blushing again Kurt left the room and only when I heard the door click shut did I smile to myself and fist pump the air. _Two blushes in 10 minutes. Go me!_

XXXX

* * *

**(KPOV)**

"I know San, but I can't talk long or Blaine might come and check." Sitting on the edge of the bathtub whispering into your phone was almost too high school to not laugh at myself.

"You done the nasty yet? Cuz Tana's got to know if Blaine and you are co graduates of the AssMasters School of Backseat Driving."

"Shh San, I don't want him to overhear that kind of shit. Besides we're not even together or anything, we just, well fuck I don't even know. I'm hiding in his bathroom talking to you right now having a minor heart attack at my own brazeness. Fuck I invited myself over to spend the night, what does Blaine think of me?"

"If sparky knows what's good for him, he's thanking the curly headed prophet in the sky for your company. Stop worrying and just do what feels right. Isn't that what you told me this morning when we talked, that you want to _find_ yourself in Blaine? No pun intended, well not completely anyway. So go find out and stop calling me long distance, my roaming charges are a bigger bitch than I am."

"I don't know if I can do this Tana, I've never had a..re-relationship before." I was rubbing my face harsher than I truly should but the sensations were helping me keep focused.

"Don't think of it like that, think of it as a journey prancey smurf. If you want Blaine to help you, and ya know, get your gay on with him, I fully support that. Anything is better than watching the sequined insults get thrown around between you two. The sexual tension makes my vagina hurt...in a bad way. Now get, go before hobbit comes and spies on you and you look like a moron. Call me back when you're sweaty and horizontal, I likes a good oral performance."

"Goodnight Satan, love you too."

"Go get'em Tiger" The wink was implied.

Taking a few long looks at myself in my black and over sized long sleeve night shirt, and grey pyjama pants, I took a deep breath before heading back out to spend the night with Blaine, hoping that our eventual talk about 'us' would lead to us both being on the same page.

XXXX

* * *

**(BPOV)**

"I'm freaking out here man."

"Lovely to hear from you too, how was your day?" Okay Wes needed to tone down the condescension a little because I knew he knew I was frazzled and this wasn't catch up call.

"I talked to you most of the day Wesley, I'm serious, I'm freaking out and I need some help."

"Did you try and use a straightening iron on you hair again? I told you chicks, well in your case dudes, dig the hair au naturale."

"This is not about my hair Wes, could you please cut the crap and help me?"

Wes sighed but I knew I had his attention.

"Go."

"Okay so Kurt came over, out of the blue saying that he needed to see me and he was thinking about it all day, and he brought me more flowers Wes, flowers! More than the one he gave me last night, oh wait I didn't tell you about that did I? Forget it ,I will tell you later. Anyways he came over and said he should have done something last night, and he kissed me Wes! He initiated it and god, well now I can't stop thinking about how I almost kissed him again, and its so weird because its like we had a parallel shift in our friendship and I don't know if he wants more or whatever and now he's staying the night and he's in the bathroom right now! So I'm freaking about what to do, how to act, is this a good idea, and god knows I want it and..."

"Blaine can you hear yourself? I'm all up for being your hag but when did you become a 14 year old girl with a crush? Breath."

"Sorry."

"No sorries man look., if you and Kurt are getting close and you like where it's going, why the hell are you finally questioning good fortune? Shut up, get off the phone, fix your hair..."

"I already did." I could help the proud smile I was sporting as I leaned back a little on my couch talking to my best friend.

"Wow you must like him if you tamed the briar patch."

"Fuck off Wes." I was kidding and I knew he was too.

"So why are you freaking again?" When I didn't say anything immediately he kept going. "That's what I thought. Get your head in the game, be yourself and have a good night. Don't over think it, just be. He cared about your enough to confront me, bring you flowers and surprise you? That's answer enough. Serenade him or something." I grimaced at an old high school memory.

"We both know how well that went with the Gap Attack Wes."

"Fair point, and conceded. Okay cuddle, be cute, pout for gods sakes I don't know."

"I already pouted, it worked though." Yeah I was bragging because small victories didn't come often enough in my world.

"Well don't overuse that advantage, tuck in the lip."

"Kurt already said that." I could hear my best friend grin over the phone.

"Good man. Now, are you done being a dork so that I can go back to my evening with Jeannie, I kinda left her in the restaurant by herself."

"Oh fuck sorry man, go, go enjoy your date."

There was a brief pause before he answered, "I will, as long as you go enjoy yours." With that he hung up. _Cheeky bastard and his being right all the time. Thank gods for that though._

I guess there was nothing left to do for the night except sit back and enjoy the wonders of Cary Grant and be with Kurt. I just hoped that he would want what I did; I kind of wanted everything.

XXXX

* * *

The evening went by smoothly but not because of Kurt nor I being eloquent, but because we had a distraction. After settling on my L shaped couch with both of our heads meeting at the bend where we conveniently placed the popcorn, we were content to watch in relative silence.

We made glances at each other during the first half of the film, always short but with small shy smiles, especially when I caught Kurt mouthing some of the words. One of the extremely cute ones was near the beginning of the movie when Cary Grant said, _"I'll just take my ego for a walk." _It was funny on so many levels, especially coming from Kurt who used to be nothing but a walking ego to me, and now here he was, in over sized clothes, eating popcorn on the couch with me.

Oh how things had changed.

I tried not to watch as the shirt fell off his one shoulder, or when he stretched to his full length on the couch as he re-propped himself on his elbow like me, but he was a little distracting when he was so relaxed. He was so damn good looking for words sometimes, well most of the time and it was super distracting.

When the movie was nearing its half way climax, just before the New Years party on the ship, Kurt spoke aloud breaking the silence.

"I haven't watched this in so long. I forgot how much I love Cary Grant, he's just so...dapper I guess."

"I know right? I used to have hair like that in high school, but please no pity."

Kurt responded with a mouth full of popcorn.

"You did not. I remember meeting you, your hair was not 'that' gelled down." He threw some at me and I ducked making a mock shocked noise and he laughed with me. This was so silly but I loved it and it wasn't a secret.

"It got worse with every year, more and more slick. I swear I couldn't pull off the Cary Grant look no matter how hard I tried." Kurt swallowed and smiled.

"I dunno Blaine, if someone can pull off dapper, I think you could." Kurt seemed to catch himself from saying anything further when our eyes met and I smiled at the compliment. Kurt never gave those out willingly and I could tell from his posture that it may have slipped out, but I would take it.

"Thanks Kurt. But I've embraced the curls, even if I don't like them." I tried to not make a big deal of the compliment to make sure he was still at ease.

"I like them." He added sheepishly.

"I like you." Apparently my own voice over was speaking out loud too. Kurt only stayed my stare, returning it full force but then it softened as he smiled looking back at the seemingly bottomless bowl of popcorn.

"I-I like you too ."

His words were like a wave of pleasant realism. I knew he cared, I knew he was scared, but so was I, and it hit me to my core. He did feel something, I hadn't been imagining it. The dialogue from the movie over shadowed our conversation as Kurt moved so that his back was against the cushion right beside me.

"_It's now or never."_

"_Never's a frightening word."_

"_We'd be fools to let happiness pass us by."_

I could only smile at the words said by the actors on the screen, as Kurt took a chance and placed his hand on my head and soothed through my curls, and I moved into the touch, dropping my head softly towards him as he continued to run his one hand through my hair.

"Never really is a frightening word Kurt."

Kurt sighed, "I know."

I moved the popcorn to the floor, as he shifted into a sitting position with is back braced on the bend, so that I could truly cuddle beside him and enjoy the rest of the movie in a much closer embrace with Kurt than I had ever truly hoped for. His warmth and want for this embrace overwhelmed me, but I just allowed myself the feel of him against me because I would never know if this would happen again. I wanted this to be a step in the right direction for us, and as Kurt sighed when I rested my right hand on his chest, I knew this was our chance at possible happiness. It really was now or never.

XXXX

* * *

_Ouch! Fuck that hurt. _

Apparently moving from where my face was unceremoniously planted in my couch cushions was not the best idea, nor was where I fell asleep for that matter. The scent I recognized as Kurt's aftershave was mingled with the soft fabric of the cushions, which had me smiling when I remembered why I was waking up on my couch.

At some point during the night I must have passed out resting on Kurt's lap and against his chest. The movie had been over for a while but we were contented to just stay where we were, me almost hugging his torso since I had scooted up to hug his centre, and his one arm had supported his head while the other traced patterns from my hair down my neck and to my side in an uneven but soothing pattern.

I sat up groaning awkwardly and looked around in a mild panic when I noticed that my very comforting human pillow had vacated his spot, and now I was wondering where he had run off too.

It was still dark in the apartment, the sun not having risen yet so it must have been really early, but I could make out Kurt's silhouette sitting in the armchair next to the sofa once I shoved my glasses back on my face. His expression was calm but maybe a tiny bit guarded even though I could tell he was smiling a little, his eyes shining behind his thin black framed glasses despite the darkness.

I sat up, wincing when my neck and back complained at the movement, but looked directly at him when I spoke, my voice still heavy with sleep.

"Why'd you move?"

Kurt remained where he was but sighed.  
"I felt like I was overstepping boundaries or some other nonsense that seems to make sense to the irrational mind. I just felt awkward waking up with you literally in my arms, like, I dunno you wouldn't want it or something." He shrugged as if it punctuated his sentence.

"Don't be ridiculous, I was comfy, if the snoring and probably unfortunate drooling didn't give it away. It felt nice Kurt, sleeping beside you, this time much closer. Although the crick in my neck would probably disagree, I used to be more flexible I swear."

Kurt snorted as he continued to lounge in my usual armchair and it was at that minute that I had a vision of a future that was now my reality. The vision been that of a man, who hadn't been named or seen, whom had been sitting in my armchair, mug in one hand, maybe a paper in the other, with reading glasses firmly in place on his nose, as we shared a content silence.

Only in real life it was Kurt, and he was wearing his actual glasses, being as blind as I was admittedly and he wasn't holding anything but merely propped up on the chair, leaning on his bent arm watching me wake not so gracefully I would add. It was a picture of serenity, although insecure, and it made my heart do a belly flop I wasn't unaccustomed to, not since Drew, and even then I don't know if it was ever this strong.

Running my hand through my mop I spoke up, noting the silence had been far too long.

"What time is it?"

"Just after 5. You passed out around 10:30 about an hour after the movie ended. I probably passed out around then too. You have this calming effect on people, I never fall asleep that early I feel like and old man."

I stood up and on command my back cracked.

"Fuck, okay that hurt. I will second the old man comment right now. I feel eighty. I used to crash on couches all the time but apparently I am beyond the years of sleeping anywhere. And you aren't old Kurt, you're beautiful."

Remember how I said morning's hate me? Well I also forgot to mention that I have absolutely no filter in the morning, especially at '_are you serious o'clock_', so my brain to mouth filter was now apparently broken when I said what was in my heart, not in my head.

"Um...thanks, but I'm guessing that that's just your morning brain talking. I've been up a while, I'll make some coffee and you go get freshened up, okay?"

Kurt just kept his head down, obviously not believing what I said, and meant to walk passed me without a glance in my direction. This wasn't the type of blush I wanted.

I stopped him from walking away with a firm but gentle grip on his elbow that had him turn and face me. Despite my sleep brain I knew I had to get my point across somehow; he had to know that I wasn't kidding. He really had lower self esteem than I did, and that was odd for the usually robust director.

"Hey." He turned willingly but there was a stiffness in his posture when he did face me. His shirt had fallen off his shoulder yet again but this time it was on his left, showing a very old but very obvious scar just below his collar bone and in a second I knew what that scar was.

When Kurt seemed to catch on that I had been staring he made to cover it up really quickly, but my other hand shot out to stop him.

"Kurt, stop. You. Are. Beautiful. I didn't mean for it to come out so blatantly and scare you off, but, there you have it."

"I'm not..."

"You are, all of you, the real you." Kurt nodded but looked unsure, even if he didn't lower his gaze like I was expecting, he tried to shy back from the words I was saying. This was the real Kurt, the vulnerable one who I could see cared more for people's opinions than he would ever let on. He was so purely Kurt like this that I had to explore it further.

I moved one hand up, the one that had originally held his elbow to move up his arm to lay closely to the exposed scar. I searched his eyes, trying to figure out if he knew I meant nothing but sincerity but to trust me, and when he closed his eyes and nodded again, I took my chance.

The semi darkness seem to add a veil of secrecy about us, like we were even safer from the rest of the world, trapped in our own little bubble. Nothing would hurt us here, and I would make sure that nothing hurt Kurt. This was a more protective gesture than I figured but as I placed my hand gently on the smooth but raised skin of his scar I could feel the pain through it, and knew he needed to be protected.

"Blaine." His words weren't a warning as much as they were a release.

"Shh you're beautiful, just feel." I knew if I kept repeating it, especially now when we were in the midst of a intimate gesture, that maybe he would see it, maybe even hear it.

Leaning my head towards the path that my hand had taken I grazed my warm breath across the area and pecked it gently. I wanted to cry that he let me do this, even if his breath had picked up, but he made no move to turn away, he may have even leaned into the touch of my lips.

Carefully moving back, making sure I didn't startle him further, I pulled the garment back over his shoulder loosely and then took in the man in question.

He was standing there with his eyes closed, his mouth open the tiniest bit but he looked content somehow. I'm glad I could do that for him, and I only hoped he understood that no matter how much pain that scar and the years that followed him had caused, that I had nothing but the purest intents. I liked him, he said he liked me, and I had to hold on to that thought whenever I crossed a barrier with him; if only to make him feel my adoration. He seemed to trust me and that was a monumental achievement in my eyes.

"Blaine...that was...you really mean it don't you?" His eyes were still closed when he started talking but they slowly opened to find mine by the end.

"Every word, no matter the scars." I leaned in to kiss him properly this time, the urge to do so was getting to be too much, especially since I had tasted his skin just now, and craved the sensation.

He allowed it, this time cupping my cheek in thanks it would seem, and I was glad for the grounding. It was a soft press of lips, more pressure than before but just enough to keep it light. His scent was intoxicating and it seemed to overwhelm my very self.

He pulled away first with a smile, this time his eyes opening before mine. His grin was followed with a wrinkle of his nose and a small giggle.

"Kurt?"

"Sorry...just um, thank you, and well...morning breath." He giggled again as I dropped my head with huge sigh. I guess we still sucked at this.

"Romantic moment ruiners two, Blaine zero."

Kurt hugged me quickly and I had barely reciprocated it when he pulled back.

"You really do know how to cheer a guy up though. Go clean up and I'll make some coffee. Then maybe when you get back we can try and break that losing streak huh?"

I smiled at his attempt to relax and seem playful for me, and of course it worked. I grabbed his hand before I left the room and placed a debonair kiss to his knuckle as he moved towards the kitchen.

As I was about to close the bathroom door I heard Kurt call out softly.

"Oh and Blaine?"

"M'yeah?" I peaked my head around the corner to look at him.

"You're right. It was nice waking up holding you." And with that he giggled, sporting a huge grin and ducked his head back into the kitchen where I could see he turned on the light.

_Hummel, you giant conundrum._

XXXX

* * *

When I had sufficiently cleaned up and yes I actually shaved this time, although I could never really see the point when it grew back fast than the speed of sound, I came out to find Kurt struggling to hold the two mugs of coffee and a plate with a few mini muffins. I had brought the muffins home the other day and I been thinking that we should have them for an early breakfast, Kurt I guess had been reading my mind.

"Here lemme help." Kurt rolled his eyes but let me take the muffins and one cup of coffee. He said they were both the same, and that he had made a whole pot since we were up at an ungodly hour.

An idea popped in my head before we could settle back on the couch, and that idea had me dropping the stuff in my hands and running back into my bedroom with a confused expression from Kurt.

I came back in a few minutes later feeling triumphant in my hunting and gathering when I dropped two thick sweat shirts and two pairs of thick soled slippers beside him.

"Um, as much as I appreciate a fashion show, if you're going to strip and show for me might I ask for something more revealing and less grandfather?"

I really couldn't suppress the eye roll, Kurt seemed to be rubbing off on me, although the comment about me stripping wasn't lost on me as I felt my skin heat up a bit.

"Funny. No I brought one set of house shoes and one heavy sweatshirt for both of us. We';re having breakfast on the roof!" Kurt smiled at my childish enthusiasm but he looked a little wary.

"Is that allowed? I mean I'm all for being adventurous but..."

"Now is the time to be adventurous while we are still young Kurt, besides I'm always out there, it's no big deal. The only other person that comes up there is Ms. Flanstrom from 3B, and its because she thinks I don't know about the small garden she has up there. It's her 'herb' garden."

"Ah I see, well if you insist which apparently you do, which shirt do you want?"

Secretly, I didn't care because any shirt of mine that Kurt wore made me happy knowing it may smell like him for a while after. There was always something sensual about seeing a person you liked in your clothes. Maybe I'm weird.

Without another word Kurt picked up both before nodding and decided the dark green Hilfiger one was best, pulling it on gracefully, even if putting on clothing could be considered graceful, and putting on the black slippers.

"Figures you'd chose the one set of lounge clothes I own that's even remotely designer." I pulled my own extra clothes on and smiled when Kurt did a little twirl.

"I can't help it if I'm fashionably conscious at all times Blaine. You're just jealous of _my _awesome this time."

"Might I remind you that those are _my_ awesome sweats there Hummel." I did really love this comfortable banter bull that we had started having regularly.

"Yeah but I make this shit look good." Kurt stuck out his hip as I shucked on my shoes too.

"That you do, very rugged chic."

"The shirt is just the right fit for me which means it's huge on you but the shoes are a little snug." I grabbed one coffee and handed it to him smirking as he inspected his clothes aloud, more talking at me than to me.

"Amazon." I jibed.

" Hobbit." He really was quick on his feet and it was nice to know someone else that shared my love of wit and we grabbed the rest of the items as I lead him to my oversized fire escape window, allowing Kurt to go first and me handing him stuff as I followed and replied.

"I would think of myself as more of a dwarf really. Notoriously short temper at times and a beard that grows faster than I blink."

Kurt laughed, and it was turning into my new favourite tune."Geek."

"Happily conceded."

Once we were over the last step Kurt paused and looked over my little sanctuary. I got to watch his smile grow as he took in two folded up chairs, the small table and since I had left my keyboard down stairs, the stand for it was a little stage left from where the chair would be set up. There was also a string of light that were currently still on ear the area where the mysterious 'herb' garden was set up not so secretly.

The threatening dawn lit the place the tiniest bit as well but this was New York, it was never dark enough that you couldn't see, especially on the roof top over looking the city.

I put down the plate and my coffee on the small table and unfolded the over sized chairs, before turning back to see Kurt just standing there holding his own cup looking out at the mini view of the city that kind of secretly loved. I guess it wasn't a secret anymore.

I walked up behind him and whilst I had the courage to do it wrapped my arms around his torso slowly. I had dragged my feel on approach so I didn't scare him, and it must have helped because he leaned into the embrace, his back leaning against mine as I just barely was able to rest my chin on his right shoulder.

"Hmm, this is nice." I said.

"Yeah.." He moved one hand to cover the ones I had linked together around his slim waist. "very. Blaine?"

My name shook me out of the sight in front of me and the warmth of the man in my arms.

"Yes? Wait hold that thought." I grabbed his coffee really quick from him and put it on the table before running back to a giggling Kurt and trying to recreate the embrace we had.

"Sorry we have bad luck with embraces and props, I figured I would cut out the middle man."

"You really are a dork aren't you?"

"If I pouted would that just prove that observation more so?"

Kurt let me hug him from behind again and I felt his soft laughter through his back and it permeated through my own in a very pleasant way.

"Yes, but as we've established it makes the rest of the world jealous when you pout, and I'm helpless to its powers."

I kissed his neck quickly and he shivered, "Oh really?"

"Y-yeah really. You don't seem to get what kind of effect you have on me Blaine.."

"Likewise."

"No I don't think you really understand. I feel alive now, and even if I still want to rip out people's throats when they piss me off, and even though I can't be too proud of being me, I still feel weightless when I'm with you, and its a weight I have been baring for years. Does that make sense?"

Kurt re-laced his fingers, on both hands this time with my own resting on this stomach, completing the backwards hug completely.

"It makes perfect sense. I want you to feel safe, important and cared for, weightless too, I guess I've been in the same kind of position for so long that now that I moved away from my downward spiral and started to actually climb up, I forgot what it's like being so free, and dare I say, happy."

"Thank you Blaine."

He turned half way in our embrace to snake one arm around my waist. He seemed surprised at his own movements for a second but the smile that finally reached his eyes had me catch my own breath.

"What for?"

"For being you. For finding hope in a version of myself that I had long buried. For wanting me even a little bit, even under all the layers of pain and regret."

I didn't even try to be subtle looking from his now insanely blue eyes down to his lips and then to the small bit of exposed collarbone, wondering what the world had been missing with this exquisite creature standing before me.

"You do love your layers Kurt."

Kurt leaned in then with one hand cupping my face using more force than he had ever shown previously and connected our lips as if there was no more to say on the matter. The delicate slide of his soft lips on mine and the feel of him taking control of the kiss was enough to egg me on apply more pressure in return. He groaned softly and tilted his head deepening the kiss and traced his tongue ever so lightly against my upper lip. Opening my mouth without reserve he took the chance and tasted me as I tasted him. It was probably one of the best kisses I had ever shared, and it made me whimper maybe not just internally when he pulled back, still soothing my jaw with his hand.

We were both lightly panting, wrapped tightly together still with our foreheads just resting together. I still had my eyes closed when Kurt spoke up.

"I should have done that the other night instead."

"Hmm." I pecked his lips again and he lightly returned the pressure for a second.

"Blaine what are we gonna tell people? About us I mean?" His voice cracked just asking the wuestion so I knew this was what he had been dying to ask for a while.

"Is there an us?"

"I-I want there to be, yes there is an us. Do you want people to know?" I pecked him again, not being able to control myself in such a tender embrace.

"If people in our immediate circle ask, then yes we tell them. But, in public, that's up to you, whatever you're comfortable with."

"Blaine, you hid a relationship for a long time and I will be damned despite my fear if I will make you do that again." He soothed his hand through my hair again and once again I was reduced to a hum that sounded like a purr. It amazed me that he seemed to know me so well already.

"As cheesy and completely Rom Com as this is to say, but Blaine Anderson will you be my overly dorky and sappy boyfriend for the world to see?"

"How very cliche of you." I chuckled against his lips.

"Shut up you love it."

"I do and I will." I moved one hand to his heart and smoothed the fabric there, as I moved my forehead back to look at the lightly wet eyes of apparently my new boyfriend looking back at me with something akin to adoration.

"So what do we do now?" He looked over my features, seeing the raw emotion I hoped I was giving off in his direction.

"Holding each other tight...we fall."

This time his smile brightened as he understood, so I leaned in and kissed him senseless, the feel of our lips and tongues moving as one only heightened by the grip we held on one another.

As we let ourselves truly give in to what we about to embark on together, the coffee, breakfast and the now breaching sunrise were all but forgotten as we focused on just the feel of the other.

Surely this was the closest place to heaven that there was in New York.

* * *

_Did I make you guys so awwww? Blaine totally took over my brain in this one, he wrote the ending in a matter of minutes so I blame Muse Blaine for the cheese, but damn it this fic needed some happiness right? (for now...) We shall see what happens when they go back to the workshop and eventually tech...hope you like it enough to review for me kids. *throws virtual mini muffins since Kurt and Blaine forgot about them in favour of snogging* ;) xx_


	10. Chapter 10 Part One

_**A/N** **(kinda important and long winded):** Um wow hi guys, so its been a while huh? I'm so sorry, I know that every time I have a lapse in updating I say this but truly there is a good combination of reasons. One: writer block, I rewrote this 4 times. Two: Thanksgiving, My birthday, was a little too much distraction when added to work. And lastly, I was in the hospital. I have been fighting pneumonia for the last week and I have been on and off oxygen and such since. So see, good reason huh?! lol (yes I laugh as a deflection mechanism ;D) I missed you, does that help?_

_So here's some things about this chapter that are important. There are two parts to this chapter because it got massive on me. Part one is all KPOV and it has some interesting Kurtbastian moments in there ( non romantic cuz sorry for this story, ew) But its revealing and kind of funny in spots. They hate each other so much lol...sorry stuck in my own brain again. Anyways Muse! Kurt took over this part of the chapter, part 2 will be up shortly, maybe tomorrow since I'm half way done its revision now._

_FYI :Some names you need to know. Ben – lead character in the play. Michael – Ben's love interest in the play, played by Nigel, a character you haven't met yet. Yeah just a little info for ya ;)_

_A huge thank you to some of my followers, **StarGleekBelle** for writing me an amazingly fluffy bit of awesomness for my birthday that I can't stop smiling over. To **Karolina** ( my Ljubav ) for being my constant muse, to **Ammy** for your amazing and constant support ( nice new profile pic btw - totally awesome!), and to **Charmedmich** and **GleekMom**, my ladies of the written word. You guys have all inspired this new double chap, so here we go!_

_PS: **BlurtItAllOut**...your chapter is coming along nicely, it will be out shortly(ish) I assure you xoxo muah!_

_Read and review loves! Yes I am making this story longer and more detailed if you haven't noticed. ;)_

* * *

**Close to Home**

* * *

**Chapter 10 - Part One**

(KPOV)

It hadn't been easy, hell it still wasn't, but it was getting better. Try as I might I was just a silly romantic in my head, but I had a hard time with the idea that the gorgeous man sitting at the piano with Wes in the studio across from me, was my boyfriend. Romantic or not, I couldn't quite fathom how I even got to this place.

Yeah that's right, Kurt Hummel, aka the ice queen, supreme bitch of varying sorts had officially found his heart and was slowly giving it away to the curly haired man whom I knew from afar as a teen.

His golden green eyes had caught my attention a long time ago and despite the haunted memories that I had to shake regarding the pain I had caused those eyes' owner, I knew that he trusted me to not hurt him again, or at least he was working on doing that.

It had only been a painstakingly short time since we actually got together, so we hadn't had a lot of time to explore our relationship too much, but we both agreed that the slowness of the relationship would be key.

I told him I hadn't had a real relationship before, and in return he had said the last real one he had, with Drew, had obviously left him with scars and questions regarding relationship validity. So yes it hadn't been easy but we were working on figuring our where we stood, being content learning how to be around the other and talk, yes talk, out everything that we wanted, when we wanted it.

I had never been much of a talker when it came to my feelings, hell I hadn't acknowledged a good natured feeling toward another person that wasn't in jest in a long time, so this was all new to me, but Blaine was being very patient. He, in my mind, was worth the effort and the change. I had to admit, being around him was liberating as I had said before. The timid fear I had showing my 'colours' before was just starting to lessen, and selfishly the physical praise I would get from Blaine was a nice incentive too. It wasn't all fun and games for sure, Blaine was still leery about open intimacy and PDA in general and he did voice his opinion about my mood shifts in detail. Not going to lie, that hurt to hear, but I guess I had to hear it too. I didn't have split personalities really, but more like a shortened fuse for most of humanity, thankfully he was helping me with this.

That faithful and cheesy ass morning where we sat cuddled close in separate chairs on his roof and actually got out what we had been keeping to ourselves for what seemed like such a long time, replayed in my mind over and over. We talked about our past issues with people, with the men we thought we loved or in my case lusted after. He told me that he appreciated me wanting to openly show our relationship off but made the stipulation that we do it very slowly, for his own sake since he was nervous but also because, as he told me, Sebastian had feelings for him and he didn't want to flaunt it.

I held back a few choices words about Sebastian flirting with my man that made him blush, but I said that I would behave and that there would be minimal ass groping. I had kept my word, I wasn't that brazen with PDA anyway, but I could understand his point even if I didn't like knowing that his best friend was in love with him; because honestly it made me jealous.

So yes, that amazing and incredibly sappy morning Blaine and decided to not necessarily air caution to the wind, but more like let out our insecurities slowly in the breeze. _Yeah that's a good analogy._

It was a beginning that for once had some validity, and an end that I could just see happening over the horizon which made me happy for the first time in so very long.

So here we were, the end of October, and the workshop was finally getting somewhere. Sebastian had been leery of Blaine and I but he seemed to be back to their usual friendly banter and I could tell that made my boy happy, so I counted that as a win. Also Sebastian had really been impressing me, showing Dani the ropes for the lead, if ever Dani slipped up in dance or blocking wise, Sebastian would move in uninstructed and help him. It made me like Sebastian a little but not enough to not hate him still. It was a work in progress I guess.

As for the rest of the workshop inmates, Santana figured out that Blaine's and my relationship had changed first thing last week and kept it to herself minus a pat on the back and something about mama being proud. I hadn't been listening for fear of sexual innuendo A), or perhaps her bringing up the bathroom pep talk that I was trying to scrub from my long term memory. She kept winking at me, and even though I was fluent in Santana-speak, I was a little shocked at the sincerity of her comments, they were almost nice; it was actually a little scary.

Brit, on the other hand might have known about Blaine and I but you could never be sure what the lovely blonde knew and didn't, when she was always so cryptic with her intelligence. I just figured what Santana knew Brit knew which was always a good assumption.

Subsequently Blaine had said that Wesley knew of his feelings for me so he would be expecting 'an immediate and prompt update' so of course he knew, but the rest of the assemble was aware that Blaine and I were friendly, that was it. Blaine and I both had concerns about 'coming out', no pun intended, to our co-workers but we both agreed that it would happen when it happened. There was no reason to force the issue.

Now, I looked over from the table I was sitting at talking with Val about changing up the 'Untitled Love Song' dance number from a waltz to something with a three quarter beat or faster, I couldn't help but smile and gaze off in Blaine's direction. Okay maybe I was gawking a tiny bit. He really was beautiful. Not the Hollywood overly statuesque type beauty but the one where even if he didn't try, the light would hit his features just right when he smiled making the image that much more breathtaking.

He had his fedora on today, and I think he secretly knew that I loved him in that hat. He had a grey, tight fitting, long sleeved t shirt on, with black suspenders, blue jeans, and loafers. He was the perfect image of geek chic and it really suited him. Plus I got to see his chest pulled tight against the fabric and he may be petite, but damn was my boy fine, his ass wasn't half bad either, those pants just did things...

"Kurt? Kurt you there man?"

Sebastian had apparently joined Val and was enjoying the fact that I hadn't answered Val's previous question because I was too busy ogling Blaine. _Well done Kurt, so professional._

The rest of the ensemble was getting ready to leave for the day or had already left since we couldn't finish rehearsal while Wes and Blaine reorganized the number. So Val, Seb, Dani, and myself decided to tackle the choreography ideas together while Wes, Blaine, and now Tina talked over music changes. Santana had just left arguing on her phone, no doubt with her ex husband since the vein on her neck had protruded slightly when she answered the phone, so it was just the two groups of us left.

"Uh yeah, yeah sorry. Where were we?"

I stood up as Val laughed at my daze.

"Beside staring at Anderson's ass, we were talking about the number, and which steps you wanted to take out and replace. But since you're eyes are busy..."

"Oh shut up Val."

Sebastian rolled his eyes when I asked Val to show me from the top what he had come up with as replacement moves for the new duet, including the original choreography again from the top.

"I was thinking something like a salsa or tango maybe, turn up the heat and tempo a little bit, right? Ya gotta give it this, we can try maybe a battling brauvara, both of them singing their piece together with just enough oomph to up the number. Something like this."

Val was a sturdy set black man but he was so light on his feet that he made the steps look easy. It had seemed like a long time since I took any dance classes, but I secretly did them on occasion since school on the side, because I had missed performing. And since I couldn't sing, I danced in private and in small classes, but choreography was key in my directing and I had yet to get truly involved; this was changing right now.

I unbuttoned my waist coat and pushed up the rolled sleeves of my shirt subconsciously staring at the movement of Val's feet all the way up his torso, and seeing if it fit with the new vision we were talking about.

Sebastian had rolled his eyes when I decided that I wanted to participate, and he seemed to be watching now with a hint of disbelief in his eyes when I joined in beside Val, a half step later mimicking his movements here and there. Val was one of those guys that made you comfortable immediately, so I decided to not only wipe the superior smirk off Sebastian's face by showing him that yes, I could dance _Meerkat,_ but that I was also an invested director.

"Again Val." I mirrored his movements over and over for a few minutes until I had them down, thanking my lucky stars that I wore loser dress pants today and loafers that breathed as I repeated his choreography.

"Nice Kurt, so what do you think? Ben and Michael's movements should be mirrored, like we just did but against one another for a little somethin' somethin'. Symmetry would be key here I think."

I scratched my head for a second and backed away from Val who was now standing beside Dani.

"I think I need to see both parts, Dani would you try it with Val please."

I stood off to the side, pulling Sebastian back with me out of the way as I watched the idea for the choreography unfold.

"I didn't know you could dance Hummel?"

Sebastian had apparently moved closer to my side and was whisper talking next to my ear. Knowing that I had to be civil and that this was Blaine's best friend aside from Wes, I behaved myself.

"There are a lot of things you don't know about me Smythe. I'm full of surprises." Sebastian chuffed quietly.

"I agree. Up until recently I thought you were just full of it."

The nerve of this guy honestly, I was trying to be nice. Did he want a broken nose or a rearranged face, or was he testing me? _Prick._

I chanced a glance at Blaine whom was now watching us with keen interest in between his words with Wes and his tinkering on the piano. He made a pleading gesture with his eyebrows that almost made me laugh at its childishness, but it calmed me down because honestly I knew Sebastian in all his asshole-ness was somehow important to Blaine, but I wasn't backing down completely mind you. Blaine wanted me to be the old Kurt? Well the old one and this one had one thing in common, wit and a need to make sure people knew I wouldn't be stepped on.

"Yeah well it takes one to know one. You're eyes used to be blue right, now they're looking to be a nice shade of brown, and you say I'm full of it?!" I made a gawked face at him that lasted a whole two seconds before my face became completely neutral. "Never kid a kidder Sebastian."

Sebastian laughed quietly even if it was a little awkward and forced.

"Touche. I can see why Blaine likes you, you're sharp tongued. He's always had a soft spot for people who have a way with words, like me for instance."

"Oh I'm sorry, I thought the only words you knew were 'my place or yours' and 'what's your name again?'"

We were ignoring Dani and Val at this point and looking at each other square in the eyes, both sets full of venom surely. Our battle of words and sharp looks were interrupted when we noticed Val had finished and was talking again.

"Uh guys? So?" They stopped for opinions at that point apparently and were now wondering why Sebastian and I looked like we were about to go round for round in a cage match. Dani looked extremely unnerved and I resisted the urge to look at the kid and say 'welcome to the business kid, take a number'.

"It looked great Val." I didn't even look at him when I spoke, my inner brain trying to control the urge I had to punch Seb in the jaw for merely existing.

"Can_ I _see it now?" Val's question caught me off guard.

"What?"

"Can I watch with Dani as you and Bas show me the change. I need to see it from your perspective too so I know if its any good, if you don't mind that is. You just did Nigel's choreography with me so it should be easy to repeat yes?"

With narrowed eyes and a stern nod from both Sebastian and I we moved over to parley through the moves as I learned them a few minutes ago, after I threw my waistcoat to the side a little heatedly and Val laughed.

"Oooh Hummel's taking off the jacket, he means business." I ignored it and Sebastian apparently did too as he gripped both of my hips in the starting position. I cringed at the contact but tried to remain objective; this was work nothing else so I couldn't hit the bastard.

"You don't know a thing about me either Kurt." Sebastian and I continued our whispered fight, even as we played through the choreography.

"Do I even care to?"

"I'm important to Blaine, so I figured you'd show a little respect."

"I'm important to him to ya know, and I'm your director so respect would be nice in return."

He grabbed my hand and moved with me, and I had to admit as much as I loathed the guy, he was a really good dancer to be partnered with, but that was the furthest thing from my mind as I was forced to lean really close.

"Why did you have to hurt him so badly? Why did it have to be you?" I sighed and pulled out in full turn, meeting him back half way

"I never meant to, I screwed up but he's allowing me the chance to make it right okay? Get off my back or I'll have you permanently on the back burner for this show."

"Threaten me all you like Kurt, I'm good so you don't have reason."

"You hate me, that's enough reason to be overly stern."

"I don't fucking hate you okay? I hate that you have what I want! I know you're together, I can see it in his eyes, he's...happy.""

Thankfully at this point in the new routine it slowed to a waltz beat where Seb and I swayed together slowly, the heat and loved anger the number needed dwindled as the number settled, and apparently the piano had come into play and now everyone was watching Seb and I, and that included Blaine and Wes. Thankfully none could hear our conversation though.

"I'm sorry you're hurt Bas, but I'm not sorry to have something that I never knew I always wanted. Blaine_ is_ that for me."

"But I loved him first." My breath caught in my throat as my worst fears we proven right. He really did still love him, but I for once thought over my words carefully.

"I want to love him last Sebastian." The dance called for me to turn away from him and rest my back on his chest. I almost vomited at the touch but we were still talking and this was a good way to hear each other and not raise suspicions. _On with the show and all that right?_

"You love him?" His voice seemed softer now in my ear, almost devoid of anger.

"Not yet, but I can see myself falling, yes." It was the only honest answer I could give him.

"You don't deserve him." He wasn't mad per se, but I knew he was speaking the truth. Or at least what he felt was his version of the truth..

"No, I don't. But... I need him Sebastian."

I let those words hang as we moved apart. Val came in jumping like an over enthusiastic puppy.

"Guys, that was brilliant, I'm awesome! Okay well you were awesome but Kurt seriously man that works. Angry, and completely lust driven, and then...you morph into...yeah this is awesome, Nigel will get it down in no time."

"Yeah, I think you're right."

"Seconded. I'll take Blaine with me and we'll start on the next part of the score for that new routine." Wes was such a ninja sometimes, literally coming out of no where and speaking his mind.

"Good, okay perfect." I chanced a look at Sebastian and all he did was nod and turn away, walking towards his gym bag. I was a little unnerved still by the moments Sebastian and I shared because his honesty and protection for Blaine just had me realize that he really loved him, but wasn't standing in my way. He was merely protecting him and it made me glad Seb could be that friend, but angry at the same time because I hated it when guys I usually loathed did the right thing; it made them decent. So instead I turned my mind back to Wes.

"Thanks Wes, I'll be expecting that new score finished with the dialogue by Tuesday's workshop okay?"

"As you wish. Blaine! We're leaving!" Subtlety wasn't his strong suit though sometimes.

"Val, great job I mean it, and Dani can I talk to you for a moment?" The young guy just shrugged and smiled before half jogging over to this bag.

"Sure just lemme grab my stuff."

After a few minutes of shuffling and the rest of the rehearsal crowd beginning to file out, Dani came up to me as requested, a sheepish grin on his face, almost like he knew what I was going to say.

"What's up boss?"

"Dani, I wanted to talk to you about the role. What do you see for Ben, tell me how you will play him when you can't hide behind that big voice of yours?" Dani looked at his feet, but not in the sheepish way that people did when they were embarrassed but more like he was avoiding eye contact to make this easier to say.

"Um I dunno, I'm kind of just getting a feel for him actually, Seb has been a great help actually. In all honesty and as stupid as this sounds, I really think that Seb should take the part permanently, be lead I mean, not the understudy?" Not quite what I was expecting but it was the original reason I had pulled him over, Dani hadn't impressed me recently, Sebastian had, and that was saying a lot.

"Do you have a fart in your brain or something kid? You're giving up a lead...did you hit your head? No one does that in this business just an FYI." He had to know that giving up a lead was like saying yes to the dress, and if that dress was neon green and covered in little blue dinosaurs and bubble gum chiffon! _Okay maybe that was an over statement, but hey I'm gay and love fashion, my brain makes up funny analogies alright?_

"Kurt, I've learned so much from all of you in these past few weeks and it's an honour really to work with people like Val, Sebastian, you, Anderson and Montgomery, Ms. Lopez... really it's been a life changer."

"But?"

"But I can't ignore the feeling in my gut that tells me Sebastian is Ben. Ben is Sebastian. I think that he identifies more with the character and not only does he have a pretty good voice but he's a killer dancer and I would rather learn and watch in the chorus. Val's been keeping me up to speed on the routines Sebastian's been doing as well since Val kind of had a feeling that you'd want this change too. Gotta think of what's best for the show and all that jumble right?"

Thinking about it for a second I knew what he was saying was true, and as green as this guy was during the first audition, he had certainly come a long way understanding the maturity of what he had just done for another performer and for the good of the show.

"You are a lot wiser than your years betray. Consider yourself debunked...for now. I still want to make sure Seb can handle this, but...thank you for making this conversation easier. You aren't off the hook yet, you have huge shoes to fill in the ensemble."

He laughed. "Noted. I knew you wanted him for the lead. I guess you were just waiting for Sebastian to really shine, and man did he ever when you two were replaying the number. Too bad there was no vocals or you might be taking Nigel's job too."

I silently thought about that for a second, playing a major supporting role, much like a version of Angel to Collins in Rent, but I left that thought fall away easily, I didn't perform anymore.

"That' sweet of you but I can't sing honestly. Anyway get out of here, I have a new leading man to talk to."

I don't think Sebastian heard me as he packed up his stuff and had a drink but Blaine sure did. The fedora wearing man in question was standing right behind me, startling me when I turned around from Dani after he smiled and left.

"Jesus Blaine, you have adopted a few too many of Wes' traits, you walk too quietly."

"I'll be sure to drag my feet more often then, but did I hear you right? You're giving Bas the lead?"

I shrugged as I watched the complete shock and maybe some awe cross his face. "Looks that way doesn't it?"

"Are you sure? I mean from the angry tango I just watched, I thought you were going to go fishing for his Adam's apple with your pinkie. Just the way your were glowering at him and now you want to permanently promote him? I'm confused."

"It's what's right Blaine, he deserves it honestly but we'll see how it goes, no promises." I grabbed his hand slowly, worrying that the gesture may have been too much and out of the blue but Blaine just grabbed mine back and smiled as I kept talking.

"Did you like the new routine? The new additions? I'm sorry to make you and Wes do another re-write but this felt more passionate; raw ya know?"

Blaine's eyes were bright and wide, and I didn't know if it was from the epiphany that I would be promoting his best friend or because he liked the new direction the number was taking, but his actual response was anything but confusing; it was actually amazing.

For the first time in the week or so that we had been together, even with the numerous occasions that we had been able to show the slightest affection, this was the first time Blaine initiated anything publicly, and wow was it worth the wait.

"You amaze me." He said this as he grabbed both sides of my face, freezing me in place and looked me over as if wondering if I was real, or maybe had I done something wrong? Only when he crushed our lips together in a nerve wracking kiss did I figure that I definitely did something to make him relax more so around me because, wow. Almost immediately he pushed open my mouth with his tongue and traced the roof of my mouth lightly before pulling back and letting me suck on his tongue ever so gently. I moaned a little, matching his own when he pulled back, leaving me a little breathless from something so short but oh so powerful.

"Um...likewise, what was that for?"

"For being so hot I can't stand it. For dancing in pants that should be illegal, and god don't get me started on how you move. For giving Seb the time of day for his talent, so just...everything."

I finally found purchase for my hands on his hips as he leaned in again to kiss me lightly. Hearing Wes' voice broke us apart again.

"Blaine let's go! You can suck face later, we have work to do!"

Blaine and I both chuckled, almost like we were teenagers being caught by our parent."I guess the cat's definitely out of the bag now huh?" Blaine whispered against my ear since he apparently didn't want to leave the closeness either.

"Looks like it." I kissed the tiny soft patch of skin right below his ear and his shuddered. Note to self, that spot gets a great reaction.

"I have to go." Blaine's words were almost a plea and that was the exact moment that I realized we were being overly affectionate, when Blaine specifically said that he wanted to go slower and not in front of Sebastian, whom was literally standing 15 feet from us. I chanced a glance in his way, and he looked solemn but was trying to not make eye contact

"Blaine, we really should s-stop...Sebastian.." Blaine interrupted my train of thought with his own words. "...Is getting a promotion, he can chill out.

"I'm finally worrying less about the public, rehearsal is officially over so professionalism be damned so... I want to kiss my boyfriend before I don't see him for a while, fair enough?"

Oh lord how do I compete with a statement that true and eyes that wanting? Never mind the small amount of vindictiveness that I allowed myself that I could flaunt someone as hot as Blaine in front of others; especially Sebastian, so sue me. When I made the kiss shorter and pulled back, it looked like his lips were chasing me. He really was too cute for words sometimes.

"Cheeseball." I whispered, and not missing a beat Blaine quipped back.

"You love cheese."

"I'm lactose intolerant."

"Lies."

Blaine leaned in again and dove his tongue in my mouth in a way to shut me up. It only lasted a second but the lingering taste and breathlessness that followed was nothing but an added punctuation.

"Okay, okay you've made you're point I am no longer lactose intolerant, get out of here gorgeous, I'll call you later. Get your homework done, no one likes a pissy director."

"Yes dear." I kissed his forehead and I heard Wes sigh way too loudly and stomp his foot making us both laugh as we moved away from the other.

"Bye Blaine."

"Bye babe."

He moved over to Wes and smacked the Asian guy in the head and muttered something about being a cock block, that's when I noticed that the entire hall had left aside from Val and Seb. Seeing me turn around Val gave Seb a fist bump and waved to me saying he would see me in a few days as I approached Sebastian. I could almost see the invisible wall go up in front of the tall man.

"What do you want Kurt? I would have left already but Dani told me to stick around. I wasn't too thrilled watching you swap spit with Blaine by the way , so if this was just a way of getting me to stay here and watch you gloat then you can save it, I'm gonna.."

"Shut the hell up and let me talk?"

Sebastian pulled on his coat as I refastened the buttons on my recently re-acquired waistcoat.

"This has nothing to do with Blaine okay? Well maybe a little but it's more about the show, so could you stop accusing me and treat me like a director please and not like your natural born enemy? We are both walking attitudes but I'm willing to look passed that for the good of the show. You don't like me, I'm_ not_ your biggest fan either but we have business to discuss."

Sebastian seemed to be caught somewhere between mild shock and amusement.

"What did you have in mind Hummel?"

"Food, also known as dinner. You, me, and all of our shit on the table, sound appealing?"

"It might trump getting my cock bitten off by a viper, but I'm not sold on spending time with you really...sir. We aren't friends."

"No we aren't, and I don't see us as friends either, if ever, but for the show and for Blaine I am willing to swallow the bile in my throat and talk over our shit before we kill one another."

"I dunno."

"Smythe just get your coat and walk with me? I'm starving, you've got to be hungry, and as my new leading man you'd think taking direction would be easier for you." I turned away from him to grab my stuff, and I could hear the click in his brain, and god was it amusing.

"What?"Okay so shocked Sebastian was really quite entertaining.

"I said collect the rest of your crap Smythe and walk with me. Do I have your attention yet?" Okay I was being smug about it but it was comical watching Seb finish grabbing his stuff and following me out on my heels in what was the first time I had ever seen Seb compliant and silent that wasn't during rehearsal. I resisted the urge to tell him to sit, stay and heel, but the the power of the situation made me chuckle in my head. Hey, it was worth the funny mental image considering that I had to play nice with him. Kurt Hummel rarely let annoying brats in his sandbox, but damn it Sebastian was talented and it was time to showcase that and let some bygones remain bygones.

_Deep breath; operation don't kill Smythe is a go._

XXXX

* * *

The beginning of the night went something like this. The conversation was not so much an actual conversation but a series of short word combinations that had the intended purpose of following a thought process, but turned into a rant of small insults and insinuations. I guess by the end of the evening that this was just how we talked. Less was better in my world where Sebastian was concerned.

"How does Korean grill sound?" I offered

"It sounds like you want to share food with me, and I'm not all about being cutesy with you."

"It was meant so we could have something to distract us so we don't have to make eye contact all that often." This was the honest truth because digesting around him wasn't something I was looking that forward to.

"Ah yes I see the appeal."

The ranting went on from there. "Fuck you."

"Rather not."

"Me neither, Syphilis is not on my bucket list" I think my neener neener neener was implied at that point as we sat down to eat.

"Bitch."

"Conniving whore."

"Quick with your words gay-face."

"Doesn't back down from a challenge asshole."

"Not as one dimensional as I made you out to be."

"Working on not flipping my shit because you are talented."

The insults varied in intensity but as you could tell they tapered off to respectable cynicism which was something I could deal with.

After that we kind of mused over the show in general, neither of us enjoying the company it would seem, but neither of us backing down from the evening either.

I got a text from Blaine a few minutes after we started eating and we messaged back and forth for a few minutes whilst Sebastian and I had been swapping 'opinions'.

**Hey babe, what ya up to? Did you talk to Bas? xx – B**

**Yeah, actually out for dinner with him now. xx – K**

"Is that Blainers? Tell him I say hi, and yes I am not plotting your death so he can relax."

"Yeah it's Blaine. And I will pass on your message of disdained accusation." Sebastian just rolled his eyes as my phone buzzed quite quickly again, and I imagined Blaine sitting with Wes with a bug eyed expression on his face. I smiled to myself knowing that Seb was watching my facial expressions.

**Um, seriously? You're eating together and there's no blood? Is it wrong I'm questioning your sanity? You hate him remember? xx- B**

**I don't hate him, I just don't like him. But this is important Blaine, for us and for the show so I will try not to kill him. He says hi btw and says he's trying to be on his best behaviour, whatever that is. And say hi to Wesley and tell him to stop eavesdropping our texts, I know he is. XO – K**

**You know him too well. OK baby, please don't kill him, I like his breed of crazy. If he says anything to hurt you, you tell me okay? I will make him understand that you're important to me. xo - B**

**Thanks Blaine. We'll behave, and I care about you too. Wish me luck. xo- K**

**Good luck gorgeous XO – B**

* * *

"Now if you're done looking at your phone like a love sick tween, I'd like to finish eating without barfing."

Sebastian just ignored my eye roll and keep his head down. Alright here it goes.

"Sebastian look. I know you don't like me, I don't like you. You hate that Blaine and I are making each other happy and I know you don't trust me with his heart. And I don't blame you, I wouldn't trust me either."

Sebastian looked up then and met my gaze through a mouth full of kimchi. "If you don't trust yourself then why take the chance at hurting him?"

This was a much more calmed conversation, and I was thankful that I could reign in my feelings long enough to answer him truthfully.

"Because. Blaine taught me recently that being the real me was nothing to be ashamed of, he's been the only one to see the real me Sebastian, and if I can be that vulnerable with someone than they are worth every risk I could ever take."

He seemed to mull it over for a second before nodding.

"So when you said back at the studio that I was the new lead, did you mean that? Am I another risk you're taking?"

I chewed my bite slowly and truly thought about what I was going to say.

"Yes, you are definitely a calculated risk but I don't make decisions lightly, not anymore. You have proved to be an annoying pain in my ass but a talented one that brings the right energy to the part. I may not like you, but as a performer your growing on me."

"Like a fungus?" He laughed a little and for some reason so did I.

"Like regular mold Sebastian."

"So I'm the new lead...you're sure?"

"As long as you keep not fucking up, then yes I think you have proven yourself worthy, and even Dani agrees. He kind of gave you a glowing review earlier when I asked him about his value for the roll."

"Wow, um okay."

"This, like other decisions in my life Sebastian, I do not take lightly. I think through everything I do, especially recently, and all of it is for a reason."

"Including Blaine?" He looked at me with a hurt expression that resembled a five year old who was questioning Santa's existence.

"Especially Blaine. I really do want this to work out Sebastian, and I know that you don't believe me and whatever but I will be damned if I let Blaine go. I will do whatever I can to make sure he is taken care of, he's done the same for me. I will fight for him, with him, and against him if its the right thing for us. It's so new, please don't try and fuck this up with the two of us?"

There was a knowing smirk after my outburst.

"That's what I wanted to hear Hummel." Eating a piece of chicken he held up his chopsticks towards me."Truce Kurt."

"That's it? That's all you wanted to hear? Wow, anticlimactic."

"Hey, you said what was in your cold blue heart without provocation, meaning it was true so, yeah anticlimactic and all...that's all I wanted to hear, so truce?"

"As long as you keep proving me right on the stage and stay out of Blaine's and my new relationship?"

"And as long as you keep the bitch comments for your director's shoes and treat us like people outside of work and promise to do everything in your power to make my Blainers happy?"

"I feel like I'm taking fucking vows here Smythe."

"Do we have a deal or not?" He held the chopsticks up and for some reason I tapped mine against his.

"Yes, yes we have a truce now will you please stop be an insufferable ass and finish up eating. We've made progress but Rome wasn't built in a day and I'm already tired of you."

"Awww that's not nice I'm wounded."

"Shut up and eat your meat Smythe, you sound better with your mouth full."

Before he put a comically large piece of beef in his mouth he muttered with a smirk, "That's what he said."

"Oh my god! Sebastian you're too much ya know that?"

"Also...what he said."

"Incorrigible."

"But awesome."

I rolled my eyes and smiled before I knew that I was actually enjoying the small banter that Sebastian was throwing at me. Maybe I could see what Blaine saw in this slime ball; although that was still a very big maybe that I would have to observe over time.

We finished up eating, both of us sending 'don't worry so much' texts to Blaine in the process, and it did make the communique between the two of us easier, knowing that we were both catering to Blaine's worrisome nature.

Sooner rather than later Sebastian and I split the bill and headed out of the restaurant.

"So this was awkward and revealing. I may regret this but I'm trying to be a better person, well not actually but I'm attempting, can I give you a lift home Kurt?" He gestured to the blue car that we had taken to get here.

"Um sure, I was meaning to ask, why the hell do you bother driving in this city?" I got into the car and Seb followed suit.

"Meh it was easier this way. The car was a gift from my sister before her and my family went abroad again. They left me the house in Maine and having the car means I can drive back there whenever I want."

"Rich kids son with emotional detachments because of work or because you're gay?"

I don't know why I was all of a sudden being defensively inquisitive but Sebastian smiled and seemed to appreciate the honesty.

"Actually both. The gay thing they were expecting and plus I never gave them much chance to hate me for it. I kept it to myself, fucked anything that walked basically as long as it didn't go public since my father was a state senator. I changed my last name to Smythe, the spelling used to be Smith, so my transgressions aren't my father's public domain. In return he gives me some money here and there to keep me from being homeless, my sister took pity on me and gave me the car, so now I drive everywhere. They moved to London a while back, father is now in foreign policies and I have no fucking clue why I just told you all that." He said with a dark chuckle.

"I have no idea, but I guess thanks for sharing Sebastian, one day I will tell you my story. If I have the courage to do so that it is." Sebastian put the car in gear and turned back down Lex, heading away from the core.

"I think you have the courage because I mean come on, you are sitting in a car with someone you sincerely dislike, whom you have to work closely with, and who happens to be one of your boyfriend's best friends. That takes a special breed of courageous crazy. I know I'm not a fan of you right now but I can say that at least now I am willing to try."

"Me too." I played with the strap on my messenger bag trying to ignore the normal, or I guess the new normal feeling I was getting from sitting this close to Sebastian. I didn't like that we were getting along whoever strained. It was weird.

"Then on a note of good faith, that I'm sure Blainers will kill me for later, I have something I have to tell you."

"Oh lord should I be afraid?"

"No, not really anyway. But Blaine lied to you, he's not with Wes right now. Well he was, but I'm sure Wes has left by now."

I was getting more and more nervous now. "What? Who's he with then?"

"Well originally he was going to be with me." I scowled at him and I knew he had paused at that key moment just to mess with my insecurity. _Dickhead._

"Every year on this day either Wes or I will go and look after Blaine. Did he seem overly affectionate today to you?" Now that I thought about it...

"Um yeah a little actually."

"Was he super quiet this morning?" Okay this was a little creepy...

"Yeah we didn't talk much till after lunch."

"Well each year he gets depressed and clingy on this day and he usually need a chaperone to make sure he doesn't find the bottom of a gin bottle."

"Why today of all days then?"

"It's his birthday, well technically it's tomorrow at like 1 am but the day before he pouts and gets really under the weather."

"Wait, what, why didn't he tell me?"

I had never leaned in on purpose towards Sebastian but I couldn't contain my excitement nor my irritation that I didn't know Blaine's birthday, or his reaction to it.

"He doesn't tell anyone that its his birthday, he hates celebrating it, mostly because his folks never celebrated it as a kid and he resents it. I guess he didn't tell you because you guys are still learning each other or some shit. Look I told you this because I was going to head to his place after dinner and now that you're here, well, I was offering you the chance to take my place as it were. I look after my little Blainers but that position is getting filled quickly, so...I figured this would be my gift to Blaine, you taking care of him, not me."

We pulled up to what I recognized as Blaine's building and for some reason I felt nervous about going to see the man that I had been swapping spit with not a few hours ago.

"What do I need to do to take care of him?"

"Well with Wes they usually play video games or something where Blaine can use virtual violence to calm his anger. I would take him to the gym where he could beat up a punching bag and then I'd make it my personal goal to do and say stupid shit to make him laugh. I even got up and stripped for him once when I decided to try and take him to a strip club one year. He hated the club but still talks about my skills."

"I highly doubt that."

"Okay maybe because I stripped to _Awolnation's Sail_ and I tripped over my pants, but either way I just try and make him happy. He hates his birthday but I think you need to be there for him this year. And hell I don't think he'll mind the striptease from you..."

"Stop talking, please stop talking. Okay um...I guess I'll go in then, and uh thanks for the ride? And if you say that's what he said one more time I will forcibly introduce your teeth to my boot."

"Ah Hummel you're learning my ways so soon. But yes please get your ass out of my car and go take care of our boy."

Our boy. Huh I shouldn't have felt happy about that choice of words but it did make me feel more secure knowing that Sebastian was trusting me with Blaine, even on a smaller level.

I got out and went to close the door quickly behind me.

"If you need anything or if shit gets out of hand call Wes and he can get a hold of me alright? I don't want to swap numbers with you yet, it's too.."

"Weird?"

"I was going with fucking odd, but weird works."

"Alright, um thanks Seb." It left a bad taste in my mouth because I actually was sincere in my thanks towards him.

"No worries, just take care of him and we're good. See you in a few days gay-face."

"Goodnight Sebastard."

"Oooh Sebastard, that's new, I like it. Later."

I closed the door and he took off with a smirk. There was something about Sebastian's deflection methods that I could identify with, and I knew he cared about Blaine but he was honestly one serious piece of work.

I turned towards the building and saw a middle age woman about 50 or so fighting with her grocery bags and the front door.

"Here lemme help you." I wasn't normally one for chivalry but it wasn't dead and the woman looked like she needed help, and I also needed to get in the building.

"Oh thank you dear, could you hold this? Are you coming inside too?"

"Yeah I'm heading in to see my boyfriend."

The words came out of my mouth before I knew what I was saying. Most people didn't want to know about my personal life especially considering most people weren't fans of my homosexuality, so I cringed waiting for her response and I almost wanted to drop her grocery bags and use my free hand to slap myself in the mouth.

"That's nice dear, I've been living in this building for 10 years, I'm guessing you're here to see that nice boy on the top floor hmm? Blake is it?" _Okay, not what I was expecting. Go with it Hummel._

"Blaine and yes ma'am that's him."

"Seems like such a nice kid. Okay love I'm on the first floor so I've got it from here, you have a good night now and thank you for the help. Your parents must be proud to have raised such a well mannered young man."

I smiled weakly at the woman whom was too nice to see me break down at the mention of my parents and waved lightly as I began the climb to the top floor. I know that she meant well, and she was just being sincere but the way that a stranger like her saw me, was in a better light then most people whom had known me for years saw me. It was unnerving and somehow gratifying that I could tell someone that I had a boyfriend but it was such a conflicted moment that I chose to ignore it and just get to Blaine and proceed to make him feel like the centre of the universe, and forget my troubles.

I knocked on the door loudly, hoping he'd be in the apartment and that I wouldn't have to go all the way back to the back of the building to try and climb the fire escape that was just out of reach. When I knocked again I had the feeling that I actually might have to climb back down when the sound of Blaine's voice came through the door.

"Whosit?" Thankfully I remembered that his peep hole was broken and that's why he didn't look and find out it was just me, but then I noticed the sound of his voice was little off.

"Blaine? Honey, it's me Kurt. Let me in?"

"Kurt? You're here? I thought Sebby was coming over, then again I dinna know you were going out for dinner with him which was kind of weird to hear. And then Wes left saying Seb would be here shortly and that was like and hour or wait maybe more ago so..."

"Blaine...can you open the door?"

"Oooh right sorry."

After a few clicks Blaine opened the door and as hot as he looked with the same pants and hanging suspenders on, and now with just a white undershirt on, I could tell he was in a bad place emotionally, even before I got the whiff of gin off his breath.

"Hey baby."

_Oh no Blaine what have you done?_

* * *

_I know I know, I'm sorry but this was the logical place to stop...come on, 8,500 words on a part one, you gotta love me a little right? Okay maybe not...remember the virtual mini muffins? I can bake more as incentive? :D Reviews are love?_


	11. Chapter 10 Part Two

_**A/N** : This is short I assure you. Continuation from where we left off exactly and hooray for the M rating finally showing up and not just because of the language lol. _

_To all my ladies and gents reading this, I am proud of this chapter so please let me know that it worked. I rewrote this so many times and then I had a brain fart and it all poured out today. I hope you like it and sorry for any mistakes please don't throw things xo_

_**jcrissrid** - Honey this was inspired by our mutual love of all things YUM._

_PS- this goes from KPOV, to BPOV, to third person (*)...whacked right? Just an FYI lol  
_

_Enjoy!_

* * *

**Close To Home**

* * *

**Chapter 10 – Part 2**

**(KPOV)**

"Hey baby."

_Oh no Blaine what have you done?_

I pushed passed Blaine lightly and after taking his hand from the door, I closed it myself, and turned around to look at him. He didn't look that drunk, but if Sebastian or I had been any longer, it looked like he would have kept giving it the old college try though. He leaned in to kiss my cheek, mostly because I moved my mouth from his since gin drunks were some of the smelliest drunks on the planet, but the last thing I wanted to do was hurt his feelings.

He repeated himself, "Hey baby, whatcha doin here? I was expecting Bas, ya know to 'babysit me'?"

He made the cheesy air quotes and rolled his eyes dramatically, dropping my hand in the process before turning around and sauntering back into the living room. Blaine rarely sauntered so this was definitely a little drunker than I was expecting.

It didn't look like he had been sitting in this room originally because there were no empties or glasses, or better yet, no giant bottle of gin. I could only hope he hadn't finished a forty or more already on his own.

"Yeah, well Sebastian dropped me off here because he figured that I would want to spend some time with my new boyfriend, wasn't that considerate?" I began looking around the room, slightly detached from what I was saying, and I had to say that it looked remarkably spotless. Blaine seemed to be good at hiding his shit from plain sight. It gave me a horrible hit to my gut when I came to realize that was probably because he had been hiding this issue for years now and was good at keeping it hidden, and it hurt to think that it had been worse than just this one day before.

Seeing Blaine this out of character, slightly vacant and drunk, made my heart become thankful for Sebastian and Wes, the two who had obviously cared enough about their friend to pull him out of these spots. They not only did this because he was their friend but because they loved him; it wasn't a chore, just a necessity.

"Considerate? Sebastian and considerate are about as synonymous as apples and hush puppies Kurt."

Okay so drunk Blaine did have a great sense of humour and irony, and was surprising articulate considering the circumstances.

"Hey hey." I leaned over the couch to where Blaine had flopped down, his hand draped over his head and moved it so I could look at him.

"Sebastian can be nice, or at least I've seen him try. Don't bad talk him, that's my job." I kissed his forehead but he moved really quickly giggling so that he could manoeuvre his lips against mine. I was trying to not be repulsed by the taste, drunk lips only tasted good when you were drinking too, but I moved my lips slowly against his, and then hearing him hum I pulled away.

"Hi baby, did I say that already?" Blaine seemed to like the sound of his own voice at this point.

"You did, a few times."

"Did I mention I'm happy to see you?"

"Blaine, you'd be happy to see Jack the Ripper right now." Trying to not let Blaine think that I was snooping, and hopefully let him lull into my presence, I used the excuse of taking off my coat to get out of his grasp.

After I had hung up my coat I wandered over to the kitchen, hoping I would find the source of my boyfriend's elixir of stupidity when he called me on it.

"I dunno bout that Kurt, Ripper seemed like a pretty scary dude for his time, wait...what are doing?"

"Nothing Blaine, just relax I'll be back in a minute."

XXXX

* * *

**(BPOV)**

Okay so Kurt was definitely the last person I was expecting to see at my door tonight. As always it would be the hum drum caring but stupid excuse for 'cheering up Anderson", because oh boo fucking hoo, I hated my birthday. So what? I never had any reason to like it and as I got older there were more and more reasons for me to hate it, so why was everyone such insufferable asses about my own opinion surrounding the day of my birth? I was 29 now and surely free to do whatever I wanted, so why did my friends have to keep me contained?

Oh yeah, it was because I turned into a self loathing drunk who fell into a stupor that I promised myself I wouldn't. That's why Sebastian came and looked after me, he had seen me at my worst, and Wesley, well my man Wes never cared if I puked on his shoes or anything, he just wanted to be there for me, but Kurt...

I didn't want Kurt to see me like this, not now, and maybe not ever. I had my drinking issue under control most of the time, but this day, this fucking day was always such a pain in my ass that I fell off the proverbial waggon I guess.

Now here Kurt was, probably, okay definitely rummaging around in my kitchen, discarding the one bottle of gin I had there, little did he know that I had a flask on me but he didn't need to know that, and it was the last thing I wanted him to have to see; me in this state.

He would look at me all pathetic and worried and that was the last thing that I wanted from him. Wes and Sebastian knew that I just needed to let off some steam and I would be fine, but Wes and Seb had fucked up. They had left me alone with my head for too long and then they have the audacity to send someone I care about more than anything these days, to take care of me. Kurt was too fragile for this and I was in no fucking state to take care of him or the aftermath of this.

This was why I played off all day with him that nothing was wrong. That was why I went for over affectionate with him. Yeah I wanted to kiss him all the time normally but i turned it up a notch. As long as he hadn't known something was up I would be fine, and I could get back to my usual 'I hate me' party alone. Now look where that got me.

This was going to be a nightmare. Hopefully I could get nice and drunk without Kurt noticing. Kurt probably didn't even know why I was drunk. I would leave that to speculation though, selfish or not, boyfriend or not, he couldn't help me, none of them really could. I just needed to drink most of this flask before Kurt came back into the room. Oh and I had that those mini bottles in the the writing desk too. Yeah I could pretend that he got everything if he asked.

Pretend, that's what this day usually was for me; pretending that everything was fine.

XXXX

* * *

(*)

The game worked in Blaine's favour for about ten minutes once Kurt came back into the room. He had taken off his waistcoat yet again and rolled up the sleeves and unbuttoned the top two buttons of his light blue dress shirt before sitting down beside Blaine.

Kurt had of course cleaned out the kitchen, Blaine had been right about that, and he had checked all the cupboards for any other signs of alcohol to limit temptation. Settling back beside Blaine with a large glass of ice water and a few Tylenol Kurt took the chance to gauge what Blaine was really thinking. He didn't coddle him, nor did he brush it off like everything was going to be okay. He merely sat there and watched as Blaine took a few sips of his water and waited for Blaine to start talking.

"So baby, what _are_ you doing here? I am happy to see you but I thought you had some stuff to do with Santana tonight, I don't want to keep ya f-from that."

Kurt brushed back a tiny curl on Blaine's head back up into the rest of his hair as he responded.

"Actually it was with Tina and Brit that I had plans with possibly. They girls wanted to get a drink or something after work, I said I may make an appearance, then I ended up having dinner with Sebastian. But I wanted to see you instead."

Blaine made a face that looked a little confused.

"Why would you want to see me?"

"Because despite popular disbelief I like spending time with my boyfriend Blaine."

"Seb put you up to this didn't he?"

Blaine was trying really hard to not get angry, considering how calm and tipsy he had been a few minutes prior, having given himself a decent head rush downing half the remaining alcohol he had on him in the last minute before Kurt came back.

"He didn't put me up to anything Blaine. I just wanted to see you, here have some more water you look a little warm."

"I don't want the fucking water Kurt." Kurt's eyebrows knotted together and he took a heavy breath before saying anything else.

"I know you may not want it, but drink it, it will help."

Blaine laughed darkly at Kurt and it surprised Kurt because he had never seen Blaine this irritated before without the proper provocation.

"Help with what exactly? Cut the shit Kurt, why are you here? Yeah, yeah you wanted to see me but be honest with me, I don't have time for your bullshit."

Blaine stood up and threw caution to the wind, taking his flask out of the pocket furthest from Kurt and opening it to take a long drink, staring Kurt down while doing it.

"I don't have time for your bullshit neither Blaine." Kurt stood up to his full height and moved over to Blaine reaching his hand out as Blaine tried to salvage the remainder of his flask by pouring it unceremoniously down his throat.

"Gimme the flask Blaine, you've had enough."

Quickly Blaine pulled away coughing slightly, ignoring Kurt's almost insistent grasp, before throwing it at Kurt's feet in defiance.

"You literally have no control over this Kurt, just back the fuck off alright. I know Bas told you to come look after me." Blaine and Kurt ended up doing a very slow pace around the couch throughout Blaine's speech. Nether moving fast but neither giving up ground.

"I know that Seb probably gave you the speech. Blaine's broken. He needs someone. He'll get drunk and stupid and all that shit right? He told you tonight was Blaine's bottomless pit night and that he needed a chaperone, well ya know what, I'm perfectly fucking fine taking care of myself, so if you would kindly leave before I say anything further to make you realize I am in no mood for you pity." Blaine stumbled a little in his insistence to remain more than an arms reach away from Kurt.

"Blaine..."

"Don't _Blaiiinnneee _me Kurt okay, let me have this, just leave me be okay, you don't have to worry about me, I'm fine."

Kurt moved quickly to pick up the flask and put it on the table, shaking it to make sure it was empty.

"You are far from fine. Yes Sebastian told me that tonight you'd be having a hard time and yes I wanted to be there for you, but you can fuck yourself if you think I'm leaving my boyfriend tonight. So cut your shit and your attitude and let me help you."

Blaine laughed again, changing his walking pattern and throwing caution to the wind and headed over to the writing desk. Kurt grabbed his arm and with surprising strength Blaine whipped it out of his grasp.

"Don't. Manhandle. Me Kurt, just back off."

Kurt took a step back and made a quick decision and left the room. Blaine was in no state to argue or question what the fuck his boyfriend was doing so he went back to his original plan of finding the 3 whiskey minis he had in his desk drawer to top off his night of getting piss drunk in a hurry. These were probably the only bottles left if Kurt was as thorough as he usually was with things, so Blaine had to hurry with his actions.

Somewhere in the next two or three minutes a slight rumbling from the other room broke Blaine's attention. He had polished off the one bottle in literally one swallow, making his eyes water, and he was about to start on the next one when it was roughly taken out of his hands from behind.

Kurt was now standing beside him and as much as Blaine wanted to punch him for taking his drink he wasn't too sure what he was actually was standing there downing the drink like it was the only water in the desert.

"What the fuck Kurt?" Before Blaine could grab the other small bottle Kurt had it in his grasp, unscrewing the cap and coughing from the burn of the earlier drink, then downing the second in one go.

"Fuck that was mine!" Blaine tried to reached around Kurt in an angry but veiled attempt at pulling it away, but once Kurt was done, he handed the bottle back to Blaine.

"There that's better, thanks Blaine." His tone was mocking and completely deadpanned.

"What gives you the right to just walk in here, dictate what I can and cannot do and then take my drinks, who the fuck do you think you are?"

Blaine got up in Kurt's face so that he was staring directly to his eyes, Blaine's nose meeting Kurt's mouth, but despite the height difference Kurt took a uneasy breath like he was momentarily afraid of Blaine's temper before centring his shoulders.

"I'm your boyfriend that's who I fucking am. I care about you and I needed a drink to give me the strength for what I am about to do."

Blaine's anger was lessened for a moment because of the sheer confusion of that statement.

"I'm sorry for this Blaine."

"Wha...oh fuck!"

Kurt had taken a hold of Blaine's hand, twisting it behind his back, turning Blaine around to face the hallway and taking a place behind him. Blaine's other hand tried to move out to find purchase to scramble out of Kurt's grip, but Kurt had been expecting the lazy drunken move and trapped that hand with its counterpart.

Blaine couldn't quite understand what was actually happening to him at this point. All he could be certain of was that Kurt was basically forcing him from behind, arms trapped, moving him towards his hallway.

"Let. Me. Go!"

"Not happening,"

"Just...fuck Kurt I'm...shit you're strong."

Kurt held onto Blaine for dear life, scared that if he didn't finish what he started that Blaine may never understand his point in doing all of this.

Recognition probably crossed Blaine's face once Kurt used his foot to kick passed Blaine and open the bathroom door, but it didn't lessen his fight against the taller brunette.

"You can fuck yourself Kurt, this isn't funny."

"It wasn't meant to be."

With a light shove Kurt had pushed through the curtain of the now running shower, moving Blaine in ahead of him. The curly haired man nearly tripped over the tub's edge as his boyfriend all but hauled him in there clothes and all. What surprised Blaine is that he didn't take his arms off him and climbed into the shower with him.

"Dammit Kurt, lemme, fuck!"

The water was warm but the new sensations were not at all welcome in Blaine's mind. He tried his best to fight passed Kurt, just to get away from him and this silly notion that him being forced into a shower would make things better, but Kurt was literally having none of that. He spun him around and with a resounding crack forced Blaine's back against the wall and the smaller and slightly drunker man just stood shell shocked and a little dumbfounded as to his normally fragile looking boyfriend looking so stern.

For a few seemingly intense minutes, Kurt and Blaine tried to out muscle the other, in a sort of dance for survival, filled with breathy no's and irritated curses. The water had poured over them both, and surely they must have looked a frightful sight to any onlooker, since Kurt and Blaine's breathing were laboured from exertion and anger.

"_Now_ will you listen to me Blaine!" Kurt had to raise his voice above the whisper he was trying to speak in so that it could be heard above the water, but the echo from the otherwise silent shower helped carry the message along with his voice.

Blaine all of a sudden went from looking shocked and angry to a lot smaller than when he first started.

"What do you want from me Kurt? I'm in the shower, I'm sobering up, is that all you want? Fine I can do that."

Kurt moved both of his arms to pin Blaine's shoulders to the wall, the warm water completely soaking his light blue shirt and dress pants at this point but Kurt looked like he was beyond caring if his clothes got ruined. Blaine just let his arms slump to his sides now in defeat.

"Don't you get it Blaine." He gave the tiniest push to Blaine's shoulders when he didn't get a response, looking from the shower's floor up to Blaine's more focused but still angry eyes.

"Don't you understand that I'm not here to _take_ _care_ of you, I'm here just _because I care._"

Just like that Kurt dropped his gaze but still held firm to Blaine's shoulders which Blaine had finally stopped fighting to get out of, noting it was fruitless.

"No I really don't. I'm a fuck up Kurt, I'm no better than you because I hurt myself and hate myself just like you said you do. I'm not one to preach okay, so you can save the I care speech please."

Kurt's hair was drenched at this point and the normally well coiffed brunette looked completely wrecked on the outside, which probably met what he was feeling on the inside seeing Blaine like this.

Kurt swept his own hair back out of his eyes for a second before returning the firm hand to Blaine's shoulder.

"But I do care, so much. And I've never..." Kurt moved a little closer, moving one hand from his shoulder to place it on Blaine's wet and stubbly cheek, " Ever been more sure of something than I am of us right now. We're both broken."

Blaine's resolve broke at Kurt's words, his eyes welling up because of the helplessness he felt in this situation.

"Kurt, baby please, I'm not worth it... today's just..."

"Shhh..." Kurt soothed the side of Blaine's face that he was still holding, trying to keep him from getting even more upset. It seemed to be working but not completely. Blaine moved his hands off the wall towards Kurt's hips, and even though for a moment Kurt thought Blaine was going to use this position to move Kurt back; he was mistaken. Blaine just held onto Kurt's hips for purchase.

"I fucking hate..."

"No you don't. You're too kind to hate anything Blaine."

Kurt leaned in then and placed the softest of kisses, wet and somehow wonderful onto Blaine's forehead. It was the simplest of touches but it ignited something in Blaine that he hadn't expected.

"Kurt...stop." Kurt kept laying small kisses across the worry lines on his forehead and down his temple, the one hand that was holding his shoulder moving under his arm to knead the muscles on his back not touching the shower wall..

"No. Just give in Blaine, please just believe me, you are so worth it" Kurt voice was whispered now, and only because he spoke it into Blaine's ear did he even hear it. There was a sadness in his voice but a determination that ignited a flare of hope in Blaine's mind.

They were standing so close now, connected every few seconds when Kurt would brush his lips against the skin of Blaine's neck, and then back up that small spot behind his ear that he knew was so sensitive. Kurt needed Blaine to understand that he was amazing, and worth it and so delightfully flawed just like himself, and Kurt was now just lost in the overwhelming sensation to prove just that to the broken but surrendering man against him in the shower.

Kurt moved back just then to look at Blaine, his face only a few centimetres from Blaine's but enough that he could see that maybe, just maybe the closed eyes and sad but frustrated look on his face was lessening.

"Believe me babe. I've got you."

Blaine opened his eyes and the fire in there could not have been extinguished with whatever water the world could provide. Blaine grabbed a hold of the now see through shirt Kurt was wearing and pulled, bringing Kurt's lips to his. There was no hesitation on Kurt's part, the earlier anger and irritation with his boyfriend's self hatred melting as their lips touched, as a new fire sparked, one filled with promise and longing.

Kurt reached up and tangled one hand into Blaine's hair, the other dipping just below his pants at the small of his back. The touch of Kurt's palm on Blaine's skin urged Blaine on a little more, his hesitation about where they were melting away quickly.

Kurt's head was forced back a second later when one of Blaine's hands tangled in his hair and pulled his mouth and tongue away from where they wanted to be. Kurt panted in unison with Blaine, and managed to suppress the moan that having his hair pulled like this did to him. That and the fact that Blaine in a soaking wet white undershirt was more than his imagination had ever conjured up, never mind hoped for.

Being together for such a short time they had only been able to get as far as being stripped to their underwear, gently exploring with hands through boxers, so the sight of the other was still so brilliantly new and addicting.

"Kurt...I."

"God, you're hot Blaine did you know that?" Kurt had to try and reign in the urge to just dive on Blaine and continue his exploration, but Blaine was looking at him imploringly.

"Kurt, you have no idea how gorgeous you are. I'm so sorry." The kiss that followed was bruising. Whether it was a surprise to Kurt or not wasn't up for debate since he all but devoured everything that Blaine was giving him.

Their tongues broke apart in short and small movements, and in between the heat of the moment and the slick watery cascade of the shower behind them they muttered words of encouragement at the other.

"I'm so s-sorry Kurt, I just..._ugh_"

"Shh, it's okay." Blaine moved his mouth down to the moist and heated skin of Kurt's neck and bit down, his anger still present but lessening with every touch or heated caress he gave or received.

"Fuck..Blaine." Blaine's hands had moved to the front of Kurt shirt, now sticking to his very broad shoulders and chest and he moaned as he all but ripped the ruined shirt open, The new kiss was broken for only a second to throw the shirt over his head, feigning patience in favour of seeing more of Kurt.

The whispers of reassurance that what was happening dissipated in favour of removing more clothes, scratching down each others backs and losing themselves in the slippery wet feel of each others chests once they met.

"Kurt, oh god, are y-you sure...?"

Kurt, showing some serious skills, managed to undo Blaine's pants without even looking, instead focusing his blackened pupils and swollen lips in the direction of the worried amber eyes of his antsy boyfriend.

"Just shut up and let me take care of you. You talk too much."

The sound of Kurt pants falling and pooling in the shower at the same time as Blaine felt his own drop, boxers included, was the moment that Blaine's mind shut off and stopped worrying. His quest for a drunk evening all but forgotten as Kurt moved in again, crowding Blaine's personal space and aggressively kissing his waiting mouth like it would save his life.

Naked, and both thankful that they weren't wearing any socks because that could have been a serious buzz kill, they couldn't get enough of the feel of skin on skin, everywhere touching everywhere. Blaine reached down with both hands and grabbed Kurt's ass harshly, smacking him lightly and once hearing Kurt's squeak and groan knew he approved.

"You like that huh?" Kurt's playful moan into his neck sent a jolt of electricity down his neck, straight t down to his now hard and wanting cock. Kurt seemed to know exactly what Blaine wanted because before he could retort with another playful smack to Kurt's glorious ass, Kurt hand reached down and grabbed Blaine's fairly impressive girth, sending Blaine's head backwards against the tile.

"Kurt! God just like that..." Kurt was relentless with his speed, not pausing for a second to let Blaine's brain catch up. He alternated giving light squeezes and quick strokes before adding enough pressure to undo the most in-control man, before licking and sucking at Blaine's neck leaving tiny marks in his wake.

"You like that huh?"

God Kurt and his smart ass comments shouldn't be as hot as they were right now, but everything was in Blaine's mind at this moment. The way that Kurt's hand moved up and down his dick, slick and with just the right amount of pressure, the feel off his warm and hard body against his, the feel of Kurt's cock pressed against Blaine's hipbone, and the quick burn along Blaine's neck and collarbone as Kurt bit and licked his way down.

Just when Blaine thought he'd pass out from the pleasure coursing through him, Kurt stopped his hand movements but didn't let him go as he gracefully, well as graceful as you could be in a shower, dropped to his knees.

"God Kurt...I can't..."

Kurt merely smirked and groaned when he was eye level with Blaine's cock, as if he received his very own Christmas gift early.

"Just feel baby...god you're gorgeous." Thankfully Blaine had put one hand in Kurt's soaked hair while the other had preemptively braced itself on the wall, because nothing could have compared to the feeling of Kurt's hot and moist mouth on him. He tried as hard as he could to not buck up into Kurt's mouth but I don't think he succeeded all that well, because before he knew it Kurt was egging him on, relaxing his throat and letting Blaine get any last shred of anger out through him.

Blaine fought with his emotions, fought with the thought of maybe hurting Kurt, but the pleading and hungry blue eyes looking up at him as he worked Blaine over was enough to make Blaine lose control, even for a few minutes.

"Oh god, your...mouth...baby, you feel...oh god take it."

Kurt just hummed in approval over and over again as Blaine fed his cock into the willing cavern that was his boyfriend's mouth. Watching Kurt just take it over and over again like he was made for it was unravelling Blaine so quickly. The love he felt for him was growing, the caring and fuck the lust was just driving them both mad.

The last thing that Blaine really remembered before he came with a shout so loud that neighbours would question his sanity, was when he looked at Kurt and he winked and swallowed at the same time.

Kurt had been ignoring his own hard on in favour of watching Blaine and letting him do with him as he pleased. So when Blaine shouted his name in a garbled attempt at praise it took everything in Kurt's brain from grabbing his own cock and working himself over. Instead he swallowed everything that came from Blaine. Realizing that he had never allowed anyone to come in his mouth before, and noting Blaine's unique taste, wondered when he would get to do it again.

Pulling Blaine from his mouth and mouthing his lips over the delicious V the encased Blaine's groin, he inhaled the heavy scent that was Blaine as he noticed the man in question begin to slump as he panted against the shower wall.

Realizing that it probably wasn't the time to bask, Kurt stood and gathered Blaine in his arms as he relaxed against him.

"Kurt...just wow, but you..."

"I can wait."

Kurt smiled as Blaine puckered his lips adorably towards his boyfriend, eyes still closed. Blaine could taste the hint of himself on his boyfriends lips but it was short lived. Before he knew it the world had gone a little and remarkably fuzzy.

With careful hands, Kurt had managed to turn off the water and get Blaine and himself out of the shower despite Blaine acting like dead weight against his shoulders and frame.

"Baby, lemme take of you too." Blaine had whispered this a few times as Kurt dried him off against the wall in the bathroom, and had said the same loving sentence over and over again to him in reassurance, knowing that his boyfriend was literally teetering between conscious and unconscious.

"Later. Let's get you to bed."

Kurt literally had enough with trying to get Blaine to walk on still slightly jellied and drunk legs to the bed, so he opted to carry the man. It must have looked like something out of a gay Danielle Steel novel as Kurt laid him down on top of the duvet. Moving over to the dresser drawers Kurt found a pair of pants that looked like they may fit him, even for the time being.

Covering him up with the spare blanket on the chair by the corner brought a tear to Kurt's eye. Blaine looked so small as he was tucked in, and yet finally much more content in his sleep. Brushing the still damp curls out of his eyes and feeling and hearing Blaine hum in contentment, Kurt took his leave, closing the bedroom door completely behind him.

Once he was out of the room the severity of the situation hit him. Blaine was just as lost as he was and it took every ounce of strength that Kurt had had to get Blaine to make him believe in himself and themselves. Kurt sat down on the floor with his back braced against the door to Blaine's bedroom releasing a exasperated sob at the overwhelming control he had to show in the last hour. Never had he seen another person look and feel as broken as him before, but knowing that he had helped, however unconventionally, made him not break down and cry instantaneously. Instead he brushed away the one stray tear and cracked his neck in defiance.

"Get it together Hummel, he's fine now, you helped. You made him feel cared for...loved"

The word love even in this context seemed crazy when it came out of his mouth, but somewhere even in the back of his head Kurt knew that it was accurate, at least for the time being.

Standing up he went back into the bathroom to clean up and noticed the complete disarray of the bathroom and left it to be dealt with later. There was something he had to do first.

Going back into the living room Kurt found his phone, and surprisingly it had a new text message from an unknown number.

I** know we said it was weird but I asked Wes for your number, I could feel his scowl through the phone. It's Sebastian, is Blaine ok? - S**

Kurt would question Sebastian's sanity later but for now he knew he was just concerned.

**Blaine is fine...now. It was rough. Everything is okay now, he's asleep. TY for everything, will keep you posted. -K**

Anger and hatred for the other seemed to melt away for those few minutes in text because Sebastian's reply almost made Kurt want to cry all over again.

**You've got my blessing Kurt, whatever that means to you. Be for him what I can't. Talk to you later. - S**

Just when Kurt was going to send back something as equally thankful his phone buzzed again.

**...gayface ;) - S**

_What a prick._ Sebastian was too fucking much.

Kurt couldn't help the silly bubbly laughter that came out of him as he went in search of a shirt that he could put on for the next little while, heading to the hall cupboard to look for something to wear over this bear torso in the meantime.

Kurt decided to make dinner for Blaine while he was asleep, and then he could assess damage control once his boyfriend was awake, Pulling on an oversized dress shirt that was surely not Blaine's, Kurt went into the kitchen to prep and think over what he was going to continually do next to make Blaine believe he was worth every breath.

XXXX

* * *

**(BPOV)**

Okay so maybe drinking that much that quickly wasn't one of my more bright ideas, but it seemed like a good one at the time. Feeling a little groggy but for some reason happy and relaxed wasn't a sensation I was expecting when I woke up.

Wait a minute when did I fall asleep? The last thing I remembered was when Kurt...

Oh lord Kurt...the drinking, the arguing, the wrestling me into the, wow, the shower. Kurt had pulled me into the shower with our clothes on and proceeded to literally blow my fucking mind. How the hell did that happen? And when did I pass out and get placed all snug in here?

I tried to open my eyes and found that it was much easier than I would have been expecting. Come to think of it, I wasn't that hungover, nor was I all that drunk still, which meant that Kurt not only stopped me early enough, but he seemed to know exactly the right buttons to push.

I blushed in the darkness of my bedroom at the thought as I turned over to my bed side table to see that the clock said it was half passed one in the morning. I must have been out for a few hours now and I wondered silently where Kurt was considering the space beside me in bed was vacant.

I sat up and coughed a little at the dryness of my throat, and that seemed to be enough noise to draw Kurt's attention from the other room.

"Hey you."

"Hi."

He smiled at me through the small opening in the doorway and I couldn't help but smile back. He left the doorway immediately with a grin and I had to hold back a giggle at his childishness.

"Kurt!?"

"Gimme a sec." He called back from god knows where in the apartment.

"Can you get me a glass of water while you're out there, my throat is killin me."

There was no immediate response and I was about to get up off the bed when I realized that I had no pants on. So Kurt did put me to bed naked, and what we did do actually happened. It was all such a blur, a painful yet wonderful blur.

Looking around for anything I could put on was stopped short by the vision that entered my doorway through the darkness a moment later.

Carrying a tray with what looked like sandwiches and the most enticingly large glass of water was Kurt, with bedhead extreme and just when it couldn't look any better, I got a good sweep over what he was wearing.

Kurt was pant less again with what looked like Cooper's old dress shirt on. It hung loosely on him and covered just below his groin, just enough coverage to make me want to lean down and take a peek.

"Dinner is served. I know it's just PB&J but I didn't know when you'd wake up, and you need bread in your system so..."

He placed the tray down on the table beside my head and I reached out to grab his wrist stopping him mid sentence.

"Kurt...it's great, thank you." Kurt merely smiled and handed me the water which I took with child like grabby hands and a grateful groan once I had downed more than half of it.

"You're welcome. How are you feeling?" I looked up at Kurt who was standing there with his hands behind his back, legs crossed while standing and god did he look adorable.

"Better than I could have hoped for." I placed the drink down again and reached for his hand which he gave me willingly.

"Thank you Kurt, for everything. I'm so sorry that I.." Kurt cut me off by placing his hand on my mouth.

"Shh, enough apologies. It's fine now alright?" I nodded my head but tried to keep my eyes on him, for some reason I still felt the shame of the situation that I placed him in.

"Besides there's still one more thing I want to give you tonight Blaine."

"I think that you've done enough for me Kurt, more than I ever thought you'd have to."

Kurt giggled and it was one of the sweetest noises I've ever heard.

"Blaine just let me get this out of I might lose my nerve again."

Nodding he took both my hands and moved himself closer to the edge of the bed to my left when he closed his eyes and did something I hadn't expected. With eyes closed and his one hand still grasping mine Kurt started to whisper sing to me, and the song confirmed that he knew what today really meant to me.

_Happy Birthday to you._

_Happy Birthday to you._

It had the same Marilyn Monroe quality to it, and I wasn't sure if it was because that was his complete intention or because he was so nervous doing it. In one quick and completely mind fucking movement Kurt straddled my hips over the duvet so that he was sitting in my lap.

_Happy Birthday dear Blaine._

_Hap-py Birthday...to..you_

He had lingered over my body ever so gently and it had to be a combination of the most erotic and sweetest feeling of my life thus far. Kurt, the man that wouldn't, couldn't sing anymore had just opened up the tiniest bit and sung for me, and had sung a song that I loathed. Somehow he made me love it a little.

"Kurt that was.." Kurt leaned in and kissed me then and I forgot for a second what I was going to say as his warm lips moistened my own in a dance that was becoming my new favourite thing.

"Happy Birthday Blaine." He whispered these words against my lips and for the first time in so many years I smiled at the sentiment.

"Thank you love."

"My pleasure." Kurt winked again as we laughed together into the kiss. I swear if this was what happened every year on this date than I could actually see myself starting to love birthdays again. His warm lips and kind soul reminding me of the hurt that I had endured, but the promise that we would try and fix each other one birthday at a time.

* * *

_Soooooooo? I'm awesome or not so much...I hope you liked it, I'm kinda proud of the shower lovins and anger management :) Leave me a comment guys, they fuel my fire ( get your minds out of the gutter!) LOL *Throws celebratory chocolate chip muffins*_


	12. Chapter 11

_**A/N**: Um hello everyone. First of all I would like to thank every single one of you that have taken the time to read and enjoy my stories. Whether or not this is the first of mine you have read, or if you have followed me for a while, I just wanted to thank you sincerely for the all the support. I love you all very much for that._

_Now... on with a mini rant that I have to get off my chest ( you don't have to read this but you can if you wish. It just needs to be said.)_

_I usually don't take to heart what anons write or say to me if it's negative but this last one hurt. Apparently the other day was Glee fanfic writing appreciation day, and thusly this ass-tard decided to make me feel bad for my existence. He said I hope no one writes to you to say they appreciate your work cuz it only applies to real writers a.k.a not me. Who the frak does this jerk think he or she is? I didn't receive any other emails that day, so a very tiny part of me wondered if what they said was true but ya know what fuck them! This person not only insulted my writing for no good reason but he/she also insulted all of you for reading my stuff! How dare they! An authour connects with their audience in the same way an actor or any performer does. If someone attacks the authour, you attack the readers/fans and I won't stand for that. You guys are important to me dammit and this person needs to know that. So ya know what, forget this jerk( if you read this dick hole, you are on my short list). To my readers, I love to write my Klaine and Crisscolfer, and if they don't like it, I have a very large Canadian boot to shove up their cyber ass in hopes they will take a hint and get the hell off our fansites, we don't need your ignorance and indifference or your cruel words. The real world has enough of that on it's own, it doesn't need it in the make believe ones as well._

_Ass hole!_

_Sorry I had to get that out, it's been bugging me now for days now and I want you to know that I do respect my readers greatly. Rant over, enjoy this smexy start and fluffy end. Love ya, gonna go and fume and make more cyber muffins.( **Wutif**: for your words of encouragement xx)_

* * *

**Close To Home**

* * *

**Chapter 11**

Blaine took his time moving his hands lightly under the silk blend shirt, noting the difference in texture between the soft fabric and the warming skin under his fingertips. The luxurious feel of Kurt's skin, only lightly dusted with the finest of peach fuzz at the base of his back, and the strong and undeniably firm muscles that his boyfriend hid under his clothing. Seeing the glorious man without any shirt on was one thing, but the overwhelming desire to be the one to peel away the oversized fabric that just beckoned to be removed, was another.

Kurt and Blaine continued their soft exploration of the other, noting that there was no rush despite the heat of the situation, Kurt straddled his lounging lover, the only shred of clothing being the shirt Kurt still wore. The blanket that once completely covered Blaine's body had slowly begun to unravel and fall from his torso, leaving his chest and hips exposed, much to Kurt's delight.

The kisses between the two had remained soft and in both cases almost thankful for the other on some level. As mouths continued to explore, Blaine's hands had turned more adventurous, seeking more, wanted more, just always more where Kurt was concerned.

Blaine hands' journey under the now frustratingly confining shirt continued down, below the dip of his long back which arched at the feel of the slightest scrape of Blaine's nails, down passed his ass which, like the rest of Kurt, quivered when touched so fondly.

Quickly the journey exploring Kurt ended at the back of his thighs, which were dusted with thin but coarse blonde hair, where Blaine could just barely reach. In a feat the surprised himself, Blaine was able to pull his hands from Kurt and get him to sit up on his knees.

"Come under here. I'm cold."

Blaine had always been a terrible liar so that's why he always resorted to the pout. He figured that since everyone saw through his shenanigans that maybe it would be best to turn up the adorable. Kurt just sighed and smiled, shimming to the side a little so that Blaine could move the cover from his very naked, and now noticeably attentive body.

Kurt merely smirked at the sight of Blaine, warm to the touch and erect waiting for him under the thin comforter. Not wanting Blaine to sit too long in the cooler room unprotected, Kurt took pity on him and shucked off the last button on the shirt quickly, exposing himself to Blaine's lustful gaze for a swift moment, before resettling on top of him and covering them both. Honestly Kurt was just as happy as Blaine at the new contact and view.

The joint gasp they both shared when their warm bodies, especially their nether regions, joined together under the safety and warmth of the blanket, sent jolts of arousal through both hard men. Only now there was a noticeable level of intimacy that Blaine and Kurt had yet to share before it would seem.

It was actually almost other worldly now that they both considered it.

Exposed nerves from years of pain and hurt, revelations of their souls to one another, Kurt's anguish melting from years ago, Blaine's exposed nerve surrounding his birthday...it all seem to come to a head in the moment their bodies connected. The emotional and psychological levels seemed joined, even for a minute.  
"Hmm you feel like you belong here." Blaine knew he sounded sappy but it was a nice revelation to come to, all while holding a gorgeous man who actually understood him, and was attracted to him on the same levels.  
"I do like it here."  
"Is that so?"  
"It is so. Especially right...here." Kurt nuzzled into Blaine's collarbone, enjoying how Blaine's natural scent seemed strongest there, as his hands ghosted over Blaine's sides, while Blaine settled his hands kneading just above Kurt's ass in that soft little divot of skin that seemed like his new favourite place to have his hands.

Blaine hummed holding Kurt, the closeness of what they did next all that more magical. With the lightest of touches and a combined sheen of sweat from being so close under a blanket, Blaine reached down between kisses and continued to caresses and hold Kurt, finally finding what he wanted and gripped Kurt's length strongly. Kurt keened at the attention, having neglected himself for so long, ignoring the blue balls from earlier that night, and Blaine couldn't get how wonderful and heavy Kurt felt in his grasp. He was quite large and the anticipation of what Blaine wanted from Kurt in the near future spurred on his hand as he added some lube from the drawer beside him.

Kurt was getting louder and louder but he reigned them in to rushed whispers as Blaine not only sped up, but grasped himself and Kurt together in his large calloused hand.  
Blaine promised to take care of Kurt later, and now was later, but he wanted to share it this experience with Kurt, to come together and from the feel of the other. It was an incredible wish and want, but the sounds and textures were almost too much and not enough at the same time.

"God, Blaine. Don't stop, please it feels perfect...fucking perfect."

Blaine only gave his grip a little squeeze, shuddering when he felt the pressure on himself and the ache of Kurt right there against him.

With mouths intermixed and the rough panting they shared it was only a matter of minutes before Kurt was moving against Blaine's hand, thrusting lightly into his grip while pulling gently on the curls on Blaine's head.

It was too much but so hot and above all loving that Kurt came so hard he felt like he was flying.

"Oh god, oh god...Blaine..." Hearing his name like_ that _from Kurt's mouth, seeing his face right above him scrunched up in the most serene but blissed out expression was what did it for Blaine. Maybe it was also the hot spurt of his boyfriend's cum on his chest that helped push him over the edge as well, but either way Blaine was done for as his orgasm was literally ripped out of him, not just by his own hand but by the sounds and movements of the deliciously loud and writhing man above him.

"I – ah, oh shit...Kurt!"

Blaine wasn't sure when his own hand got replaced with his boyfriends, or whether or not the mind numbing orgasm was the best sensation ever or whether it was riding it out with someone you cared about. Either way Blaine was on cloud nine and then some as he kissed and explored Kurt's mouth as they came down.

"Blaine...that was, Jesus."

"Hmm, I know. God are we always gonna be this intense?"

"Fuck I hope so..."

...

"Blaine...Blaine...dude wake the fuck up man!"

Blaine grumbled and turned to the side in his sleep. He had been having the most amazing recollection dream ever. He had been thinking back to a few weeks ago, to his birthday when Kurt and him..oh wait was that Wes' voice?

"Wes?" Blaine said, sleep still heavy in his voice as he rolled back over. The evidence of an amazing dream was still apparently very easy for Blaine's best friend to notice.

"Ew seriously Blaine? Almost 30 and a wet dream when you _aren't_ single. This I don't need to see."

Blaine sat up in bed, not fully aware, yet aware enough of the discomfort settling around the situation he found himself in immediately. There was also the fact that despite being covered in a sheet, the wet patch from his nightly exploits and imagination were evident since he slept nude.

"Wes can't you at least knock?"

Wes just turned around to the dresser drawers and began searching through them.

"I did, like 7 times. I only came in because you're usually a light sleeper and on time. Plus you said to meet you at 7, it's now almost 8 bro. Here take these and go clean up."

Wes just threw a pair of boxer briefs at his friend and kept talking despite the fact that Blaine, although covered was not only in shock but completely and utterly embarrassed at his current position. He caught the flying garments with a grimace.

"Uh, thanks man."

"Whatever. Get changed and I'll meet you in the kitchen in a few, coffee's ready, we've got a big day ahead of us. The tradition continues Blainey-boo!"

Just before Wes left and Blaine tried very hard not to scrunch up his face at the feel of the now drying fluid patch on his new sheets, Blaine spoke up.

"We never speak of this incident Montgomery."

"You're prepubescent longing for your boyfriend is safe with me Anderson. Although hearing you moan Kurt's name is something that I may need therapy for. I'm also going to go bleach out my eyes just in case though."

"Fuck you Wes." Wes just laughed as he walked through the now open door to the other room.

"That's not what you were saying in your sleep 5 minutes ago, I think it was more fuck me Kurt. Nw get the hell up we have shopping to do."

Blaine muttered the word asshole as he dragged his butt out of bed. Truth be told since the night in his dream, Kurt and his' relationship hadn't been that physical, the show and Blaine's other job had been taking up a lot of their time, so if Blaine was a little sexually frustrated, a little wet dream was nothing to be concerned about. It was just awkward as fuck when someone caught you, and as Blaine got up and went scurrying to the bathroom, he thanked his lucky stars that it wasn't Bas who caught him. Because that was something the other ex Warbler would never let him live down.

XXXX

The weather had been unseasonably cold, even for mid December in New York. It had been easily below -10 degrees F all week so Blaine and Wes alike were both very glad that the cold spell had taken a break, it being a whopping 5 degrees and snowing lightly as they made their way downtown to do their Christmas shopping.

It had been a tradition every year since they both moved to he city. They both loved the holiday season, Wes more so than Blaine which was saying something, so they made a day of gathering presents for their families and friends together. It had been there _thing. _Over the last few years Sebastian had tried to come between the two men and include himself in the festivities, but this had always been just the two of them, Smythe ,like always, would keep trying but, this was a constant to the two men.

Even the first year when they moved in together, and Blaine had just settled into Wes' one bedroom apartment and they literally had barely enough money to eat, they went out and window shopped and made a list of the most extravagant things they could think of that they wanted to buy. Then they went to the dollar store having saved their spare change, and bought some super cheap decorations, strung up some popcorn and made the best of what the season brought them. Neither celebrated thanksgiving all that much so both Wes and Blaine were super excited once Christmas rolled around, because it was their time of year.

This year was all that more special to them. For once they had a possible hit show in the making and were being paid for it in a manner that they deemed better than they could have hoped for considering it was just in the workshop stages. Wes had was now a key holder at the coffee house and was making a few extra bucks with the holiday season and Blaine's shifts at the restaurant had almost doubled since people had started taking vacation hours and they needed the cooks.

For once, Blaine and Wes could afford the Christmas they wanted to some extent and they both had someone to spoil even a little during their favourite season. Jeannie and Wes, even if they weren't saying it, were probably in love and Wes was excited and terrified about what to get her, and the same went for Blaine. He and Kurt would also be celebrating their first Christmas together and it was a huge step for Blaine to show Kurt what Christmas really meant to him.

Kurt said that Santana and him would usually have Scroogefests every year, mixed with wine and bad holidays movies, but Blaine had whispered promises about this year being better. The only problem was that Blaine didn't know quite what to do for him. Hence why today on the Wes and Blaine's Christmas Extravaganza Shopping Spree ( hey they were creative but sucked at naming things so sue them), they met early in the morning to head out and help the other buy presents for their significant others and family.

Despite the "morning incident that shall not be named", which Blaine had coined Wes' morning wake up call to him, and despite them being later out the door than what they imagined, they still made good time getting to their starting point in Midtown, which was Macy's. Every year they took the "window walk" as the tourists like to call it. The walk started outside of Macy's on E 34th and took them 26 or so blocks across 5th ending at Bloomingdale's but of course not forgetting Barney's. Wes said it played to both their personalities. They could look at the windows and squeal like kids literally at Christmas over the joy they got from seeing them which Wes adored, and as a plus they passed almost every store in the city that a gay man could want anything from. The route proved perfectly endless for possibilities in the shopping world, because 5th was the way to go if you wanted to shop.

So when they decided to actually not stop at Macy's but grip their coffees tighter to their cold hands and make their way across 5th slowly, they fell into the contented silence that was their favourite bonding day of the year.

Only after a block or so when they paused at a window did Blaine speak up.

"So, who's on your list this year anyway? Did you make one?"

It was a stupid question really, and one that Blaine asked every year of his friend when they began their day.

"I normally wouldn't dignify something that stupid with an answer Blainers but, yes I did, it's on my tablet mini and before you ask no I didn't forget to take your name off the list so you can snoop as to what I'm getting you."

Wes was no fun sometimes with his innate ability to remember everything.

"Fair enough. I've got you, Kurt of course which I'm terrified to shop for. Sebby, I can send my mom something since I never know when she's in the country. Coop if he ever decides to show his face around town again, Tina since we've become kinda close and Val. Oh and Charles. Yeah Charlie and I have been in good standing since I picked up a bunch of shifts for him recently. So yeah including the boss too, that about covers it. You?"

Wes sighed and it seemed somehow strained.

"Okay B, I've got you, unfortunately Sebastian too. Jeannie is a big one, I'm actually maybe considering jewellery but I dunno, we'll banter about that one. My father will be nothing but a card since he won't care if I acknowledge Christmas at all, my sis is still in Hong Kong but I will send her something awesome since she's 8 months pregnant and can't travel. Val and Ashley, Carrie at work, plus a secret Santa gift for work too. Tina, and think maybe I'll get Santana something, or something for her and Brittany maybe."

"You know they're together too?"

"You don't have to be bloodhound to notice they love one another Blaine, so maybe we can go half/half on something for those two. Plus I have to get something for Kurt as well. I've already got an idea for that one."

Blaine's eyes may have bugged out a little at the sentiment from his friend.

"Don't look at me like that Blaine, he's my director and work partner, plus he's responsible somehow for that goofy grin you wear on occasion so the least I can do is get him something at Christmas for helping keep my best friend sane and happy right?"

"Wes, you don't have to. Kurt's not your favourite person I know but..."

"Who said anything like that? Hold that thought, let's go in here." Wes always had serious shopping ADD, he would randomly just take off in a direction if he saw something perfect for someone, so it wasn't something that Blaine wasn't used to.

"Carrie would love this! She is obsessed with vintage handbags and clutches. Oh don't look at me like that Anderson! I'm a good hag remember I can use the term clutch and it not come out gay because I am not talking about a car."

Blaine snickered, as Wes picked up the peacock blue and gold clutch and I had to say, Wes did have really good taste, and expensive at that. It was part of Calvin Klein's new 50's line and it had to be said that the fashion forward gay man inside Blaine gave a little nod in approval even if it was a small 200 dollar clutch.

"Sure you can. But honestly if you can afford it this year and you think she'll love it, get it. It's all in the Christmas spirit brother, pick a plastic card any plastic and swipe away."

"I think I will. And stop snickering at me Anderson, just because I'm better at this than you are."

Blaine just continued to laugh as the overly chipper sales woman looked at Wes like he was the best boyfriend ever for buying that purse. Little did she know that Wes was only buying that for a work college, but Wes charmed her as he does with everyone with his quiet confidence as he finished up the sale.

Blaine pondered getting Tina something like this but had no clue what she'd want so he figured he would check elsewhere, the day was still young.

Once the first gift had been purchased, the shopping virginity taken from the day, they had an amazing time picking out gifts and blowing away their hard earned money in the true spirit of the season. They stopped for lunch at a little hidden Vietnamese place about 3 blocks off their original course because one year they had found the place and after that it became part of tradition.

Blaine ended up buying Val a set of leather bound photo albums since his wife was due in a few months with their first born and new parents always need places to put their photos. It just so happened Blaine's version were just a tad pricey but they looked great. Plus with everything being digital and there only being a few places left in the city to get real prints, it would be a nice keep sake for the new family.

Blaine also figured that he would get Tina some prepaid time at the new spa that opened up in Midtown, the one that she was salivating over this month, so he would make that trip later this week to book it for her. Sebby was actually the easiest gift to buy for. Blaine knew his size like the back of his hand by now, so he got him the one thing he knew Seb was a sucker for, leather. There had been an expensive but new brown worn leather trench from Barney's Blaine had seen in his travels and he had to get it for him. Seb would look great in it, even though with his confidence Blaine needn't tell him that.

Although he would probably squeal when he saw it, and demand Blaine return it, Blaine thought tough shit. He had been so good about his new relationship recently and he had even been working well with Kurt in rehearsals that he had to get him something to show Seb he was thankful for him, in all his oddly wonderful glory.

Blaine's mom on the other hand, well Blaine had figured he would send her a card and buy some open ended air plane tickets online for her to come to New York to see the play once it opened, or hell maybe just so she would come see her son.

Charles, well Blaine found this amazing set of vintage blu-rays for him, every single Bond film to date. He loved his James Bond. Cooper was someone that even with Wes' help Blaine couldn't find a gift for, but they both sat there will their spoils at the end of the day over yet another coffee, resting their feet and sensing that maybe Cooper's gift could wait.

Unfortunately only Wes had managed to get a gift for is significant other today, a tiny diamond pendant that was so simple it looked elegant. Blaine had supplemented that since Jeannie was a newly graduated ballerina that maybe it would be a nice surprise to take her to the ballet. Wes argued that wouldn't it be like murder making her watch something that she literally did every day, but Blaine actually had been thinking about that. He told him that despite being in the theatre both him and Wes still loved going, as if seeing it from the audience made it more special sometimes. Wes agreed to Blaine's apparent intelligence with a gruff " I should have thought of that."

Wes had also stunned Blaine by buying Kurt a gorgeous hand crafted brooch for Christmas. Wes said that he noticed Kurt accessorized his jackets and waistcoats on occasion, so he found something that would scream Wes, but be heartfelt at the same time. It was jade and citrine stones on brass in the shape of a butterfly. It was surprisingly masculine, the stones quite small but the symbolism was astonishing.

Wes just shrugged and said, " You said earlier today that Kurt wasn't my favourite person in the world, well the old him wasn't Blaine. I found this brooch online a week ago and found out which jeweller sold it. It means strength and prosperity in change, and I think that Kurt has shown great change in character since you two got together or whatever. I'm very thoughtful with gifts so don't think this wasn't premeditated, or that I don't like him now man. And if you start crying on me now Anderson I'm cancelling Christmas."

Blaine used a laugh to swallow the lump in his throat that Wes' little speech had caused, but it was quickly silenced with Wes' next question.

"So, now that most of our shopping is done we can go back to yours and decorate, oh what are you getting for monsieur Hummel anyway, you didn't pick anything up today huh?"

Blaine just sat there and smiled at the thought of him and his best friend throwing popcorn at each other later tonight whilst singing Christmas songs, and maybe calling Kurt later while decorating a tree, when the idea for Kurt's gift popped in his head.

"Actually...I have the perfect idea now."

XXXX

Kurt Hummel was anything if not a little excited this year for the Christmas season, even if he was trying to pretend like he wasn't. Blaine and his relationship, albeit not ideal since they were both busy whilst still trying to spend time with their friends and others, was going really, really well. He couldn't help the excited butterflies in his gut from happening, the ones that made him feel 18 again every time he thought about Blaine. Ever since they got together, and more especially for Kurt the early morning connection they shared on Blaine's birthday that still left him breathless thinking about, Kurt had been a lot happier being himself even in smaller fragments.

Kurt had come to figure that he couldn't be his old self completely because the boy 10 years ago was a far cry from the man he was today, so he let himself just be more open and accepting to happiness; that had been a key point for him. Let Blaine take care of him, let others care about him without shunning them and for once let yourself get lost in your craft; actually enjoy musical theatre and you will find the man you are meant to become.

It had been a mantra of his since it popped in his head, and it seemed to be working. Of course he still had his moments where Blaine would run his hand through his hair in annoyance with Kurt's attitude and Kurt would want to strangle Blaine for holding in his emotions, claiming that he was fine and act like the supportive boyfriend, even though Kurt knew by now that Blaine was just as broken as he was; he just outwardly showed it less.

There were still bumps but it was actually going well for one Kurt Hummel for once.

It was because of his boyfriend in question that he was here today, meeting up with someone that months ago, he would have sold his kidney to have publicly humiliated. Kurt couldn't believe the strange change in events the last few months, his friends and life were slightly unrecognizable.

As Kurt pulled the scarf closer to his neck he turned the corner to head over to the Rockefeller Centre skating rink where he was meant to meet up with Sebastian. That's right, Kurt and Sebastian had fallen into a comfortable discomfort with one another that seemed to work well for them both. Blaine didn't know that Seb and him were together today; Blaine probably wouldn't believe him if he told him, hence why it was the perfect cover.

"Bas!" Kurt's voice was a tiny bit muffled from the scarf but the tall man leaning over the edge to watch the holiday skaters just turned around and adjusted the black toque on this head.

"Hey Hummel. Nice scarf, knock over a truck?" Kurt figured that today his eyes would be in a permanent state of roll.

"Bas, nice hat, rob a third grader?" Smythe just laughed, and Kurt could say now that he had spent a little bit of time actually getting to know and work with Sebastian that he was sincere when he laughed.

This was how they worked. They would throw random insults at the other, joke around in the most immature fashion and Kurt would help Sebastian reign in his perverseness. It worked in some strange reality of crazy, but it nonetheless worked.

"So Blaine and Wes are definitely not gonna be here today right? They're shopping on 5th and won't be here?" Kurt had to ask.

"No, I just heard from Blaine actually, they just finished at Barney's so they won't double back here so no worries."

"I'm not the one to worry here Smythe. You're the one who asked for my help with this and then you decide to not take my advice and show up wearing that nanny cap on your head. You look twelve."

"My hair wouldn't behave alright?! So I covered it up and tried for the cute school boy look. I panicked okay?"

Kurt just laughed at Sebastian's disarray. It was kind of nice to see the usually superior looking snot seem so nervous. It was almost endearing; almost.

"Okay, okay look. Let's get inside the mall and I will see what I can do with that hair of yours."

Sebastian made a face, " As in you touching my hair gayface? I don't think so, I don't know where your hands have been."

"They're going to be up your ass if you don't shut up and let me help you, you dick."

"Oooh Hummel, I never knew you wanted to be acquainted with my ass like that. I rarely bottom but I'm sure I could make an except...ow! Okay okay okay I'll shut up now, Jesus."

"Kurt not Jesus but it's okay you're slow."

"Shut up." They shook off the light snow on their coats as they went inside.

"Okay in here. And if you make one comment about me dragging you into a public restroom for a a quickie through a glory hole I will end you."

Sebastian just smiled at Kurt's horrified expression and said nothing. Truth be told the ex warbler had been really nervous about doing what he was about to, and ironically it had been Kurt that had helped him decide that he wanted to do this. Kurt, to him, was the exact person to help him with this particular problem. Wes would have been too uncaring, while Blaine would care far too much and probably make him regret ever doing it, so the choice had been Kurt.

One evening when him Kurt, Nigel and Val had been finishing up the choreography to "Close To Home" which they had decided on naming the final song actually, Kurt had lingered back sensing something was up in Sebastian's mind. For some reason Sebastian blurted it out to Kurt, and for some reason again Kurt just shook his head and smiled saying he was proud of Sebastian for growing up. Sebastian only added it was because Kurt had recently "grown a spine" himself that he trusted him with this information, but I guess that was another reason why Sebastian chose Kurt of all people to help him with this; he had dropped his guard recently too.

So here Sebastian stood, in one of the least likely scenarios imaginable, with Kurt, whom now had moistened hands from some kind of hair product he pulled out of his bag, running it through his recently cut hair. Seb just couldn't get it right but after the initial cringe and swat from Kurt warning him to stay still, Kurt finished in a matter of seconds with a sound of triumph.

"Ha! There. Go ahead look, you almost look handsome enough to be attractive."

"Oh your words Kurt, how they soothe."

"Just look dumb ass."

Sebastian turned from Kurt as he washed his hands of the remaining product and looked in the mirror as another man entered the washroom. He had to admit it, Hummel really knew his shit with regards to personal grooming.

"Not bad lady. Looks better than I could get it apparently."

"I know I'm awesome, you ready to knock'em dead Smythe? It's the only day before Christmas that you can do this so you really only have one shot right?"

"Yeah."

"Okay then. Buck up, I went through the awkward now it's your turn." Sebastian just whined but a larger part of him actually wanted to do this for himself. As they walked out of the bathroom, an older lady looked at them suspiciously and scowled which Sebastian just winked at her, earning an eye roll from Kurt.

"You know as much as I want to smack you for egging on that old hag, I love you a little for being that much of a jerk just this once. The scowling woman needs to mind her own business. Hey is that store?"

"Yep, he's the one in the back. Dark hair, five o'clock shadow. You might know him from the coffee shop." Sebastian was keeping his hands in his pockets like a lovestruck kid and Kurt almost laughed at him as the recognition spread across his face.

"Oh my god the one Blaine say looks like a superman stunt double? Why didn't you tell me it was him?"

Sebastian just blushed which almost made Kurt fall over from the oddity of it all.

"I was nervous okay. His name is Kevin. And he only works as a consultant here on Saturdays, and this is the last Saturday he works during the holidays and the coffee house it too crowded so I wouldn't do it there but he gets off in like 2 minutes, so maybe I'll just wait or I ..."

"Ho-ly shit. Bas you're nervous! You really like this guy don't you?"

Sebastian just dropped his head and nodded and Kurt almost squealed and laughed right in his face. For once Kurt wasn't the awkward duckling, the nervous and twitchy one but the sane one holding his 'friend" together.

"Look, just calm down the sarcasm and be genuine Seb. Don't be yourself but the happier version of yourself and he'll fall for you." Seb sighed.

"He's asked me out before but I've never come up with anything more than 'no' or something completely sleazy that I brushed off as a joke, but he hasn't stopped asking me. I just need to get over myself right?"

"Right. Be the bigger man, and _come on_ no dick jokes." Kurt had literally taken it off of Seb's tongue.

Seb just squared his shoulders and like a proud mama Kurt shooed him in the right direction, leaving to watch from the crowded shadows. He watched as Kevin smiled as Seb approached and it was too cute for words watching their body language as they talked. It was only a few minutes before Seb came back out looking extremelyy defeated.

"Oh no, no, no, no Bas, tell me he didn't turn you down. I'll go get some second hand kryptonite and kick his scruffy ass. Seb...wait are you laughing?"

Sebastian threw his head back and laughed and in a move that Kurt and Sebastian will both deny later swooped in and hugged Kurt.

"He said yes, he'll come to the Christmas party with me if he can. If not we'll do lunch earlier in the week. I have an actual date Kurt, and all because of your advice!"

Kurt laughed as they very awkwardly separated, but kept the snark out of his voice at Sebastian's impromptu affections.

"As much as I want to take all the credit for styling and advising you, I think Kevin may actually like you Sebastian. As weird as it is to say that someone actually might like you, the world has seen weirder." Kurt just smiled after he spoke looking at the bewildered face Sebastian was wearing.

"Even your cynicism can't bring me down gay-face. I owe you for this one. Which is why I'm going to help you now."

Quirking an eyebrow in Seb's direction and allowing Seb to take his arm and direct him into the mall, Kurt stayed quiet waiting for the obvious explanation Sebastian was just pausing to reveal.

"You helped me, well be prepared for the best help ever. Direct from me to you."

"Enough with the theatrics Seb, what are you talking about?"

"Do you have any idea how much Blaine loves Christmas?" At the mention of his name Kurt could tell his heart jumped a little; this was far from healthy.

"Um yes?"

"Okay that's a definite no then. Blaine _loves _Christmas and if you haven't expected it already, Blaine is going to do something above and beyond for you for the holiday, if not expensive incredibly sappy, so what are you planning in return?"

Kurt really was at a loss for words honestly. He had gone shopping with Brittany actually this passed week but hadn't found anything for Blaine as of yet, but he figured he had time.

"Umm?"

"Okay this is where my awesome takes over. Kurt, you helped me and now I am going to help you make Blainers' Christmas epic. Now how do you feel about posing nude?"

"Sebastian!"

"Alright, alright, sorry just a thought. So anyways I have this idea..."

Kurt listened as they strolled through the mall, and here and there adding his own theories they finally came up with something that Kurt could do for Blaine for Christmas, that not only Sebastian approved of, but had Kurt fairly confident it would make Blaine exceedingly happy.

Somehow in their own little world of insanity, Kurt made Sebastian's day, and Sebastian actually returned the favour.

God, this was odd but getting more comfortable each day.

XXXX

Kurt was finally, finally about to settle in to the tub after a long day with Sebastian, which included a little shopping at the centre where Seb found a new mp3 player than Dani had said he was eyeing and Kurt was able to get himself a new turtleneck in a colour that ironically Seb picked out, when there was a knock at the door.

"Coming!"

Honestly who could be at the door at this time of night? Looking through the peep hole Kurt saw a very handsome but lost looking soul standing at the door. Noting that he was dressed well Kurt decided to open the door a crack and see who it was, confident enough that the guy didn't look like a bum.

Opening the door a tiny bit Kurt spoke up looking at the man with blue eyes and a kind and familiar smile.

"Kurt Hummel?" The man spoke with a hint of refinement that Kurt wasn't used to.

"Correct, do I know you?"

"Actually no. I'm here because I got a call from Sebastian Smythe this afternoon. He said you would be expecting me."

"Oh! Right you're..." The gentleman extended his hand which Kurt took warmly as he opened the door completely.

"Cooper Anderson, Blaine's big brother, can I come in?"

With a sly smirk Kurt ushered Cooper in and closed the door behind him.

* * *

**_Review? Please tell me you liked this...ta! xx_**


	13. Chapter 12

****_A/N: Hello again guys, long time no post huh? RL is a bitch, work, my brother basically fading before my eyes, and wanting to make this chapter huge didn't work for me. However, this is filler chapter, but it has some awesome Santana moments in there for BlurtItAllOut, whom was my 100th reviewer a while back. This is the precursor to the Christmas chapter which I finished my outline for a while ago but I have yet to finish actually writing. Soon I hope, it will be awesome to see it come to life :)  
_

_I will stop my rambling and say please don't shoot me for spelling and such, I'm tired and it was exhausting getting this out since I have to get up at farmer's hours everyday.  
_

_I love all the feedback this story has been getting so please leave me some encouragement or const. critic. ( it's always appreciated.)  
_

_Disclaimer : Apparently I have forgotten to put one of these on here recently. I guess when you own nothing accept your imagination, this point become moot.  
_

_Love ya, and hope you like the in between chapter ;) xo_

* * *

**Close To Home**

* * *

**Chapter 12  
**

**(KPOV)**

There was an incessant hum from the central heating in my apartment, and I guess that that not only showed the age of the building I lived in, but how unnaturally quiet the situation was. This man, who seemed completely at home taking off his coat and was now wandering around my loft, hadn't said anything in the last five minutes and the silence was deafening.  
"Um, can I get you a drink Mr. Anderson?"  
Scoffing back a small laugh the man replied, "Mr. Anderson's my father Kurt. As I assume Mr. Hummel is yours..."  
"Was."  
Coop raised a sympathetic eyebrow but before he could question me further, I continued my train of thought trying to feign the pity that was surely to come.  
"Mr. Hummel was my father, I'm the only Hummel now." Cooper seemed to note the 'please don't ask' written all over my face when I said this, so thankfully he didn't say anything really on the matter.

"My humblest apologies I assure you, but decorum needn't apply here Kurt, we're above and beyond being adults here, so Cooper is fine. And I would love a drink but only if you drink with me. Social convention you see, plus I would feel pretty awkward engaging in this scene with you without levelling the playing field."  
"I'm sorry, what _scene_ are you referring?" A scene is this guy for real?  
"A scene, an act. I know of your work Kurt, being a director and all so I figured the jargon wasn't lost on you... I'll try again."  
"It wasn't lost on me thank you Cooper, merely the context." So not only was he a tiny bit off his rocker but his inability to filter between normal sarcasm and rudeness was slightly broken.  
"Ah, I see, let me elaborate. I figured with the whole, meeting the boyfriend's family thing and such, that we were supposed to engage in a serious conversation regarding your intentions, in which you would solidify your feelings for said brother in some kind of dramatic show of affection through your words. There would be melodrama, vibrant but effective hand gesturing, maybe a heated discussion about the future of your relationship and then I would most likely give my blessing. Sound about right?"  
Cooper was standing there look absolutely smug, and it was a look I had never really seen on Blaine, which made the differences between the brothers all that more apparent. Plus Cooper's attitude and mannerisms were hard to peg to be honest. He seemed to be an odd mix of sincere and completely self deluded at the same time, presumptuous but well dressed, almost pompously so, and that was coming from me. He resembled a mix between a lawyer and a cartoon; an enigma from first glance to be sure.

Despite my reservations surrounding this odd individual in my house though, I tried to remember why he was here in the first place. _Blaine_.

Blaine was this man's brother and Sebastian, the rodent faced, self absorbed, over confident, mud mouthed...

_Wait Kurt, turn off the internal monologue for a second...just think of the curls and eyes you adore and the person with whom you wanted to actually get better for and with. There that's better._

This was that wonderfully flawed man's family. So with a curt nod I wandered away and came back with two sparkling waters; discussing Blaine in any context whilst drinking alcohol sounded a little like a double standard in my opinion so I didn't offer Cooper any.  
When I sat down in my living room I gestured for Cooper to do the same, which he did with what I noticed was a practised smile and a grateful sip of his water.  
"What no lemon? The mild acidity is really good at relaxing the throat." This guy really did seem like a piece of work because he looked serious.  
"Sorry this isn't a full service establishment." I deadpanned.  
"Ooooh feisty. Blainers has his hands full with you doesn't he?"  
"I don't see how that particular analogy is any of your business but yes, we keep each other on our toes. Now since you're done over analyzing the situation and insinuating that I don't serve the correct drinks or any other varied randomness, aren't you at all curious as to why I _actually _had Sebastian make contact with you?"  
"I am, and as I assume the common denominator in this equation is my baby brother, that this has something to do with him and/or possibly his career."  
Career? Wasn't expecting that one.  
"No it doesn't have anything to immediately do with his career but on that note I will make a comment later. Now, I'm sure you were a little surprised to hear from Smythe so randomly?"

When he nodded and leaned forward I could at least be thankful that the man had manners enough to use a coaster for his drink, and he looked at me intently when I was speaking. He was definitely brought up in the same house as Blaine with manners like that, despite the rough around the edges personality flaws. Hey I wasn't one to talk but you just had to meet the guy to understand the conundrum.

"Quite. Especially since when Sebastian sent the email I was already in the air, I love first class wifi on planes by the way. Anyways I was needed back on the east coast for a bit, Boston actually, so when I got Mr. Smythe's message I hopped on a connecting flight and here I am. I delayed my actual arrival in Boston until tomorrow so I could come here because Sebastian seemed sad with his words and that cocky bastard is never sad. So is Blaine okay? What did Sebastian do wrong since I assume this is his doing?"

The over analytical part of me, the one that used to find the smallest imperfections in any outfit, sensed that this man was one complicated individual wrapped in an equally one minded one.  
The guy has a pan chance for flouting his apparent wealth, throwing around terms like first class and using five dollar words where three dollar ones would have sufficed, but then behind the attempted professionalism was a man that truly cared about his baby brother. Plus the guy knew he was good looking, unlike his sibling whom I had to remind daily it would seem that his hair wasn't that poofy, and that yes, his short stature is a turn on for me, especially since his muscles looked that much more defined on a smaller frame, but this man looked only the slightest like Blaine.

He looked quite a bit older for starters, his temples had a touch on the grey side, that and his hair was only slightly wavy, not the tight curls I loved on my boyfriend. He had to be two inches taller than myself and I sat at about six foot, and his eyes were similar to mine, maybe more blue and less greenish/grey. He was striking and stood tall and well put together thus giving off a certain alluring arrogance, but the experience I had in years of building personal walls around myself, I knew all to well how to see through that particular talent. He cared. He may have been able to hide it well enough to the casual observer when asking nonchalantly about Blaine, or covering it up complaining about the type of water I served.

I knew that guarded fear, his pride was fairly see through now that I saw him sitting there running his hand through his very well styled hair. He dropped what he was doing in his life at the drop of hat or in this case an email from his brother's friend, and came right over to my apartment, a man that he had never met before today, just because one of his brothers friends said so. It was this thought that reminded me of my intentions and fueled the new faith that I had in this plan.

"I dunno how Blaine is, why don't you tell me?" I asked in my best serious voice.  
His delightful confusion with the question made me smile and lean forward, lacing my fingers together in my lap.  
"I don't follow." This was obviously a man that was used to control, and with one sentence I completely derailed his train of thought.  
"I said I don't know. So I asked you if you knew how your brother was."  
"I-I honestly, we haven't talked in s-so long I figured, I mean I...I don't have a clue how my brother is Kurt."  
Perfect. Now I have his real attention.

"That's exactly the reason I've brought you here, you don't know. Now if we're done with the formalities of this situation, can we forget we're strangers for a second and talk about the man that I've grown very attached to without the pretension? He's very special to me Cooper, and well...he misses you."

Cooper unbuttoned the collar of his shirt and blew out a puff of air as if willing himself to relax into the chaise.

"You have my attention Kurt. And just for the record, I miss him too."

I smirked but it was genuine, "Shall we begin then?"

**xXx**

* * *

"Hijo de la gran puta!"

The knocking on her door was insistent but Santana wasn't so much pissed off that someone was over at her house at "are you fucking serious o'clock", because it was only 9 at night, but it was because she had finally moved into her new apartment completely and was in the process of clearing out some space for Brit's stuff too; so basically she was irritable and tired.

It couldn't have been Brit because she has keys and even if she lost them, Santana had figured that she was still out with Kurt and Tina since that was the original idea in the first place.

When she jumped over the large box that was blocking her way to the door, she nearly fell over the smaller box hiding behind it stubbing her toe in the process.

"Chingadera!" Santana was hopping on the spot in her thin strapped nightgown which came to just below her upper thighs as the knocking continued. Then a voice came from beyond the door obviously hearing Santana's distress.

"Uh Santana you okay? I can hear you out here?"

"Blaine? What the actual fuck are you doing here? How did you know where I lived?"

"Uh I called Brit. Can I come in?"

"Depends, why are you here?"

"Santana please, I need to talk to you..a-about Kurt."

When the Santana sensed the urgency in Blaine's voice she opened the door half in fear that something was wrong with her friend, but that fear was alleviated almost completely when she saw that Blaine wasn't crying, and didn't looked distressed, more worried and a little afraid.

He was holding a small tray of what looked like coffee. Santana internally chuckled at the man's peace offering. The tips of his hair was glistening from the newly fallen snow, and his nose was a light pink, giving Santana the impression that he had walked a bit to get here.

"What to you want short and curly?"

"I brought coffee, I just wanted to talk to you about Kurt. Can I come in?"

Santana huffed but looked less irritated now that the pain in her foot was subsiding, and because Blaine seemed genuine in his need to speak with her.

"Sure, get in here and don't break anything."

Walking into the spacious living room but modest apartment Blaine couldn't help but think that the apartment and even the neighbourhood was even a little under scale for her.

"Nice place, did you just move in?"

"No I had the insane urge to pack all my shit in boxes and build an elaborate apartment fort. Yes I just moved Anderson."

Santana took a grateful sip of her coffee noting that it was still warm and she hadn't noticed how much she needed the caffeine jolt until now. It had been a log day after all.

"Thank you for this, although I'm still sceptical what it's going to cost me short stuff. Have a seat. So what can a recently divorced and now fairly broke lesbian do for a self hating gay composer whom for some reason has an aversion to socks even in the winter?"

Blaine had removed his boots when he came in the door, and had forgotten that he had once again, neglected to put on socks. Blaine had always found them constricting.

"I just don't like socks. And stop over exaggerating, you aren't broke."

"Feels like it these days. That ass-wipe has taken me to the cleaners, thank god I never bred with that mongrel. This is what I get for finally being myself and loving a woman...mild bankruptcy in a less than swank neighbourhood. Oh yes Anderson, being dramatic is so uncalled for."

"Are you done?" Blaine smiled, secretly learning to love her little bitch fits for usually no particular reason.

"For now. I'm sure I'll find something else to harp on about before long. Rumour has it if I don't bitch, mass hysteria will be unleashed. Like Bieber for President type of end of the world shit, ya feel me?"

"You are one odd woman Santana."

"Proud of it McNugget. Now what's goin' on with my Kurt? He's been doing great with this whole finding his inner glamourous self. Personally since the TwinkleBerryFinn times, he's never been this relaxed."

She put down her coffee and crossed her legs under her. She obviously had no shame about flashing me her underwear, I mean granted she had a better chance of getting Ray Charles to do a double take than me, but it was kind of nice in a creepy way that she was relaxed around me. It was almost like we were friends; almost.

"Twinkl...what?"

"It was a nickname that my cheer squad and I came up with for Kurt and his friend Rachel back in the day. Rachel being the insufferable snot who ran out on Kurt during one of his productions. Finn was Rachel's boyfriend turned baby daddy. Before all that shit hit the fan, those three were kind of close and Kurt was I dunno...happier, so we gave them a couple name. I thought it was damn clever for a fifteen year old's mind. Never mind that, those two don't give a shit about Kurt now it seems and are officially dead to me."

Santana took a deep breath as if to clear her body of the images of her and Kurt's old "friends" and her scowl was replaced by a soft and frighteningly genuine smile.

"So... you were fretting about Kurtikins what gives?"

Blaine took a deep breath and finally said what he had come all the way uptown to say.

"Kurt's fine and it's been brought to my attention that Kurt doesn't like Christmas that much. Basically it's my favourite holiday and I wanted to give Kurt a special one now that we're ya know...together. I have and idea but..."

"But? A butt is something you sit on genius, just spit it out, what do you need from me?"

"I need a conspirator, an ally that can tell me if my idea for Kurt's gift..."

"Sucks balls? And in no fun way I assure you."

They both laughed at the same time at the imagery she created and the air seemed to clear of all tension and Blaine was thankful that her crassness helped the situation.

"So will you help me?"

"Sure thing Mini Me. I have to say I'm touched that you would think of me."

"I couldn't ignore the impressive Eve Harrington ways in which you get things done Santana."

"_Latina_ Eve Harrington. Get it straight pocket pet. Now, gimme the low down on what your plan is and I will either shun it, tell you hell no, or praise your wise ol' hobbit ways at making my boy love Christmas again."

Blaine started to rattle on about the idea for Kurt's gift that he had, but throughout his entire speech his pride in the idea wavered as Santana seemed less and less impressed. Once Blaine was done his speech, Santana just smiled.

"I think that's a great gift, if you're asking him to marry you Blaine."

"What?"

"Taking Kurt on an all day shopping spree, letting him go nuts like he did in his teens, dinner and theatre? Blaine who the hell are you trying to impress the fuckin Queen of Sheba?"  
"No I just want it to be special."

"Blaine something that I have learned throughout my misguided marriage was that money and expensive crap doesn't buy happiness. I mean shit it can buy you a Park Ave. condo that neighbours happiness but it doesn't really capture what the essence of gift giving is."

Santana leaned in a little closer so that she was staring at Blaine intimately, as if begging him with her eyes to pay attention.

"Look. Kurt came from humble beginnings. He always loved giving and making presents for people, and not even just on holidays, Kurt was always the giver. And stop fucking laughing, for once I didn't make the pitcher and catcher reference okay? Amateurs, honestly."

Blaine was trying really hard to be mature but he found it hard to do when Santana couldn't stop snickering to herself for a few seconds either.

"_Anyways_, Kurt doesn't really remember when he had something other than me, my mom and my grandmother, you know before my Abuela disowned me. I mean of course he remembers but he misses his dad so much more on holidays that he's lost his sparkle for that kind of shit. He's like a brother to me and as annoying as his rainbow ass is, and no matter how much his attitude has pissed me off in the last few years, I love the guy and with him simple generosity is best. Buying something lavish and expensive will get you brownie points or a happy ending rub and tug but it's a little hollow."

Even put so bluntly her point did make a lot of sense. Now I felt bad for trying to overdo it in my head, and needed her advice all the much more.

"So what did you have in mind?"

"Do something completely selfless for him. It doesn't even have to cost anything. Just one gesture and it be because of and for Kurt, and I think you'll get him to believe in Christmas again Charlie Brown."

Sipping the coffee again Blaine really thought over what Santana had just said.

"So you think that just from Blaine to Kurt, without the bells and whistles would be best? As his best friend you would approve of this more so?"

"You want to win his heart and make him care again, a little more everyday. Now's your chance to actually make him want to enjoy Christmas. You can buy him a new bobble or crew neck, V-neck, double hemmed whatever shirt anytime. So yes as his best girl and the one in charge of the head hunters should you hurt my best gay, I approve more highly of a gift of heart not wallet."

It was easily the most relaxed conversation Santana and I had ever shared, and honestly it had given me a lot to think about.

"You get what I'm saying Anderson? This is your first Christmas together, make it count in the simplest way possible."

Blaine responded with a cheeky but longing smile. "The first of many I hope."

I was about to regale her in the new theory that had popped into my head when she kept talking.

"And just so you know, you can always call to ask me opinions about Kurt, I will try my best to help..." I smiled and muttered thank you but she cut me off again.

"...But if you hurt him, you get to choose between your left and right nut, because one of them is getting roasted on a holiday open fire."

Blaine felt a constriction in his gut as the thought whirled around in his head. No pressure to get this perfect, no pressure at all.

* * *

_I know Santana's family's from the Dominican Republic but the translations I got were from a friend of mine who's Puerto Rican. So the complete authenticity is varied ( sorry if it offends)_

_Translations are basically : Son of bitch, **and** fucking thing_

_PS- Does anyone else think of Cooper as a singing used car salesman? Because that's the kind of musical and kind hearted skeeze that I see him as lol_

_The gifts will be revealed in the next chapter when the seasonal fluff war begins. After that there may be some drama or there my not. We will have to see I guess. Review? mini muffins for a mini chapter by my standards? xoxo_


	14. Chapter 14

_Alright kids, buckle down. I know that I am not the longest chapter authour out there but this is pretty damn huge. 23,000 words of holiday fluff, love, maybe some smut (shhh), and of course I lot of the other characters as well._

_And before you ask, yes those sex toys actually exist...you'll see what I mean, I can't make all this shit up lol._

_You will also notice that there are some scenes that I have put in here that resemble a few spoilers mayhaps ( kinda) but I assure you that if there is any similarities it's because Ryan was picking my brain in my sleep, and so i changed a few things to make it my own instead. P.S- I own nothing but my imagination, including how I write bits of canon in here ;)_

_There are quite a few songs in here too, you should probably recognize 75 percent right off the bat, but there's a full list at the bottom._

_**This is also where I get to show where my inspiration came from for this story. The last song in the chapter was a huge inspiration for the character that sings it and his or her...no I am not giving it away...relationship with their other. It makes me cry with its meaning. Please listen to that one above all else._

_._

_Please be kind with grammar and spelling stuffs, this was a pig to edit so I figure this will be my only GIANT chapter for this story because it kicked my butt to edit at all. _

_**Important: to my lovely followers of this story, this is also a turning point in the story itself, there will be some obstacles ahead I assure you but this is the beginning of the build up for the climax of the story. So read on and expect more smut and some struggles in the few ( yes few) chapters left in this saga. I love you all and despite the lack of updates I decided to throw this all together because it flowed well and you deserved a proper and giant update._

_Read and review guys, I hope you love my holidays salute. xoxox_

* * *

**Close to Home**

* * *

**Chapter 14 ( because I felt like skipping 13; cuz I'm weird)**

With the last few days before Christmas rapidly descending on the both of them, Kurt and Blaine tried their best not to give away what they had done for the other, and remarkably they were able to both get the necessary prep done for their gifts, and not run into any obstacles from the other. Neither spent much which was agreed upon, (and Blaine was thankful he listened to Santana even more now), the holiday season was in full swing now that the workshop had stopped for the season, and hoped to get tech started soon after the holidays. First was the investors live promotion, but the writers, the director whom the cast said grew a heart this season, and the cast themselves, were all thankful for the needed break to pursue smaller jobs and/or head home for the holidays.

When Kurt and Blaine met for their morning coffee, or when they tried to make time to have dinner out for once, their discussion about what they would be doing on that day was kept hush hush for the most part. The only discussion they had on the topic was one evening not long after Blaine's night with Santana.

* * *

_December 19th_

"So what did you wanna do on Christmas Day anyway babe?" Blaine decided he would ask even if it was a no brainer that they would spend the day together. They had found a small eclectic diner not too far from the studio to have their date nights. It was quiet enough that both Blaine and Kurt were comfortable in. Blaine still had issue with public displays of their relationship and Kurt had been forever patient knowing this diner was quiet enough that he was comfortable; thus making him more at ease. Blaine was slowly getting more affectionate though, which made Kurt happier with each passing day.

"Well San and Brit are gonna host at Santana's, well their new place as you know. I'm going over the night before to help out and stuff. You really should see the place, it's a three bedroom and she thinks its small. Honestly that woman is such a spoiled brat, but it has a lovely window over looking the river in the distance..."  
Blaine had tuned out his boyfriend during the speech, knowing very well what Tana's new place looked like, but Kurt hadn't known he'd been there, so he just stared at the one small hair that fell from Kurt's immaculate do, all because of the winter wind. That and because Kurt swore that natural products although better for your hair, never held up as well to the elements. It were these kinds of off topic rants and descriptions that Blaine enjoyed hearing Kurt complain about. He was just so passionate about the smallest thing that Blaine usually ended up staring off into his eyes with a dumbstruck expression listening to his boyfriend talk, but not always hearing him. Okay so Blaine Anderson officially had it bad, as he once again got lost in Kurt's eyes, which were almost green today.

"Blaine? Where'd you go? Does that sound okay?" Blaine shook his head a tiny bit and cursed under his breath that he always seemed to be in a affection induced haze when looking at Kurt.  
"I'm sorry what, I missed a part again didn't I?"

Kurt pretended to look angry but he was trying too hard to make it seem sincere.  
"If you weren't so cute I'd be upset when you wonder off in that head of yours and ignore me. So how much did you catch?"  
"Uh, you me, at Brit and Tana's early Christmas morning. Wes just confirmed he will be in attendance for dinner, but he will be solo. Jeannie's back in Connecticut with her family and its too early for Wes to be introduced to her folks. Seb is a maybe since his sister may be heading into the country, and personally I was surprised that Tana invited him honestly. So, I heard everything up until you started describing Tana's place." Kurt raised a questioning eyebrow at me that was all tease, but there was a question under it all.  
"Since when did you start calling her Tana?"  
"Her permission I swear." Blaine raised his hands in surrender with a smile  
"Hmmm I figured, but you and her together could spell trouble."  
"She's tough Kurt but harmless." Kurt rolled his eyes and despite the humour in his next statement, there was a shudder of truth behind it.  
"As long as a shark is fed, it's harmless Blaine."

Blaine laughed loudly because with every passing day Kurt wasn't filtering how or when he said things. It was honest and nine times out of ten not cruel. Blaine really liked this new Kurt. And as they sat there talking over the rest of their Christmas plans, Blaine knew that Kurt was finally happier with how he felt about himself.  
"The rest of what I was saying Blaine, was despite me going over to San's house the night before did you want to, um stay the night with me? Santana said its okay and we really haven't slept beside each other in a while and I kind of miss waking up beside you, you're so warm and I..." Blaine reached out and grabbed Kurt's hand, silencing him completely when he brought it awkwardly to his lips across the table.  
"Kurt stop, of course I'd love to. I was planning on just staying at home after my shift at the restaurant anyway until the morning of when I'd meet you. I would love for you to be the first person I see Christmas morning."  
"I have to admit that I would love that too. So, you're still good with going out in the morning for a little bit?" Kurt played with the skin on Blaine's thumb looking at the joined hands and not in Blaine's eyes when he asked. He was such a blushing teen sometimes, even though he would turn thirty in a few months.  
"You're not going to tell me why we have to leave the snugly warmth of bed on Christmas morning are you?"  
Kurt just shook his head and sighed.  
"Not a chance."  
Blaine absolutely loved the teasing smile that Kurt was giving him, and it happened every time Blaine tried to subtly find out what he got him. Blaine literally teased and pouted just so he could see the look of accomplishment on Kurt's face. Blaine knew that no matter what he got for Christmas he would love it, because it made Kurt smile like that.

XXXX

* * *

_December 22nd_

So here they were at Blaine's apartment with Wes, and Val going over the stuff for the new changes and some small revisions to the choreography and music, waiting on Sebastian because he got stuck in traffic. This is why Kurt never understood why he drove everywhere; the metro would get you there faster and you would avoid street top congestion. The workshop had indeed stopped until the new year but Wes and Blaine had ideas to present to Kurt and the panel of others before showing Santana, so they insisted on meeting here before anyone left the city for family functions, besides Sebastian and Wes were spending the holidays with more than half the people in this room, so it was a no-brainer that they would be available. But Sebastian was late, and Kurt never liked be kept waiting.

A short while later whilst Kurt was shaking his head at yet another failed attempt to bring the first act scene to a proper climax, there was a jingling of keys which made Kurt's mind joggle. Who had keys to Blaine's apartment? A smile crossed Blaine's face as he looked at Kurt across the room, which he only returned partially as Sebastian strode into the room.

"Evening bitches and assorted others."

His lack of professionalism made Kurt's blood boil a little, but maybe that wasn't all there was to it. For now he would forget that it bothered him that Sebastian had keys to his boyfriends place.

Just because they were in an informal setting didn't mean he could be refer to everyone, especially Kurt as such, no matter how much they had attempted to bond over the last few weeks as well.

"Sebastian, don't be an ass hole, as much as it seems to be in your genetic make up."

"I was just trying to lighten the mood since it took me and and hour to get here from across town and my ass is numb, sorry your highness."

Kurt was losing his battle with his temper. All the weeks of trying to remain calm, and using Blaine as his anchor was slowly fading as he watched his boyfriend laugh at Sebastian's comments, making Kurt shrink within himself. He knew that it wasn't meant as anything malicious but it was embarrassing in front of his peers to be addressed as such, and he couldn't take it anymore. Plus Blaine didn't defend him. It may have been childish but he wasn't about to let the bitchy Kurt be completely forgotten.

"That's not all that will be numb if you don't smarten up and stop calling me shit like that! I am your director and this is a panel meeting. One that you are late for. If you want to be our lead you need to be on time for things, stop thinking you can just say whatever pops in that head of yours, just because you think that everyone likes you and that you have Blaine in your back pocket. You know what? I was starting to fall for it, this 'I care' shit from you, but for now could you cut your crap and get in the door so that we can _finally_ start this meeting without any more interruptions!?"

"You know what Hummel I'm sorry okay? Just lighten up a little, I did want to be on time but holiday traffic is shit.."

"And that should have been allotted for. Excuses are for the guilty, get in here."

"No need to shout."

"For the record Mr. Smythe, you are a dime a dozen. A dancer who can sing, and you may well be perfect for this roll but if your attitude doesn't improve and you start treating myself and the others here as the professionals that we are, then you may be out of a job. Friends outside of work don't stay friends at work. Are we clear?!"

Kurt was almost flush pink as he watched Sebastian shrink within himself and nod. Kurt almost didn't hear the voice to his left through the blood rushing in his ears.

"Kurt can I talk to you for a second?"

Blaine had appeared by Kurt's side and Kurt felt the heat in his face subside as he looked at Blaine's expression. He wasn't mad but stern looking and it made him self conscious enough to look around the room and see the bashful but suddenly obedient faces of his co-workers. They looked afraid to say anything on the growing argument and berating that Sebastian was suffering, maybe a little unjustly. One way or the other Kurt nodded at his boyfriend as he led him into Blaine's bedroom and shut the door behind him.

"I know what your going to say Blaine but he was pushing the envelope a little with saying what he did."

"Kurt I wasn't going to say that." He stood there facing his boyfriend, his curls completely poofy and slightly adorable tonight but he looked completely neutral giving Kurt the feeling like was he yet again over reacting.

"Then what were you going to say?" Kurt rushed out those words in one huff of breath, this shoulders relaxing slowly as he watched Blaine release some tension of his own.

"I was going to say that Sebastian was out of line and you were in your right mind to say what you did." Kurt's mouth made an 'O' shape as his boyfriend kept talking. I think it was safe to say that Kurt hadn't been expecting Blaine to say that he was right.

"It may have been a little over the top but this wasn't a completely friendly get together and he made it as such. Plus he was late, and he should know that tardiness isn't tolerated. You are his director Kurt. I just pulled you in here so Sebastian could take a minute to collect his thoughts and to make sure you calmed down before you really exploded."

"Um wow okay. I didn't think you would have approved of my outburst."

"Kurt I may not approve of it but I understand and validate why you did it. I also wanted to apologize for not standing up for you, but I admit I am used to Sebastian's funny comments even when they shouldn't be. I also didn't want everyone to see me as the guy that would try and fight your battles. So I'm sorry for laughing where I shouldn't have, but I'm only human."

"Thank you for that, but I really did try and reign myself in. I could have been much more rude."

Blaine laughed, "Oh I'm aware of the restraint, but I have to admit..." Blaine walked towards Kurt and he allowed the shorter man to wrap his arms around his waist and bring his body flush with his. He breathed against his neck, causing Kurt to shiver as he brought his hands up over Blaine's muscular shoulders and around his neck.

"...It was insanely hot watching you dominate Sebastian like that. When you're strong and powerful it does funny things to me sometimes. Your strength amazes me Kurt."

Kurt took his time humming the appreciation for the compliment as he kissed languidly along Blaine's jaw.

"Hmmm I'll remember that for later." he said.

Blaine allowed Kurt to take his lips in between his teeth gently a moment later making Blaine growl involuntarily.

"Later Blaine. For now we better get back out there."

"Hmm don't wanna." Blaine palmed Kurt's ass through his insanely tight jeans, pulling him closer.

"Baby come on. As appealing as either of us on our knees right now is..." Blaine growled and lightly bit Kurt's earlobe in his teeth.

"..I think you screaming my name wouldn't go over well with our guests."

Blaine's heart fluttered at the term _our _and he wasn't even sure why, as he allowed Kurt to push him away so they were only holding hands. He also couldn't get the image of Kurt on his knees in front of him out of his head.

"You will be the death of me Kurt Hummel."

"So we're okay? You aren't mad at me?"

"Nah, I just wanted you to know that I was sorry and that you were right. And I also wanted to make sure there were no blood stains on my carpet. Wes hates question where murders are involved when he's a witness."

When Kurt laughed, Blaine's smile widened exponentially.

"Come on babe, let's not make Wesley worry more than he has to. I haven't heard anything break or anyone start sobbing so I think we're safe to go back out there."

"Kurt wait."

Blaine pulled his hand and halted his boyfriend's movements.

"I wanted to tell you about a part of my Christmas gift to you."

"Blaine you don't have to, I can wait a few days."

"No, it can't, not after the look I saw you just give Sebby when he got here."

"I don't follow B."

Blaine loved it when Kurt called him B. It had been something that he had just started doing at random and Blaine wasn't about to stop him when the butterflies in his stomach acted like they did.

"I'm taking away Seb's key. Wait, don't protest it.." Kurt was about to do just that actually.

"Seb had that key as a safety blanket, just in case, I ya know...fell of my waggon?

"Well now I have you, and I know his feelings for me make you uncomfortable and I think Sebastian will understand that yes, he's always welcome here, but like everyone else he needs to knock from now on. We're a couple now right and I know it bothers you that he can come and go as he pleases so...I'm gonna ask him to give me the key back. He'll understand, he'll pout because I always have food he likes to steal but he will understand that I love you and I want to make you happy too."

Blaine almost chewed off his own tongue when he realized that not only did the word love come out of his mouth but that they felt natural. Kurt stared at him questioningly and maybe even a little calculated for a moment before speaking.

"Did you just...Blaine did you mean..?"

Closing his eyes at the slip that didn't feel the least bit wrong though, he tried to chuckle.

"Can we please forget that I said that as unromantic as I did?"

"But B you said you _looooveeed _me...you_ wooooveeeee_ me." Kurt teased.

"Oh shut up it's not funny, my words slipped."

"So does that mean you didn't mean them?" Kurt pouted and Blaine couldn't help but laugh at the childishness that he had learned to adopt recently. Plus Blaine tried to hide his blush with a laugh as he tried to change the subject.

"Let's address that later. So you like the first part of your present?"

"Hmmm as selfish as it is to say, you want me to be honest, so yes I love it. Sebastian may be rubbing off on me, when's he's not pissing me off, but he's still an arrogant dick that's in love with you. So yes him having limited access to the place where I can kiss, hug, hold and laugh at my boyfriend in peace, makes me happy."

He punctuated each action word with a kiss to each knuckle, making Blaine laugh at the chivalry and sentimentality of it all.

"Thank you B. For calming me down, for the gift which I never expected you to do for me, and well just for being you."

"You're welcome. Ready m'dear?"

"Exit stage right honey."

"I always get those mixed up." Kurt rolled his eyes at Blaine and pulled us back into the living room where Sebastian was standing there surrounded by the other men.

"Kurt I'm sorry I just..."

Kurt held up his hand and silenced Seb almost immediately.

"Accepted. I'm sorry I blew up but I think we've had enough arguing for the night." Blaine squeezed his hand that Kurt only just realized that he hadn't let go of.

"Now Val you said something after the death scene...let's start up again there."

Blaine allowed himself to be pulled along and nodded at Sebastian who looked guilty but thankful for Blaine's interference.

The rest of the evening played out really well with only minor tensions between Sebastian and Kurt. Wes and Blaine even finished the outline for the new re-writes when the evening came to close. Wes and Sebastian were just heading out the door while Kurt lingered back in the kitchen as Blaine saw his friends out.

"That was really productive once we avoided world war three with this moron and Kurt."

"Yeah it was, and I think Seb nowknows he shouldn't think everything is a joke huh? This is work man."

Wes nodded when Blaine asked him with his eyes for a minute with Seb alone. Sebastian huffed and knew he had avoided this conversation with Blaine all night and wasn't that lucky to avoid it much longer.

"I'm sorry killer, you know that its hard for me to not joke when I'm uncomfortable."

"Don't Seb, I get it. Just respect Kurt the director the same way you've been respecting Kurt my boyfriend recently. You have to differentiate the two or I won't hold him back as it were the next time when he wants to tear a piece off you dude. You kind of had it coming tonight."

"I know. So I presume that's not all you wanted to talk about?" Blaine leaned against his door frame and held out his hand.

"I would give you a high five but I presume that's not what you're after."

Blaine just sighed and looked pleadingly at Sebastian before he spoke.

"It makes Kurt uncomfortable and I get that. So for the sake of my relationship I am asking my best friend to respect that too. You are always welcome here, just ya know, call first. Kurt doesn't have a key so when both of my friends do...it creates the wrong image. Plus you know, with how you feel.."

"Water under a bridge." Sebastian tried to smile it off but Blaine knew better.

"Seb."

"It's all good. I think your fridge needs a break from my appetite anyway."

Sebastian just smiled and unlinked the key from the ring but not before halting and looking at his best friend, a silly smile forming on his face as if lightening had just struck his brain.

"You love him don't you Blainers?" Blaine just scoffed and laughed but couldn't hide the give away blush.

"Don't be ridiculous."

"Oh my god you do!" Sebastian placed the key in Blaine's hand as punctuation as he leaned forward and hugged Blaine excitedly.

"I'm so happy for you man!"

"Shhh Kurt will come out here and I haven't told him yet, well not in the right context anyway." Blaine pulled away and pulled the door closed behind him just in case Kurt did come out of the kitchen or study. ( Blaine wasn't even sure where he was in the apartment to be honest so he was just playing it safe.)

"What? Why not? I'm sure he loves you too, it can't all be about the sex man."

"We haven't had...well we done some stuff..."

"Whoa really? You really do love him if you held back from tapping that ass."

"Seb..." Sebastian secretly, okay maybe not so secretly, loved riling up Blaine, especially since it was ridiculously cute when he defended his boyfriend.

"Alright alright. I'm proud of you man. You're doing everything you can to make him happy and he's obviously making you sickeningly happy in _looove_ too.."

"Shut up...shhh. Just get out of here before I smack you quiet."

"Oh Blainers how you talk to me, makes my heart a flutter. I'll probably see you on Christmas but it depends on the sis. Talk to you later killer. Keep that key safe in case you ever want to give it back to me."

"Ya right. Thanks Sebby, you know I love you too." For a brief second Seb's smiled faded but it changed into one that wasn't malicious or love struck, it was just sincere.

"_Loooooooove_ you too buddy. Text me later. And give Kurt my love too, a big wet one right on the..."

"Goodnight Seb."

Blaine closed the door once again, on another eventful evening, placing the key in his pants pocket before turning back to see the man that he "loved" sitting there on the couch with two cups of what looked like tea.

"Harry Potter, cuddling and herbal tea for the lovely man in red?"

"Oh god yes." The night was just as eventful as I realized that I should stop fighting the love I had for this man, because it was starting to hurt with its power, a good but terrifying sign.

XXXX

* * *

_December 24th _

**(KPOV)**

"Brit! Get the door, Kurt and I are busy fisting this stupid bird!" To Santana's credit, that was exactly what I was doing at that precise moment. Santana was chopping the meat for her Dominican stew, and I had my hand shoved so far up this turkey's ass that if it still had a head, it may have popped off from the pressure.

I hadn't had turkey for Christmas in what seemed like forever, Santana and I had gone back to her family, and my part time adopted family's, for Christmas since we were teenagers. It was only when Santana came out to them, and her husband, that we had both been shunned by her grandmother, and no longer invited to her house ( She apparently just thought I was secretive with my girlfriends, and only figured out that I was gay too once Santana had said that she was always accepting of me, so why the hate? That was when the light bulb went off. It was kind of nice not having someone look at me for once and scream flamer at first glance.)

So here we were co-hosting the Porc-snix Christmas Extravaganza. [Our combined nicknames from our alter egos (Porcelain and Snixx) – San could be so silly sometimes], and we had all the fixings prepped for a night of combined ethnicities tomorrow.

Turkey, mash, and a mixture of veg and salad because I insisted on something being remotely healthy. I had learned from Santana's family that Christmas 'back home' was usually a combination of a few months worth of celebrating. They'd start in October and continue all the way until Christmas Eve with the large party being on that day. I told Santana that we could hold the dinner on the 24th like we used to at her folks but she insisted that as long as she got to make some of her 'better' Spanish influenced dishes than we could forgo the 24th and have dinner with the new 'family' on the 25th. She was trying to be snide but I could tell that she was sincere about including others into our rapidly growing group, namely Brit's and her first Christmas together as a real couple.

She of course brushed it off when I tried to accuse her of sentimentality by saying that she needed to go pick up the Fuegos Artificiales. Why she couldn't just say fireworks was beyond me, but it would be interesting watching people's reaction to the tradition of going outside in the snow and lighting off fireworks in the park.

So with all the stuff prepped for San's Sancocho, which from experience was pretty damn good, and the last remaining thing being me removing my hand from this wild bird's ass, the Christmas spirit was alive and well in me for the first time in years. Especially with the anticipation of what I was going to do for Blaine.

Just as my mind began to wander I heard the man in question's voice from the other room. I had previously warned Blaine that even at now 30 years old Brittany still believed in Santa and it was very serious to suggest otherwise. Blaine had finally realized to not question anything when it came to Brit, so he gave me his scout's honour to suggest no such thing and took it for what it was.

I removed my hand from the now violated but sufficiently stuffed turkey and smiled at the job I had done. We had decided to stuff the bird with the same seasonings that San would be using in her Sancocho, just to give the meal some cohesion. We were food nerds like that. Both of us may have been skinny but we knew good food.

I washed off my hands before heading out to Blaine in the other room where Santana had disappeared a second before, but I was startled with the approach of the delicious smelling and warm man coming up behind me and holding my hips.

"Happy Christmas Eve beautiful."

"Hmm Merry Christmas Eve B. You smell amazing by the way."

"Oh yeah, the entire kitchen staff seems to smell like garlic today. We made this knew balsamic and garlic cream sauce for the main dish..."

"Stop talking before I drool on the floor love, please tell me you'll make that for me one day?"

I turned around after drying my hands and kissed Blaine like it seemed he wanted.

"I will even serve it in the nude if you like honey."

"Oh gods, don't give me images like that Blaine. Especially not after I just finished getting fresh with another man." I tried to stifle a giggle at the look of horror on my boyfriend's face when I turned in his grasp, but when I gestured towards the badly violated bird in the roasting pan we both burst out laughing.

"Did you at least buy him dinner first?"

"I'm sure he had a good last meal, although I never did learn his name."

Laughing we rejoined our friends in the other room once I found room for 'Ted' the turkey in the fridge. Don't ask, it was Blaine's idea to name the silly bird. God he was so weird sometimes.

That night we took our time, Brit, San, Blaine and I, eating the take out that I had suggested, since none of us felt the least like cooking. I decided to order something vegetarian, because I don't think my waistline could afford two meals in a row that were carbohydrate and meat fuelled.

Blaine on the other hand completely disregarded my suggestion for a healthy Christmas Eve since he ordered the same spicy deep fried monstrosity that Santana did.

We watched Christmas movies, namely National Lampoon's because it was classic, and some cartoons that Blaine and Brit insisted on, and just enjoyed the calm before the storm tomorrow when our group of friends showed up. We chatted amicably amongst ourselves throughout the night, Santana resting on Brit's lap and Blaine on mine. It was fun watching Blaine and Brit recite the lines word for word during the films but it was the first _real_ feeling of family during the holidays that I had felt in years.

I pulled out my phone a little later in the evening and began texting Cooper where Blaine couldn't see me typing, finalizing the details for tomorrow since he was back into town tonight. We had conversed over Skype practising and ironing out details, but these texts made it more real to me.

He confirmed everything and even decided to send me pictures of the hotel room that he was staying at, saying that he felt like sharing the blasé decor with someone who would understand his pain. He was trying to make me laugh because as I had explained to him the few nights back at my house, that I was nervous about my gift to Blaine. But after hearing my story in some detail, Cooper drying his eyes dramatically, he reassured me that what I was giving his baby brother was a great gift, and long overdue in some aspects. And he had been willing to help.

So here he was sending me pictures of himself, kneeling on his bed making a hideous face at the camera regarding the painting behind him. It wasn't that bad it was just... boring and so run of the mill that I could understand his distaste. His face made me laugh though and that got everyone's attention.

"Sorry, funny YouTube."

Blaine just smirked and let the comment lie, even though I wasn't sure if he actually bought what I had just said. Not wanting to tempt fate that he would see the messages, I sent off a goodnight and thank you again message to Cooper and that the plan was a go for tomorrow and that I would text him when I was close. I was nervous but ridiculously excited.

Brit and San had really gone overboard getting their place ready for the guests and thus the holidays. Everything had a tone of auburn, emerald and gold, and there were lights on every window, the mantle, and of course the tree, under which lay all the presents. Except the ones Blaine volunteered to take out of the closet and put under the tree from 'Santa' that we had all agreed would make Brit so happy.

In loo of Santana having her large Christmas Eve traditions this year, we did the next best thing in her eyes, a quite night in of reflection. The soft glow from the tree and other adorning lights and the white glow from the television were the only lights breaking through the holiday night. It had snowed all day today and tomorrow had promised to be clear but cold; perfect for the morning I had planned.

I felt Blaine begin to mumble in my lap and it was one of those moments that Blaine truly seemed to act like a puppy; especially when I ran my hand through his hair and he let out the tiniest whimper.  
"Tired Hun?  
"Comfy." He didn't even bother lifting his head which either meant he was exhausted or he was being a giant suck; my money was on the latter since it was only ten and Blaine was rarely tired this early.  
"Well we have to get up early tomorrow, did you wanna take comfy into the bedroom and get _more_ comfy?"  
"You guys are too cute my ovaries are screaming. I think I preferred it when you guys were at each others throats."  
San said this whilst drinking her beer (yeah she was a beer drinker, I know it surprised me too. Whiskey or beer basically. My girl was so classy ) Blaine beat me to the punch.  
"That may be true but remember Kurt and I getting along doubles your chances at a hit musical."  
Santana scowled which quickly turned into a grin.  
"You're learning hobbit. Playing to my weakness for money, touché. I'll make a scoundrel out of you yet."  
She winked and that was the last straw for me. Shaking my head and standing, thus shuffling Blaine out my lap as well, I stood up glaring at Santana. The Latina was happily snuggled into Brit who was in turn just humming along with Garfield's Christmas.  
"Enough with corrupting the boyfriend sweet Satan of mine, come on Blaine she's rubbing off on you and that's a very scary thought."  
Blaine took my hand and giddily got to his feet following me to the bedroom when San spoke again. I knew she couldn't leave it at that.  
"I thought it was you who'd be the one rubbing Kurt?"  
"Fuck yourself San. Merry Christmas Eve Brit." I said both comments without faltering my smile. I had missed my banter with Santana somehow and it made me question my mental health sometimes. Brit just smiled at the cartoon on the TV.  
"Night Dolphins. Don't forget. don't open any presents until tomorrow night. We don't want to disappoint Santa by being too eager."  
"Noche Buena ladies! And remember those are new sheets, you best clean up mystery stains. But I gots ear plugs so got at it"  
"Santana I don't think Blaine and I..." He interrupted me and must have loved the look on my face and the smirk he got from Tana when he continued the sentence in his own words.  
"Wouldn't give you any details anyway, so don't hold your breath. Night ladies, see you in late morning when we get back." Blaine's tugged childishly on San's ponytail which she growled in response too.  
"Night Blaine Warbler." San said this softly.

Tana and Blaine thought I missed the wink that she gave him when he smiled and left to head into the bedroom ahead of me, but I didn't. I just didn't know what it meant. Why did San bring up the Warblers? Did Tana all of a sudden know that Blaine was the lead of our competition back in high school, and why bring that up now all of a sudden?

Slightly confused, I came over to give Brit a peck on the lips which she had pouted that I forgot to give her, and despite my best efforts I succumbed to leaving one on Tana's cheek too.  
"Love you lady." She said this without a hint of cynicism. I did love her too, despite and because of her breed of crazy, so I told her.  
"Love you too boo."

Blaine had already headed into the spare room that would be ours for the holidays. Neither Blaine nor myself had decided how long we were going to stay there, but it had been coined Kurt and Blaine's room for whenever either of us or both of us were there.

I think my heart stopped a little in my chest though when I followed Blaine into the room. Here was my boyfriend, looking more like a boy toy than ever before. Hey it wasn't meant to sound derogatory but fuck it, I could call him a boy toy if I felt like it; those edible abs that were blatantly coming on display were mine.  
Blaine was resting on his knees on the bed completely relaxed, with jeans unbuttoned all the way and hanging deliciously, exposing the V of his hips, and the treasure trail I could follow forever, but just short of the true reveal. He was shirtless now, having thrown his shirt to the ground as I walked in, which was one of my favourite ways to admire Blaine. You know if I hadn't perfected the control I had since my teenage years, I may have come on the spot.  
I closed the door, probably a little too harshly in my rush to get this wonderful sight alone, but I'm sure, if I cared, that Santana would be laughing at me. Not even the thought of my little lesbian Latina was distracting me from what I saw in front of me, and I locked the door in a hurry just in case.  
"Holy fuck Blaine. I mean...just Jesus."  
He just smirked an overly confident smirk and the shrug he gave me was enough to undo even the most conservative gay man.  
I could see his rapidly growing erection forcing its way out of the confines of his pants and what made the situation in my own pants worse was that I could see Blaine had gone commando. I was all but ready to pounce on Blaine and fuck him against a wall, but when Blaine ducked his head and gave me a small embarrassed chuckle the noise stopped my movements.

He raised his hand into his hair as I got the edge of the bed, my eyes not leaving his torso or the chiseled outline of his jaw and throat as he swallowed again.

"This-this was a little much huh?" My eyes were pulled to his as he said this, the lust that was overtaking my brain subsiding just enough so I could think straight for a couple seconds and look sincerely at him.

"No honey, it's hot, like extremely so. Do you have any idea the effect you have on me? I've never.." I took one of Blaine's hands and kissed the back of it, travelling my lips with a punctuated pucker with every other word.

"...ever felt like I do when I'm with you. I honestly don't think I've ever felt before you at all."

Blaine released a heavy breath as I nipped at his palm and then sucked lightly on his finger. The groan made me know I finally had him believing me.

"Kurt..." I held his hand firm and placed it against my heart forcing him to scoot over to the edge of the bed so that his knees were lightly touching my thighs and his cock was so deliciously close to my own.

I waited until Blaine opened his eyes again before I trailed our joined hands down my front. I never let our gazes falter and when I reached the front of my pants I made him feel the hardness between my legs. The pressure was almost too much despite the sheer touching intimacy of the gesture.

"This is what you do to me Blaine, even before you touch me. Every time."

That was when it was like something snapped. I leaned forward and connected our lips in a fiery kiss; almost as if we had been apart for years and had only just rekindled, sharing our first touch.

Both of my hands went to his chest, digging my nails in a little while Blaine continued to lightly palm my cock through my dress pants. The dark grey fabric was now uncomfortable but god I didn't want him to stop touching me.

The kiss stayed dirty, all teeth and tongues as we frantically touched and in his case unclothed me. The silk shirt I was wearing magically came off me and I couldn't remember how honestly, but it survived intact. Blaine's hands were as insistent as my own at this point, and I couldn't resist the urge anymore as I crawled onto the bed in my boxers to revel in the prize that was kneeling in my embrace.

I reached down and pulled his cock out just enough so that I could stroke him firmly and with purpose. Blaine keened throwing his head back at the sudden attention his dick was getting, which allowed me to kiss and suck at that spot on his neck that tasted so much like Blaine that it was intoxicating.

"Kurt...god Kurt."

I removed my hand only to help him shimmy out of his pants, not very gracefully though which ended with him falling onto the bed giggling along with me. Taking the opportunity to look at Blaine lying there naked as the day he was born, fully erect but smiling at the awkwardness of the situation made my heart soar. I was usually the awkward one, I was usually the one that put on the bitch face and stormed off when shit became uncomfortable, but Blaine seemed to make everything alright. He made me comfortable and I loved that about him.

Huh, loved that about him. That was a new revelation that had me look away from the intensity of Blaine's gaze however gleeful.

After discarding my boxers and levelling the playing field, the intensity of the previous few minutes seemed to evaporate into something much more surreal and comforting as our naked bodies met in a hugging sideways embrace, lying on our friends' spare bed.

We were both still smiling as we shared a few chaste kisses, but soon Blaine pulled back a bit to look me in the eye, his eyes bewildered and yet seemingly so happy at the same time that I couldn't help the blush that rose to my cheeks as I questioned him.

"What?"

"You really are beautiful."

"You're biased."

"Maybe, but you're beautiful and all mine." A small part of me didn't want to be labelled as property but the swooping teenage feeling I got in my gut told me that I liked the sound of that.

"I am, and likewise. You sir, are all mine too."

Blaine cocked his eyebrow playfully but I could tell it was a mask for something else.

"Blaine?"

"I just. You, here, in bed with me. I just...I want you so much Kurt."

"You have me, anyway you want."

"I want to love you Kurt."

The way he phrased that made me a little unsure as to what he was getting at. That was until he moved us closer together and I was reminded of the hard-ons that we were both still sporting.

"Ugh...Blaine? What?"

Blaine moved his one hand up my ribs to my shoulder, and then grasped my cheek.

"I love you, this you. I love you so much."

There were tears beginning in his eyes and that was what did it for me. All the weeks and months now of dancing around Blaine, the years of lament I had for myself and the people around me, the anger that I had because life handed me a shitty deal and that I was left to fight back from those demons on my own, all melted with those three words. They were also the three words I realized that I had been fighting to say to Blaine for a long time, and only now as he held me close without barriers, and allowed me to hold him back, did they really ring true.

"I love you too."

Blaine laughed and sobbed a little as I said it back, but all I could do was allow the one tear I had been holding back to fall as I smiled bigger than I probably ever had. Even if life had never been easy for me, and even after the constant struggle I went through daily, I could tell that I had something to be truly happy about. I had my Christmas wish; I was truly loved by someone for being exactly who I was always afraid to be. And that person was Kurt Hummel, not complete, but complete enough, right now, with someone whom I could say I truly loved back.

"Blaine, love me? M-make love to me?" My voice cracked but could you really blame me? The words that were coming out of my mouth were so blatantly foreign to me that I was nervous as well as excited.

"Are you sure?"

"I need to know what its like. Sex is sex but I've never...I mean...damn it Blaine, you're making me ruin our moment here with my lack of filter and fucking mouth."

Blaine rolled over so that he was on top of me, but not pressing on me when he chuckled at my words, before silencing any more protests that I may have had with a kiss. I pulled him closer, humming into his lips for a second before he pulled away and rested himself on top of me.

Stroking my hair out of my face with one hand Blaine spoke with a deeper tone than normal, and oh how I loved that vocal range.

"On the contrary love, I happen to be quite fond of that 'fucking mouth' of yours." As if making a point, he dove his tongue in my mouth which I accepted happily with a groan. He just seemed to know how to shut me up and say what needed to be said and do what needed to be done. We were very much in tune like that despite the shouting matches we still had at work.

But work was far from my mind as I pulled him down against me, the soft and short hair on our chests moving alongside the others. The heat which was rising between us was incalculable as our mouths tangled faster and needier, and our lower halves moving together sinfully.

I reached out to the bedside table searching inside the drawer. If I knew San like I thought I did, she would have thought it was 'funny' stocking up the drawer with _wanky_ supplies, but little did she know that that was exactly what I was thankful for at that moment.

Blaine seemed amused at my fumbling from underneath him, but he didn't try and look for the stuff himself, because he had learned recently that I was a control freak with any kind of intimacy, and that included looking for supplies.

I stretched a little further and the drawer opened, but I almost forgot what I was doing, or said fuck it keep going, when Blaine took the opportunity and lowered his head to my nipple, rolling his tongue along the nub. The groan I let loose morphed into a triumphant giggle when I finally reached in there and pulled out the box of condoms. But despite the attention Blaine was now giving my other nipple I couldn't hold back the laughing fit that over took me. What I was holding was both gross and funny as hell. My shaking chest made Blaine stop.

"What babe?" I showed him the box.

"Oh my god is she serious? Jolly Ol' saint Nic condom pops? Frosty's Magic Hats? Oh my god!" I was looking at the back of the box as Blaine read the front and the saying on the back nearly had me choke on my own spit it was so funny.

"If Santa's cumming down your chimney, or if its mistletoe you're _underneath_, be sure to have your Christmas sheath!"

I read it aloud trying maybe to make the corniest sentence I had ever seen seen more real, but soon Blaine was laughing somewhat hysterically with me. We calmed down a few minutes after, and Blaine was talking again.

"We are really bad at killing moods with props aren't we? We just told each other that we loved one another and in a frantic but admittedly hot fashion while searching for supplies we end up laughing like hyenas." Blaine looked happy but a little frustrated that we kept cock-blocking ourselves with awkwardness, so I decided to literally take matters into my own hands.

Without saying another word, and confidently smiling still ignoring the previous giggles, I reached back into the corny Christmas drawer of doom and in between the other cheesy things that I will accost San about later (like a vibrator called Santa's lil' helper- Brit would not approve, and a mock of a Snuggie called the Tuggie, and I shouldn't have to tell you what it kept warm), I found a few more normal things that I wanted and were actually in that drawer.

Peppermint lube, which I had used before and it felt incredible, and some normal condoms. Maybe things were looking up.

"Kurt. We don't have to right now, we can wait..._well fuck me_."

Before he had any reason to doubt what I wanted, I had lubed up my fingers and displayed myself a little brazenly with my knees bent up towards my chest, legs spread and back resting against the headboard. I had inserted the first finger easily and started groaning at how long it had been since I or anyone else had done this to me. I loved bottoming when it was done right but it had been a long time.

Looking through lidded eyes I saw that Blaine was completely transfixed on what I was doing. His half erect cock was making a come back as fast as my own was, and any protest he had on not continuing this tonight were null and void when I moaned loudly as I added another finger, and he stroked himself a few times admiring the view.

"God you're sexy Kurt, can I please take over?" Hearing Blaine that wanton only spurred me on, wanting to stretch myself further.

Before I could say yes or no, Blaine let himself go and removed my fingers for me. I didn't protest long because before I knew it his lubed fingers replaced where mine were and the stretch was so much better, so much deeper and full feeling.

Blaine took his time, stretching, feeling my inner walls contract as I loosened for him and god this wasn't going to last long at the rate that he was kissing my lips, my neck or faintly flicking my prostate like he couldn't reach it, but I knew he could. He was just teasing me and only when he added the third finger fully, did I reach my breaking point. I started panting uncontrollably, he had to literally get in me before I died of sexual frustration.

"Blaine please, just _fuck _get in me."

"Pushy pushy. I don't want to hurt you though."

"My ass isn't made of glass Blaine." He answered my snark with a sharp flick of his index finger which hit my nerve bundle dead on.

"Shit! _Gaah_."

"You are in no position to demand gorgeous. Besides I want to make this special for you, for us."

"It's special because I love you."

My heart melted at the affectionate look on Blaine's face which I tried to match as he tried to fit four fingers in me. This time the stretch burned a little, but I had never had four fingers in me before and it was exhilarating that my body had relaxed enough for this.

"I love you too." Removing his fingers he leaned down and kissed me passionately which I returned between panted breaths.

"Turn over."

I did as I was told with a groan of anticipation. This position was more comfortable for penetration and enticingly deeper, but I wanted to make sure Blaine kept kissing me. I needed the contact, the touch and his taste.

I positioned myself unashamed on my knees, chest flat on the pillow under me, albeit with my ass in the air slightly, while Blaine positioned himself completely between my legs. I heard the wrapper rip and the cap of the peppermint lube that felt warm and cool on my insides still and I couldn't wait until that coldness and heat filled me with Blaine's length. I wanted, no I needed to be this close with Blaine, it was like coming home after a lifetime of absenteeism. I wanted that feeling more than I wanted to come, which was saying a lot since my balls was screaming to release already.

I got my wish a few seconds later when the fat blunt head of Blaine's cock started rubbing against my hole. He inserted two fingers instead, scissoring them and all I felt was fullness, not ache, nor pain and I knew he had stretched me well. I couldn't wait for the connection to start.

When Blaine finally did start entering me he did so at a snail's pace as if savouring every inch of me, and it made me appreciate the thickness of Blaine's cock. He may have been average length but he was thick and god even at a slow pace he seemed to know what to do with it.

"Jesus Kurt, baby you feel just...fucking fantastic." His words were groaned and it took me a while to brace myself against his movements and his words, to actually figure out how to speak.

He stilled in me and I whimpered impatiently as he leaned forward and kissed my neck and down along my spine.

"B, please B, move and make love to m-me." I may have sounded desperate but it was authoritative enough that he got the point, besides I was pretty fucking desperate.

We moved together, him slowly pulling out and me seeking him as he pushed back in. He was holding my hips and massaging my ass as he continually dove in over and over again, gaining momentum with each thrust forward.

"So, so good Blaine..." It was tender, and connected but raw and just dirty enough, because the growls that Blaine let out were anything but quiet; they were muffled pornography.

Even though the soft sheets under me where giving me the tiniest bit of friction, it just wasn't enough. Blaine seemed to sense this as well and on one particularly hard thrust forward and down I wailed feeling him hit my prostate dead centre.

"Fuck fuck fuck B...again."

He did one better. Not letting up his movements but making them shallower, he reached one arm under my stomach and used his upper body to raise me to my knees and have my back flush against his chest. It wasn't the easiest position to move in for me but for him it was just enough for hurried, short, but very deep thrusts since I was basically sitting on his cock but on my knees. I was flexible I knew, but even when relaxed this was a strain.

I didn't feel any discomfort a moment later when Blaine bit down on my neck, pushed himself up off his knees slightly and wrapped his one hand in front of us and wrapped it around my dick.

I screamed, surely San and Brit heard that one, and I was sure to get teased tomorrow but I could have given a rip right now.

Blaine was a machine. Equal parts tender but not gentle enough to make me feel like something fragile. He wanted me, just like I wanted him and it was feral to the core even though I felt so strongly connected that I would weep thinking about it later.

"I love you...damn it baby, I'm gonna come. You gonna come before me, or _with_ me?" Blaine was whispering this in my ear, and I leaned my one hand back that I wasn't using for balance on my own thigh to hold purchase in his hair tightly. The curls were slick with sweat and falling loosely over his forehead.

"A-Almost there, don't st-stop. L-love you too, _oh god there_!"

Those were the last words that I could actually form for a while, because all too soon the pace picked up, and I knew with this assault I would lose it. I turned my head to kiss him deeply and he moaned as our tongues messily met and in response he stroked me faster, rolling his wrist and I was done for.

I came with such an intensity that I started to shake in Blaine's arms. I came all over Blaine's hand and I wondered how far my aim was because it felt like my orgasm was ripped out of me with such force that people in Hoboken could hear me.

I panted and flexed as I spasmed through my high, but my irregular spasms seemed to pull Blaine with me. With a yell of _Kurt_ on his lips that left me smiling broadly, he pulled me close with his unsoiled hand and kissed my neck and ear soaking up the glow we were sharing like a precious aura as he came roughly and for quite a long time.

"B? That was, I think my brain..."

"Is in another zip code, yeah me too. Fuck I just, wow yeah, no brain function."

I lifted his hand and cleaned my own juices off him with my mouth, making Blaine literally bear growl at me in frustration or intrigue. I think it was both.

"We're not 16 anymore baby. As much as I would love to go at this again...just sheesh calm the sexy down or I may die."

"You won't die drama king. Besides I can't help myself, it tasted good. Not as good as you but..."

"Ugh Jesus Kurt I love you." Blaine moved slightly when he said this which reminded me he was still in me and my knees were cramping. (oh yeah another reminder that I wasn't a teenager anymore)

"We need to move, and I love you too."

After a very brief clean up, mostly because, like Blaine, I was way too intent on snuggling my lover post sex than cleaning up. Besides that's what morning showers are for.

Pulling just a thin sheet over us both I for once snuggled into Blaine's arms, resting against the still slightly sweaty chest of my man.

"Sorry, furry and a little sticky isn't that attractive I know."

"Hush I love the feel. God are we really this fucking sappy?"

"You wanna hear more sappy, look at the clock babe." I did and I couldn't immediately place what he was attempting to point out until it dawned on me as we spoke at the same time.

"Merry Christmas B."

"Happy Christmas my love." It was 12:30 a.m

Blaine reached over and turned off the light when we gave each other looks that said the highs we were on were fading into a post coital sleep almost immediately. I kissed right above his heart and I heard him hum and whisper the lyrics to one of his songs from the musical.

_Because now I've found a reason,_

_to look forward to every season._

_I'm heading back,_

_I've found my path,_

_My love, you are my home,_

_So I'm...headin' home._

"That's it Blaine."

"Hmm?"

"The name of the musical, Close To Home, or because it's easier to remember shorter one word names...Home."

I looked up to see Blaine with a wide sleepy smile but with his eyes closed.

"That's perfect." Snuggling closer we fell asleep in the knowledge that despite the damage that the world may have bestowed on us; we both might have actually found the person we were waiting for through all these years of unfair torment.

* * *

_December 25th – Christmas Day _

**(BPOV)**

Change of plans. I don't want to get up early and out of bed. I don't want to leave the warmth and constant after glow of the happiest feeling I've had in years. Somehow in the dark of night Kurt had abandoned me as his pillow only to turn over and allow me to snuggle into his back. Fitting together like puzzle pieces was such a corny analogy but if the ruby red slipper fits?

Okay I definitely still had a bad case of morning brain if I was making Wizard of Oz analogies to myself at are you serious o'clock on Christmas morning.

I looked over at the clock and despite it being almost 6, I knew Kurt wanted to be out the door at 7 and that I should probably wake him. I was the early riser so I was naturally the human alarm clock.

Smiling to myself that this was the first Christmas I had woken up beside someone in years, and it was beside someone I loved which was even better. I resisted the urge to pull the covers over my head and sink down the mattress to welcome Kurt into the land of the awake and living again with his cock in my mouth. Instead I pulled myself up out of bed with a soft groan, and moved (not so gracefully since I stubbed my toe on the side of the bed frame) towards the en suite bathroom ( so thankful that we had one in this spare room), and switched the light on letting the soft glow from the light in there filter into the bedroom.

I turned on the hot water and let the shower warm up as I gathered some towels and such before going back in to get Kurt up. What surprised me was Kurt sitting up, the covers pulled up against his chest as he squinted and smiled at me coming in from the bathroom.

"Morning babe."

"Morning B." I sat down beside him and ran my hands through his bed head which was always so damn adorable.

"How'd you sleep beautiful?" Kurt hummed as I pet his hair over and over again.

"Deeply and well, but short lived. I could sleep that happy forever."

Kurt just turned his face so that he could kiss my palm as it made it's way down the side of his face.

"I love you." I just needed to say it again out loud.

Kurt smiled brightly." I love you too." But then he yawned and looked at the clock, and his sleepy eyes popped open a little wider than I was expecting.

"We've got to hurry. Communal shower? No funny business though. We don't have the time and I don't think I want to wake up San and Brit since we already gave them a show last night I fear."

Chuckling I stood up and offered my hand to him.

"Agreed on both counts. We can try messing around in the shower later. I bet there's cranberry flavoured lube in that scary ass drawer that I would love to feel and taste at the back of my throat."

Kurt tried to will away his morning wood as I kept talking just to tease him.

"Blaine last night you told me to quit it with being sexy, so now I am saying the same. Please shut your mouth so I can try and forget that my dick is more awake than I am?"

I just laughed as I pulled back the shower curtain.

"As you wish."

XXXX

* * *

After a very quick shower, which I would have to make sure I did again with Kurt, because the last two we'd shared I was either drunk and still clothed at first or it was rushed and I couldn't appreciate the closeness I felt with him washing his body and hair. But that would have to be another day, today was Christmas after all, and we had a morning rendezvous with...well with something that Kurt wouldn't tell me about. Honestly now that I was in the living room, the Christmas spirit was more than alive and well in me, it was fucking exploding. Then it hit me, Brittany's Santa gifts! _Shit!_

I ran to the hall closet where Santana had hidden the gifts for me to put out last night, but I was "preoccupied" and until now I kinda forgot. I really hope Brit stayed asleep, and with the house quiet aside from Kurt doing his last minute moisturizing and hair styling, I really hoped as such.

I opened the closet and pulled aside the long heavy coats that covered Santana's secret spot only to find the space empty, save a folded piece of paper stuck to the back wall.

I looked over my shoulder for some stupid reason, and then opened it up seeing the cursive penmanship that may have actually been neater than Kurt's and that was saying something.

_Oy! Blainers!_

_Good thing you aren't a spy and the mission was life or death or we'd _

_all be doomed Anderson! One job and you couldn't pry your _

_hands off Porcelain's ass long enough to complete it. I even had to eat those_

_chocolate chip cookies and carrots Brit left for Santa! Do you have any idea_

_the heartburn I have now from eating the worst cookies imaginable _

_and stale root vegetables? You owe me one hobbit._

_But...congrats on getting Kurt to reach those notes! I don't think I've heard _

_him sing praises that high or low for that matter since high school._

_( I may have chosen to forget the earplugs and explain to Brit that her dolphins were just playing hide and go-seek- it's oddly accurate ;) )_

_Bravo to you and your organ, well played sir. Happy Christmas and welcome to the family Mano!_

_See you in a few hours_

_Auntie Tana_

_PS- Don't forget to pack Kurt's tablet. Your reveal will be less than stellar if you forget it dumbass! Love you!_

Only someone like Santana, and maybe Wes, could make me feel great about something and like a moron at the same time. Fortunately for me though I was too happy currently to actually care about the insults, it was just Tana's way of deflecting her emotions after all. But at least I know that I truly had her blessing even if it wasn't aloud, they were still her words.

I closed the door just as I heard the microwave beep in the background. Somehow Kurt had managed to sneak by me and head into the spacious kitchen. That or Santana was up, but from here I could see that her bedroom door looked untouched.

I walked into the kitchen just as Kurt was sealing the lid on a large thermos and began packing it inside his messenger bag.

"Hey you."

"Morning my little Christmas elf."

"Blaine you're the short one."

"Your the one with elven features." I looped my arms around his mid-drift and looked up at the love of my life, and I saw all the emotions I felt for him reflect back at me only through glaze eyes and black rimmed glasses.

"I guess we're even. You're wearing your glasses still."

Kurt let me go and blushed, he knew I loved him in his glasses, but there was something shy about this mannerism.

"Kurt?"

"I planned ahead, I'm a little emotional, no,no,no happy trust me. I just anticipate a weepy morning for me, so I planned ahead." He finished this statement with a laugh that made me tilt my head to the side and just sigh with a smile at my boyfriend. This vulnerable side of him was almost addicting.

"B, I said should we go?"

Apparently I had gotten lost in his eyes again. Dammit that happens way more often than I wanted to admit for a man of 29.

"Yeah, yeah, I'll get our coats."

Kurt met me in the living room as I shucked on my coat and threaded his through his arms, which he thanked me for. Kurt seemed to stop for a second and look at the still dark apartment. The glow from the tree illuminated the side of his face and he sighed loudly closing his eyes.

"You okay baby?"

The term of endearment rolled off my tongue effortlessly and Kurt smiled but didn't look at me as he spoke grasping my hand.

"My dad loved early mornings. He would sit on the porch in this rickety old wicker chair that I begged him to get rid of, but of course he never did, and would sip his morning coffee and he would watch the world wake up."

Kurt took a breath and I didn't say anything. This was the first time I heard Kurt talk aloud about a memory of his father, and I wasn't about to break the trance.

"Christmas was our day though. We'd go to my late aunt's later in the day but Christmas was the one morning that I would get up with him and spend time with him in contented silence. You know, after my mum passed away anyway. Mom and him would be on the porch every Christmas morning until the one year after mom died, and I just sort of took her place. Daddy would bundle me up when I was young and I would sit on his lap for a few minutes until we went inside, but as I got older and into my early teens I learned to make mom's hot chocolate and bring him and myself a cup. I would sit with him and just...breath in Christmas morning with my hero. I know it's stupid but..." Kurt turned to me.

"It's not stupid."

I leaned in and kissed Kurt soundly but lightly and Kurt just threaded his arms around my neck for a brief second before we broke contact, just resting our heads together.

"Thank you for telling me that Kurt."

"Thank you for loving me Blaine."

We stood there with nothing but Kurt's memories floating in between us until he spoke again.

"As silly as it is in the city that never sleeps, will you come with me and watch the city wake up?"

I smiled so broadly that my cheeks hurt. This explained the early morning walk.

"I would be delighted." Kurt kissed my forehead and released a small sob.

"Thank you." And just like that he moved passed me, and ahead of me out the door.

XXXX

* * *

The walk from East 53rd across midtown was somehow peaceful I guess you could say. Since we had left Tana's and Brit's Kurt had directed me west as if on a predesignated path, and the walk had been quiet between the two of us. There were still the endless supply of people busying themselves about the city, as was custom for New York but Kurt had been right, the city wasn't truly awake yet and this was a sight that I had never truly seen.

It was kind of awe inspiring in its serenity.

He hadn't said much about his trip down memory lane back at the condo, but the warm comfort I had holding his hand was enough to keep the questions at bay, knowing that what he wanted and needed from me right now was just comfort, in all it's forms, including contented silences.

He had handed me a croissant stuffed with what I thought was spiced ham, cheese and egg, from his messenger bag, that he had packed for our walk.

Kurt just smiled at me as we ate and walked and followed the one and only star that was ever visible through the New York lights. It was a clear morning, crisp in the midst of winter and I had to say enjoying Christmas morning like this, walking hand in hand with someone I loved, and completely content to just make small comments here and there, made this morning one of the better Christmas mornings I could recollect.

After finishing the sandwiches Kurt pulled out the mysterious thermos as we approached the entrance of Bryant Park.

"The park? We're going to the park? If I had known I would brought my toboggan, oooh and my snow pants. You remember snow pants right? Terribly sexy attire if I do say so."

Kurt just giggled at me, and the sound not only broke the silence he was carrying but also the look of slight worry he had on his face.

"You're never going to grow up are you?"

"Never say never, but I'm pretty fond of being a giant kid. Makes life more interesting."

"Indeed. Have a seat?"

The groundskeepers were pretty damn awesome if you ask me because despite all the snow we had yesterday, the benches had been brushed off recently, and I guessed it had something to do with this bench being prime territory to watch the Carousel, which was still and eerily beautiful at a stand still.

Kurt snuggled close to me on the bench, so close in fact that when he looked at me I could see a faint mist forming along the rim of his glasses from his breath. He just looked at me with stars in his eyes, like he had never seen me before.

"Thank you for coming people watching with me."

"Your welcome. I have to admit, it's beautiful here."

"It is." Kurt was looking directly at me and smiled biting his lower lip.

"God that was cheesey Kurt."

"Oh I can be cheesey, just gimme time babe. Now how about I share with you a highly guarded secret?"

"Is there a treasure map involved? A castle? A moat? Oh can I be a wizard?"

My attempts to make Kurt seemed more and more relaxed only made me realize how tense he had seemed before we sat down.

"Moron honestly, but a cute one at that. No I..." Kurt shook the thermos he still carried in his hand and began to pour the lid full of something that smelled like heaven mixed with dessert.

"...Am going to share with you my mum's peppermint hot chocolate. Half and half instead of milk, dark chocolate, a pinch of chili and a few pieces of candy cane crushed in. Trust me, you'll never want normal hot chocolate again."

Taking the thermos cup, which was still steaming saying the thermos had kept it nice and warm, to my lips had my eyes rolling back in my head. Kurt wasn't kidding.

I made a noise that was probably bedroom worthy and a little too loud for such a quiet spot, but despite the cold, the drink warmed me to my core and could a drink really make you feel happier? Personally I would like to believe that Kurt's late mother had learned how to bottle happiness.

"Told ya so."

The silence came back for a bit as we shared a cup of two of hot chocolate in the snow covered outdoors. It was something out of a Disney movie or something, and if it weren't for my butt getting cold, it would have been perfect.

Kurt kept glancing at his phone in the last few minutes and then nervously and quite abruptly Kurt recapped the thermos and stood up.

"Kurt?"

The buzz of an incoming text had startled him to his feet apparently.

"Okay so part two of your Christmas present is right this way. Did you like part one?"

I stood up and did the only thing I could think of doing, and that was kiss Kurt quiet. It had become the thing to do in recent weeks, and it always worked. His lips were cold but his mouth warm and it was an exhilarating mix of temperatures.

"I loved it."

"You want to know me Blaine, and well...this was and is what Christmas meant to me as a kid. A quiet moment during the holidays that I shared with someone I loved, usually over hot chocolate. So i figured a walk down my own memory lane would be...ya know, what you wanted. A piece of me I guess."

"I love you." I sighed out the words and they all kind of came out as one really. He was too sweet honestly and I seemed like he would forever surprise me.

"I love you too. Now part two?"

"Part two"

"Remember how I said I can be cheesey? Well prepare yourself for the ultimate fromage."

Threading our hands together and checking his phone once more, he pulled me along over to the other side of the park, and inevitably ended up at Citipond.

"Come on silly we can't skate in our boots. Although I could see you try, just to prove me otherwise."

Kurt was taking me ice skating? On Christmas? Okay I was definitely in a holiday movie right now. Kurt walked over to the counter, which was surprisingly empty, and then I looked out onto the rink which as also empty. This rink was never vacant after opening and it had opened just under a half hour ago so where were all the people? Or at least the ones that decided like Kurt did, that ice skating on Christmas morning was too romantic to pass up?

"Hi, one 11 and one 12." Kurt said something else to the gentleman and then handed him his messenger bag, and then gestured for me to hand him my own.

I couldn't make out what he said next though, since his back was to me, but he nodded and smiled quickly. Whatever had been said was obviously taken care of.

Kurt and I laced our skates quickly ( I wasn't about to ask how he knew my skate size but I wasn't going to question a possible great guess on his part), and then following Kurt's lead I wandered out onto the ice.

Okay so I couldn't skate. I mean yeah I could but it was forwards, not backwards and stopping usually involved coasting until I stopped, grabbing a hold of something stationary or falling, and I wasn't about to try the latter too much. Not without embarrassing myself above all else.

Kurt on the other hand looked like he was meant to be on skates. He looked like he did when he was dancing; fluid, in sync with his feet and upper body at all times, and it was amazing watching him take off quickly before spinning back to come and get me.

"Huh, I forgot how much I like to skate. It's been so long."

"You look incredible. Me...I'm not the best skater."

"Come on I'll help you. Just...hold on to my hands and I'll skate backwards and help you forwards."

"Kurt I'll be fine. We have the whole rink to ourselves anyway, so I will just take my time."

"Honey we have the whole rink for the next half hour to ourselves. As was my intention, so...humour me?"

Kurt had arranged a private half hour? That must have cost him a fortune.

"Ah, ah, ah Anderson. I know a guy, so shush and let me take care of you for once. Take my hand. Do you trust me?"

"And I thought I loved Disney and here you go using an Aladdin reference I just can't pass up. So yes...I trust you."

For the first time this morning his smile was brighter than the sun which had just peaked over the tops of the lower buildings to the east.

I wobbled along, Kurt and I giggling at our apparent polar opposite attempts at skating. Opposites being he was succeeding; I wasn't.

Suddenly the Christmas music that had been playing over the intercom stopped, as did Kurt still holding my hand as he guided us to a stop near centre ice. A familiar tune came on that I didn't place for a second before a crisp tenor voice sang over the track.

_When I'm worried and I can't sleep  
I count my blessings instead of sheep  
And I fall asleep counting my blessings_

The man's voice wasn't Bing Crosby, and I had never heard this cover before, and besides the voice was a little flat but I think that was because the man that was singing it hadn't recorded it for the track previously, but was singing along with it live...and from the other end of the rink. Kurt squeezed my hand as I noticed the tall figure walking onto the ice.

_When my bankroll is getting small  
I think of when I had none at all  
And I fall asleep counting my blessings_

The man I knew well, but had feared had forgotten about me, was skating towards me slowly, singing into a mic and I wasn't sure if I should be glaring at Kurt, kissing him senseless or stopping the tears of sheer joy I had now falling down my cheeks. Kurt couldn't stop smiling even as he started to look a little nervous when Cooper produced another mic from behind his back. Kurt took it but Cooper just kept singing, Kurt now joining my brother by his side with a grin.

_I think about a nursery and I picture curly heads  
And one by one I count them as they slumber in their beds_

"Hey squirt."

"Coop...Kurt I...how did you do this? How do you even know each other?"

"We're awesome baby bro didn't you get the inter office memo? But hold that thought, Kurt's got something he wants to say."

Kurt just took the reassuring pat on the back that my brother was always famous for, and took a deep breath as the music continued. And a song that I was never sure if I would ever hear again came from my blue eyed angel.

**If you're worried and you can't sleep  
Just count your blessings instead of sheep  
And you'll fall asleep counting your blessings**

Kurt looked shaken, but damn his voice! The gorgeous countertenor I had heard in the New Directions over a decade ago filled my ears once more, and I was stunned at its clarity despite his nerves. Cooper gave Kurt's shoulder a bump and joined him for the last verse. The brother, and boyfriend I loved, singing together...this was, well it was scream worthy.

_**If you're worried and you can't sleep  
Just count your blessings instead of sheep **_

_**And you'll fall asleep counting your blessings **_

There was a small applause coming from around them, maybe only a dozen or so people but as always Cooper took the chance to bow and smile at his fans, something that he had always been too "humble" to do in his acting days. (Yeah right.)

Kurt snapped me out of my revere a second later, apparently I had been to gobsmacked and smiling like a fool to have said anything for the last few minutes.

"Blaine, babe you okay?" He grabbed my hand again and it anchored me to the situation. Cooper was standing back a bit, giving us space, and I suddenly felt bad that I hadn't even said anything resembling a hello to my brother.

"Yeah I'm okay, I'm just overwhelmed. Cooper, you're here."

"I'm here. How are ya squirt?"

"Cooper please don't call me that."

"I think it's cute." Kurt said this with a happy shrug.

"See Kurt thinks it's cute."

"Coop, I just..." I couldn't hold it back any longer. The question would have to wait for a few more seconds, at least until I hugged my brother like I had wanted to for almost a year , since that was the last time I had seen him.

Cooper not only accepted the hug, but clung to me like I was his own lifeline as well. We must have looked so silly, standing there in the middle of the ice, while the other skaters took to it, and watched two grown men hug it out.

"I missed you Blaine, I can't believe I've stayed away this long."

"I missed you too Coop. I'm sorry I've never called, ever since dad..."

We pulled back and looked at each other and it was one of the few times I had ever seen my brother cry when it wasn't an act to get something out of our parents.

"I know."

"I mean ever since dad..."

"I know Squirt, it's okay, its half my fault too."

"How did did you know where I would be anyway?"

"That would be your sassy boyfriends doing...with a little help from Mr. Smythe if I do recall."

I looked at Kurt who was standing there basically hugging himself watching his handiwork unfold.

"Bas helped?"

"Yeah the mouthpiece that is your friend helped me get in contact with Cooper and we came to the conclusion that my idea to bring you two together on Christmas, might just be the gift that you both wanted but never knew you did."

"I love you, I love you both! This is the best Christmas gift ever!" I left my brother's side and hopped over to Kurt to hug him ( well hop as well as anyone could on skates).

Kurt and I nearly fell over from the impact but he just laughed and held me tight.

"So I did good?"

"Kurt, sweetie you made Christmas perfect." I kissed him fervently, taking my time in those few seconds to memorize Kurt's taste and hummed when he kissed back.

"My virgin eyes! Baby brother sexual conduct alert!"

"I'm 29 Coop, not 16. Get a blindfold or stop complaining."

"I'm not complaining, if I was complaining I would be speaking in a much rougher voice and gesturing and finger pointing to show my enthusiasm. You see finger pointing Kurt..."

"Is just another one of Cooper's quirks."

"Oh I'm aware, we've talked remember?."

"Oh lord that's dangerous." We skated over to the side and off the rink, since we were probably done for the morning skate anyway.

"Not as dangerous as dinner will be tonight little brother. Kurt here as invited me to your afternoon holiday dysfunctional orphan's Christmas party. I hope you are up for a little harmless brotherly banter."

"And if I said no?" I was smiling because god I had missed him.

"Then you would have the pleasure of hearing yourself say no and yet my actions don't change. I'm back in your life buddy, you can't hide everything anymore. I have stories Kurt, so many stories. Like that one time where Wes put the peanut butter..."

"Enough Coop. I missed your craziness and lack of filter man, but I will use this skate if you finish that sentence."

"And I missed how easily it is to get you riled up, and now you have someone you want to impress. Perfectly fitting for story-time with Cooper Anderson if I do say so myself."

Kurt just finished putting back on his boots and chuckled at us brothers.

"So, you're really coming to dinner? You won't have to run away at the last minute and no show our first big Christmas dinner with our theatre family?

"Nope I'm all yours until the 27th. So for now I will take my leave."

"Where are you going?"

"Back to the hotel. Shower, wrap the gifts I brought and maybe catch a nap since my time zones are all buggered. Plus I figured the wittle wove birds could use a bit of privacy before the family evening."

"_Cooper_." I guess whining was something that only my brother could truly induce.

Hugging again and holding on just a little tighter this time, we said our goodbyes. It surprised me a little when Cooper hugged Kurt, and it was some kind of blessing seeing the two important men in my life get along like this.

"You love me squirt, deal with it."

"Fair enough Coop. See you later on today then. You got the address?"

"Yup. Kurt is way too thorough for his own good." As if on cue both myself and Coop raised a teasing eyebrow at my boyfriend.

"What? I like to plan okay? I'm organized."

"You make the rest of us look bad Kurt."

With a last look, and wink towards the gentleman that he gave the skates back to, and the smiles, waves, and promises of seeing each other in few hours time, Cooper finally said good-bye.

Kurt and I were happy but weepy messes and it stood to reason why Kurt wore his gasses today, because it was going to be a very emotional day indeed. Especially if Kurt loved his present the way San and I hoped he would.

XXXX

I couldn't stop complimenting Kurt on the gifts he had given me. I used Cooper's exit to get off those confounded skates, not because I didn't enjoy watching Kurt skate circles around me or the closeness it brought, but because my feet started to hurt and like Kurt earlier it seemed I was emotionally drained from seeing Cooper. Kurt hadn't said another word, he had returned our skates right after Cooper left, and had agreed to whatever I wanted to do before we had to go back to Tana's.

It really had been a Christmas morning worthy of novels. The love he showed in actions since last night's words, the skating and the singing which just showed me how brave he had been for me, and lastly but not least, he reunited the Anderson brothers. I loved him more with each breath I took. He was incredible. Sometimes hard to get to open up, angry at injustices a little too much, but damn it I loved everything he was; he treated me like a prince.

I couldn't believe Kurt had sang for me, actually sang aloud at full volume and had given me so much to be thankful for. But now it was time to repay the gesture. I just hoped that the non conventional, from the heart gift I had gotten ready for him (as Tana insisted, and with her help), would be received with as much affection as I had shown him since his presents. It was time for little payback.

We bundled up and kept close despite it getting warmer outside, the fact that we had been outside straight for a few hours was catching up on us, and I used that as an excuse to sneak my arms around Kurt at random intervals, or randomly spin him in my arms and kiss him soundly. The first kiss like that that I had given him I could feel him stiffen in my arms and I knew he was worrying about my aversion to public displays, but I found myself in so many ways not giving a flying shit. I was so head over heels that I felt like I was just utterly swept up in the romanticism. Anyone that sneered could literally suck it.

Oh yeah, my inner monologue was full of vulgarity especially if I was challenged whilst showing my love for Kurt.

"Come on, let's go in here."

Thankfully we lived in New York, there was always something open on Christmas day, and that included a small but very cozy coffee hut that we had passed on out way out this morning that I had planned on using as an oasis to warm up and show Kurt his gift, or gifts. I wasn't even sure myself if I considered it one giant gift or many, I guess we'll see what he thinks.

.

Kurt just sighed dreamily when I wouldn't let his hand go, even as we gave our orders. I was being much more affectionate than I had ever been previously in public and I could tell Kurt really, really liked it.

"A large non fat Mocha for this handsome man, and a medium, no make that a large regular drip for me thanks."

He squeezed my hand, "You remembered my coffee order."

"Pff, of course I do. We drink way too much coffee for me to forget love."

Once we were seated in what Kurt called "Butt Butter chairs" in the back of the room ( I couldn't hide the mini blush when Kurt sat a little gingerly and I knew I had been responsible for his slight tenderness) Kurt just smirked, he knew exactly what I was remembering.

"So? I assume that since we stopped here instead of going right back, that there's a reason for this delicious detour?"

Kurt had a tiny bit of foam that lingered on his upper lip and despite the fact that I was sure he would be able to reach it, I couldn't not reach out and wipe it away with my thumb as I answered him. Not before sucking on my thumb a little too suggestively, making Kurt hold back the groan I could just make out. He was so easily riled and it was a powerful feeling.

"Yes, I wanted to give this to you with no one really around, and since everything, with Cooper n all, which is making me seem like a baby because I want to cry again, well I just hope this is special enough in return."

I reached into my bag to pull out the item I needed.

"Honey it's from you, of course it's going to be special."

"Ta da!" Kurt's face fell into one of confusion.

"Uh honey, I have an interactive tablet mini you know that right?"

"Precisely! In fact this is your tablet."

"Okay I don't follow."

"Scoot closer and I'll show you." I pulled his chair from the base so that Kurt was literally attached to my hip, and it was incredibly cute hearing him squeak in surprise when I rolled him that unexpectedly.

"Okay unlock it for me, and open your email."

Kurt did with a blush when he typed in the password, and I wondered if his password was as sentimental as he made it seem.

"You emailed me Blaine? What does this have to do with my Christmas present."

"Open it up, keep the volume at a respectable level and find out. Better yet put in one of your headphones and listen. The attachments are just for your eyes and ears only anyway."

Kurt pulled his keys and his headset out of his pocket, synced the blue tooth and opened the link.

This was where I sat back and watched as the window for a video came on, and a slightly scratchy faced version of myself popped on. I knew what was on the edited video so I was glued to Kurt's expression once he gave me a tiny shocked smile and then his attention went to the screen.

XXXX

* * *

**(KPOV)**

What could he have possibly sent me that I would want for Christmas..._oh!_

Blaine looked especially delicious, all scruffy and untidy, but undeniably cute. I'm not sure what it was about Blaine's five o'clock shadow, thick rimmed glasses that he _never_ wore, and unruly hair that did it for me. Maybe it was the inner rebel in me that secretly craved the disarray from my usual order? Plus Blaine is just hot, anyone with a pulse would agree with me there.  
The window on the screen flashed a silly 8-bit banner on the bottom that said " Merry Little Christmas" and I had to bite my lip from the cuteness and he hadn't even said anything yet.

Ruffling his hair a little and chuckling at the embarrassment of being on display on video, I took a look around his environment. He was seated on his bed, this was a place that I knew well, and from what I figured he must have owned a tripod because the camera was very still.  
"Hey honey. Merry Christmas, or happy holidays, um I'm really better with music and sometimes words elude me as you know, but I wanted this gift to be special so I am taking a stab at making you a home movie of sorts.  
"So as you can tell I'm in my boudoir here with the horrid drapes that I won't let you replace." I nodded along with video Blaine because god those curtains needed to go, they were an eye sore at best in an otherwise fashionable room.  
"I had originally thought of getting you something more tangible, but Tana said that maybe a gift from my heart would be better, she said it's what you guys usually get each other. Yes I called in a spy, so you're disappointed blame her!" Video Blaine and real Blaine laughed at the same time, making me remember that he was watching me watch this. I paused the feed for a second.  
"San was right B, heartfelt gifts are so much more special, but you know that whatever is on this video, will probably make me love you more, you know that right?"  
"I truly hope so..." I pressed play again already holding back tears at the earnest look on my Blaine's face.

"Firstly, you sorta know about the first part of your gift, the key. I've never been one to jump into letting the person I'm seeing into my life and thus into my home, but I let my best friends in, so now I want you there. You're one of my best friends Kurt, even though it took us a long time to get passed our past. We did it, and continue to fight for each other every day, and now I want you to know that you are not only allowed in my house, but I _want_ you there whenever you feel like it. So check your keys...it should already be there if I managed to get it done without you knowing."  
I looked away and sure enough the keys in question were still sitting on the table from where I disposed of them from,my pocket earlier, and as I glanced at them, the old brass key stood out because of what looked like a sharpie drawing on the front.  
"It's a bow tie, I wanted something on the key to make it stand out and what better symbolism for me than a bow tie...stop laughing at me I know you are!"  
I was chuckling but the pouty look I got from video Blaine was only intensified when I looked at the Blaine to my right to see he was mimicking his own pout. God he was such a five yer old sometimes.

"Anyways, mi casa es su casa...or my house is your haven, something like that, basically there's a drawer or two left open for you if you felt like bringing some stuff over or something...no pressure."  
He was rubbing the back of his head again subconsciously and it was really cute when he rambled, especially when telling me that he wanted me at his place anytime I wanted. That really was a big step even if I had known about the key, I just hadn't expected him to give it to me.

"The second part of the gift is a little sad. My real life counter part has something for you, go ahead take it."

Pausing the clip again I turned to Blaine who firstly looked too beautiful to not tell him so, so I reached over and planted a soft and sweet kiss to his lips, and to my utter surprise and joy he didn't push me away, he actually melted into it for a brief second.

"Wh-what was that for?"

"Because you're gorgeous and sweet, and I wanted to tell you that I would love to have a little bit of me permanently at chez Anderson."

"Really?"

"Definitely, now the disembodied cyber version of you said you had something for me kind sir?"He looked so happy that my question literally snapped him out his revere to fumble around with an object in his bag, eventually producing a worn leather bound journal of sorts.

Nodding towards the screen I noiselessly turned back on the headset and pressed play.

"See aren't I thoughtful? I got you a key to a 40 year old apartment and an ugly old book! Awesome huh?"

I couldn't help it, I giggled and my noise may have turned some of the attention from the waitstaff, so I tried to reign in the laughs, same as Blaine was surely doing now watching me make fun of him with my snickering.

"This journal Kurt is something that you and I are going to get very familiar with together, if you accept my proposal that is. In there...no don't open it now..." He knew me too well because that's just what I was about to do.

"That is my well, recovery log as it were. In there is everything that I can consciously remember drinking since I had last attended AA, the stuff before that was burned a long time ago. The first page there is a quote I lived by for a long time. It said that 'alcoholics fear being alone, especially in their own heads.' Well that saying gave me reasoning for my problem and the reason why I well... why I let Drew push me around into hiding our relationship. I was afraid to be alone and once I was, I found the bottom of a bottle...repeatedly. In that book was everything my counsellor made me keep track of. Every day that I was temped, all the times I fell off my waggon and whatever else I wanted to write, which wasn't much. But if you look through there, I've had some problems recently and most recently, you've picked up the pieces; but there have been other times love. That night...I never got the opportunity to thank you for what you did, and I know that it must have been really hard for you, but I'm not sorry. What happened, happened, and me giving you this journal is a symbolism of something that's about to change for me.

"I spoke with my psychiatrist last week, yes I started going back, and she told me that I have never truly resolved the anger that I had towards you, so she suggested that since we're in a different and better place now, that I can truly address the things that have bothered me, and helped contribute to my alcoholism. You've been through your own darkness Kurt so she thinks that this may not only help me but you as well. So Kurt Hummel will you support your boyfriend, the man that loves you dearly for everything that he truly is, and be my sponsor? I'm going to go back to AA regularly again starting the new year, and I want you to keep me motivated and help me write down things in that journal as I once did. So I know its not a happy present but the outcome would be so important to me and I think it would make us better in the long run. We both get better and be better for the other? Okay talk to the real Blaine right now because I am sure he's freaking out about your response love."

I turned a weepy expression to find an equally emotional one, complete with his slightly thick eyebrows knitted together in a small worried grimace.

"Blaine you want me to..."

"If you want to, I mean I know it's not the best Christmas gift but I figured..."

"Blaine Anderson, this is possibly the best gift I could have ever gotten."

"How...you mean you'll do it?"

"Of course I will! Blaine you want me help to get over your ailment and you want me to help, and be there person you lean on? It's amazing to me that you trust me with this responsibility. It could really help me too Blaine, we'd kinda of like...fix each other."

"You make me want to be a better man Kurt and I know that you feel something a kin to the same."

If we weren't in public the kiss I used to reassure him wouldn't have been the quick semi-chaste one I gave him, but I would have kissed us both breathless.

"I love you." I was cupping his face, not wanting to give up the contact. He loved me, he trusted me, and he wanted to be better not just for himself but for us.._.us_! It really was a selfless gift, and one that I think ranks up there with buying me my own theatre. ( That wouldn't be selfless but you get the idea.)

He amazed me and it scared me that I would let him down; but now I had another purpose that was greater than myself. I would be fighting to not only keep my boyfriend happy with me, but with himself.

"Love you too. There's one more part to the gift, it's silly but..."

"Hold that thought. I will be the judge of that." He pecked my lips again before I could pull away, and I will hold to the fact that I didn't squeak happily when it seemed like he couldn't get enough of me.

"Hi again Kurt! So I'm hoping that the gift was received well, obviously since you're watching this you didn't walk out of the coffee shop, so that's gotta be good right? So *ahem*, the last part of the gift as I said, well non video Blaine said it I think, is silly but silly and music is what I do."

Video Blaine reached beside himself off camera and grabbed what looked like a well worn acoustic guitar surprising me.

"See, you always see me at a piano, so now I wanted to show some versatility and break out this old thing. This was a gift from Cooper for my15th birthday so I've basically had this thing half of my life. I wanted to be like Joe Satriani, wailing away on the electric but I found home with this sound. So baby...this is my song for you on Christmas. My love, my saviour and grace. I hated you, now I love you. It's funny, I guess the saying that love and hate aren't far apart really works for us huh?.We were meant to be somehow I think and for our first Christmas I wanted to share with you my favourite holiday song. Enjoy gift number three and sorry if I'm rusty, it's been a while. May I also introduce my duet partner, I think you might know her." Blaine winked and gosh he was cute.

Suddenly Santana sat down on the bed beside Blaine and smiled at the camera.

"Hey lady. Feliz Navida mana." She blew a kiss at the camera just as Blaine gave his megawatt smile that would leave anyone breathless.

I didn't quite recognize the song right off the bat but once he started singing the opening note, I knew exactly what he was singing. Little did I know that we would both, in our own ways, give the gift of music this holiday, but that in return he and my sister from another mister would be singing one of my mom's favourite Christmas songs; or so had said my father.

_(Blaine_, **Santana**, _**Both)**_

_Have yourself a merry little Christmas,  
Let your heart be light  
From now on,  
our troubles will be out of sight_

**Have yourself a merry little Christmas,  
Make the Yule-tide gay,  
From now on,  
our troubles will be miles away.**

**Here we are as in olden days,  
Happy golden days of yore.  
****Faithful friends who are dear to us  
Gather near to us once more.**

**Through the years  
We all will be together,**_  
If the Fates allow  
_**Hang a shining star upon the highest bough.**_  
And have yourself ,A merry little Christmas now._

**Faithful friends who are dear to us  
Gather near to us once more.**

**Through the years  
We all will be together,  
If the Fates allow**

He sang the last two verses completely acapella and solo; it was hauntingly beautiful. If anyone could have pulled off Judy Garland's original rendition with their own flair for the dramatic but keep it solemn, it was Blaine and Tana.

_So hang a shining star upon the highest bough.  
And have yourself A merry little Christmas now. _

I couldn't hide the tears, no matter how hard I tried. He was just so beautiful. Santana was just so amazing. I had the best set of friends I could ever hope for, and I don't think I really appreciated it until just now..

Video Blaine and Santana faded with waves and shouts of love towards me before the screen went black and the video stopped. I hadn't looked at my Blaine in a while and I was worried about what I would see. I had to get it together, I was crying without sobbing, the tears were just falling at the magnitude of what I was feeling right now.

I couldn't quite place it, but my brain stopped thinking when a warm hand closed over my own. Blaine, my Blaine, was just sitting there looking slightly anxious at the tears on my face. I let him wipe away a few of them.

"So a gift from the heart is still better than a shopping spree?" I huffed out a laugh as I let him dry my face with the sleeve of his sweater. ( I wold kick him for that later because that was cashmere and shouldn't be treated so recklessly.)

"B-Blaine...you're a fucking moron."

Blaine looked shocked but I think he was getting used to my mouth at this point when I was emotional.

"You, Blaine, you are my Christmas joy damn it The song, the trust, the key I just..."

"I'm glad I can make you happy." He soothed his thumb pad over my hand when I leaned into his ear.

"Fuck lets get out of here so I can get you outside and kiss you like I want to."

We packed away the tablet and threw out our empties before retreating to the cold outdoors in a hurry, and I proceeded to keep my promise and kissed him like I had wanted to since the video had ended.

We both seemed to have the holiday that we always wanted thus far. Next up, our new normal family dinner.

XXXX

* * *

Santana and I walked in from the kitchen to the sight of a full table of happily chatting and oddly paired individuals. San and I would be seated at the heads of the table respectively, once we took our

seats, and the rest of our guests had all arrived in a fairly timely fashion, even Meerkat was on time. Sebastian had said that he had a late breakfast with his sister so he could come tonight, and he had brought wine to boot. (Which he said he would also watch Blaine just in case) I was thankful for the added pair of eyes. It wasn't that I didn't trust my boyfriend with alcohol but he had very recently put me in charge of his well being regarding it; a trust that I took very seriously.

San and I had the last items to try and cram onto the table, and the giggles and rumble of everyone talking warmed my heart a little at the late afternoon holiday gathering.

As I looked to my right I looked at the procession of bodies. Blaine was to my immediate, followed by Cooper and Wes. To my left was the somehow lovable ( I will never admit this out loud) Bas followed by Brit and Santana at the other end. It was a little lopsided with the uneven amount of people but it was a sense of family that I hadn't really expected in so many years, no matter how we were seated. I had known most of these people for years but aside from Santana I had just 'met' all of them in recent months, and now here we were, celebrating a holiday together and it seemed so natural to me that it was slightly terrifying.

_Dad would be so proud. So would mom._

The thought came and went so fast because I shook it off so I didn't start to cry, but Blaine reached his hand under the table and grabbed my thigh giving it a squeeze as I sat down.

"You alright beautiful?"

"Yeah, just nice to have everyone together." I looked over at Cooper who was talking to Wes about something apparently really funny and then to Sebastian who was teaching Brittany how to balance a spoon on her nose. Santana was fussing with the placement of her Dominican dish and uncovering everything before settling down in her seat and making eye contact with me.

"Buen provecho." She said this aloud making everyone stop what they were doing, which included a giggle from me when Sebastian's spoon dropped from his nose and clattered on the floor.

_*Ting* Ting *Ting*_

God Wes was too formal sometimes, but I did have to say that he looked sharp in a red dress shirt and black waist coat; seasonal but formal, I approved. (Yes I was judgmental get over it.)

"Ladies, gentleman, those less gentle and less ladylike."

Santana muttered a _shut i_t in Sebastian's direction when he looked like he was going to say something about unladylike behaviour, and funnily enough I was on the cusp of saying the exact same thing.

I laced my hand under the table with Blaine's but kept my eyes on Wesley. Just feeling Blaine close like this was enough at the moment.

"Happy Christmas everyone."

There was a chorus of Merry Christmas' around the table in response which Wes politely waited for before continuing with a raised glass.

"This is a year of first's for a lot of us including this new family tradition which I hope will continue. Any excuse for me not to see my father and get disappointed yet again right?"

I kept forgetting that even the incomparable Wesley had his own demons.

"So I figured I would recap on the extraordinary events that have lead up to tonight to give us some perspective on 2024 shall we? Firstly this is the first time that Blaine and I in our long somewhat mundane careers have had a success to look forward to, and its all thanks to the genius and devil in the red dress who took a chance on us, and whom is also our host for the evening. Thank you for having us over first of all Santana, and you look beautiful by the way."

"Ass kiss."

"Suck up." Blaine and Sebastian muttered these words of discouragement at the same time, making me remember quickly how in tune my boyfriend and his friend really were.

Santana glared but laughed and teased Wes, "Nice plug Sho Gun, but I'm a lesbian so hit on someone else, besides my girlfriend will kick your ass." Tana caressed Brit's elbow in reassurance.

"Lord Tubbington taught me Kung-Fu in high school, he was a bad ass and knew his stuff so watch out." Her glare at Wes was hollow but it still made me laugh.

Sebastian and Cooper looked confused as the rest of us laughed, Brit's words were her version of the truth, but she never seemed to mind when people laughed at her quirks. Wes just continued unfazed.

"The Latina has spoken, but surely you know we're all grateful with how we met and gathered today. The Anderson brothers are back together and strong, and for that I thank you Kurt because I don't know about you Seb, but I was tired of his incessant whining."

"When's Cooper going to call me?" Seb didn't miss a beat back and forth with Wes.

"Should I be the bigger man?"

"Fuck this, if he wants to talk to me he will, but maybe I should call him after all..."

Blaine cut them off with a wave of a hand and an embarrassed smile.

"Alright, alright we get the picture guys, I like to whine, but it's all fixed now right Coop?"

"Right. Los Angeles isn't that far right? We'll figure it out."

"Anyways as I was saying, Brit, Tana, you both look lovely and congrats on your coming out, we offer you nothing but support. And Blaine, Kurt, we were all apprehensive about you guys working out your shit because we were honestly waiting for you two to burn the studio down...but now, I can see that we were wrong, you complete one another in a fashion that as your official hag Blainers, I approve.. Kurt welcome to the family and the same goes for you girls as well, and welcome back Coop. Merry Christmas."

We all stood and reached across the table to clink glasses with each other, a celebratory toast commencing the start of the meal, and damn was it a noisy affair.

Apparently theatre people loved to talk and they had no problems raising their voices at the table to be heard over the one beside them.

We all ate vigorously, San and I had outdone ourselves apparently and the food was receiving rave reviews from the full table of occupants. Ted the turkey had stayed moist in his bag, despite me saying that I wouldn't have used one if I hadn't been proved long ago that despite my misgivings, the bird always stayed moist when cooked that way.

Sebastian and Brittany had a drumstick duel at the table, Coop had shared some childhood stories about little Blaine wanting nothing more than to have a group holiday wedding with his Transformers and G.I Joe's (which I found adorkable), and San and I kept throwing our two cents into every conversation that we could make out.

Blaine had been the most animated I had ever seen him, he even dropped the dapper routine when Cooper challenged him to a burping contest. Blaine won quickly and it was one of those moments when you could say that you were incredibly proud, and completely disgusted by the man you love in one shining moment. It was just a gross moment but we were all past decorum at this point, we were a family I guess, all acting like children, and that thought seemed to mingle through the dinner.

Cooper, Wes, Sebastian and Blaine cleared the table and soaked the dishes while the rest of us sat back and smiled.

Once the tea and coffee were prepped and brought to the tidied table, we all fell into ideal chatter, too full to relinquish our seats but the evening was far from over. Since it was early winter, and as everyone knew it got dark really early this shortly after the winter solstice, and San and I had one last surprise up out sleeves. It was time to get everyone bundled up and head outside into the cold, but slightly warmer evening. The day had clouded over since this morning and it had been lightly snowing all afternoon. It was time for the fireworks.

"Okay everyone grab your shit, it's time to do this Latin style."

Sebastian looked at me a little leery.

"Suck it up buttercup, this is a tradition Tana passed this on to me years ago. We get dressed and go outside and pretend its the fourth of fucking July. Nothing extreme, and it doesn't last long because I'd rather not loose my dick to frost bite, but it's really fun."

I tried to hide my enthusiasm but really how could I? This was one of my favourite things to do at Christmas, one of the few things until today, that reminded me of my father and mother on Christmas, and until this year I had avoided those memories like the plague.

I remember the delight on Santna's face when she saw the look of confusion on my mine that first year at her Abuela's. Everything was still so fresh in my mind; his death, that night...and everything was just kind of forgotten when Tana put a roman candle in my hand and said "Light'er up Porcelain".

The sparks of colour and the chants of excitement from her and her family became one of my favourite things during the holidays with my adopted family; and it was a tradition that I would happily share this year with Blaine and his family.

"Come on babe, you too. Hats and heavy coats people, and gloves you don't mind ruining just in case they catch on fire."

"Porcelain let's go, these ass-hats can catch up."

I must have missed the amused chuckle from my boyfriend in person, but I surely heard it from behind me, leaving Brit and the remaining people to lock the door as Santana and I raced ahead down to the elevator ahead of everyone else.

This was the season that Tana and I truly acted like children both of us dropping the protective bitch shield..

XXXX

* * *

**(BPOV)**

My boyfriend was finally acting like a kid, and all it took was colourful localized explosives to do the trick. Him and Tana had lead the charge out of the building and down the street to the little park that was actually deemed safe to let off the fireworks.

It had been explained to me earlier that this had been a tradition of sorts in Santana's family's culture for years and therefore was Kurt and Tana's tradition. I had to explain this to Seb and my brother as we made our way into the park only to see Kurt trying to bury a set of roman candles into the snow. Wes and Brit were following close behind as Brit tried to explain the intricacies of the proper way to catch snow on your tongue.

It was indeed snowing but it was that fat snow that didn't seem to fall with any weight, like it kind of hung there for a while before gently drifting to the ground. There was no wind for once and that was another reason why my new love and his best girlfriend seemed to be squealing a little more than usual over this.

"Who's got a light?"

Kurt magically pulled a Zippo out of his pocket as if on cue.

"Ex smoker although I'm not proud of it, it comes in beneficial when there's the need for a lighter. I always carry one now...who's doing the honours?"

It was decided that we would let the veterans of his tradition go first since they were the most exuberant about it, but once the fireworks started it seemed to be rather addictive to tell the truth. The entire bundle of fireworks that Kurt and Tana had brought down with them were rapidly going off at random intervals. We kept it safe, always only lighting off one at a time and soon there was nothing left but sparklers.

Brittany grabbed Santana and Sebastian surprisingly and moved over to one side giving them all red sparklers and proceeded to sing _Rudolph_ really, really, loudly and badly just because they could. Cooper and Wes decided to have a non contact sparkler light saber duel with a green and blue sparklers while Kurt and I lit our purple and yellow ones respectively and just watched the colours burn.

We must have looked insane to the on-looker, but it was Christmas and everyone could act like a kid and no one batted an eye; that and it was New York, no one batted an eye to begin with most of the time.

And in true corny Christmas tradition, I kissed the man I loved in the glow of the lit sparklers and under the newly fallen snow.

XXXX

* * *

"I was waiting to test out this badboy! Who's gonna join me? Sebby you know you can't resist."

"Oh I am so in, Cooper?"

"Sure, we can use this thing right Santana?" The 'thing' in question was the white baby grand that Santana made sure she got in her divorce. It may have been a little cramped in her condo but Tana said she refused to let the bastard take it. She was musically inclined while her ex had been accused of making tone deaf mutes look like musical geniuses. Hence, us begging her to play Christmas songs on it and rounding out our dysfunctional cliched Christmas.

We had warmed up considerably from our rendezvous outside but since the outing Kurt had looked...free. Freer than I had ever remembered him looking and it filled me with so much joy that I literally had to tackle the white beast in the corner, and tinker away happily with the renewed enthusiasm for life through music.

"Sure, you scratch it, you die though." Her threat this time didn't seem quite so empty as I sat down at the keys.

Apparently in the next little while, the egg nog was flowing, and despite my usual distaste for it, Kurt and Cooper took turns feeding it to me through a straw, whilst I played along with whatever request was made of me. It was really quite enjoyable.

Kurt would lean down and kiss me at intervals, and it was usually after he decided to sing along with the group that he did this; like he was looking for reassurance after he sang somehow.

There were many holiday requests, and Wes and Seb even reprized one of their more embarrassing Christmas moments when they sang their duet from _A Year Without Santa Claus_, complete with Wes acting the part of Heat Miser and Sebastian playing Mr. Snow. Hey, it had been a drunk holidays for them both when_ Les Cages_ went off stage and they got silly, so that happened and now they decided to sing it again, only this time they could barely get out every other phrases without laughing.

Thankfully that had been the low point in the evening however funny, but at some point we had switched from seasonal songs to Broadway favourites.

We hardly ever finished a song, everyone content to listen in on whomever picked up the song and started singing.

My brother and I were actually asked to perform together by a very anxious Kurt who looked like he would vibrated out of his skin, he was so excited to see and hear us sing together.

Normally we would have sung something Duran Duran or another such pop duet that we were famous for when we were growing up and people wanted to hear the Anderson brother's sing, but since dad died a few years ago, thus the reason for Coop and I not talking really, we couldn't bring ourselves to sing something that uptempo and reminiscent. Instead Cooper whispered something in my ear and I knew Wes could play it on the piano, so I gave him instructions and he laughed a little at the Broadway classic that made so many audiences laugh. Yeah, we could do this one.

"Okay because I've been pleaded by the gorgeous eyes by my other half and Cooper has never been one to ignore attention." Cooper shoved me playfully and tried to mess up my hair; I almost smacked him but I knew he was for once really joking.

"Here's something funnier from a little play called _Into The Woods_. God could we be a more kitschy theatre family honestly, all we need now is for someone to break out into _Being Alive_ from _Company_ and we've covered our bases."

"Shut up and sing hobbit!"

"Yes ma'am." The fake salute wasn't lost as everyone snicked as Wes started to play

**(Cooper**, _Blaine, __**Both)**_

**Did I abuse her  
Or show her disdain?  
Why does she run from me?  
If I should lose her,  
How shall I regain  
The heart she has won from me?**  
**Agony!  
Beyond power of speech,  
When the one thing you want  
Is the only thing out of your reach.**

_High in her tower,  
She sits by the hour,  
Maintaining her hair.  
Blithe and becoming and frequently humming  
A lighthearted air:  
Ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-_  
_Agony!  
Far more painful than yours,  
When you know she would go with you  
If there only were doors_.

_**Agony!  
Oh, the torture they teach!**_

_What's as intriguing-_

**Or half so fatiguing-**

_**As what's out of reach?**_

**Am I not sensitive,  
Clever,  
Well-mannered,  
Considerate,  
Passionate,  
Charming,  
As kind as I'm handsome  
And heir to a throne?**

_You are everything maidens could wish for!_

**Then why no-?**  
_Do I know?_

**The girl must be mad!**

_You know nothing of madness  
Till you're climbing her hair  
And you see her up there  
AS you're nearing her,  
All the while hearing her:  
Ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-_

_**Agony!**_  
**Misery!**  
_Woe!_

_**Though it's different for each.**_

**Always ten steps behind-**

_Always ten feet below-_

_**And she's just out of reach.  
Agony  
That can cut like a knife!**_

I must have her to wife.

Kurt was at my side in an instant, smiling and laughing like mad. Cooper and I had always been very animated performers and what seemed to get people was when we went around the room and told our tale of woe over our women ( irony was not lost on me trust me), and seemed to genuinely believe that we were these characters. Kurt was giggling so much that I though he'd turned purple, but instead he just hugged me to let it out of his system whilst everyone else applauded.

"That was one of the funniest things I've ever seen B, you guys are so good together, and that's almost too much raw talent and good looks for one performance."

"I'm glad you liked it." I pecked his lips.

"Montgomery, gimme back my seat, I have another song we could sing, and can someone fetch more nog, that shit's really good without rum strangely enough."

After sipping my new drink, which I thanked Brit for even though I had been kidding about someone getting me one, she was just happy to see me smile. I loved that odd woman like a sister now it seemed, she was endearingly simple but sharp as a knife when she wanted to be.

In her honour I accepted her request to sing another holiday classic was only fuelled by the thought that she asked to sing _Sisters _from _White Christmas_ with Bas, and without telling him as such.

The laughs that Cooper and I got were nothing in compared to watching Sebastian play along with our lovely blonde just for the sake of doing so.

Brit apparently had the idea in her head that the song was perfect for her and Sebastian since they were both skinny, dancers by trade, and loved dolphins, so in her mind they were kindred. I couldn't explain the connection to anyone that doesn't know Brit but honestly seeing Sebastian go all out and grab garland off the mantle to drape it over himself and Brit, was honestly a moment where I remembered that I loved this crazy guy, he was my friend and truly showed who he was at all times. Plus it didn't hurt that my brother had pulled our his phone and was recording it; I would need to get a piece of that blackmail. A gay man and a self proclaimed bi-curious woman singing _Sisters_, wow only at a Broadway Christmas party could that truly be appreciated.

When the laughing died down after the number, the energy was still high in the room as everyone kind of found their spots to stand or sit and just talk. I had noticed Kurt was being a little quiet; pensive I guess, as he watched our friends chat. (Huh our friends, that was a nice thought)  
Santana started talking about the musical at one random point whilst I was playing random chords ( I never tired at the piano, it was like an extra appendage). We just started chatting about the play being almost finalized and ready to show the investors, Cooper had to be brought up to speed on my life anyway, when I started playing something that I didn't now I was until the idle chatter was broken by a soft but gorgeous voice.

Santana all but gawked at her best friend as Kurt just seemed to open up in song. Apparently this song had been a key in getting Kurt to forget the audience and just sing.

_It's been hot,  
Also very sweet.  
And I'm not usually indiscreet.  
But when he sparkles,  
The earth begins to sway._

Kurt stopped for a second and made eye contact with me, and the room stilled hearing his voice, jaws dropping but I smiled reassuringly, and I could only hope that he was singing to me like it looked he was.

_What more can I say?  
How can I express  
How confused am I by our happiness?  
I can't eat breakfast,  
I cannot tie my shoe.  
What more can I do?_

Kurt closed his eyes then and it was a good thing because I couldn't bare to let him see me cry. His lower register was just as amazing as his high one that I heard today with Cooper. How could this man not have sang aloud for years? Was life really that cruel?

_If I said I love him,  
You might think my words come cheap.  
Let's just say  
I'm glad he's mine awake,  
Asleep._

_It's been hot  
Also it's been swell.  
More than not,  
It's been more than words can tell.  
I halt.  
I stammer.  
I sing a roundelay.  
What more can I say?_

Santana moved from her position on the armchair where Brit was leaning and came over to stand beside Kurt, giving him a watery smile which he returned before singing again bright and loud and completely in tune.

_I'll stay calm.  
Untie my tongue.  
And try to stay  
Both kind and young._

I looked at Seb and he was standing there with his mouth open a little but a knowing smile that reached his eyes. Seb finally understood why I loved this man, I could tell. I don't know how any person could not love him, even with his attitude sometimes, because he truly could amaze the world if he believed in himself.

_I was taught  
Never brag or shout.  
Still it's hot,  
Just like how you read about.  
And also funny,  
And never too uncouth.  
That's the simple truth._

_Can you tell  
I have been revised?  
It's so swell,  
Damn it, even I'm surprised._

Santana took Kurt's hand then and gave a reassuring squeeze, a small sob being released that she tried to reign it in, but I knew that this was not just something monumental between friends, but also in character. Tana had seen Kurt break all those years ago and this had to be one of the last hurdles that she had tried to help her best friend clear in over a decade. Kurt was setting himself free. And as if on cue, he looked at me with a crying eye or two as he finished the song, his love for me almost tangible in the lyrics.

_We laugh, we fumble  
We take it day by day.  
What more can I say? _

This was Kurt Hummel; the true Kurt Hummel.

XXXX

* * *

(WPOV)

"Psst Seb."

Bas wasn't very good at sneaking but soon after the performances ended and we all shared our gifts for one another, I tried my best to get Sebastian away from the damn piano long enough to talk to about something that I figured of great importance.

"Yeah?"

We were facing the fireplace and the tree as if admiring the ornaments. The couples were immersed in themselves talking amongst teach other, and mostly about the song choices. People had been quiet about Kurt's performance after the initial shock had worn off because it had been collectively agreed to not make a big deal out of it, just in case he got shaken about it. It seemed to lull over except for Blaine who kept being overly affectionate with his boyfriend, even going so far as to remove his glasses for a proper kiss that made his brother say _Ew_ repeatedly with a laugh.

"What did you think of our little show tonight, any stand out performances?"

I tried to be casual but the topic was a lot easier to think about off handed in my head, the reality of the situation was that Kurt blew our fucking collective minds tonight, which was exactly what I wanted to talk to Seb about.

"Yeah I know what you mean, it was fucking killer dude."

"What are we going to do about it?"

"There's nothing to be done Wes, Kurt's amazing but.."

"There are no but's in this theory Smythe, I just need to know that you would be on board for something impromptu and if Tana says okay maybe a little creative."

Sebastian just took a sip of the drink he was holding and stared noncommittally into the fireplace for what seemed like a very long, sombre and calculated pause.

"He really was amazing wasn't he?"

_At-ta boy Smythe._

"I'm glad you see it like that."

Operation : Free the Songbird was officially a go in my head. We shall see how this plays out.

* * *

A/N:

Holy fuck that was long huh? I get feedback now right?...I hope 23,000+ words would do that :)

_Song List _

**Heading Home** : is an original song my friend and I are trying to write for his indie album so it doesn't have music yet ( make something up?) lol

**Blessings** : from _White Christmas_ – Bing Crosby and Rosemary Clooney version because it's perfection.

**Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas** – the version from _Meet Me in St. Louis_ by Judy Garland

**Agony** :_ Into the Woods_ – original Broadway cast recording (super fun musical)

**Sisters** : _White Christmas_ – watch the Bing and Danny duet and imagine Sebastian doing that and not pee yourself ;)

**What more can I do? **- _Falsettoes _– so many covers of this song. (this was was the song I was talking about in the authour's note above)

Some basic Santana translations: Noche Buena (goodnight), Sancocho ( an awesome Dominican stew), Feliz Navida Mana ( merry Christmas brother..mana is the short form of brother)

**_Love? xx_**


	15. Chapter 15

_**Hi everyone! Happy New Year, some sooner rather than later I would imagine. So I know this is shorter than normal for me, hell it a buttload shorter than that monster of a chapter I gave you a little while ago, but this was needed to move the story along. I hope you all know that I love your support but this story is wrapping up in some respects very soon. Send me your love, your ideas, and know that I truly appreciate every single one of you greatly for your readership. Love ya!  
**_

_**The songs mentioned in here do not exist but were thought bubbles from my composer buddy Teddy who helped me out. (Hi Teddy!) There is one song in here that you will recognize and I am claiming it as an unused song purely for this fiction. I do not own it, but the song was too perfect to not include in my story, so for that sake it's the** property** of Blaine Anderson and Wesley Montgomery for this fiction. (You will know which one it is)  
**_

**_Here's some Anderbros fluff (personally I think Blooper is funnier but whatever lol), Kurtbastian friendship, and a hard push in the direction this story is going...love ya! Read and rock on my lovelies_!**

* * *

**Close To Home**

* * *

**Chapter 15**

(BPOV)

The days leading up to the big presentation were a little tumultuous for sure, but it wasn't something that I was used to, especially working closely with someone like Wes. I had told the restaurant that I would be busy for a few weeks because of the prep and I had to admit the understanding I received from management was great. I didn't get paid but they had no problem filling the few shifts that I would have because they knew that the restaurant wasn't my first passion, and that this opportunity was hugely important to me.  
So Wes, whom only worked the odd shift at the coffee house here and there, and I spent most of our time pouring over musical and dialogue revisions, most of the time falling asleep while doing so, while the holidays and happy bubble we had created then all but disappeared.

The days immediately following Christmas, Kurt, Cooper, Bas and I spent quiet a bit of time together taking in the city that most of us knew well, but mostly for Cooper's benefit, and my own.

Ever since dad died, the man who raised Coop and I to be strong willed and shut out weakness, it had been very hard to face my brother. I couldn't stand the confidence that he always radiated, like nothing was wrong, almost like he didn't even miss dad.

I may have had my differences with dad over the years, most of it stemming around my bad choices to "remain gay" and to let "that man" dictate what my life should be, but I had never been able to shake the humiliation that I always felt around our father. He loved me, I loved him, but he never understood my choices. He made me a strong person even at a distance and I missed him terribly, but Coop had never seemed too fazed by it, hence why I couldn't stand him for too long sometimes, his emotions were so hard to read and it was infuriating.

The time that we had spent, the four of us, roaming around the snow covered city, were enlightening actually. Bas and Kurt seemed to drop the hotheaded director and dickhead lead roles as they wandered together through the streets ahead of Cooper and I. I watched with a leery eye and a listening ear to make sure that my boyfriend and best friend weren't plotting world domination, or worse yet, getting along too well. Their similarities in personality frightened me sometimes. They both used sarcasm and wit to hid insecurities, they had tempers that reviled the most irritated volcanoes, and yet they could love with all their hearts and souls if they figured the cause and person were worth it.

I guess I was attracted to strong but frail men, hidden under layers of hurt, needing to be saved. They were much like myself and it seemed Cooper figured it out too at the time.

"Is there a world ending Apocalypse that I should be planning for?" I had been shocked out of my eavesdropping to look at my brother who was right at my side whispering in my ear.

"Huh?"

"Bas and Kurt." I looked up again at the two men who were a good 12 feet ahead of us now, so I figured they couldn't hear anything. Besides Kurt was currently trying to wrestle his pretzel out of Bas' hand and that would at least give us a few minutes to talk while they fought. It was nice yet scary seeing them get along even if they were currently mock sidewalk wrestling.

"What about'em? Ya know aside from the fact that I'm waiting for them both to actually start fighting any second."

cooper laughed but nodded. "That's what I mean squirt, should I be scared that those two are getting along? I always figured Sebastian would fight for you tooth and nail, and here he is accepting his friend's new love with a grain of salt. It's almost mature, and it frightens me."

I knew that Cooper wasn't done. He was always one for monologuing when he had something to say, and within a few well timed seconds he continued.

"Bas has been in love with you Blaine for years, I saw it then but for once I didn't intervene, I know progress right? I didn't like the guy then, he was cocky, full of himself, even if I could tell bad acting from the start, but I saw that he was good for you in the end. It's just weird that someone whom I always thought would drive you crazy with his attitude would be so understanding when you started dating someone so much like himself.

"They're both actors, performers really, tall skinny but built, same hair style to some extent and both have a serious case of the bitch fits from what Wes is telling me. I guess that's why it looks like you broke Sebastian's heart even more so. He couldn't be that person for you, but his sometimes clone could? I admire Sebastian Smythe's strength, and I feel a little dirty for saying that."

Cooper looked downcast and as much as I was in shock at the truths that he was speaking I didn't interrupt but put my hand on his shoulder in comfort. He looked like he was getting worked up.

"I should have been there Blaine. I should have been the one to drag your ass to AA and help put you back together but my goddamn pride got in the way. After dad died I shut down, it hurt me so much and I couldn't let the that frailty show to you. You were always the more emotional one of the two of us, and ten years on you made me have to be the responsible one.

"The day I met Kurt, it was like I was reintroduced to my brother through the eyes of someone that I knew already loved him. He talked to me about your breakdowns, your weaknesses and surprisingly some of his own and about how much he would love to see us together fighting for each other again. So Blaine this is me apologizing for shutting down all those years ago, and somehow it took two emotionally stagnant and unpredictable people..." He looked over to Kurt and Bas whom had stopped fighting and were somehow laughing at each other since they were pulling snow out of each others coats and then I looked back to my brother.

"...For me to see that. I love you squirt. I love that your best friend saved you and loved you until Kurt came along. And I really do wish dad was here to see this. He'd be so proud of you man."

The haphazard nature of New Yorkers allowed me to not give a rats ass as I lunged and hugged Cooper. This was the emotional man I saw Christmas morning singing to me, this was the man that I grew up idolizing and hating at the same time, and I had missed him over the last few years.

"I'm sorry too Coop. I'm so sorry that I didn't try harder to get in touch, or hell try at all. I just miss dad more than I ever thought I would. And with mom back in Spain now...well I guess everything just fell apart."

Our mom had moved back to Valencia to live with her sister when dad had passed away. She had a hard time with both of her sons being so far away that she felt that she needed her sister close. I had agreed with her even though it was even harder to see mom. She called on occasion but our bonds were thinned dramatically, and I guess until now as I held on to my brother tightly. I hadn't known how much I missed my entire family.

"Promise me we'll fix this? I have to go back to Boston and then back to the west coast after the New Year but promise me we won't do this again bud."

"I promise." We pulled away from our hug and as if right on cue we received a chorus of awws from Bas and Kurt, whom were much closer now than they had been.

"Oh shut up Sebby." I rolled my eyes just as a snow ball hit Coop in the chest, and the sound of Kurt giggling as he took off to grab more snow.

Cooper was never one to back down from a fight. "Oh it's on Hummel."

For a good half hour Seb, Cooper, Kurt and I engaged in some not so mature activities, and somehow I was bested by my other half, my shorter legs weren't really made for running in the snow after all.

XXXX

* * *

The day of the investors preview had comes and Wes and I had to write something brief with most of the songs listed so the investors knew what they were witnessing. It had to be enough to tease and tell a story, but also letting the actors shine and tell the rest. This was some of what they saw.

* * *

_**Home**_

_**Ben Gibson : **Played by Sebastian Smythe_

_**Michael Walmer** : Played by Nigel Lee Vernal_

_**Full Company listed at the bottom ***_

_**Director** : Kurt Hummel_

_**Producer** : Santana Lopez_

_**Writers** : Blaine Anderson and Wesley Montgomery_

* * *

**Synopsis** : _This is the story pf Benjamin "Ben" Gibson, and his journey of self discovery. The time is the early nineteen nineties, and we are introduced to Benjamin as a twenty something studying in his final year at Harnet University. He had gone into Law as he father wanted him to despite, loving to act and sing more than anything. He lived a mundane but content existence and one that seemed to be moving down a prearranged path. On the outside he seemed to have almost everything that he could want, except he was denying who he truly was and he didn't even know it._

_In the same school, but in the dramatic arts building we meet another young man named Michael Walmer. Michael is flamboyant, over the top, but so connected to his craft that everyone who meets him adores him. He's been unhappy too under his layers, despite being and knowing exactly who he is. A confident gay aspiring actor, who just wants his life to mean something._

_This is the story of how these two men find their lives changing when they meet and bond over music. One, a free bird wanting nothing more than to find a purpose, and the other searching for how he could truly find himself and escape his cage._

_This is their journey of self discovery, in life and because of death._

* * *

**Opening Scene** : _Ben is sitting on a black stage on a stool, his shoulders slumped and a suitcase by his side. A sign to his left says Right, a sign to his right Wrong.._

_He sings a soft and sombre song of lament called **Headed Home**_

_After the song closes Ben asks the audience which way he should go, the safe way, or the hard way. But before he can really get the answer to that question he thinks that I little back story is in order._

_"My name is Ben, well Benny Gibson, and this was my story..."_

_**Harnet University Theme** on the university grounds: We meet Ben and his friends as well as Ben's Comparative Law instructor Prof. Trusseau, played by Newman Olivieri in 3/4 quarter time. It's straight laced but beautiful. When the scene reopens the same songs plays but it's a jazzed up version with the theatre students, singing it in 8 part harmony lead by Prof McCaffrey played by Donna Colette, an eccentric but seasoned theatre instructor._

_Harnet University Fall Concert: Ben gets dragged to the event by his girlfriend Dianne played by Ann Chamberlain only to be completely blown away with by the most unlikely of people and performances._

_**I Am Not the Boy Next Door** : sung by Nigel Lee Vernal_

_The meeting between the two sparks a friendship and mutual love for music that neither Dianne nor any of their friends truly understand. The story follows an up and down pattern where Ben learns and resists his instincts to be happier around Michael than he has ever been before._

_**Boys Need Rules** on the university grounds: sung by Ben's father, played by Joseph Karols and Harnet's Dean, Dean Timko played by Pat Masterson_

_At one point right after Christmas Ben can't seem to fight off the urge to tell Michael how he's been feeling. For the first part of the first Act finale, you see Michael and Ben in a dance studio where Michael is showing Ben what it's like to dance like you've spread your wings._

_**Let Go** (Tango to waltz): sung by Michael and Ben, played by Sebastian Smythe and Nigel Lee Vernal_

_**Let Go reprise** (higher key, piano solo): Nigel Lee Vernal_

_Its heated and almost angry at the way Michael and Ben swap lyrics about letting yourself go and leaving the barriers behind. Its like they are challenging the other let go first. The song changes tempo quickly as the dance closes, the song slowing into a waltz as they hold one another._

_The men share a passionate and meaningful kiss, one that leaves Ben so surprised that he moves quickly out the door leaving Michael there to sing a reprized lament of the same song._

_End Act 1*_

* * *

Sounds good doesn't it? I personally thought so, and the second act was far better an achievement than the first I think.

I won't make you read the entire second act but it goes on an emotional rollercoaster ride where Ben tried to come to terms with the fact that his conservative family with a political background, would never approve of a son who loved music and above all, one who's fallen in love with a man.

You see his struggles to cut out Michael even though his heart pulls him back to the man that helped him feel alive for the first time in his life. Only when Ben truly realizes that he loves Michael, and rushes to find him, he hears that he had been taken critically ill and is in the hospital.

I was particularity proud of this part in the story because you get to see the emotional breakdown of a man who's just found what he's looking for, in a place he never expected, only to have it taken away from him.

The audience finds out that Michael has advanced leukemia, something that he hadn't even known himself and the story turns from there.

Ben comes outraged at the injustices of the world, the songs in this part of the story Wes and I were so proud of, and Ben only becomes more angry when he finds out that his girlfriend has found out about him and Michael and told his father.

His whole world comes crashing down on him, but one beckon of light remains true. Michael. Right before Michael passes away a few weeks later, and before Ben can tell him that he loved him, you get to see the last conversation they have. Michael tells him in a weakened and sing song voice that "One day I will learn to love what I am, not fear where I've been." This is of course a quote from Ben's opening song _Headed Home._

The last scene where they fade back to Ben sitting on his stool, his thoughts and heart, broken from the journey of memories he took, as he asks the audience again what he should do. He's already made up his mind, he knows who he is and what he wants, and it's all thanks to someone whom he loved and never told him as such.

He reprises a more uptempo version of_ Headed Home_ as he grabs his suitcase, looks over towards the other side of the stage to see a waving Michael, in all his previous glory, who blows him a kiss and Ben Mouths I love you in return. Smiling genuinely for the first time, he marches towards Broadway.

I just know that it would be perfect with Sebastian and Nigel leading he way. This is why the connection between the actors had to be perfect. This was why I was so worried about getting it right before showing it to the world...

But apparently not everything is perfect no matter how much you believe it to be such. The preview went okay, nothing spectacular but okay. We received a tiny bit of funding from the reveal but I was super focused on getting down to brass tacks with Kurt and the company to make it perfect in tech. Speaking of tech, we barely covered our costs; barely. Santana blamed herself, because of her split from her husband and her name had been dragged through the mud, she blamed herself for the lack of positive response. Which I guess was a little true in some respects but there were always other factors, like the small imperfections in performances that we'd have to sort out, staring with Nigel.

Those happier days of snow ball fights and reconciling with my brother before he left town, had faded from my memory slightly, and the reality of the situation had hit me full force. We had to fix the show.

XXXX

The weeks literally flew by and before I or anyone else knew it, tech was over. We had travelled to Baltimore to lock ourselves away, the sweat and worries filling our minds, the test of our relationships and friendships strained to their max. The stage lights became our sun, our moon and our stars, and the secrecy of tech remained intact until our opening night.

Kurt had been nervous, so nervous that no amount of pre-show sex could cure him of his worries. Kurt had always been viewed as everyone's golden child in the directorial world. No matter how small the project, everything Kurt Hummel touched turned to gold, especially since the Rachel Berry fiasco, which was Kurt's only real blemish.

But this project had taken a toll on myself and my boyfriend. The play's second lead Nigel, had backed out of production right after the preview saying that he couldn't take the criticism. (Sorry if you can't take the criticism and stress, get the hell off the Great White Way thank you!)

So we were forced to retrain Dani into taking over the roll and filling in the holes in the company as best as we could. As much as I loved the kid, it had been excessively hard to get him up to speed which didn't help with anyone's nerves.

The blocking had been horrid until the night before when things seem to come together, the lighting was off and too bright in some cases, and Kurt and I had had way too many arguments over music that I had wanted to inherit Hulk strength for so I could throw the piano at his head if he made one more last minute decision.

But the theatre had always been worth it, it always was. To see the fruits of your labour come to life in the greatest form of live musical performance was always a writer's honour.

...Although now as opening night came to an end I began to wonder about that sentiment.

The last notes had been sung; the last steps taken. The crowd that had started in the theatre had thinned and from my seat in the back I got to watch my dream unravel as each investor left looking crestfallen, most of them without a word, and the audience's lack lustre applause meant good things were no longer on the horizon.

Dani had been mediocre aside from his vocals, Sebastian had been nervous and a little uncomfortable in his position somehow and the supporting cast had been great but it looked unorganized. Kurt, from his balcony seat by himself had hid his head in his hands half way through.

Santana had collected the cast and ensemble after the show backstage to relay the message from her emails. The investors couldn't afford to waste their money on a show that wasn't ready.

Kurt looked bewildered despite his anger and along with everyone else, extremely sad. All I could do was think back to the 13 year old version of myself and the promise I had made to him then, that I would see this dream realized.

"I guess this is it manos, we're done. We don't have the money to run it another night without another backer. Let's head home."

Feeling Wes' hand in my own, I rested my head on his shoulder and felt the tears spring up from a long road with an abrupt end.

"We can regroup Blainers, don't lose hope."

In my head, it was already too late. The dream was over.

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**So whatcha think? Wanna Kill me a little? I bruise easily, but you can review if you like, I would love to know what you thought. xo**


	16. Chapter 16

**A/N: Hi guys, don't kill me okay? This chapter moves fast and it's a little emotional in spots, but please know that this is for a reason. This is the second last chapter of this story, only one more big one and an epilogue. It's been an emotional journey and one that will wrap up shortly, so take a seat and read on loves! PS (no this is not a Kurtbastian fic...trust me the mini warning is needed.) You know me, I need a happy ending so just trust me for now.  
**

**I own nothing xo (Please be kind with grammar I wanted this out quickly)  
**

* * *

**Close To Home**

**Chapter 16**

(BPOV)

It was like a scene out of the Notebook. Kurt ad I were standing there holding one another, clinging desperately I guess you could say, as the world rained down upon us. Only this time it was snowing, on the first of February in New York, and of course we were both men.

The urgency to have Kurt press against me harder after I had all but jumped into his arms, was intense. The deep and hot kisses we shared out in the open was a far cry from anything I had ever been willing to show people before but now as I mapped his mouth with my tongue and swallowed all the noises of want and sombre sighs of regret from him, I could say that I had my one happy moment in time.

This was the first time that Kurt and I had fought and made up in such a dramatic fashion, and it had all stemmed from misunderstandings after opening night.

I had apparently blocked out Kurt. I hadn't meant to honestly, if anything I probably should have known that I could have counted on him as a sympathetic ear, but my instincts in this situation were to go to Wes. My oldest and most trusted friend and writing partner, who had been there with me through many deflations in our writing careers.

This one however had cut me to my core. My oldest idea, one that had finally started to flourish was dying, hell in my mind then it was already dead, but Wes would know what to do, he always did. Unfortunately that night, after most of the company had cleared and headed out, I shunned Kurt who at the time was only trying to help, but an argument had spilled over when it shouldn't have. I just didn't want to listen because I had been hurt, it was as simple as that.

"_Blaine it's okay, we'll figure something out, everything will be fine we just have to rethink some things and try again."_

"_Easy for you to say."_

"_What do you mean by that? I'm just as pissed off and upset that the show went to shit as you are. How can you think this is easier on me? I'm the fucking director Blaine!"_

"_Yeah you had everything riding on this didn't you? In reality though, Midas Touch Hummel never has to worry though, there's always another project around the corner. Just shake off the bad press Kurt, you always do."_

"_What the fuck is your problem Blaine. I'm trying to help, we'll figure something out alright? I care about this project to, a lot in fact, so stop taking this so personally..."_

"_Personal?! This project was my life's work Kurt, of course it's fucking personal. Not everyone can be as cold about everything as you..."_

I had stopped myself right then and there at that point. I knew that I was talking out of my ass, I knew that I had struck the biggest and worst nerve that I could have with him then. I fucking knew it, but I let it be spoken nonetheless, because basically I was an emotional dumbass.

Kurt had stormed off after biting his lip in the way that I knew he was keeping back tears, and that's what drove me to shrug off Wes' insistence that I calm the hell down, as I took off that night.

Only problem was that I woke up on a bench, somewhere in midtown at 4 am, still a little drunk and regretting my choice of words and actions more than anything.

_Here I go again..._

It had taken three days until Sebastian had decided to play middle man and message me back saying that he had been meeting up with Kurt for coffees, trying to calm him down. Kurt had shunned Santana at that point, apparently being around the 'happy couple' had pissed him off more.

I didn't question what one of my best friends, whom hated Kurt from the beginning, was doing in his company, I was merely glad that someone was helping.

After the fourth day Kurt finally messaged me back saying that we had needed to talk. I had been elated and terrified at the same time, two emotions that I never thought would be working at the same time when I thought about Kurt's and my relationship. I had been seriously worried that he was going to tell me that we were through.

Thankfully that wasn't the case. It had been awkward at first, Kurt let me apologize profusely and then surprisingly Kurt had said that he may not have considered how much this failure would affect me.

I had jumped into his arms right then as we walked down the street, because I couldn't handle not being in his arms, no matter how angry I was currently at the world. I just couldn't stand not having Kurt with me.

So that was the first of many altercations over the last month or so. That one fleeting happy feeling would fade, because somehow despite our reconciliation, I kept pulling myself away even if I wasn't aware of it, at least not completely.

The next little while after we got back to New York, and Kurt and I settled our differences, Wes kept trying to get me to revise the songs a little. He was trying his best to polish up everything so that we didn't lose steam for the project. This was why Wes was the planner, he always seemed to keep focused, but I had been pulling away. I fucking knew that I was doing it too, that was the scary part. I felt the overwhelming urge to close out Sebby, which pissed him off even more because he had helped me with Kurt, and Wes knew when to push with me, and now wasn't that time. I was drinking more, more than I ever should be really if I wanted to recover, and Wes had mentioned that if he caught me again he was dragging me to rehab. I avoided Mr. Montgomery like the plague if I snuck a drink though, and fuck.. Kurt and I had gotten into it a few times more when he found out that I had one drink. ( I had actually had had a few)

I took more shifts at the restaurant because looking at the script and songs for the show were making me nauseated more each day. It wasn't that I wasn't proud of my work, it was the underlying disappointed feeling that went along with it. The one that said I was never going to be good enough to make it with a true Broadway smash.

So I slowly drifted from those I loved and made believe that everything was okay in my books.

The beginning of the end happened just a few days ago.

Kurt tried to come over and surprise me with a home cooked meal, something that I hadn't had in weeks. He even went so far as to light candles in the apartment to make it that much more romantic.

Kurt had been seeing Sebastian regularly for coffee and Kurt had said that it was nice to have someone to talk to about stuff. He and Sebastian had become closer and I wasn't sure of they were both making up for the 'lack of me' in there lives or if they had found some common ground. I felt a little jealous that a friendship could have been salvaged out of the ashes that was Blaine Anderson's life and career, but it still made me a little uneasy. I guess that was another reason I felt on edge, I felt like I was losing Kurt. I shouldn't have doubted him, because this surprise was really sweet.

The only problem was that I hadn't been thinking straight that afternoon to really appreciate the gesture. Cooper had called me to ask how things had gone over with opening night and I had basically told him everything about the failure that was his brother. He tried to rationalize things with me, saying that great things weren't made in a day and that everything would be alright. The last thing I needed was another person trying to understand what it was like for me, and try and explain that everything would be alright. It wasn't right...but it was okay? Did anyone really know what its like to pour your heart into something so completely for more than half of your life only to have the world take one look at it and shrug and walk away?

I had felt myself falling the moment I hung up on Cooper after he tried to say he would get on the next plane if I wanted him to. I did need him; but I was too fucking stubborn at the time to admit it. So after my lunch shift at the restaurant I headed to a local liquor store and drank two mickies of single malt on the way home.

Oh yeah I was that stupid. And what made me even more broken was seeing Kurt, dressed to impress in something so outlandish, a half sweater, tight plaid pants, and a gauntly placed hat, so much his own style, smiling holding a glass of champagne, although it was probably ginger ale, and all I wanted to do was scream.

He had become so perfect recently, too perfect to spend time with someone who would never amount to anything like me, so I pushed him away for the third or wait was it fourth time in so many weeks. I hated where I was in life, and I was making up excuses for the reason I held people close. And this time, it was the last time I would push Kurt away.

"What are you doing here Kurt?"

His happy smile was replaced the minute he got within arms length of me. He had obviously noted the small slur in my voice.

"I came to surprise you. Have you been drinking?"

"Very astute captain obvious." Yeah I was being a bitch of epic proportions, but not even my then angel could cheer me up, I had buried myself too deep.

"What the fuck Blaine? How much did you drink, are you feeling alright?"

"Would everyone just stop worrying so damn much about me! I'm fine, let's just, eat or whatever."

Kurt tensed and it was as if I was watching the rest of my future go down the drain with his smile.

"You know what Blaine, fuck you! I came over here to try and fix this relationship. I had some amazing news for you too, something ground breaking and if you can't be sober or fuck call me like you said you would if you needed me to lift you up like you said you would, then I'm fucking done here."

"Fine, just...fine."

Kurt dropped the glass on the floor with a sob, the honey coloured liquid hitting my carpet and Kurt didn't even blink an eye. He just strutted over to the door, grabbed his bags and slipped on his shoes. He was crying now and all I could do was stare at him, my actions and words completely eluding me.

_Grab him, don't let him leave you moron!_

"Kurt...wait I'm sorry."

"Sorry is not going to cut it anymore Blaine. I've tried, I've tried everything that I can do over the last few weeks to make you believe that I love you, make you believe that we're worth fighting for, that this show will succeed eventually, but I can't...I can't do that any-more if you don't want me..."

I freaked out and stumbled over to the door.

"Of c-course I want you, fuck I'm just a mess, I'm sorry, I really am, I love you.."

"Don't. Don't say that to me when you're drunk. You don't even know what you want anymore and I'll be damned if I let myself be hurt anymore than I already am. I love you too but I can't be around you anymore, not until you really want me too. Good-bye Blaine."

XXXX

(KPOV)

"Come on Kurt smile, I know you just don't have fangs, I've seen it.." Sebastian took my hand, which wasn't an irregularity at this point, especially since I got there when I basically flung myself at him and hugged him like my life depended on it. Bas had just held me and let me cry, whispering that it wasn't over and that we could help Blaine but only when he actually want it. I knew he was right but I couldn't help but feel nauseated that I may have walked out on the love of my life because he was drunk.

"He probably hates me by now. I've tried talking to him but he's been really distant. He's working at the restaurant like 5 days a week now, his drinking is just getting worse and I don't know what to do."

Bas just pet my hair, and a few months ago having this man breathe the same air as me made me want to vomit and yet here I was being cared for by the same man. Blaine had done this, he had made us friends sort of; and my heart clenched yet again thinking bout Blaine.

"I-I went over there, t-to try and make him feel good ya know, I just miss his smile so much."

"Did you get to tell him the news? You and me?"

I smiled up at him through the tears and the smarmy bastard just winked making me sit up and hit him.

"No! Just...no I couldn't tell him, he was pretty drunk and said he said some mean things..."

"I'm sorry Kurt. But I'll do whatever I can to make it right, I promise."

"Thanks Seb." I sniffled and unceremoniously wiped my eyes with the sleeve of his shirt before he ripped it away.

"Ew! Not cool man! I'm usually not opposed to hot men wiping bodily fluids on me but..." I whacked him with the pillow from his couch.

"_Ooof_...I deserved that right?"

"Yes you did." I nodded and wiped my tears away again trying to collect myself.

"Made you laugh though right?"

"Yeah, it did."

I sighed loudly and dropped my head back onto the couch behind me, my hat falling off my head in the process as I felt Sebastian get up.

"So I'm gonna text Wes and tell him to get his butt over to Blaine's to keep an eye on him and let us know if something goes array, but tonight, you and I are going out dancing. I've seen you move Hummel and my sister may be in town but..."

"Can I get a rain check Seb. I just don't want to socialize tonight...you go out and see April, you miss her and since she's in town I don't want to miss out on spending time with her."

"She would love to meet you ya know?"

"Really why?" I was honestly confused as to why the man whom used to be a thorn in my side would want to introduce me to his family.

"Because unlike me she's really personable, and also since you're the director of this little play, she would probably like to meet you as well. Plus I've told her all about the man that fucked up my chances with Blainers, and she'll want to size you up."

"Well then by all means, since this will be an embarrassing night for you, please let's get it started."

"Oh shut up Hummel, get your shit together. I'll call her."

As I got up and grabbed my hat which had fallen behind the couch, I realized that for one moment I had forgotten about Blaine. Amidst the gut wrenching I was having Bas seemed to make me forget for a second and make me laugh. It was a weird sensation, being friends with Sebastian, but I guess if our plan had any merit then I guess it was a good thing that we had started to get along.

"Hey kiddo, we still on for tonight?...Great, how does half hour sound...Twisters, yeah that could work...okay I'm bringing Kurt...yes the same one...oh funny shorty. Alright see you then...okay bye."

"We're all set Kurtsie."

"Don't call me that." Sebastian came up behind me and grabbed his coat off the hanger and tapped my ass out of the way.

"You touch my ass again and I'll invert yours."

"Whatever you want gay-face." He stuck out his tongue and all I could do was laugh at him and roll my eyes as I readied myself to leave. He really did make me feel better, even if I still felt like dying inside. Tonight may in fact yet be salvaged as I got ready to meet the recently wed April Stephenson-Smythe. I giggled because yes. I was immature and her initial did spell _ass_, and I wondered if associating the word ass with the Smythe family was just a coincidence.

"Ready whenever you are Sebastard."

"You're lucky you're talented or I might not go through with this."

I took a heaving breath, the emotions ringing out through my breathing felt almost tangible. Seb stopped and placed a hand on my shoulder.

"It's gonna be alright Kurt, this will work and Blaine will get the help he needs eventually, either from us or from others. It will be okay man."

"I hope so Bas, I really hope so, I love him so much."

"I know." With Sebastian's arm around me shoulder, we both stepped out into the frigid February air.

XXXX

(BPOV)

The night that Kurt walked out and left me there in a stupor as to whether or not I had a boyfriend anymore, was the same night that Wes came over and, despite me threatening to change the locks, I had needed him there.

I was given a formal smacking around verbally from my writing partner about the insensitivity in which I had been dealing with everyone in the last few weeks, especially Kurt. I knew that once I heard this kind of angry ranting from my oldest friend, who usually liked to keep his comments to a minimal, I knew that I had fucked up. But what was I going to do about it literally? I had fallen into a hole that I didn't honestly see myself getting out of, wasn't I doing Kurt a favour by not dragging him into this as well?

I know that I had made a promise to myself and to Kurt to lean on him when I needed him, but the failure of this project was not in the realm of possibility initially, I had always thought that life had given me a break for once, but I guess I fucked that up too.

That night was the only night that I had lied to Wes; directly lied to him convincingly and told him that I would seek help. It was only because he believed me right off the bat that he even left the following morning once I was sobered up, and I had promised him that I would make a more conscious effort to fix things with the people that cared about me.

I had lied to his face.

The following 4 days did consist of me changing the locks, shunning the people I cared about more so and ignoring all the messages from Santana threatening to cut me because I hurt Kurt. I also ignored the ones from Sebby and the two I got from Kurt, I didn't even open them for fear that I would cry if I saw them.

The only one I did open came today, and it was from Wes. It said:

**Clean yourself up, you are expected at the Hallow for a night of merriment and no excuses. I will charm your landlord into giving me the new key to the apartment so you lose either way. Come on dude, code navy blue and red? That still applies and you know it. - W**

I texted him back a few minutes later after a war with myself.

**Fine, I'll make an appearance. -B**

XXXX

(KPOV)

The February Blahs party, a wake of sorts for the musical that never was at the Hallow, was in full swing. We had rented out the bar completely and everyone, the entire cast and some of the crew showed up, and Sebastian had dragged me there once he finished dinner again with April.

Despite the late dinner and meeting a few days ago that I had enjoyed with Bas and his sister, the rest of the days leading up to tonight had been tiring emotionally and physically. I had meetings all day, most days, and I was getting berated for details from San, and yet Blaine wasn't answering the few messages I sent. Wes had kept me in the loop for the last few days, saying that Blaine was in a dark place but said he would seek help. He also told me that Blaine would be coming tonight and that was something I was looking forward to but dreading at the same time. It felt like ages since I got to see him, and maybe we could talk?

Fuck this was so confusing. I didn't know what he needed or wanted anymore, it was like I didn't know him anymore.

"Hey honey, long time no see, amaretto ginger right?" Cliff, the slightly sleazy bartender/co-owner smiled warmly and despite my better judgement I smiled and nodded profusely.

"Better make it a double Cliff."

"That's the spirit."

I downed the drink and the subsequent ones that followed. Throughout the first few hours of the night, Sebastian had been watching me concerned despite the fun the rest of the company seemed to be having. Wes, San, Seb and I had gathered them all here to tell them the good news, the news that I had waited to tell them once Blaine showed up, but he wasn't there yet, so I continued to snack on food and drink more than I should have while I listened to everyone get up and sing something since it was supposed to be a karaoke night for the bar anyway.

Dani and Val were up next and they sang a seriously strange version of You and Me (and mostly Me) with Dani talking the comic lead, from the Book of Mormon, a personal favourite of mine. It kept the evening light until Sebastian got up. He looked over at me and smiled that sleazy grin of his before he spoke up.

"Hey guys. This song is for Kurt. He's always been a pain in my ass but even he has to admit that if I ever get the opportunity I would be awesome as this character. So to my new friend, here's a song that means a lot to me, and to my friend Blaine, I hope he understands the meaning behind this, and I hope you do too Kurt."

I looked behind me to where Seb had glanced and there he was, Blaine Anderson, the man that I loved and wanted to smack for making me hurt so badly, and he was looking pretty sober which just made me angry for some reason.

_One song glory, _

_one song, before I go _

_Glory, one song to leave behind _

_Find, one song, one last refrain _

_Glory, from the pretty boy front man _

_Who wasted opportunity _

Sebastian just looked at Blaine and then at me, the alcohol induced haze clearing quickly as I knew he was talking about us through song.

_One song, he had the world at his feet _

_Glory, in the eyes of a young man,_

_A young man, find glory  
Beyond the cheap coloured lights _

_One song, before the sun sets _

_Glory, on another empty life _

_Time flies, time dies Glory, _

_one blaze of glory _

_One blaze of glory, glory..._

Blaine looked closed to tears and I wasn't sure if it was because Sebastian was showing what an amazing performer he could actually be, or because he was moved by the meaning of this song to him. I knew what Seb was trying to accomplish but I was starting to feel like my heart was ripping out of my chest. Blaine hadn't even acknowledged me since he got here.

_Find glory in a song that rings true _

_Truth like a blazing fire, an eternal flame _

_Find, one song, a song about love _

_Glory, from the soul of a young man  
A young man,_

_find the one song Before the virus takes hold _

_Glory, like a sunset _

_One song to redeem this empty life  
Time flies and then No need to endure anymore _

_Time dies _

Everyone cheered for Seb because honestly even if they weren't his peers, that was an amazing performance. It was also the cue that Blaine had to head over to the bar and grab a drink and downing it quickly.

"Hi Kurt." If only he hadn't grabbed that drink. I know I was one to talk right now, but I had truly only been drinking because I was nervous about seeing him and only then gave in to drinking more because I hadn't thought he would come.

"Hi. You're late."

"Yeah I've had a lot to think about, I wanted to talk to you too."

"Why?"

"Because...because I'm sorry. I've been a complete shit to you the last few weeks and I had no right saying what I did. I'm just so messed up Kurt and I thought, well I thought that you shouldn't be near me when I get like this. You walking out may be for the best."

"Are you even remotely serous right now? I knew about your problem when we got together Blaine, I knew about it all and on Christmas I said I would help you but you know what you did, you shut me out, you shut everyone out and I just wanted to help you because I love you and fuck...I just needed you to know that, but you don't seem to understand that you need help and you won't take it."

"I will, I will try to Kurt I just don't know how..."

"Did you know that I had some really big news to tell you tonight, you know the news that was trying to surprise you with the other night before you snapped at me like the drunken skunk you were and made me feel about 2 feet tall?"

I was getting angry again and it had been the first time in a long time that I was letting myself be like this.

"Do you have any idea how excited I was to tell you?! But nooooo Blaine Anderson has to keep everything bottled and forget about the people he loves so he can lash out at them because he's hurt. Well news flash Blaine I know what that's like!"

I was losing it, despite Sebastian coming over when he heard my raised voice.

"I watched my father die in my arms Blaine! The only family I had left died in my arms because of me...me! And did I turn to substance abuse...no. Was it tempting...fuck yeah it was, but you know what actually worked? Letting friends like Santana drag me to self help groups and talking through some of my shit. Letting you in...I may have been and will always be a sharp witted bitch but at least I can say that I haven't hurt anyone physically because of it, you Blaine are hurting everyone and yourself! I may have caused you pain in the past but it was never intentional. You _know_ that you're hurting me, hurting your friends. Why won't you let me help you! I can fix this..."

Blaine was dumbstruck at my outburst, but not before Seb handed me the microphone to distract me because apparently I was up next. The song that I had chosen to sing was originally intended for Blaine, to show him that I wasn't afraid to sing in front of my friends anymore, but the song idea didn't fit anymore.

"Kurt?" Blaine tried to get me to put the microphone down, finally for once noting how upset I was. I just glared at him instead.

"Cass! Switch it up, my second choice okay?" I had screamed this across the room to which she nodded. I turned around to see that Blaine had pushed away his drink and looked like I had kicked him in the gut.

_Good, he needed to know how I feel. He needs to hear it._

"Kurt are sure you're okay to do this?" Sebastian's concern was endearing and I kissed him on the cheek really quickly before strutting up in the stage leaving him probably incredibly confused, and I could even hear Blaine growl a little at his best friend.

"Hi guys, I know I don't ever do this but this was my little surprise before tonight's big reveal. But whatever, Wes can give you the news, for now I'm just gonna sing. This song is for you Blaine, think about it for a minute and let it sink in."

_I let it fall, my heart  
And as it fell, you rose to claim it  
It was dark and I was over  
Until you kissed my lips and you saved me_

_My hands, they're strong_  
_But my knees were far too weak_  
_To stand in your arms_  
_Without falling to your feet_

Dammit Blaine why can't you see I love you enough for you to love yourself? You made me believe, so why can't you believe?

_But there's a side to you that I never knew, never knew  
All the things you'd say, they were never true, never true  
And the games you play, you would always win, always win_

_But I set fire to the rain_  
_Watched it pour as I touched your face_  
_Let it burn while I cry_  
_'Cause I heard it screaming out your name, your name_

I knew that I was crying now, the tears falling without my permission but Blaine was watching me so intently that I couldn't break the trance. I loved him more than I could ever hate him.

_When laying with you_  
_I could stay there, close my eyes_  
_Feel you here, forever_  
_You and me together, nothing is better_

_'Cause there's a side to you that I never knew, never knew_  
_All the things you'd say, they were never true, never true_

_And the games you'd play, you would always win, always win_

_But I set fire to the rain_  
_Watched it pour as I touched your face_  
_Let it burn while I cried_  
_'Cause I heard it screaming out your name, your name_

_I set fire to the rain_  
_And I threw us into the flames_  
_Where I felt somethin' die, 'cause I knew that_  
_That was the last time, the last time_

_Sometimes I wake up by the door_  
_Now that you've gone, must be waiting for you_  
_Even now when it's already over_  
_I can't help myself from looking for you_

Blaine please hear me. I love you, you idiot. It can't be over, fight for us dammit! Fight for yourself!

_I set fire to the rain_  
_Watched it pour as I touched your face_  
_Let it burn while I cried_  
_'Cause I heard it screaming out your name, your name_

_I set fire to the rain_  
_And I threw us into the flames_  
_Where I felt somethin' die_  
_'Cause I knew that that was the last time, the last time, oh_

_Oh, no_  
_Let it burn, oh_  
_Let it burn_  
_Let it burn_

The applause was probably louder than I thought but the fuzzy noise was overshadowed by my need to swallow the gasps of air I was trying to swallow as I ran over to my bag, and heaved Blaine's journal on the counter beside him.

I kissed him quickly then, sobbing as our lips touched for that brief second, hoping to get the message across that even if he and I thought we were done; that the want to fight was still in me, and I hoped it was still in him.

"Dammit Blaine, this was all for you, don't you see that. It's always only been for you. I still love you, come home to me Blaine please?"

With that I ran out the door.

(BPOV)

Drunk or not Kurt's song and abrupt kiss left me even more speechless than I thought. Sebastian ran out after Kurt, giving me a 'don't you dare chase after him right now' look, so I slumped into my chair.

The song was so angry and yet so beautiful because it came from Kurt. _Kurt_. I loved him but I always felt like I was meant to be in his life to save him from himself, not the other way around. That was until Wes sat down beside me and handed me the journal that I had forgotten about until now.

"You may want to read this Blainers. Kurt's kept his promise to write things down when he needs to. Take a look."

I opened the book to the last page which was dated for today and was written in Kurt's neat writing. It was only one sentence but it hit me really hard.

**-Blaine's work has always said, that one day I will learn to love what I am, not fear where I've been...I guess there's no truth in that statement.- **

I closed the book and started to cry. Not a drunk cry or a sad cry even, it was a broken one that I hadn't allowed myself in a long time. Suddenly I was enveloped in Wes' strong arms. It only took a second before I allowed myself to cling to him.

"Wes..."

"Yeah B." He was rubbing soothing circles on my back and it helped coax the words out of me that I had been needing to say out loud for some time now.

"I need help Wes. Please, help me."

Wes just held me tighter. "Thank you Blaine. Everything will be alright you'll see."

* * *

**Oh Blainers! Blaine stole this chapter from me and went with it, he wanted everyone to see his pain...silly boy! Blame him lol...review? :) If I baked muffins would it help? xoxox**


	17. Chapter 17

_**A/N: Um hi guys...*comes out from behind her writing desk*, I guess from the responses that this got, you liked the chapter even if I made you guys have FEELS that weren't so nice. I am sorry about that but here's a bit of good news...I lied :)  
I bet you never expected me to say that and it be a good thing right? Well it is...I think. I said there would be one more chapter of this and then an epilogue, well that has changed. The story is coming to a close but there will be more to this story than the one chapter, I just figured out a way to do it since people wanted more for some reason.**_

_**My friend and fellow writing enthusiast **jcrissrid**, ( her stories fuck up my chi with their awesomeness so go read them, now!), gave me some sound advice and encouragement about this story. ( Can't understand why she loves my work but yay * squeals* ) Thank you for the literary love honey, so this chapter is for you! xoxo Love ya!**_

_**I still own nothing, despite my incessant pleas otherwise. All I own is my imagination, my pets and a small apartment in Toronto.  
Love you all, review and let me know that this flowed well. Also I know it's sad, but this won't be lasting too long I don't think, you'll see what I mean. Besides if the literary genius keeps in inspiring me, I may get the next one out tomorrow. Maybe.**_

_**PS - This is something that is close to home, no pun intended, for me. I had wanted to avoid getting into this too deeply when I started the story but it worked. My brother is dealing with something very similar right now and as a former addict myself...this was hard to write properly without breaking down at the memories.**_

* * *

**Close To Home**

* * *

**Chapter 17**

(BPOV)

I had punched my best friend, right in the face. It was the one grounding moment I had dwelt on for the last 4 days. I actually had a lot more on my mind in recent days, but that moment kind of stuck out of a the pinnacle of my downfall because, after the initial shock had worn off, all I had time to do was think. It sucked honestly, but deep in the recesses of my brain I knew that this needed to happen; I had literally asked for it.

The night of the party had been a blur after Kurt had left. Reading the journal and then collapsing in Wes' arms had been the last truly 'coherent' moment that I remembered from that night, the rest had been fuzzy. I had asked him for help, and the weight that lifted off my shoulders made me feel like a new man. Despite being in AA before, I knew that by finally admitting it to myself, and saying that I needed rehabilitation, I was finally acknowledging that I had never really healed, I was always an alcoholic, and I always would be. Knowing that really opened my eyes, and it was just the new feeling of sadness that kept creeping in...Maybe I would never truly conquer this monkey on my back, maybe I would never know how to control it, but damn it I had to actually try now. Unfortunately theses new revelations were overshadowed by how extremely exposed I felt, and it made me want to crawl back into a hole immediately. Hence the inner dwelling of a confused and angry young man. I hated not being in control of my self, and now that I felt like I was on the road to regaining that control, I did nothing but think about what had gone down, and whom I had hurt.

Wes had taken me home that night, explaining to the rest of the company that there would be a video conference with the heads of the production, and that everyone would receive information about the upcoming news shortly. I had wanted to know what it was all about, but Wes hushed me and got me in a cab, saying that we would talk about that later. Getting me well was first priority. I had done a great job appearing sober to Kurt but truth be told I hadn't eaten anything solid in days.

We had gone back to my apartment, but Wes had said not to change out of my clothes, and to just stay by the door while he went back to my bedroom. He was gone for a few minutes before he came back with a duffel bag. In that small amount of time that he had been gone, the feeling of guilt that I had over Kurt and Sebastian, the anxiety that I had held on to for so long, and the wrenching in my gut that told me I had drunk more than eaten in the last few days, had caught up with me. It also didn't help that I was crying as I tried to not down the entire flash of whiskey that I had hidden in my coat. I just felt so lost, scared, and now incredibly sick because of it all.

I felt like I was going to hurl, but it wasn't a normal nauseous, this one felt deeper and less controlled. I literally thought my body was finally revolting against me.  
The spins started just as I saw my best friend come back around the corner. He rushed over to me, not dropping the bag and helped me before I fell over. That's when everything got insanely blurry and patchy in my memory.

I was told once I was detoxed, that when I got here that I had been dehydrated, and that I had vomited blood because of the irritation to my stomach lining. I had a blood alcohol level that I didn't want anymore to repeat and I also heard that Wes literally carried me to the hospital once we were out of the cab.  
I had thrown up in my apartment, something I needed to apologize about to whomever had to clean that mess, and I had been told that I literally tried to punch everyone in sight once I I knew that I was being admitted to a no visitors detox centre. Apparently I had been worse off than I wanted to believe, angrier, and sicker, and they even had me hooked up to an IV for the first night, and I had to be catheterized and strapped down.  
I had never gone through a detox like that in life; maybe that was because until now I hadn't really had one properly.  
Every time that I had said I went clean, I guess I had stolen a drink here and there, or used my charm with most of my case workers to make them believe I hadn't fudged any of the information. I had never had a DUI charge or a drunk and disorderly in public charge, so I guess I hadn't had to prove anything to the courts, only to my case workers and make sure I didn't drink before any blood tests. It had almost been too easy actually.

I guess I could have eaten those words though just over 96 hours ago, when it felt like my stomach was going to make a surprise appearance through my mouth. I had never vomited that hard before, and I had to admit when I saw the blood with my own eyes, yeah that was really scary. The blurred vision, the throbbing headache, yes it was all fairly normal for a hangover, but this was stronger and lingering, almost like I was suffering for a prolonged state because I deserved it. It didn't help either that the only coffee around here was decaf, but it did an alright job making me feel human again over time, you know once I could keep anything down.

That's when I first remembered that during what I vaguely recalled as a wrestling match, that I whipped my clenched fist around and squared Wes right in the side of the nose. The man who saved me this time probably had a black eye or something similar and I wasn't even sober enough to tell him I was sorry. This was such a mess.

Since I wasn't allowed any visitors during my stay here, I would have to wonder and wait if my friends would truly forgive me for all the pain and worry that I had caused them as of late. When I was supposed to be focusing on a show that had meant so much to me, I had blinded myself from my health and well-being; I had ignored that I was slowly killing myself.

In the last few days, once I was released from forced confinement, god that made me sound like a criminal, and I was allowed my own room, I had done nothing but think when I wasn't in therapy with the group leaders or in solo therapy. As pompous as I wanted to make it seem, I couldn't deny the truths that were written on motivational boards everywhere around here, or the things that the staff said to me, always with a hint of worry about angering me, but they never sugar-coated anything, and that much I appreciated.

The bag that Wes had brought with us that night, once I was allowed to open it when I gained my freedom (you have no idea how happy I was to be able to pee on my own again- catheters suck!), was filled with a change of clothes, a book that I had been recently reading, and the journal that he insisted I take the time to read, plus the needed toiletries which I forgotten the addiction centre staff searched thoroughly.

With shaky hands and a clear head I decided to heed my counsellor's and Wes' advice and actually read the entries that Kurt had made since I gave him the book at Christmas. Kurt, I missed his blush and smile more than I could ever miss another drink. This was the thought that got me through the first part of healing; seeing him happy again. God I wish I could have my phone back, just so I could text the people in my life and make sure they all still cared, that they would all still be there when I got transferred to a longer term facility. But that would have to wait. Settling in my very tiny room, hating that there were no windows, I turned on my bed side lamp and opened the book.  
The first of Kurt's entries went as follows.

**December 26th**

_Hi journal! I know most people start these things with dear journal but I don't know you and dear sounds so formal, so hello.  
You're used to hearing from Blaine, and I have to admit, staying up all night once he fell asleep, for once without a dash of alcohol, was a great decision. I got to see how my baby's mind has worked and wow journal, he has had it tough trying to figure out this emotions if the previous entries are anything to go by.  
So this is me saying that I've read through all of B's entries and that I promise you journal, because I don't know who else to promise this to, that I will try my best to write things in here that I can share with Blaine, either about his addiction or my aversion to my self worth.  
I love him journal, I will try my best to fix him too._

Kurt could literally turn a serious statement like this into something so cute with the way he says things. God I missed him, and I hadn't really appreciated how much he had opened up and accepted me for me, until I read further.

**December 31st**

_Hi again journal, sorry that I haven't been as vigilant as I had promised you, but there's been a lot __going on. Blaine seems happy, he's buried himself in his work, in a good way. Since Christmas B has been very invested on getting this project together and him and Wesley have worked hard at getting everything ready for the investors promo. I caught him once or twice having a gin and tonic and he dumped out his stock after my small warning. He seemed genuine so I'm not going to push, I'm there to support, not be a nag at his side, he needs help not a babysitter. I know he misses his brother, I hope he knows he can confide in him again, that was the point behind me getting Cooper back in his life. He's doing okay journal especially since I think we've got a hit with this show, Blaine's just so talented.  
Whoops gotta get the apartment ready, first time I'm having the gang over at mine since we all got together. Happy New Years journal, I think this might be a great year._

_PS- I still can't believe I sung in front of everyone, it makes me freak out and smile at the same time. It's been so long since I felt like that._

Personally I hadn't stopped complimenting him on his voice since Christmas either. I was truly blown away by him. I skipped a few entries, one that I knew Kurt was mad at me for when I wouldn't _not_drink on New Years, he had been pissed that I had gotten drunk, and that he was drunk enough to let it happen.

**January 5th**

_Hi journal, I think I've finally forgiven myself for the New Years debacle, and somehow it's all thanks to Sebastian Smythe. I know it felt dirty writing that too, but he's been such a good friend recently that I sometimes want to wash my brain out with soap to clear my head.  
He had talked me down saying that being mad at Blaine would do nothing but feed the negativity that drove him to drink again in the first place, thus creating a vicious cycle. He had been right of course, I hate that, but I came to realize that day journal that Seb was a really good person to talk through your shit with. He had no opinions that he didn't share out loud, he was honest even if he was creepy, and I found a kindred spirit underneath all the sleaze. It was nice to have someone to talk over stuff with.  
But it was still so new, but I guess I had a new friend. Someone like me who never thought they could make friends again, now had a whole new heap of them, and I had to say that I was happy with this new arrangement.  
The reveal is in 3 days journal and we're all so busy. I hope it goes well, I'm terrified that it will tank and it will because of the way I directed it and not because of Blaine and Wes' amazing work. I just hope it all works out so that we can get to tech and see it come to fruition on the stage. I honestly can't wait, but my insecurities are at an all time high. What if everything fails, what if I break down and freak out again, shut myself out, mess everything up and turn into a bitch again and then Blaine..._

_Stop, sorry journal, I will stop complaining, everything will be okay, I just have to have faith, and that's something Blaine taught me.  
I love you B, if you're reading this, and yes I have finally figured out your love for meerkat, weird huh? Gotta head back to rehearsal, there a small Asian that's yelling about the validity of melodrama and I can hear him from here. Bye journal_

_PS- Reminder to myself, Seb and I are going to dance class together tonight, and maybe, just maybe I will listen in on one of his training sessions with his vocal teacher. I think I need to start singing again. Baby steps right B? You're my hero sweetie._

Oh god Kurt was nervous about the reveal too? Why didn't I believe him when he told me this, had I really been shutting him out that much? He thought my work was brilliant, and that _he_would fuck it up? Oh Kurt I'm so sorry I doubted you. And wait...dance rehearsals, voice lessons? Kurt's singing again? I now knew that he had obviously been training himself to accept his voice again, considering I heard him sing Adele although angrily to me, the other night. But he was practising again...maybe there's more in this journal about that too.

**January 8th**

_It's about midnight journal and I'm beat. Reveal day was...complicated. Nigel was not that great and I think it affected the over all preview. I went to confront him about it but he shrugged it off, I may have fire him journal, and I don't want to. I used to relish in my ability to put people in their place, make them feel bad, because I was jealous of others successes, but now, now that I know what my comments can do to people I am so conflicted about what to do. Nigel had given me attitude but I was afraid to just tell him to pack his shit, because it may hurt Blaine's dream. Is that weird? Maybe it's selfish but in what context? One way or the other it's good and bad. We lose a key actor right before tech and we scramble to fill the holes and it hurts the show's chances, or I let a snotty full of himself actor who didn't perform to snuff stay on a show that he didn't deserve to when he acted like this, and it may hurt the show and my reputation as a tough director?  
Well journal, I'm sure I will figure it out anyways. I just hope Blaine doesn't get too stressed out, I hope he knows I'm here to help. Gotta run! _

_PS - the first dance class went great, Seb fell on his ass when I did the splits for him. It was a complete act but even a fake faint made a guy blush. I also have my first voice lesson tomorrow, tried to tell Blaine but he was too busy to talk. Hope he's okay, but it kind of hurt, not gonna lie. Two days till Baltimore :-)_

Kurt had tried to tell me, why don't I remember this? Wow my struggles made me look like a shit boyfriend.  
There were a few more entries, some describing the date that Kurt and I went on when we got to Baltimore, it had really been a good date and the way that Kurt described the evening through his eyes did make me blush, but that was the last happy entry. Slowly as tech evolved, Kurt's entries became less frequent and more concerned. He worried about Dani catching up, he worried about me most of all, and there was even one rant about a fight Kurt had with Santana regarding the value of minimalistic props? Wow random.

The only good points he had made were about Wes and Sebastian's support about his training. Funny he even mentioned not telling San right away because she would blab. Why was it such a secret?  
Either way Seb had taken extra time after tech teaching Kurt to sing...on the stage! And I had missed it, how have I missed it? It was such an important moment and how had I shunned the man I loved during a moment like this? Had he even wanted me to hear it...why was I wanting to cry?

**January 25th**

_I think I've lost Blaine, like literally. The show had flopped, everything was so fucked up and then Blaine said, journal he called me cold...I just don't know what I did to make him think that. I thought I had been more open, more accepting, it had been my first instinct to cut, and even though I was never an avid sell harmed, the thought had been there and it was enough to scare me._

_We had fought during tech, being locked in a room for weeks with your coworker and lover was never __a smart thing without thrown objects, but the dates we'd had, the physicality of our relationship was so passionate that I thought he knew. He has to know how much this project means to me, how much he means to me. How could he hurt me like this journal? And now he's gone, phone turned off, Wes doesn't know where he is...god I hope he finds his way back to the hotel, and maybe not drunk off his tree._

4:05 am

_Blaine never came back tonight journal. How much harder do I have to try? God I just need time to process this. Maybe it will be better back at home, New York. The city that can swallow anyone's problems with someone else's bigger ones. At home we can all regroup, I hope Blaine's okay or I'm going to call out a search party, lead by Wes when he finds out Blaine's still out. Fuck! Sorry I had to get that out journal._

I didn't even have an internal monologue at this point, and just gave up on saying anything to myself. I was just crying tears of regret at this point as I skimmed through the next entries, none of them having dates anymore.

_* -We made up journal! The passion in the kiss we shared, in public of all places, maybe it will get better from here. But there's this instinct that I have in my gut journal, something was terribly off when we did make up, it was almost like a shell of a man was holding me, begging me to forgive him, and I don't know what to make of it. I love him more than I can say and I still can't tell him about the progress I'm making with my performance studies. Every time I bring it up, even though we're back together, something just seems off, but I don't want to doubt a good thing, we shall see in time._

* -_Seb, Val, Wes and I met to talk over the musical and we have some cool ideas that may work out...but Blaine's working again, he's always working at Casio's these days, and isn't answering his phone. I think I'm really losing him. My earlier worry journal seems to have some validation. I just don't know what to do when he doesn't want to help himself._

_* -Signed up for regular voice and dance lessons. Thanks Seb, it's really helping to release some stress, I kind of miss performing. Maybe I'll perform for Blaine soon, show him what progress I've made. Next up on my bucket list...pole fitness class. How the hell did Sebastian talk me into this..._  
_B, what's happened to us?_

_* -Wes and Sebastian brought an idea to my attention today, and honestly I wanna run it by Blaine, I'm kind of excited about the prospect. Maybe I'll surprise him with dinner tonight and bare all the ideas._

Then there was a break and two final entries.

_* -I had news, big news. But he wouldn't let me finish, he wouldn't even acknowledge that I was there for him, there for us. And now I walked out on him, I told him we were done. He was drunk again! Or was it still? God I loved him, no love him, more than anything and I don't know what to do anymore. I had such great news, and then, well I wanted to reconnect with him, in every way, and all I did was sever the tie. Was that my fault or his? I'm starting to hate myself again, I really am. I fuck everything up, new me or old me...fuck it which me am I now..._

*_ -Blaine's work has always said, that one day I will learn to love what I am, not fear where I've been...I guess there's no truth in that statement._

And just like after I had read the last sentence the first time, I dissolved into tears for not the last time throughout my recovery. I could only hope that once I was allowed visitors at another facility, that ALL the people I loved would come see me, just so I had the ability to tell them all that I loved them, and that I was truly sorry for what I had done to them and to myself.

XXXX

I woke up screaming, my head pounding from the emotional roller coaster I had taken the night before, but also from the lack of sleep. I had been woken by Thalia, one of the resident nurses taking care of us "inmates", and she woke me with a sharp knock on my door.  
"Blaine? Time to get up, you to meet with Ms. Holdham in half hour before discharge. Up ya get honey!"  
I hated mornings remember, sober ones sucked even more, but this morning the only thing I was focused on was getting dressed, packing my one duffel bag and meeting Ms. Holden in her small office to go over my treatment options and my transfer before I left. I wouldn't be a free man, but I would be freer, which considering the stunts I had pull on my friends and loved ones, and the ill-fated use of liquid courage that I always surrendered to, it would be a small victory.

"Thanks Thalia, I'm up, I'm up." The good thing about this place was that the nurses and care attendants were mostly awesome, and gave the small amounts of privacy they could to their patients, such as the small civil liberty that was knocking on the door instead of barging in like they were our wardens. I would definitely recommend this place to anyone that was recovering or attempting to recover from addictions; these workers really weren't thanked enough.

As I packed up my small bag, after a shower in the communal bathroom down the hall, I looked at myself in the thick plastic mirror that I had in my room. (Yes they didn't allow glass there for obvious reasons.) I had on the only other outfit that I had been sent with, which had seen better days now, and I hadn't shaved in almost a week. The contacts I usually wore daily had been ripped out of my eyes the night I got here and my glasses had remained in their stead. My hair was devoid of all product and I needed a haircut badly. Basically I looked terrible.  
On the brighter side though, I seemed a little less hallow skinned and there was some colour on my skin which I hadn't really noticed I had missed these days. I felt like I had a hurricane in my head from all the ideas trying to escape but for once in my life I had a common purpose that wasn't at the bottom of a bottle. I would prove to Ms. Holdham that I was ready for my next stage of recovery.

XXXX

"Now Blaine, the centre is expecting you in about an hour or so, we will call you a car from out front but we expect a call from the centre that says you've arrived. How are you feeling?"  
Honesty was the best and only policy now right?  
"I feel like shit for many reasons. But I feel healthier so I guess that's a step in the right direction."  
Ms. Holdham gave a small smirk, "Good to hear Mr. Anderson. Now you have the contact information for your counsellor here correct? And you have the emergency number for the addiction centre to give to your sponsor once your set up with AA, and any other possible support groups you join?"  
"Yes, but I assume that whatever groups I need to attend will have most of those contacts as well. But yes, I have them and will use them as needed. Hopefully not ever again."  
I wasn't pandering to her, I honestly wanted nothing to do with losing myself in my misery ever again. I had to actually fucking try now or I may lose everything...I hope I haven't already.

"Very well dear. Here are you discharge papers, give the yellow copy to the care facility's main reception when you get there. Your wallet, keys and phone are in the small bag there, although I'm sure the battery is dead now, but you can charge it when you get to Clear Shores. I wish you a speedy recovery Blaine, and I hope to not have to see you back in here again. My best wishes, and be strong."  
I stood up shaking her hand warmly despite wanting to get out of there faster than the speed of light.  
"Thank you for all your help. Oh and Ms. Holdham?"  
"Yes?"  
"Um, now that I'm leaving and you can tell me, did um anyone, maybe by the name of Kurt, call or ask about my stay here?"  
"I'm sorry Blaine, that's still information that I can't divulge, honestly though I couldn't be sure even so, we get a lot of phone calls each day, so I will say maybe."  
There was a sullen look on her face that made me think at she was lying and knew that Kurt hadn't called. Despite the joy of leaving this place, I was left with more worry about the man I loved, and how I may have actually destroyed the best thing that had ever happened to me. And I hadn't known it while I had it.

XXXX

Clear Shores Rehabilitation Centre was a lot nicer than I had given it credit for. The addiction centre I had just left was darker, more foreboding, but this place, once I was given the tour was actually really nice.  
It had been a decent drive to get here, considering it wasn't an actual cab that drove me, but a driver, kind of like an airport limousine but not as nice, because I was going to White Plains. That s a lot further away than I was hoping, but I guess it was the nearest availability.  
Now that I was here, I was silently wondering how I was going to get any more of my belongings here because I didn't have anymore suitable clothes.  
I was shown my to my room, which not only thankfully had a window looking out on a small parkette, but it had a much more comfortable looking bed, a television of my own, and thank god a phone, since mine was effectively an expensive paper weight.  
I didn't have any meetings today, the group counsellor there had introduced himself as Stephan earlier, and he seemed like a good enough guy at first glance, but my first instinct once I was settled was to call the one person whom I knew was always by his phone, and might actually answer me.  
Sebastian.  
After three rings it went to voice mail and my heart sunk.

"Hey this is Sebastian, leave me a message because as you can tell I'm not around to talk. So, do your worst when the annoying beep happens...3...2..1"

***Beep***

"Hey Sebby, it's me Blaine. I know you guys are probably pissed at me, and I don't blame you, but um...I'm in White Plains New York, the rehab centre is here and well I...I just wanted to know if someone could courier me some stuff. I'm running low here man. Just um...I love you guys, all you guys and I'm actually feeling better. I'm sorry, I just...I'm so fucking sorry. Please tell Kurt I love him and I..."

***Beep***

Well I guess that's the end of that. I couldn't call Wes because he might actually want to hit me back after the violent way I thanked him for admitting me, and Santana may cut me. I couldn't remember Tina's number, and fuck I think Kurt hated me. I was also afraid to hear over the phone that Kurt didn't want to talk to me. Hearing it meant it was real and I wasn't ready to accept that just yet.

So instead I curled into a ball on the bed near the phone, while I plugged in and charged my own, wanting nothing more than to forget this hell I was having with my inner demons. That's when it hit, it was the first time in 4 days that I thought about drinking. If I couldn't rely on the crutch of alcohol, and I didn't have any music, and my friends didn't know and maybe didn't care where I was...what was the point of the partial freedom that I now had?  
I was still alone.

* * *

_**Okay guys, so yeah I'm sorry that was really sad but even sadder to write considering I went through something similar, and recounting those events was quite hard on me so be kind with reviews. I have two ways of writing this, help me out. The next one can be all from Kurt's POV or I can swap and mix in everyone's opinions. I'm trying to make these chapters shorter so you get more, but tell me how you would like to see it laid out for you. Love you! And since everyone thought the cyber muffins helped *throws a new batch, they're chocolate***_


	18. Chapter 18

_**A/N: A short one yay! Thanks to everyone whom sent their love regarding my past that I used to fuel the last chapter. This one sort of continues right where we left off, and in thanks for putting up with the emotional roller coaster...this one gets a little happier. Read on lovelies, and I hope you like it. I don't know how many of you are reading this, but I hope you like it still...I guess I'm just self-doubting :(**_

* * *

**Close To Home**

* * *

**Chapter 18**

(BPOV)

I hated that it was winter. If it were at least late spring, I could go out and enjoy the grounds of suburbia New York state, but since it was February, going outside wasn't really in the cards. One of the other patients, her name was Bella, told me that there was actually a really nice solarium on the main floor at the far end of the complex that I should check out if I was craving normalcy, she said she went out there to read and talk to her boyfriend on the phone. Her boyfriend was currently serving overseas and with his limited availability, she always made sure she had privacy for her phone calls.

The fact that her long term military partner had been understanding about her past addictions, and wanted to stay by her side as she recovered, even when there was an ocean in between them, made my heart ache in a good and bad way. It was so rare that you got to see true love like that and to see it overcome so many boundaries that it gave me hope for the human condition. But it also made me ache terribly for the love that I felt like I had lost. I wasn't bitter, more worried than anything else.

I hadn't heard from Kurt in over a week and a half now. I had been at Clear Shores for going on 8 days and all that I had found on my phone was a voice mail from Sebastian dated on the night I was admitted after the party, asking where the hell I was, screaming at me for making Kurt cry, and wondering if Wes had committed me for my own safety.

Truer words had never been spoken I guess.

Sebastian had obviously gotten my message a week ago because the next day by express courier, the front desk told me that I had a delivery. Of course they would have to search it, I understood that, but it still didn't make me feel any less like a criminal. The bottom line was I guess Sebastian had truly come through and sent me some clothes and supplies that I needed.

But why hadn't they called back? Maybe they didn't know the extension for my room phone, but they did have my cell so what gives?

At least they all knew where I was. But that still didn't fix the hurt in my heart, because if they knew where I was, why hadn't they contacted me?

I guess they wanted to give themselves some space from me, I had obviously hurt them, and I didn't want to chance a reunion sooner than they wanted, so I left my phone rest where it was, in hopes that they would make the next move. Twenty more days to go.

_Day 13_

"So today I think since its quite stormy outside and a lot of non residents want to make their way home early, I think that I will cut this meeting short as long as everyone has said what they wanted to say." Silence, which was an oddity for this group because we had all gotten fairly talkative together in the last few days, I guess I wasn't the only one a little down.

"Okay then...good sharing everyone, enjoy the rest of your afternoon. Blaine can I see you for a second?"

God I felt like I was in school, and for some reason in trouble now.

"Yeah Stephan, what's up?"

"You seemed awfully quiet in group today Blaine, is there something on your mind?"

Stephan had been a great group leader don't get me wrong, but the weather mixed with the obvious pain that I was feeling today, the depression at an all time high, I just didn't feel like talking.

"No, I'm fine. Just a bad day ya know? I'm honestly fine."

"Are you sure? Saying fine twice usually means the opposite." I won't comment on how right that statements actually was most of the time.

"Yeah I think I'm going to go into the east hall and play the piano, it's been calling my name for days and I just enjoy tinkering the ivories when I'm upset. I'm really okay Stephan, just a down day. Highs and lows right man? This is me trying to deal with it and not ignore it...I need my music. But I'll see you tomorrow at 1."

"Fair enough Blaine, you know where I am if you need anything."

Stephan was a really cool guy actually, but to be honest this much solitude from the busy life I had, and the serious lack of people I knew here was starting to take a toll on my well being. Before I went to the east hall though I stopped by my room to drop off my work sheet and journal, and went to look at my phone, with a strange hope there would be something there from the life I left behind.

My eyes nearly bugged out.

_8 missed calls, 2 voice mail._

I didn't even look at who called me as I started dialing my voice mail and sitting down on the bed to listen, immediately tense but excited. So sue me, I had been cooped up somewhere foreign for two weeks, so of course snippets from my normal life would excited me. I was so nervous about what I would be hearing that I had started vibrating in fear. Then for once, a familiar voice.

"Squirt! Thank god you have your phone back! I kept calling the front desk and they forwarded me to your room phone but you aren't answering! I tried calling your cell before but it never let me leave a message, hell it didn't even ring, but now I can! God I hope you're okay, I kind of heard about everything from Wes the other day. They've been worried sick about you dude! You haven't called them aside from asking for more clothes and fuck...they think you're mad at them. Are you? I hope not, are you mad at me? I'm sorry I wasn't there but I'm trying to get some off time in the next few weeks to get on a plane...shit sorry, I dropped the phone...okay anyways please be okay little brother, I miss you so much and I'm so proud of you for getting the help you need. I will always be there for you, but gosh kid, call your friends, they're all so worried. Tell them you're okay, and dammit next time pick up your phone! Love you squirt, so much that I can't find the words, although I'm pointing at the phone for emphasis if it helps. Get well and stay strong bro, love you! Oh and fuck yeah, wait, I'm off today so call me man! Bye!"

I wasn't sure if I wanted to cry or laugh. I normally laughed at my brother because well, it was Cooper and he was such an overly excited child that his innocence and randomness made me smile, but could I really believe all that he said? I mean it was refreshing knowing that he cared, I could hear it in his voice, but him saying that my friends and loved ones did as well, I couldn't honestly believe that. Why would they want to? They hadn't tried like Cooper did, but maybe I was getting ahead of myself, there was still one more message left to check. After pressing delete I held the phone to my ear and winced, waiting for a random message from the restaurant saying I was fired or something.

"Blainers! Dude, I've called you like 7 times man! That bitchy woman at the front desk gave me this shit number extension like 5 times and even though it rang I think she isn't very good at her job because you didn't pick up. I only chance called this number, like I said 7 times, I guess that wasn't so much chance as it was extreme redundancy, but I was hoping that they've given it back to you by now. I'm sure they have but why the hell haven't you said anything? I have a broken nose sir, I look like the fight club days, which we don't talk about, but seriously I thought we were best friends? I thought I did right by you and dragged your ass to rehab, don't I deserve some contact after all. Okay, okay alright...hold on, some people are here that want to say something."

There was a shuffling noise before I heard it.

"**Hi Blaine!**" There had to be like 10 people screaming at the phone right now, and they all shouted stuff that made me smile and know exactly who was shouting.

"Hey sexy how the fuck are ya? I miss you killer, be prepared to get hugged, like a lot when I see you next."

"Hi dolphin, Tana says you're sick from drinking too much. I was always told that you should drink 8 glasses of water a day, so I don't know how much you're drinking, but maybe dolphins need more water. Get better Blaine Warbler, I miss you're hair, it's soft."

"Hi Blaine, it's Val. The entire company misses you and wishes you a speedy recovery, we're all waiting for you to get back to work, we could really use your genius, it's an exciting time."

There was some more shuffling and then I heard a voice I wasn't expecting.

"Mano, if you don't call back and let us know you're okay I will go all Picasso on your face, so much so that your own brother will think you're nothing more than modern art. Don't you dare scare us anymore...I just..and Kurt...god Blaine don't hurt him anymore..."

The line went dead, obviously my mailbox had run out of time between this message and Cooper's, and of course it just had to happen when someone mentioned Kurt.

I decided to grab my room phone and check something really quickly before I jumped to conclusions, and good god, as I had figured out, the fucking ringer had been turned off. Why hadn't I thought of that before?

I was so excited that I almost rang Kurt immediately, but thankfully my brain had stopped me. Wait, Cooper, Wes, Seb, Brit, Tana (surprisingly) and Val...everyone but Kurt had really made an effort to say something on that message. Was Kurt even there with them when they left this? Kurt didn't care, okay that was jumping to conclusions, I knew he cared but he hadn't reached out, maybe he was still too mad. So instead I dialed the number I had been dialling for years and I only waited for 3 rings before I was all but screamed at.

"Blaine Devon Anderson! I have been worried sick, sick I tell you! What the hell has been going on? Where the hell have you been? Are you really in White Plains,at Clear shores, because if they gave me misinformation I will finally show off the ninja skills people have been telling me I have, and bust some serious ass."

This was the first time I had actually laughed out loud in a long, long time, and once I started I couldn't stop.

"Blaine, Blaine, B! Stop fucking laughing or I will give you a broken nose so we can match! Bro seriously are you alright?"

"Y-Yeah man I'm alright, but god I've missed your mother hen tone, I forgot how funny it was."

"That's what you're taking from this? My tone Anderson? We've all been worried to death and you're laughing at me?"

I really couldn't help it, mostly because it was the most normal I had felt in such a long I just kept laughing. It was a good few minutes before I stopped, and Wes even chuckled at my child like amusement over such a simple thing, but he, as usual, seemed to understand that I had needed the laugh.

"Sorry Wes, but after not really talking to anyone that I know well for like two weeks and having to get used to speaking in quiet tones, I've forgotten what enthusiasm sounds like, and god it's so nice to hear."

"B, you sound..."

"Sober? I know weird right?" I could hear the smile in Wes' voice when he spoke next. He wore a smile so rarely that I wanted nothing more than my best friend to be here so I could see the familiar sight for myself.

"No, you just sound, like you, it's been a long time man. I missed my Blainers."

"Don't get all soppy on me Montgomery, I now know you still love me."

"Straight love, straight B, but fuck yeah I love you dude. So...when can we come visit? We sent over the stuff the day you asked for it but when we tried to call back, and get more details all we got was that fucking receptionist."

"Now now Wesley, be nice and use your words."

"Oh god, self help groups have made you even more condescending...great." God I had missed him.

"Well anyway, Kurt had been trying frantically to get a hold of and I quote 'someone with a brain capable of following the simplest of instructions, that above tying their shoe laces' in regards to your whereabouts in White Plains. You never left us info on the centre's name dude, so Kurt actually did all the digging and god did he make some people's day bad when they said they had no information on your whereabouts. He was killer man, like scary determined."

"Wait Kurt was worried?" I was emotionally damaged enough to believe that Kurt might not care.

"Have you got a fart in your brain Anderson? You guys may have fallen out but the guy loves you like you love bow ties, times a million. He said he didn't care if you were pissed at everyone, we needed to know you were alright. So once we tried numerous times on that useless room phone of yours, Kurt called your physician and got the name of your psychiatrist's office, who gave him the name of your counsellor at the detox centre, who then transferred us the name of the facility where your at. He did all of it so we could send you clothes, which he insisted on packing by the way. Wouldn't let me near any of it and snarled at Seb when he went through your intimates drawer. If looks could kill dude, it was Kurt on a mission."

So, Kurt loved me, we may not be together but he loved me as a friend or maybe more? That may be enough to put my heart back together.

"Ex-explain's why the stuff sent was more dressy than I would have packed for rehab."

"Ha! I know right? You'd think you were dressing to impress someone."

"Very addict-chic, only Kurt Hummel."

I chuckled at the thought of Kurt shifting through my clothes and holding it up to the mirror while he packed, it was an image that I missed, along with all the other little things I missed about him.

"So anyways once we found out where you were, sent you the package as requested, we all tried in between our schedules to get in contact with you. Hell every time we tried to have you paged, you were either in therapy, asleep or in a group session. We just couldn't win! And the you wouldn't message us back..."

"Couldn't."

"What?"

"Couldn't...I just couldn't Wes, I thought you guys hated me. I didn't know you guys had tried that hard. I thought you'd written me off, as stupid as that sounds in my head right now."

"Damn it Blaine I look like a lopsided raccoon because of you, I cleaned up the barf in your apartment, you're welcome for that, and thanks for the stunning gastric pyrotechnics by the way. Yet I'm fucking relieved to hear from you. How could any of us hate you man, we love you, and god we just want you to get better."

I had never heard Wes so emotional before and it was a tiny bit unnerving, but it made me feel special for the not the first time in the last half hour, and definitely the most special I had felt in months.

"So-so everyone's okay...with everything I did, I mean..."

"No. We aren't okay with everything because Blaine nothing is a quick fix. There will be time to talk about everything when you get back, you have apologies to make even though we all know that you weren't yourself as of late. I promise that Seb and I will make the trip to see you this weekend as long as that's okay by you? We've already booked time for visitations so you will see me and the smug bastard in four days. We can talk about it then. Until then though, I'm gonna get on the subway since I just left the rehearsal hall, the rest of the guys and gals are still there, but I have a date with Jeannie."

A date. The word made me taste a bit of bile in my throat; I had missed out on many of those with Kurt recently and it brought back a lot of self loathing.

"Aright man. Say hi to Jeannie for me, I'm going to text the rest of the group to tell them I'm okay."

"Good. Call me whenever you can and turn your damn ringers on you fool! I love ya man, you're my best friend please don't scare me again."

"I'm sorry Wes, I actually think I'm moving in the right direction now, so thank you."

"You're welcome, the black eye kind of makes me look badass though so...we're even. Talk to you soon man."

I promised I would and then hung up with the smallest regret, because I had honestly wanted to keep talking. But.. I could have contact with them now, it was going to be okay. That had been the happiest I had felt in so long and it made me more assured that my recovery may actually be going better than I thought. Keeping my promise though I opened a group message, that even included Kurt despite the warnings my heart was giving me.

**Hey everyone. Um, apparently phone service and the basics of technology have eluded me, or so says the great and powerful Wes. I just told him the same I'm telling you now. I'm okay. Yes I'm in recovery and in 15 days I will be outta here for good I hope. I'm so sorry for the pain and worry I caused you guys, and I'm sorry I hurt myself. Call or text me anytime, my cell is on and available, and I hope to hear from you soon or at some point. You're support is really making a difference, so thank you. I love you all xox – B**

I sent out the message and just crossed my fingers that everyone would understand. I secretly hoped that Kurt gotten this message quickly, and maybe even began to know how much I appreciated his concern, but like everything recently, only time would tell.

I got up and with a new skip in my step I headed to the east hall where I had a date with a piano. I was finally feeling like myself again; and maybe a tiny bit more whole.

XXXX

* * *

It was just passed two o'clock when I was finishing up in the east hall. From the window to my left near the piano, I could tell that the snow was falling really hard now. Thankfully for drivers though, the wind seemed have a taken a day off, but with the amount of snow falling, it was probably enough to make driving a serious bitch, especially if they were heading here from the city.

Oh lord New York traffic with this mess? I did not envy my fellow New Yorkers today, it looked horrendous.

It had been a few hours since I had sent out the group text and to my surprised delight everyone had responded, and I mean everyone, including Kurt.

_Thank god killer, you're alive! I was beginning to wonder if you knew how to use your phone anymore! Seriously dude, I miss you, I love you, and I'm glad you're alright. - Bas_

_Hi Blainey, miss you! xoxoxoxo_ – _Brit_

_Anderson! Te voy a dar una paliza! Get home and stay well or I may make good on this threat...love you tho :S – Tana_

_Blaine, honey oh my gosh I'm so glad you messaged us, we were all so worried! Get well soon and if you need to talk you know my number xx – Tina_

_Shorty! Damn brother I was worried about you, so were the girls and Ashley doesn't have your number. FYI, my wife gave birth to a beautiful baby boy 7 days ago, Aaron Devon O'Brien! We gave him your middle name dude. Here's hoping you'll think about being a godparent. Something to think about ;) Get better man. - Val_

That message had truly touched me. These people cared enough about me to think of including me in their family? The last message was from Kurt, and there were spelling mistakes which made me frown because he never does that.

_B, oh thnak god your alrihgt. I hop to cu soon xo – Kurt_

It was the_ xo_ at the end of the message that I held dear, even if he didn't end it with the usual I love you that our texts usually had, I was glad there was even some cyber affection. It was a step in the right direction.

So here I was next to the main foyer, listening to people come in and complain about the weather, and I clenched my fist against the piano knowing that it was visiting hours, and I had yet to have a single person come through that door complaining about driving in this shit because they came to see me.

A few minutes later, mixed with the mumbles from families and friends gathering in the foyer, and the shuffling of boots no doubt scuffing off the telltale signs of February's fallen wrath, I heard something that made my attention perk and then laugh at the comment.

"I swear to god if that's not road safe salt then these limited tan Wulfruns from Underground's latest collection are going to be ruined! No amount of vinegar and water are going to clean these stains..."

I knew that bitching anywhere.

XXXX

* * *

A few hours ago (KPOV)

"Bas please, I promise I'll be gentle." Seb kept giving me the 'are you fucking serious' look.

"No Kurt, I can't let you do this."

"Please, please, please, I promise it'll be quick, maybe only a few hours, I just...fuck Bas I can't take it anymore. I'm literally begging here."

No it's not what you think, get your minds out of the gutter people, honestly.

"Kurt you can't drive in this state. You haven't fucking slept or really eaten in days, you almost wore the same outfit twice in one week and I'm sorry honey that much I know is a no go in your world."

I huffed as I pulled on my jacket, before spinning around Blaine's apartment to see if I remembered everything.

"I just checked the highways, 87 is being plowed regularly and once I get out of this fucking city, I should be on safe roads as long as it doesn't get any worse. Look Bas, I know I'm a loose cannon these days okay, but you didn't have to leave rehearsal for me."

"I know I didn't have to, but it was needed. Besides the cast was dissolving and you needed to clear your head, and _appaaarently_ try to weasel me out of my car so you can drive in this weather like a dumb shit to go see Blaine. He hasn't called back ya know, Wes and all of us left that message just after you left, but he never called back as far as I know. He may not want to see you."

As much as it hurt to hear it, I knew Sebastian was right, but I didn't care anymore.

"I know, and I know driving in this is like calling a desperate housewife demure, but Bas I need to see him. I can't go on like this, I have to know he's alive, like really alive and just not pretending anymore. I can't sleep, I haven't fucking eaten..."

"I know, trust me I'm the one dealing with that backlash remember?"

I began pacing back and forth, my hands instinctively going through my hair, pulling at it to ground myself.

"I'm sorry, but I just...I'm going insane here Bas. What if he thinks I don't care? He's been all alone and shutting out the rest of us and as the man that loves him, and wants him back , you think that this is going to get any easier the longer I wait around here and sit on my thumbs?! What if he forgets about me, what if he wants nothing to do with me anymore, or the show or just...anything..."

I was panting at this point, almost close to losing my shit completely.

"Kurt I'm sorry for this."

"For what?"

*Smack*

"Ow! What the f..."

"I'm so sorry Kurt but you needed that."

"I appreciate the drama but that hurt you dick...thanks though maybe I did need that." He hadn't smacked me hard, but just enough that there was slight sting on my face and my head felt a little clearer.

"I've wanted to do that forever but it didn't live up the hype Hummel."

"Ass hole."

"Ah yes, cunning response. Now, seeing as you're more coherent, and actually letting me talk now, I was going to say before you went off on a tangent, that Blaine may not want to see you." I turned my face away from him still rubbing my cheek, not because it hurt anymore but because hearing him say this again made me want to cry and I needed the distraction.

"But...hearing you saying that you still want him back, that you love him, and all that other nonsense has made my plan all that much more awesome. There's gonna be a statue in my honour one day, conniving best friend of the year or some other shit."

"Please stop throwing yourself a victory party before you explain yourself."

Sebastian reached into his back pocket.

"Round trip tickets to White Plains, I printed them on the studio's printer just after you left. The next one leaves in half hour from Grand Central so you may want to bust ass. There's a cab waiting for you out front and your name is on the expected guest book at Clear Shores, I already called ahead. Affection?"

There were no greater friends than Sebastian Smythe at this very moment as I kissed him on the cheek harder than I ever thought I would and hugged him tightly.

"Oh my god Bas! How did you...when did you.."

After releasing him from my hold I couldn't help but still gawk at that smug expression he always seemed to wear.

"After you left, I knew that you would come up with just another excuse to try and get out of rehearsals to wallow over Blaine. We need those rehearsals Kurt but you've been so down. So...I took the initiative to save the show, and my shirt from getting even more stains from your self pity," I smacked him for that one, smart ass, " ...and set everything up. Go get him Kurt. You need this and I'm sure Blainers does to, you're just not driving my fucking car during a snowstorm to do it, just hell no. But give him a kiss for me when you see him, and slip some tongue so he knows it's from me."

The thought of kissing Blaine was an amazing visual, but I wasn't even sure where we were as friend never mind a couple.

Bas ducked the second smack I aimed at his arm, and instead handed me the bag I had packed earlier, and made shooing gestures towards the door

"Make him believe in you guys again Kurt, you need this."

I nodded and grabbed the door handle, but just before I left I turned to him.

"Are you sure you don't want to come with? I'm sure he'd be so happy to see you."

Seb looked grateful for a second but then just smiled and waved me off. "Nah, Wes and I are going this weekend, today's just for you two, I am not being a third wheel in that conversation no matter how fabulous I would be at it. Besides Kevin and I are going out in a few hours, well actually he's making me dinner, and it will be the first time at his place and I have never turned down a night of getting dirty with..."

"Just stop talking before you ruin the moment...Thanks Bas for everything."

"You're welcome, now get the hell out." I hugged him again, leaving him the new keys we had made to Blaine's lock to lock up, before huffing out a breath and running down the flights of stairs to the waiting taxi.

XXXX

* * *

I had made the train but good god why was a thirty minute train ride taking so long? It had been over an hour and when I finally heard the call for White Plains and I nearly jumped out of my seat, bag in tow, to wait by the door. The weather here looked worse than in the city, I guess the blanketed veil from skyscrapers really did shield us from the harshness of storms. In this case, I could barely see anything out of the windows. As the train came to a stop my mind was still dwelling on the group message I had gotten from Blaine just as I was trying to run for the train at Grand Central.

I had sent back a quick message, completely elated that I had heard from him in whatever respects, but I realized now that I had mistyped like three words. I never do that.

But be that as it may, what worried me was that he hadn't said anything back to me immediately, which worried me slightly.

On the other hand, as I was finally faced with the briskness of the open air outside the station's walls, I was comforted that he had sent the message to me at all, because at least that showed he cared enough to include me, and maybe wouldn't mind if I dropped in to see him after all.

God I was such a mess, my boots were getting ruined in this weather too, and I wasn't styled and coiffed like I wanted to be for a reunion such as this but, I wasn't perfect and neither was Blaine. All I had to do was get in a cab if one ever pulled in again, and get to that rehab centre as fast as humanly possible to show him how much his imperfections meant to me; that is if he even still wanted to try.

_He does, he will. Dammit Kurt don't let this one go, this is why you're here, make him believe._

The cab, which I noted seemed a lot cleaned than New York cabs, although way less frequent, made its way to Clear Shores rather quickly for which I was thankful for and terrified at the prospect of as well. It gave me less time to think about what I was going to say. Did admin. even tell him that he had a guest coming for visitation and did he even want me there? Would I get there and find that he's refused the visitation and I would be stuck turning on my heel and heading out back into this god forsaken weather?

Oh no my boots! There had to be like 2 feet of snow now!

As I thanked the driver yet again, and swallowed my swirling concerns, I looked at the building's front which didn't seem as foreboding as I would have imagined, it almost looked welcoming somehow. There were a few others heading into the building, so I guess 3 pm was the start of visiting hours, so at least I wouldn't be alone asking questions at the reception desk.

I kicked the snow off my boots in disgust when I realized that there were salt stains building up on them as I entered the building.

"Oh lord, I swear to god if that's not road safe salt then these limited tan Wulfruns from Underground's latest collection are going to be ruined! No amount of vinegar and water are going to clean these stains..." I was bitching to no one really but I apparently had entertained a girl who was sitting by herself clutching her phone whilst laughing at me.

"I'm sorry I'm not laughing at you but that's some serious shoe passion. I have the same issue, my boyfriend thinks I'm shoe obsessed too. But what does he know, all he owns are cross trainers and combat boots."

She seemed like a genuine soul so I shook off the retort that the weather, my lack of sleep and my nerves were building up. I huffed out my remaining annoyance and tried to calm myself.

"Sorry, long day, well long week actually, and my shoes nor you should take the brunt of it."

"I understand, this weather is not clothing friendly. You look a little lost though, and I haven't seen you here before, are you here to meet someone? Visiting hours just started so you're right on time Mr...?"

I extended my hand as she stood up. Her frame was thin, dangerously thin, and I had a brief flash that she might be a patient and a comment would definitely be insensitive.

"Hummel, Kurt Hummel, I'm actually here to see my boyfriend, well my ex, crap I dunno anymore, well shit don't I just sound sane."

"It's nice to meet you Hummel Kurt Hummel, Mr. complicated relationship with unmentioned patient A" She laughed when I did and she sounded far younger than she looked.

"It's alright Belle, he's here to see me."

I turned around just as the small girl took off and hugged the man behind the voice, the one that I had come here to see.

"Blaine hey!" she whispered something in Blaine's ear before turning and waving at me.

"I'm Belle by the way, bye Kurt!"

I honestly hadn't taken my eyes off Blaine. It was as if for some reason I was waiting for the world to pinch, poke, or punch me awake because it had felt like ages since I had seen him and it might have been a dream. My still ice cold hands though would make me disagree with that statement. Blaine just smiled as Belle ran off but that smile became a closed one as he turned back to face me. He was looking at me warily, almost as if he didn't believe my existence anymore than I believed his.

"Hey."_ All that rehearsed speech preparations and all I could say was hello? Honestly?_

"Hi Kurt."

It was weird that his voice saying my name brought out so many emotions in me that I couldn't explain. So I ignored every single one of them and just decided to say fuck it to my emotions and stop listening to my head, as I ran at Blaine and hugged him, relieved when he didn't flinch or pull away.

Blaine just held me, let me inwardly cry at the loss of a love that we had and happiness that I felt when I knew I hadn't lost him at least completely.

"I'm so sorry Blaine, I missed you so much and then I didn't know if you hated me and I had to see you and..."

"Shh, shh, stop talking and just hold me for a second okay? We'll get you signed in in a minute and then we'll talk, but for now, you're here and just...don't let me go okay?"

Tightening the grip I had around his neck I just nodded and breathed in the scent of the man I loved. I just secretly hoped he still loved me in return just as much.

"I'll never let go of you, I promise."

* * *

_**Dawww see? Silver lining. Not much has been fixed but the next one will be a big one because we get some much needed answers from both B and K. I hope it wasn't disappointing. PS I based the look of Clear Shores on the facility that I myself was admitted to years and years ago, if that helps paint a little more reality into the situation. I do love every follow, fave and/or review you guys send...it does make my day a little brighter. Be well loves xoxo *chucks cupcakes***_


	19. Chapter 19

_A/N: Hello everyone. Thanks for the patience and the all-round love that you guys keep sending me. I may get more for one chapter than the next but I do hope that I continue to not disappoint you. This chapter was extremely hard to write. The dialogue had to be just right and the fluff and mini angst had to be build up in just the right way, grilled cheesus I hope it's okay enough for you guys. I also had to take into consideration that these are grown almost 30 year old men and they aren't the awkward teens that we know them so well as from canon, so they don't blush away from things as much. BUT I do loves me my fluff._

_Please let me know that this pain in the "yoohoo" chapter meets your expectations and see the bottom for addition information about upcoming chapter(s). Love you oodles guys, you are all wonderful. xoxo_

* * *

**Close To Home**

* * *

**Chapter 19**

**(KPOV)**

"Um, B? Honey..." It had only been a few seconds but I think at this point Blaine's koala nature, although adorable, was causing a few people from the staff to stare, one was even giggling at the red face that I was probably wearing.  
"Shh two more minutes...comfy."  
I couldn't help but blush harder and let out a relieved sigh as I pulled back, and in response he whined and pouted a little. Out of instinct I moved my hand to his lower lip and pushed it back up.  
"Envious puppies remember?"  
The look he gave me once again, made my insides flip with its sincerity and longing, but then the tone became a little more serious.  
"I remember." _Remember. Gosh there was so much to remember and so much that I wish we could both forget, or maybe just be content to learn from._  
I pulled back and squared my shoulders, straightening the strap of my bag on my shoulder, and the movements seemed to make him focus more as well. He tugged his sweater vest down, even though he didn't need it, and we were back to the slightly awkward tension we had been sharing off and on these last month or so. The strong hug seemingly forgotten, so I asked the obvious question.  
"So where do I need to sign in...?"  
"Oh right, right come on."  
I followed behind Blaine as we approached the main reception.  
"Hi Teresa, I believe I have a guest, I don't know if he's on the list or anything."  
The lady who's name I now knew as Teresa smiled. "Name honey?"  
"I'm Kurt."  
"Hummel?" She seemed to brighten for some reason and that I had no clue about.  
"That's me."  
"If you could just come with me, we can get you checked really quickly and then back out to this guy...whom I'm sure missed you." Teresa gave Blaine a little wink and it was the first time I had seen Blaine blush in a long time. Did that mean that he talked about me to the staff here? Did he actually miss me? From the returned hug and adorableness I had witnessed when I got here I might have actually felt that it was true.

Once she pulled me through into the small office, just behind the glass where I could still see Blaine watching curiously, I visibly relaxed, because for some reason I had been holding my breath since I got in the door. I know it hadn't been that long but I felt like I shouldn't walk on eggshells around Blaine but I found out that I almost couldn't stop myself.  
As she checked my bag, she raised an eyebrow at some of the things that I brought.  
"I'm sorry Mr. Hummel, I can't let you have any of these things in this centre. It may not be Blaine's issue but they are not allowed in here. We can arrange for you to have some of our own supplies to use but it has to be in a room under camera surveillance. I hope you understand."  
She held up the kit I brought and I completely understood. I hadn't really thought it would be allowed anyway.  
"Of course. And I may take you up on your offer for supplies though."  
"No problem honey, just let me or Colin know, he's the other guy at the front desk, just page #001 from Blaine's room phone if you need anything. And the popcorn?"  
I chuckled, because I had forgotten I had brought the kennel corn with me.  
"Blaine's guilty pleasure. I brought it in case he was really mad at me, and I needed bribery."  
Teresa laughed but nodded and returned the popcorn to my bag but kept the small satchel to be taken back when I left, as she approached to check my person.  
Time passed quickly, Blaine had moved away from the window and Teresa seemed to notice this and use it as her time to speak. I knew as well as she did that Blaine couldn't hear us but for some reason him being out view helped with casual conversation.  
"Hey Kurt? I can call you that right?" I nodded. " Blaine's been really sad, and I know that he's missed you. I'm not privy to everyone's issues, that's been patient and therapy, but you're his boyfriend right?" It wasn't like she was prying so I took the bait.  
"I don't know if I really am anymore, I don't think he'll forgive me or himself."  
"Kurt I'm, well I'm a fan of your work. I saw almost every revival you've ever done, you're a great director. And if you put as much love and effort as you do into your productions as you do into your relationship with that hurting man out there, I think you will be just fine." Blaine had come back into view and he was talking and smiling with Colin while he waited for me.  
"He's worth everything Teresa, I just hope he learns to believe it again."  
"I guess that's why I'm glad it's you that loves him then..."  
"I never said I loved..."  
"We're all set here Kurt." Teresa had interrupted me with a sly smile and try as I might, the romantic in me let the comment lie, I guess my affections for that man out there really did make me see through.  
"Thanks Teresa."  
"Anytime, visiting hours are till 7. You can have dinner in the main cafeteria anytime after 5:30 but it's not mandatory, and you can collect your other things when you leave. Blaine with walk you through the rest of the rules."  
I folded my jacket over my arm and just smiled before leaving.  
"Oh and Kurt?" I hummed and turned. "Save me a seat at the Hirschfeld, I heard you guys open in just over a month."  
I shushed her. "Blaine doesn't know, do you know if he read The Post this morning?"  
"I doubt it, but its hard to tell. He hasn't been very...socially active on his own from what I know. Usually we find him playing the piano recently, or talking to Belle, or writing in his room. I won't say anything, but ya know...save me a seat? I've grown attached to Blaine since he got here, and I read in the article that this is his work."

Blaine had ran his hand through his shaggy mop and giggled. He looked happy and I couldn't wait to tell him about all that he'd missed.  
"Yeah, it's his genius, we're just acting it out. Here's my card, call me when we open, I'll hook you up. I know a guy." I winked and handed her my card and she just grinned, but I could tell she was going to wait until I left to have a proper freak out.  
"My wife is gonna shit. She loves your work more than I do, but I better get you out of here before he thinks I've kidnapped you. You came to see him, not me. Good luck Kurt. Have a nice visit."

Smiling at the lovely young lady, I took my leave and turned around to fetch Blaine at the front desk. Being here with him was a lot harder than I had originally thought. When we were together together, affections had just become easy, and free flowing. As Blaine fell further into his own induced despair, though our relationship had been friendly, it had gotten progressively more detached. But now...this new man who was joking around with Colin, seemed so much like the Blaine I'd fallen for, even more relaxed actually, that it took a great deal of effort on my part to not whisk him off his feet and kiss him like I'd never get the chance to do so again. It was very distracting, especially with the way his lips kept turning up in a full smile when I spoke.  
"Boo." I whispered right behind his ear, and I could almost see him shiver, but turning I was once again blown away by the radiance that was this man.  
"Hey Kurt.._.sooooo_ what did you wanna do?" He stuck his hands in his pockets, looking awkward but damn near adorable.  
"I d-dunno honestly, what's there to do around here? Anything you'd like to do?"  
Blaine seemed to sense that I was being gentle with him even if it was involuntary, and instead of the usual 'I don't need you pity routine' like I was expecting, I got a genuine grin and nod, almost like he appreciated the gesture. This side of Blaine was definitely new to me, but I liked it.  
"Personally I would love to grab coffee with you. It used to be our 'thing' and well, we haven't done that in a while."  
Shouldering the bag subconsciously, and fiddling with its strap kept me grounded when I tried not to squeal at his adorkableness.  
"S-sounds good, but where? I know that you can't leave the property which by the way sucks."  
Blaine grabbed my hand quickly, and it almost made me gasp at the sudden warmth, and not just from his hand...it warmed my heart because of the contact.  
"There's actually a decent cafeterias. Unlike the last place I was cooped up in, I'm actually allowed caffeine! That decaffeinated sludge had about as much pick me up as a riveting game of golf!"  
Just as I was about to laugh Blaine took off in the opposite direction I was facing and pulled me along with him.  
"Ah! B, why are we running?" He laugh was musical, and the freest I've ever head him.  
"Why not?" I laughed when I heard Teresa yelling back from the front desk telling us not to run, but her laughter at Blaine's childishness made her threat hallow to our ears.  
"Wait!" Blaine stopped mid run punctuating his abrupt stop, and turned down another hallway, one that looked more private, taking us through a set of double doors. I just allowed Blaine to drag me where he pleased, not wanting to let go of his hand or the warmth inside me that it created.  
"Quick tour first. This...is the living quarters for patients." It was a lot brighter and more welcoming than I would have anticipated actually, and it seemed to be an ever growing theme with this place. It actually looked like a place to recover and not just one to stay at. Blaine slowed to a walk, keeping his eyes focused forward but not letting our joint hands unwind.

When we reached the end of the hallway the doorway to the left was closed but not locked, and Blaine opened it with a mock flourish.

"The four walled Anderson estate, also known as room 14. Complete with one full bathroom, for all your rehabilitation needs including sleeping, reading, writing, crying and reminiscing, the occasional TV and the thrilling hobby also known as watching dust collect, almost as exciting as paint drying, but not quite."

The room was quite cozy actually and it seemed that Blaine had definitely invaded this space because, just like the Blaine that I remembered, he had scattered things all over his room in a version of organized chaos that I had become familiar with. And in the centre of the bed was the journal he and I had both written in and a sudden anxiety flowed over me that he may have read all the entries I had made in there, and I became instantly self conscious. I know that he was meant to read them but it instantly made me worry because it reminded me of where we stood and how much things had changed.

Blaine seemed to notice the slack in my shoulders when he closed the door behind us.

"Let's talk for a minute before we get coffee alright? I think we both need to establish a few things before we continue yeah?" Dropping my bag beside the bed I nodded and relinquished to the fact that Blaine was right. We did need to talk first before we got to comfortable.

"I think you're right."

I seated myself on his bed, noticing there was only one other chair and it was at the other end of the room, and after hesitating a bit Blaine sat down beside me, enough so that we were side by side but not touching. The close proximity to him made me tense but relaxed and I wasn't even sure how to process that particular emotion combination. We sat in silence for a second before I started to chuckle, the emotional upheaval with seeing him and everything that had happened over the last few weeks coming to a head as I kicked off my slightly ruined boots.

Blaine seemed a little unnerved at my chuckling and looked sideways at me worriedly.

"You gonna let me in on the inside joke?"

"It's just, I've seen you naked and had a close personal relationship with you ass and yet this is awkward." I couldn't hold it in anymore and apparently Blaine thought it was the finniest thing he'd heard in a long time, because before either one of us truly registered it, we were both laughing like hyenas. We must have sounded insane.

"Oh god, I've missed you Kurt. That's a visual I will keep handy the next time I want a good laugh."

Slowly as the tension, although still present, released it's stranglehold on us we let the air clear before Blaine cut tot he chase.

"Okay so lets start with the basics. Forget about the show, and about our friends, lets just talk about us okay? Let's just be honest and straight forward." Blaine was using his serious voice so I knew that I would get the truth as much as give it in return.

"Fair enough you first because I don't know where to start." Honestly I had no fucking clue what to say so I wanted him to lead this time.

"Right. Well my name is Blaine Ander..."

"I know you're name Blaine."

"Shh I've been practicing this part. Now, my name is Blaine Anderson and I'm an alcoholic." The features on my face must have changed from amused to solemn, hearing Blaine say those words out loud. Blaine cleared his throat and started again.

"Well I'm an alcoholic and have been since I was in college. It may not have been a problem then but I have recently identified myself as an addictive personality with depression and self worth issues. I use, no...I have used and will no longer use alcohol as a mean of escapism from my worries, concerns and generally life. I'm gay and proud of it. I'm a composer, musician and all around dork to the extreme. I've only come to realize that I have a great circle of friends and loved ones who actually do care for me, and it's taken me falling to the bottom of my barrel to come to terms with this. I had lost my will to fight for what I want, and to hold on to the things I hold most dear. I lost my work, my lover and best friend along with a lot of my sanity that night, and I'm saying that I've finally decided to get off my ass and address that I may never be in the clear completely, but if I want happiness I have to stop blocking myself from it. I've missed you, I've missed us and I just hope I haven't lost that privilege. I'm sorry for hurting you Kurt and hurting myself. I have never been more sorry."

I let Blaine get all of this out and it was a relief to hear that he sounded so sure of himself. I wasn't expecting him to be so clear and adamant about what he wanted and where he went wrong, and it had me in tears to see him this focused and dare I say, happy despite the remorse. It gave me the courage to accept the hand he was offering me as I replied.

"I'm Kurt Hummel, god this seems silly, and well, I'm a colossal pain in the ass." Blaine snorted and covered his mouth with his other hand that wasn't holding mine as I sent him a death glare that was barely sincere.

"It's true, even my f-father used to say that I was. I was spoiled and a brat in high school and I flaunted who I was. A-at one time, I even thought I deserved what happened to me, to my father, and because of it I developed serious control issues, a borderline personality disorder and complex, and well...as you know I gave up on who I was. Now...well now I'm just lost Blaine. I've finally found a happy middle ground between the old and new Kurt that I'm content with, but I've lost the thread that connects my entire world. One lose thread and I'm unravelling here B. Over the last few weeks I've lost you, I've lost us and my touch on reality has gone out the window. I want to help you, I need to take care of you and shit I need you to keep me together. It's in my soul Blaine and that's why I couldn't stay away, that's why even if you didn't want to see me I was coming up here anyway. Fuck it's why I nearly stole Sebastian's car and drove here in blizzard..."

"He was impressed with the possibility of attempted theft I'm sure."

"Pfff hell no. But Blaine I missed you so much too. I don't know what the world holds for us, but as much as you hurt me and yourself, I'm willing and wanting more than anything to get back a piece of what we had. I know you're sorry for what happened, it just took me a while to see that you hated yourself as much as I hated what happened to us. I c-can't l-lose you a-again B...please don't make me..." _What more could I do except cry now?_ All major feeling surrounding the future of us had been shared.

"Don't cry beautiful, please don't cry." Looking at him through wet eyes I saw that he had been weeping the smallest amount too. This was what we should have done weeks ago, bared our feelings and worked out our emotions, instead of waiting for the walls around us to fall.

"Please say we'll be okay? I l-love you." My voice had escaped me on the last word so I didn't even know if any sound came out. I dropped my gaze out of fear of rejection and I was surprised when I felt Blaine shift slightly as he leaned down to place the tiniest and most feather like touch of his lips to mine. It wasn't even a kiss really just an intimate touch that centred me and maybe even grounded him as well.

"I love you too. I think I always will." Blaine was whispering now too, as if the sentiments made more impact if said in relative silence. "I'm so glad you're here."

I tightened my grip on Blaine's hand and traced my other up over his shoulder to hug him and hold him tight. There were no more kisses exchanged, and the hand holding turned into a light sobbing embrace on both our parts, as we drifted into a contented bubble, sitting on Blaine's bed, and it was the most whole that I had felt in so many days.

XXXX

* * *

**(BPOV)**

Kurt and I must have been lying there for almost an hour after our mini confessionals. If I was being honest, if you had said to me that I would be where I was, with the man that I loved whom still loved me, 24 hours ago I would have told you that you had a cat for a brain.

The last day had been filled with me connecting with music again fully, talking to my friends and hearing that they cared, and then the creme de la creme being a surprise visit from Kurt. Oh Kurt, he was so beautiful, more so than I remembered it seemed, and yet just as fragile as I was in certain respects. Never had anyone ever truly invested themselves in me, just as I was. Never was there anyone in my life that wasn't family whom fought so hard for me; for the person I was. There were always strings attached and that seemed to be the thing with me, I always thought there was a catch to everything and I guess that's why I thought I never deserved any of the happiness that I had ever received.

After confessing our wants to try and make this relationship work, and getting our apologies out on the table, Kurt and I had sagged into the bedspread entangled in a sideways hug and talked in hushed tones about how much we had missed this connection. I told him all about Belle and the friendship her and I had made, and that between group and single sessions, I was actually getting somewhere in therapy for once. He asked about the journal and if I had read all of his entries and I told him how moved I was by everything that he wrote, and of course kept apologizing for the anguish that I had caused him. Kurt had said one thing that basically shut me up and made me stop apologizing, he'd said that 'whatever has happened won't be forgotten but is forgiven, so shut up Blaine'. God his snark was something that I never thought I would have truly missed.

We decided to get up, but only because Kurt jumped out of my arms really quickly with an exasperated shout breaking the silence. "Oh! I forgot!"

"Kurt what on earth could be more important than snuggles, I've been snuggle deprived for weeks and I needs me some." I was mumbling into a pillow and I didn't get an answer from Kurt but he was talking to someone so I decided to look up. He was on my room phone.

"Hi, yes Teresa? Yeah it's Kurt in Blaine's room. You think you could bring the supplies I asked for? Yeah...okay 10 minutes, alright he will have to show me where that room is because...okay sure, thanks Teresa."

"Up yo get Anderson, you promised me coffee, and I have something that I really need to do, so come on, up!" There was a playful authority in his voice and it somehow made me actually want to get up and see what he had in store. Also I really wanted coffee so it was a win/win.

But my affectionate want for him in every and any way won out. I grabbed his hand and he tugged exaggeratedly to get my butt out of bed, but my sudden playfulness made Kurt squeak and topple on top of me when I resisted and pulled him back to bed for just a second.

"Blaine Devon Anderson!"

"What is it with people an my full name today?" I rolled my eyes as I said it but then it became very, very real that I had just pulled my...well I guess my boyfriend, on top of me in bed and it suddenly got a lot more serious.

"Blaine?" Kurt's face was inches from mine, maybe even less than that and I could feel his warm breath tickling my cheek.

"Yes Kurt?"

"I'm on top of you."

"Very astute, brilliantly observed." My attempt at lightening the mood worked for a second but something soft but dark crossed Kurt's features as he smiled behind closed lips.

"That sarcasm of yours is going to get you in trouble one of these days Anderson. Or so you've told me many times. But...you're lucky I've missed you." Kurt leaned down and placed an open mouth kiss to my neck before moving away tantalizingly slowly. I was kind of frozen where I lay, my hands still holding his hips as he kissed along my jaw, then my chin before pecking my lips quickly and sitting up. I just let him go because I was not trusting my hormones at that very moment, things were still so new again. I had forgotten how sexy Kurt could be, and maybe pulling him down on top of me wasn't the wisest choice if I wanted to take this reunion slowly. Kurt seemed to be the level headed one this time.

Kurt stood and looked down at me. "That didn't end as you had planned huh B?" Kurt was wearing a self satisfactory smirk ad it was in that silly moment that I knew we would be okay. There's wasn't trust like there used to be but this, _this_ was at least the relaxed nature that came with accepted apologies and mutual want for the other.

"Not so much. Okay Hummel do your worst..." I got up and stretched my back before extending my hand once again for him to take. "Where are you taking me and do as you wish."

Kurt took it and after slipping his boots back on and me my loafers, pulled me out of the room.

"Okay so first things first, cafeteria for the coffee that's surprisingly good apparently, and then to the the north mess hall. I have no idea where or what that is."

I laughed at Kurt's tone as we reopened my door, Kurt holding it open for me making me blush like a moron, as I guided him back down the hall that we came from.

"Coffee is this way and the north mess is well on the north side of the building but they're connected. The north mess is a small communal area that is usually quite vacant, but is used as connected area to the cafe for quieter seating and such. Why are we going there and what are you and Teresa in cahoots about?"

Kurt just smiled and brought our joined hands to his mouth, kissing my knuckles.

"That's for me to know and for you to find out about in 10 minutes. Trust me."

Funny thing was, I had never truly trusted anyone aside from Wes more than I trusted my instincts to let Kurt take care of me; for now and as long as he'd have me.

XXXX

* * *

"A haircut? That was the big surprise? Telling me that I needed to stop looking like a hobo?"

"But you're a beautiful hobo, very ruggedly bohemian."

Kurt had his hands in my hair and was working through the curls with the scissors with eery precision. It actually felt really nice having Kurt's hands in my hair, having them lovingly trim and care for my insane mop that I had to hold back a few moans when he started.

"Is it really that bad?"

Kurt hummed before responding." I love your curls but I think you'll feel better having them trimmed. You've been complaining since before Christmas that you wanted to get a haircut and I thought I would help. I tried bringing my own hair styling kit but it got vetoed. Apparently bringing in scissors and such into a rehab centre is a no go." Kurt went on and on about how he used to have the minor issue with being a cutter a few years after his fathers death so he knew that outside sharp objects wouldn't be accepted here. This was why Kurt had been given the opportunity to use the products here, and also in an area under surveillance. It felt like I was being watched but I knew it was only because of protocol.

I just felt like a weight was being lifted the entire time Kurt positioned my head and trimmed off a few stray pieces here and there. I had closed my eyes and hummed in response throughout the entire ordeal, just letting him talk and feeling the extra tension leave my body as my hair got cut.

"There. I think that'll do. It's not perfect because I think my buzzers work better but it'll do. Handsome as ever B."

He ghosted his hands over the newly shaven area at the back of my neck and it gave me goosebumps. It was so intimate that I almost pulled away fearing that someone could walk in to the empty mess and ruin our moment.

"It feels great baby, thank you." I could almost feel Kurt smiling behind me as he leaned down and kissed the back of my neck lightly.

"You're welcome. I'm gonna clean this up first but then what do you want to do, take our coffees somewhere quieter? I still have so much to tell you." I stood up and looked in the mirror against the wall. _Wow this did look so much better_. I then turned back to Kurt who was finishing packing the supplies away so we could take them to the front desk. I had been told that the cleaners would be in shortly to tidy up the hair, to which Kurt felt bad about but nodded when asked to not worry about it.

"I have the perfect spot. Let me help you with that." After tidying up the area the best we could and Kurt decided that he couldn't leave all the hair on the ground and picked up most of it by hand, we walked back to my room to grab his bag again. We went via the front desk where we dropped off the hair cutting supplies and received a wink from Teresa making me blush. The sun was starting to set and I figured now would be a good time to test the validity of Belle's idea, while I still had another hour or so with Kurt.

XXXX

* * *

The solarium was a lot bigger than I had initially thought it would be. I mean it wasn't huge but there we a few corners that had cushioned seating and there were even some taller plants that made for some privacy. It was on one of those cushioned love seat like things that Kurt and I found ourselves, sitting cross legged and facing one another as we drank the remainder of our coffees, and me eating the kennel corn treat that Kurt had brought me ( I may have squealed a little bit), and we watched the last of a winter's day end together. I had almost forgotten where we were because of the serenity of the environment, until I heard the telltale signs of a few conversation from other families and friends sitting in the warmth of the solarium trying to make the most of the only warmth that February would give us here. I told Kurt all about my plans to quit the restaurant, if I still had a position that was, and focus completely on the music I needed to write. I told him that we should make a date plan so that we never drifted from the other so we could really try and rebuild this relationship from the ground up. Kurt agreed quite happily but it seemed like he was buzzing to hold something back.

"Okay before you vibrate out of your seat, what's going on Kurt? You've had this glistening and happy far off look every once in a while, so what gives?" Kurt put down his and my empty coffee cups and put the kennel corn aside gathering my full attention. (Personally I was thankful that there were no longer any 'props' in my hands to make a fool out of myself with...remember Kurt and I sucked at that kind of thing.)

"Okay I know we promised to not talk about the musical, but I have lots to tell you. It's big so..like are you okay with me telling you?"

"Kurt you can't say shit like that and not have my complete attention. Does this have to do with the news that you guys were not so silently trying to keep from me?"

"Y-yea, yes it is, and it's also about me, and well, Bas too." Kurt's face mirrored extreme patience, seeing if I was going to get angry. On the contrary, now I was even more intrigued if not feeling a little jealous that Kurt and Bas seemed close, almost too close but I couldn't pass judgement.

"What about you and Bas?"

Kurt actually laughed. "That's what you took from that? Sheesh B, look Bas and I are friends as crazy as that sounds and to be quite frank and to make this easy, I wouldn't touch Bas with a rented dick, is that fair enough?"

I rubbed my face laughing, okay so maybe my jealousy wasn't skin deep.

"Ew, okay I will put the little green monster away. What's your news baby?" Kurt blushed hard for the first time because of something I said in I don't know how many weeks, and I forgot how much I loved to see him blush like that. It had been too long.

"Okay so from the journal entries I guess you now that I've started singing again right?" I just nodded and made a hand gesture for him to continue. He did always love when I let him monologue and I could tell he was excited about this.

"Well apparently it had been Seb's and Wes' idea to not so subtly get me out of my shell. I've recently learned that they had pushed me gently into singing again since Christmas. Honestly I didn't know there was an ulterior motive until recently but the fact of the matter is...I've, well I've given up directing."

"What!?" I wasn't sure if I should be sad and appalled that Kurt would abandon directing in general or if it was just because of the time we had invested together in a project that he said he would help me on still. It just wasn't what I was expecting to hear at all.

"Okay let me explain." Kurt told me the story, the whole stor,y and he had my attention for the entire thing.

He told me about how much he had missed performing, missed singing in general, and how it all stemmed back to Wes and Seb's idea to get him to perform again because they had a deeper purpose beyond helping Kurt. Now Kurt did back them up saying that they had done him a great favour in reminding him what it was like to perform and act again so I let my judgement slide for the moment regarding my two best friends and them manipulating my boyfriend. It was only manipulation if the person didn't want it right? And obviously Kurt had wanted the push. He said the entire time he was getting more and more bold, he had tried to tell me but it never seemed right, and it seemed like I hadn't or wouldn't care at the time. It hurt my heart seeing something I knew from his journals being said out loud by the person in question. I had been an ignorant and fairly self absorbed prick but at least Kurt knew I had never meant to be as such if I had been in the right state of mind.

He told me that he had gotten in touch with a friend of his out west who was more than willing to take over the directing gig here in New York for the production. He said that since they were looking for a chance to relocate to the east coast for a little while that it had become a no-brainer. He hadn't mentioned whom it was but I had a feeling a certain wheelchair bound movie director and producer who's name was Artie was now in the mix.

That's when he told me about April, Seb's sister. I had only met her a few times and not since she got married but Kurt regaled me in the evening where he met up with her followed by Sebastian and they talked over everything regarding the show. I knew April had a love of the arts, but what I hadn't known, was that her new husband was Alan Stephenson, a well to do business man whom was very active in the show business circle. Apparently he knew Santana's ex husband, and hated the man's guts with a fiery passion. April and her new husband had just found a new project for their contribution to the arts it would seem. It helped that his brother in law was the star, and that one of his enemy's ex wives was the producer, so I had learned that _**Home**_, actually had permanent backing.

My eyes had welled up with tears of remorse for my own lack of faith, and also from sheer joy knowing that my work was back in the mix of things.

That's when Kurt dropped another bomb and I wasn't sure how many of these I could take in a day.

"B, you okay? I can tell you about the rest later if this is too much for you right now?" Kurt had taken my face in his hands and held onto me, searching my eyes for any hesitation that he shouldn't continue with his story.

"I'm okay, it's just a lot to process. I'm ridiculously fucking happy but it hasn't set it, it's just a lot to take in. So when does workshop reopen, have we recast any other parts yet?"

"Easy, easy baby. Workshop has been going for a while now off and on now. We've recast Michael, well we think we have, and tightened up some numbers. We've also got an opening date B, we open in 41 days, at the Hirschfeld "

"What? Really? On Broadway?"

"Hmm yes, networking with more large names behind you really works well. And yes, the very same."

Kurt leaned back against the back rest and gestured for me to come and fall into his arms, something that I won't lie to you that I had dreamt about doing for a long while now. I fell into the strong arms of the man that I had just got back and curled into his chest as he spoke again, but this time he was humming. It was only then that I heard him sing, just for me, and it wasn't a version of Happy Birthday that I remembered as my only solo performance from him, for my ears only.

"Shh..."

_I follow the night  
Can't stand the light  
When will I begin to live again..._

_One day I'll fly away_  
_Fly fly away..._

He left out most of the song but the lyrics rang true. I guess I would leave all of this to yesterday soon, and start something new with the people that cared about me, and with a career for once to back it up. Kurt's voice was so soothing that I forgot he hadn't answered on of my questions.

"Baby that was beautiful, you're voice it's just so.."

"High?" Kurt chuckled no doubt with apprehension.

"I was going to say angelic but ya know." Kurt let the comment hang for a second, and just as I was about the re-ask my question Kurt spoke up.

"So considering consensus, I only have one person left to run this by and him being the most important person to the show and well most important to me..."

"Kurt? Just ask me love."

"I love you B, know that, and well... I was wondering what you would say to me playing Michael?" He left it hanging so precariously that it felt like a pendulum over my head, but good god why hadn't I though of this before? My work would never be so truly sung or portrayed.

XXXX

* * *

(3 hours later)

"Dammit Coop you said you'd be by your phone! Okay look, I love you big brother I really do, so mark your fucking calenders man! I'm out of this place in two weeks and I'm sober man, fucking sober and I finally feel great. Oh and Kurt came to see me! I haven't lost him bro, he's not giving up on us and god did you know about this? Kurt's gonna...well he wants to act and dance and fucking sing in my play man! He's gonna be so good, and we open in five and a half weeks! So yeah call me back, mark your calenders, shit start a fucking parade man, because your little brother finally has his silver lining."

* * *

_See I make it all better...mostly :) So poll time : One more chapter and an epilogue is in the works, but here's the thing...would you like more detail in this immediate time line or a flash forward...or maybe both? I have an idea for a cute epilogue but I was just wondering if you wanted more detail before the end of this story in its current time line. LMK._

_*****Song was: One Day I'll Fly Away from Moulin Rouge. Not the entire thing obviously but just a segment needed for the moment. _

_Review for me guys, let me know that my work was worth it. BTW you guys all rock, just in case I haven't said so lately. xoxo_


	20. Chapter 20

_A/N: Hello all :D, you fantabulous people you! Somehow this story is still __somewhat popular and I have each and everyone of you to thank for that, so I will just hug my laptop like a moron and say thank you to the screen. I'm channeling my inner Darren and hugging the camera :) Please excuse any errors in this because I was really cute just then when I hugged a piece of technology to feel closer to you all ;)  
_

_Anyways, this chapter is rated M because well, it's been too long and it was needed *eyebrow wiggle* Lets just say there's some fluff, some great friendship moments and some much needed reconnection in all aspects. You guys were great in suggesting your opinions on how this will end and I am happily doing a bit of both, some current events and some flash-forwards in upcoming chapter(s). I love you all, and thanks for sticking with me and reading my imagination come to life, even if I own nothing beyond that imagination.  
_

_Oh and yes I dove into Sebastian's subconscious again here...ooooh creepy lol  
_

_xoxo  
_

* * *

**Close To Home**

* * *

**Chapter 20**

(SPOV)

The sweat was pouring off of the both of us. I guess it was pouring off of the others in the adjacent studio as well, but I had only been focused on the brunette beside me as we ran through routines repeatedly for the last few hours, and god was this man a machine. I had often wondered how he stayed in such great shape before but now that I understood more about the man, in almost every way except physically, I finally grasped the severity of the situation. He had wanted this for himself secretly for so long that he had kept himself in shape just in case his subconscious allowed it, and now that he was finally in the head space to allow the performer in him to shine, he definitely was taking his craft seriously.

"Kurt, we've done this like a hundred times, we could probably dance it in our sleep."

"Come on just one more time, I think we could make the last turn more dramatic and I'm not feeling it."

"Kurt in all honesty I'm gonna be feeling this for days man, and for once that's not a dirty comment, my thighs are killing me, but come on man, we've got this. Besides it will be completely different once we get to the theatre tomorrow. We'll need to establish markers and shit, Artie and you get to have arguments for control which I will happily watch, so why are you insisting I dance myself into the ground today, when you might need me alive tomorrow?"

I stopped the music in the corner by the wall and went to grab a water and a towel. I had honestly drained every last drop of liquid out of my body through sweat, I think I had even lost my urge to piss at this point.

"Come on Bas, just one more.."

"No! Enough Kurt I'm literally putting my foot down, fuck putting my body down about this." I flopped on thew ground dramatically even though I knew lying still was the worst possible thing to do for cooling down, but I was drained and he could suck it, he needed to calm down and let his muscles rest too.

"I think my eyeballs hurt Kurt, you can't be far off neither..." I looked over at Kurt and yeah, he definitely looked exhausted, especially now that the fire like gaze of his had lessened as he ran his hand through his hair as he stood there panting.

"What's this really about Kurt, why the dance Nazi? We need to rehearse sure, but this wouldn't happen to be about you giving up your directing reigns would it?"

Kurt looked appalled that I would even suggest such a thing but even as he responded I knew there was a glimmer of truth resonating from my statement.

"I do hate not being in control, I miss my director's chair like I miss my vintage Jimmy Choo's, but I also love things perfect...and I just...I need..." Kurt huffed and sat down cross legged and drew his knees up and rested his folded arms there as if he was curling up on himself, literally.

"Hey..." I scooted over to him, doing my best impression of a dying worm which made him laugh. Mission one accomplished. "What's really the matter gay-face?"

I know that from another person's point of view this sounds derogatory, and yeah it probably was, but him calling me Meerkat or CW or Sebastard was just a standard retort. We could have said buddy or bro all we wanted, but this seemed to be our thing as odd as that fucking was. It sucked being a goody two shoes and I guess this was our rebellion from acknowledging our actual friendship.

Unfortunately Kurt just hung his head on top of his folded arms and sighed looking down at the floor. Wow not even gay-face got him really going, this must be serious.

"Have you spoken with Blainers recently?" Might as well bite the bullet that I was sure had to be the actual reason for his inner turmoil, it always seemed to be as of late.

Since Kurt had gotten back from seeing Blaine just over three weeks ago he had been in a better mood honestly, especially the night he came back where he was singing songs about rainbows and cotton candy coated kittens or some other shit. Let's put this into context shall we?

That night Kurt had called me and begged me to meet him downstairs at Kevin's where I thought I would have seriously alone time with my well...boyfriend (still sounded weird to me too), when he got back to midtown. I told Kevin I would be a few minutes with Kurt and he said it was no worries but what I hadn't expected was a completely smiling Kurt who hugged me like we were long lost brothers. He raved for a few minutes, thanking me for helping him which was pretty awesome to see and hear, and then he kissed me, not like that, more like a friend who just couldn't hold back his emotions. Actually it was exactly like that. He had been super duper sickeningly happy, and Blaine had approved of him playing Michael, which was putting it mildly.

But since then, Kurt had spoken with Blaine daily, even for just a few seconds he says, just so they could reintroduce themselves again, and he seemed genuinely happy. Although in recent days and especially during rehearsal he had gotten restless. Blaine had had a few bad days in rehab which resulted in him wanting to stay an extra week. Kurt had tried to blame himself by adding the extra pressure of the impending show onto Blaine's shoulders, but we all knew that it was Blaine just dealing with everything. Everyone had up days and down days, and Blaine felt it was better for himself to remain there for another week.

He had actually hinted at it when Wes and I (real New York cheeseburgers in tow), went to see him a few weekends ago. He had said over a mouthful of burger that he wanted to complete an extra week because he knew he might need the extra support before diving back in to his normal life. We all understood but Kurt had been so excited to see Blaine that he felt bad instantly and had slowly become such a work driven maniac that it was hurting us...all of us, like seriously my calves were screaming like a queen at Mardi Gras.

On a side note, Artie had done a bang up job in my opinion at organizing the show and taking the reigns not-so-willingly from Kurt, but around Kurt's and Santana's high school friend, the atmosphere seemed to get more and more well oiled like the machine that a production needed to be. We were ready for rehearsals at the Hirschfeld, and it was an exciting prospect, but Kurt seemed less than enthused about his Broadway debut as an actor and more worried about his boyfriend's return tonight. Hence why I bit the bullet and brought up the stunted pink elephant in the room also known as Blaine's return. Kurt knew I was right on the money, and had finally learned to accept my awesome stress detector.

"Yeah, he called me this morning, said he wanted to take the train back to think. Said he would come over to mine if I wanted, but I said that maybe it would be good to be in his own surroundings ya know? He seemed a little sad by that but he said he l-loved me and that he would be fit as a fiddle to go see the theatre with us tomorrow at 10 am. I'm just frustrated, in like _every_ way. So yeah I just...I dunno anymore, we're fine I just wanted to get this sequence right..."

"Kurt has all that hairspray you use on your head permeated your skin to affect your brain? The sequence is perfect just the way it is, we'll be ready to..."

Kurt stood up, "To what? Show Blaine? Show New York? Or just good enough for between friends?"

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, is that what you're worried about? Blaine? Of course he'll love it, we work awesomely together and the angry sexual tension is real baby." I snaked my hands around his waist as I got up, which he tried really hard to not snicker at and batted me away.

"Yes Blaine. Do you think he'll like our interpretation? And god if he hates it, then what will New York critics think? I just don't wanna disappoint.."

"Oh my god! Kurt Hummel is nervous! Call the press, inform the media, Mr. Hummel exclusive on his first case of the jitters. Kurt tell everyone how does it feel?" I pretended that the water bottle I was holding was microphone and held it to his face. If Kurt could have glared a hole through the plastic bottle this was where it would have happened.

"It's not funny Smythe. New Yorkers don't like newcomers, they like seasoned professionals and not one's from another field of the arts. I turn 30 Seb, fucking 30 on opening night and well...I just want Blaine's work to be represented perfectly and not have it destroyed by a 30 year old newbie like me. I owe him that much. And then what after? Do I get to hold my boyfriend, be with him what...I'm just so.."

"Frustrated?"

"Yeah."

I leaned over and for some reason he let me do this, but I wrapped my arms around his shoulders from behind hugging him and holding him like he needed it. I knew as well as he did that our relationship was supremely fucked up but he was my best friend's boyfriend, my on stage lover now ( we had gotten past the initial _eww_ of that particular since we were both professionals), and he was also my oddly paired friend and partner in crime. Where Blaine had Wes it seemed that Kurt had me...we were a really fucked up but newly content group of friends. I just hoped that Blaine would be okay with Kurt's and my friendship, he did always want us to get along didn't he? I guess we'd find out soon.

"I'm only going to say this once, and god don't make me repeat myself, but I fell in love with your voice the one night at regionals in high school. Blaine loved your voice but I was smitten with it. And then on Christmas, well, you don't have to hear it from me but that night Wes and I saw something shine in you Kurt. You're amazing and the fact that I get to work along side you like this, is an honour. We will do our little Blainers proud."

I swallowed the bile that this sentence brought up, but who was I kidding, it was mostly my pride that I was swallowing, Kurt was amazing, and I had to be the bigger man (no pun intended even though my brain went there), and tell him how it was.

"Bas...I, really?" Kurt sounded as humbled as he looked when he turned out of my grasp to look me in the eye.

"I wouldn't embarrass myself like that if I was lying Kurt. We're gonna be great, plus we're both hot so...seeing us make out on stage will be quite a treat for the audience." I winked and Kurt slapped and hugged me, fully laughing and sounding a lot more carefree.

"Thank you Seb, what the hell did I ever do before I had you?"

"You took your advice from an angry Hispanic closeted lesbian? Santana may be a great friend when she isn't shooting death glares at people and plotting revenge in her sleep but she lacks my..."

"Awesome factor?" Kurt had let me go then and quirked an eyebrow at me challengingly.

"See, you're learning Hummel."

Kurt's phone went off a second later and from the annoying chipper beeping I could tell he had an incoming text, probably from Blaine.

"Go get it Kurtsie, you know you'll shake with horny anticipation if you don't." Kurt stuck out his tongue and almost skipped over to his bag, allowing a smile to cross his face as he looked at the message, so he read it aloud as if he knew I was begging for details with just my eyes.

He read, "It's so good to be home, thank you for cleaning up and organizing. I know it was you, my mail is stacked chronologically ;) I miss you, I miss being here with you., I just miss being with you in every way. I can't wait to see you tomorrow, coffee in the morning, just like normal? oxox love you - B"

I had decided to lay back down on the ground to listen to Kurt read it aloud, mostly because my legs hurt like fuck but also because I wanted to lay on my stomach, kicking my legs whilst leaning on my palms pretending to swoon. And mock swoon I did as he finished reading the message and then typed out a short reply.

"_Oh Blaine_...I miss you and your short and curlies too." Okay so maybe the squeaky voice wasn't called for but Kurt laughed so I count that as a win.

"Oh shut up Bas, I do not sound like that! And for your information Blaine man-scapes, it's just the shortest trail right from his belly button all the way to.."

"TMI...La la la la la not listening!"

"Can dish it but can't take it huh CW?" Kurt seemed to forget his minor melancholy for a second as he smiled at my silence and at his phone message again. He was such a child sometimes, but he was a complicated one; so I decided to test my knowledge of him further because I knew that he needed this. I gathered my bag and slung the strap over my head to rest on the opposite shoulder.

"So, are you going or not?"

"Excuse me? Explain."

"Are you going to Blaine's or not? And don't give me that 'I'm not invited shit' because Blaine would want you there even if its not for a happy times rub and tug."

Kurt paled a little at that so I tried to rectify that I meant no harm but he beat me to it.

"We've been trying to take things slow again Bas. Yes we've been, in the past I mean, well of course we've had...oh fuck it we fucked like rabbits and its been insanely good but honestly it's really like we're starting over again and taking it slow. God I want that again but I don't know if I should even be thinking like that. I've seen him once in just over a month, and well, I just don't wanna screw this up and take things too far. I want him to take control of what he wants from this relationship."

That's it, time to step it up a notch.

"Why? Since when does Kurt Hummel let anyone take control of what he wants?" Kurt eyed me like I had slapped him in the face.

"Look K, I love ya, you're insane and judgemental, fashion forward and a talented shit with a hot ass. And Blaine, well I would have loved to tap that tush long ago but that ship has sailed and is half way around the world currently docked on Hummel Isle. Blaine's charismatic, beautiful, a musical mastermind in his own rite, and completely head over heels in love with that crazy bitch I mentioned first, namely you. And as you so eloquently put it, you're almost 30, stop being a teen drama queen and go over and hug that man of yours for finally being brave enough to fix himself. You don't have to play tickle sticks with him as soon as you walk in, but hold the guy and never let him go. Don't let him have all the control Kurt, that was your problem before. Do it together this time."

I know, I know I'm a genius. The hug that Kurt gave me after this little speech was his silent agreement of that statement. See...people were finally starting to understand the awesome, you know, once they got behind the wall of sleaze..oooh I should make a t shirt that says that.

XXXX

(BPOV) -an hour prior

"So you'll be alright?"

I had walked through my doors not really anticipating all that much, but the nostalgia I was hit with was unfamiliar and familiar at the same time. It was like I was literally stepping back into my old life; which had seemed like so long ago.

Wes had shown up at Clear Shores for my discharge, despite me telling him not to and that I would take the train, but my best friend and writing partner had literally told me to shut it and get in the car. Wes had rented the car for the sheer purposes of picking me up so what kind of jackass would that make me if had all but refused an offer like that?

The drive had been comfortable, and Wes seemed to know that as we approached the northern city limits that my demeanour had changed as I became stoic. The gentle conversation between us had stopped but it wasn't awkward, it was slightly serene. Tomorrow we were due to open the Hirschfeld theatre for rehearsals in the late morning and I was glad that I had taken the extra week, I had felt a lot calmer making a decision that large for myself before taking on my life responsibilities all at once. I had needed the breather on my own terms.

I had called the restaurant a few days ago and told them that as much as would like to continue being an employee there, and as much as I had learned, that I would not be returning. Charles had been upset saying that he had valued the trust we had shared and to call him if things didn't work out wit the show, but he gave me his sincerest regards that I was well again and that should I ever need anything to give him a call. Charlie had become like an uncle of sorts to me, he didn't hold the closeness of a brother but seemed like family enough that his support meant a great deal to me.

Wes and I had listened to his mp3 play lists as we got deeper into the belly of the city and thankfully the tracks were all light, allowing my mind to drift in silence despite the roar of the late winter wind outside and the constant hum that always filled the city streets, keeping us blissfully drowned out.

It was only once he helped me carry one of my bags upstairs at his insistence did we talk again. I ignored the fact that he was double parked outside because what kind of douche bag cop would ticket a man in -15 degrees Fahrenheit? Okay maybe an NYPD officer who's stuck working in -15 degrees, that's who.

He asked if I would be alright as I wandered around my apartment and took in the pristine feel of home, something I hadn't felt in so long it would seem.

"I'll be just fine man. It really is good to be home." Wes walked over to me and did something that almost made me want to cry. He put one hand on the side of my face near my neck and held me there for a good few seconds. This was the man that had picked me to be his best friend, the wise old owl above and beyond his years that always seemed to have the right words to say and the right advice to give. Wesley was truly my other half without the sexuality factored in. We would grow old together but in all the years I had known him he had never seemed so broken than in that very minute holding my neck like a lifeline.

"Don't scare me again Blaine. Please. I felt like I was losing you for so long. How would my words ever find there music if you left me."

I bowed my head so that our foreheads were touching. He had and will always be my rock, but I hadn't known how close I would be to loosing my reality until I heard Wes say what he just said. He was and would forever be my brother.

"I'm sorry...Wes I..."

"Shh, thank you for coming back to me." He leaned up and pecked my forhead quickly before slapping the side of my neck roughly and letting me go.

"S'good to have you back Blainey-Boo!" He moved and walked away from me but I could tell there were tears in his eyes, the same ones that wouldn't meet mine. He left me standing in the middle of my living room smiling and so undeniably happy that I had someone like him in my life, and hopefully for the rest of our lives.

"We speak not of this emotional breakdown...gotta keep the bad-ass image up right?" Wes wiped his eyes as he said this before buttoning up his jacket.

"Scout's honour. See you tomorrow."

"See you tomorrow Blaine, I love you you know that right?"

"I love you too...ye old hag of mine." I knew he would appreciate the ice breaker, mostly because he did calm and collected far better than letting his emotions show. He took the out and ran with it as he left the door.

"You know I'm a bitchin' hag B, call me later."

"I will, bye man." With that he left, closing my door softly.

I stood there for a second and let the warmth of the apartment and oddly tender moment I had shared with my best friend soak in. Wes had been so straight up and unforgiving with me since I had been admitted, and that was something that I was truly thankful for. But tonight, even that one sentence had me floored with how much he truly cared, and it baked me in a warmth that I hadn't felt in my home in so long.

I looked around the apartment and decided that I firstly needed a hot shower, and that I would maybe make some home-cooked food later on. Tonight I would need the comforts of a life that I hadn't been able to enjoy the last month, and the time before that, I had shunned for my own self pity.

Instinctively I grabbed my phone and sent out a message that I promised I would send, and I smiled at the honestly and happiness that it made me feel.

**It's so good to be home, thank you for cleaning up and organizing. I know it was you, my mail is stacked chronologically ;) I miss you, I miss being here with you. I can't wait to see you tomorrow, coffee in the morning, just like normal? oxox love you - B**

Personally I would have loved it if Kurt was here right now, and I know that we said we would relearn each other slowly but even as I moved my bag to the bedroom and meticulously grabbed some clean clothes for after my shower, I kind of wished that I had Kurt to hold like I had all those weeks ago, it would just have been the perfect ending to me coming home again.

* * *

XXXX

(KPOV)

Okay once last little touch, yep bed head it was going to be tonight. I couldn't get the coif to stay no matter how hard I had been trying, so needless to say I had gone for artful disarray when I had been getting ready at home.

Also I couldn't tell you why I was damn nervous neither, it was only Blaine. I mean yeah it was Blaine, the man that I would fight for tooth and nail, the man that I would literally crawl to the ends of the earth if it meant one more day with him, he really was my everything. So I guess there was room to be nervous but I guess the biggest and most nerve wracking thing about tonight was that I would be surprising him, and it was those nerves that had fuelled this panic attack over my hair. The last time I had surprised him at his apartment had...not gone well.

I had decided on simple tight dark stone wash jeans, a silver button up and my blue wing patterned jacket. Top that all off with the blue and black McQueen scarf I loved and my ring clad docs and I figured that the look was stylish enough to pass for an evening at home. Who was I kidding? I was dressing up like a school girl because I wanted to impress Blaine. I didn't know what to expect so looking my best was always an option right?

I wore my white trench because it had been a no brainer with this outfit, but it had been the first time I had brought out the Burberry garment in Blaine's presence, and honestly it was a bold choice, and thankfully with the layers I would be warm enough, and good god...why was I flustered getting dressed? Get a hold of yourself Hummel?!

I left quickly and after a short stop close to Blaine's apartment, I found myself scurrying up his street, looking at The Hallow as I walked passed it in fondness and sadness combined, before heading up the front stoop and pressing Blaine's buzzer.

I waited bouncing on my heels for a few minutes before getting impatient and pressing it again. This time the door unlocked without hearing Blaine's voice call down to the lobby, but I took the easy out and walked inside the much warmer building.

The familiar smell of even the staircase made me smile, it had been too long since I was here, and even longer since I had been here in a good frame of mind. God I hoped he knew that it was me buzzing in, and that he wanted to see me even for a short time, because I would have hated to cause him any distress and so soon from being back in his old life with a new frame of mind.

I knocked on the door once I had climbed all the stairs, and I waited for an answer because I felt like using a key on the apartment door was a little rude for someone that wasn't even invited. I used my one unoccupied hand and knocked again, this time waiting for only a few seconds before I decided to try my hand on the knob. Surprisingly it opened easily.

"Blaine!? Blaine, it's me Kurt. Sorry for barging in...Blaine?" The room was softly lit by a few candles sitting on the coffee table, and the entire apartment just smelled so much like Blaine, almost like he had never left. The only problem was that I couldn't even see him.

As I closed the door but kept my back against it not wanting to interrupt anything, I just called out to him again warmly.

"B? Honey?"

Blaine poked his head out of the kitchen window with a huge smile on his face and I nearly fell over with just his sheer beauty.

"Hi babe! I'm so glad you're here. Hang up your coat, come on you shouldn't be so timid, you know where to put your stuff. Just gimme a sec and I will be right out."

_Well shit._

* * *

XXXX

(BPOV)

I turned back to what I was doing and let Kurt stew in the living room for a second and replied to Sebastian's text.

**Thanks for letting me know he was coming by dude. He looks totally shocked that I don't seem phased by him being here, but honestly I'm freaking out. You don't think it's too much, the candles n all? - B**

I ran my hands across my recently shaved face and Bas replied quickly.

**You're welcome by the way, and NO its not too much, just go get him. Kurt's worried and he needs you, you're healing and need him. Why am I, the guy who until recently was allergic to relationships playing cupid for you two love birds? WTAF, you love him, tell him. When all else fails you can strip for him and get down and dirty on that huge couch of yours...then I can see if those nanny cams I set up in your house were worth it ;) - S**

**I don't even know if you're kidding sometimes Sebby. OK, I'm going, wish my luck?- B**

**You don't need luck, you have each other...Oooh I'm on a roll tonight! Take sexy mental pictures and make sure to give me details later. Kevin says hi, although I'm not sure why he's waving...loveable moron. - S**

**Did you say love Sebby? ;) - B**

**Shut it or I will shut it for you. Love you Blainers, ttys xo...and get the fuck out of your kitchen you chicken! - S**

Bastard knows me too well.

**Love you too...psychic jerk lol xoxo - B**

I put my phone away and grabbed the guitar that was sitting by my fridge which I had rested there, waiting for this moment. He had tried to surprise me so many weeks ago and my disinterest with life and his heart had nearly cost me everything, so now it was time to return the favour.

I straightened my back as a shouldered the guitar, ready to serenade Kurt like I truly wanted, when I was stopped by seeing the cutest thing I had ever seen in my living room waiting for me. Kurt had taken off his jacket and boots and was sitting with his scarf and blazer on still, cross legged on the couch like a five year old and was stuffing his face with the little tortierres that I had made and plated just before he got here.

Kurt looked at me in shock and I couldn't help but laugh at him as he tried to not look too guilty as he chewed really fast before he spoke.

"Oh god I'm sorry B. I love these things every time you've made them and I don't know why I'm nervous, maybe because you didn't know that I was coming and then I was here waiting for you and you didn't seem like you were shocked at all and you know I'm a nervous eater!"

Kurt had said that all in one breath and it was the cutest damn thing I had seen and heard in so long I let myself continue to giggle at his expense for a second.

"God I love you Kurt." And there it was, out in the open and his ramblings turned into a small but still nervous smile.

"I love you too B. That's why I had to be here, I missed you."

The song that I had chosen seemed inappropriate now that we had said that we loved each other without even the smallest touch. I still stood there with my guitar, originally waiting to sing Kurt a ballad of love and hope, but Kurt's silliness in general gave me a knew idea. It was an idea no less loving but the carefree nature of the tune from years ago made me smile and I knew it was perfect,and above all fun, something that we haven't had the chance to do in such a long time.

"I missed you too. I-I wanted to sing for you...would that be okay?" Kurt nodded and smiled, complete with teeth which I didn't see all that often, so it gave me courage.

Huh, courage, it was an oddly fitting word for our relationship as of late I thought.

_Well you've done done me and you bet I felt it  
I tried to be chill but you're so hot that I melted  
I fell right through the cracks  
and now I'm trying to get back  
Before the cool done run out  
I'll be giving it my bestest  
Nothing's going to stop me but divine intervention  
I reckon it's again my turn to win some or learn some_

_But I won't hesitate no more, no more_  
_It cannot wait, I'm yours_

_Well open up your mind and see like me_  
_Open up your plans and damn you're free_  
_Look into your heart and you'll find love love love love_  
_Listen to the music of the moment people dance and sing, we're just one big family_  
_And it's our God-forsaken right to be loved loved loved loved loved_

_So I won't hesitate no more, no more_  
_It cannot wait I'm sure_

_There's no need to complicate_  
_Our time is short_  
_This is our fate, I'm yours_

At this point Kurt was smiling like a lunatic at the silly faces I was making as I scatted and literally do-wooped around the apartment, jumping on the couch for added measure at one point.

_Do you want to, come on, scootch over closer dear  
And I will nibble your ear  
_

I giggled as I hummed and Kurt could do nothing but clasp his hands together and hug them close to his chest. He looked on at me adoringly with so much love and happiness that I knew this song was completely perfect and just what we needed.

_I've been spending way too long checking my tongue in the mirror  
And bending over backwards just to try to see it clearer  
But my breath fogged up the glass  
And so I drew a new face and I laughed_

_I guess what I'll be saying is there ain't no better reason  
To rid yourself of vanities and just go with the seasons  
It's what we aim to do  
Our name is our virtue_

_But I won't hesitate no more, no more_  
_It cannot wait, I'm yours_

_Well open up your mind and see like me_  
_Open up your plans and damn you're free_  
_Look into your heart and you'll find that the sky is yours_  
_so please don't, please don't, please don't._  
_There's no need to complicate_  
_'cause our time is short_  
_This oh, this oh, this is our fate, I'm yours_

After strumming the last chord and crawling onto the L shaped couch on my knees towards Kurt slightly out of breath, I was rewarded with the only thing that I could have wanted from him, the simplest kiss, a smile on his full lips, and a matching one in my heart. How could I have ever doubted my self worth enough to loose this beautiful creature?

"That was...ridiculous B...I loved it."

"I love you, come on lets have dinner." And that we did.

* * *

XXXX

"B?"

"Hmmmm?"

We were slightly tangled together, the sounds of my stereo in the background on low, the soothing sound of something from the 70's playing as cover to the raging wind outside my bedroom window. I turned to look at him, our faces just inches apart, but despite the semi awkward angle I just forced it so I didn't have to let any part of him go.

We had shed our day clothes, you know the ones that I had drooled over Kurt wearing and complimented him on repeatedly, and opted for some pyjama pants. I had said no shirts because firstly I over heated like a bitch, and two I wanted an excuse to hold him without many barriers. This was still okay for going slow ish right? I mean as Kurt had so eloquently put it the other week, he was well acquainted with my ass hole, why would this be awkward? I almost laughed at the memory but I was taken aback when I looked at Kurt as he spoke up.

"Is this okay? The fact that I'm really here, and we're ya know..."

"Half naked and cuddling? Yes this is more than okay. I'm glad that Seb talked some sense into you...well into us."

"I knew Seb told you!"

"Why else would I have planned to make your favourite appetizers and bring my guitar into the kitchen? I may be a planner but I'm not a mind reader, I'm still waiting on that particular talent to blossom Kurt."

"Funny. But really this is okay?" I moved so that I could lean on top of him half way and I brushed some hair out of his face.

"More than okay beautiful."

I leaned down and kissed him very gently once, letting myself hear his sharp intake of breath at my forwardness, and it only took a minute for him to relax. The second kiss he anticipated and waited for with an open mouth, and I craved the feeling of his tongue on mine. The wet muscle was just too intoxicating to resist, especially the way it tickled the roof of my mouth like it was now.

We stayed like that, eventually shedding the last barrier of clothing after some mild coaxing from Kurt that it was more than alright, as we continued to make out like teenagers again. Our hands were insistent on each others skin but it never went beyond the most caring caresses and never quite where we needed them. Now it seemed was the time to just feel.

It must have been an age of nothing but light petting and comforting words, it seemed like I would fall off the edge of the world with how good it felt to feel Kurt like this, completely sober and his body was just as willing as mine was. Slow, fast...did it really matter when it was Kurt and I? My brain was short circuiting faster than I would have liked, but all I cared about was making Kurt happy, and in result making me happy. We could fuck, pet, play or just comfort but it was getting increasingly hard to resit the temptation to have Kurt around me, in me or I in him, my body had missed his too, far more than I could even truly understood it seemed.

At some point Kurt ended up on top of me, and heat from his now hard length as it slotted next to mine was almost too good to be real.

"Blaine...are you sure you wanna do this..._mmph_" I silenced Kurt's protests with another kiss, pulling his hair like I remembered he liked and resealed out lips silencing any protests. It was then as I tasted him that I got the urge to taste more of him, all of him, but I had a better idea.

"Kurt...baby?" He had taken me leaving his mouth as a sign to start working on my ears, and he knew that although tiny, my ears were so sensitive that I sometimes forget how to speak when he breathed hotly against them or ran his teeth along their ridges.

"Turn around so I can taste you." I had never really wanted something so much in my life as I wanted to taste everything that Kurt was right this second. It seemed to take Kurt a few minutes after he groaned at my idea to pry himself away from where our bodies were perfectly locked together, so that he was straddling me, his ass right in my face and his large cock hanging thickly right in front of me.

I loved Kurt's ass, he had a performer's body, lithe but broad shouldered and his ass was so taught that you could bounce a fucking quarter off of it. I gave each cheek and appreciative smack, the second one harder than the first when Kurt took my cock in his hand and jerked me teasingly.

Taking it slow be damned, we both needed this closeness, and it seemed that neither one of us wanted anything more than each other at the moment.

Soon enough through moans and mewls, we both had our mouths full, me more uncomfortably but I found I loved how deep I could take him like this.

Kurt was humming and moaning around my dick, as he traced my sensitive head with his tongue before devouring me yet again, taking me deeper and allowing the head to brush repeatedly against the softness of his throat.

I sped up the bobbing I could manage at this angle while I rubbed his ass, spanking him swiftly and usually without warning, and we were both getting close if Kurt's squirming was any indication. Kurt's mouth was just so talented that I had to stave myself off so many times that I lost count, his tongue was just that fucking sinful.

I pulled my mouth off of him and I heard him whine, but I didn't let him get too many words out as he popped off me, before I grabbed his spit slick cock in one hand and spread his cheeks with the other. I licked at Kurt's gorgeously pink puckered hole, not being able to resist anymore.

Kurt wailed. He thought I was loud but rimming him always had Kurt come completely undone and that's why I loved doing it to him. I removed the other hand from his cock as I used it to spread his cheeks wider so that I could get more of my tongue in there to work him open.

I loved tasting him like this, feeling him at his most vulnerable and I drank it in. It only made it better when Kurt started sucking me again like he was dying for it, using his one hand to help jerk me off while the other very gently massaged the underside of my balls which were so sensitive.

I tightened my tongue up and pushed it passed the tight muscles, feeling them clamp down on me as I moaned remembering what that felt like on my cock.

"Oh god Blaine...just _mmmph_." Kurt went back to deep throating me with renewed enthusiasm, his whole body shaking at the pleasure I was giving him. I almost bucked up with such a force that it might have choked him to death.

We were both getting desperate, this had been built up so long for us both, so I decided to reach my one hand back down and furiously start to stroke his leaking cock as fast and with as many wrist flicks that I could manage while still licking incessantly over this rim, diving in whenever I wanted to taste. It was always more with Kurt, I just wanted more.

Kurt pulled off the second I knew he was going to come so I redoubled my efforts just to hear him literally scream my name, but I didn't work him through it softly, but I kept up the enthusiasm just to feel him shake as I hummed at the hot and sticky feeling hitting my stomach as I lapped constantly at his hole as he rode it out almost to the point of oversensitivity.

That's when Kurt literally lost control and took me in deep, fucking his face on me and allowing me to thrust upwards in earnest. I had been so close for so long that it only took a few thrusts and I let myself go with a loud groan.

"Fuck Kurt...fuck fuck..." He took it all as I leaned back on the pillows as I emptied myself into his waiting and eager mouth, as I massaged his ass where I held it, just so I wouldn't fall off this plane of existence, because good god it had been so long since I had come that hard and for that long. He swallowed repeatedly, long after I had finished releasing into his mouth as he forced me to bite my lip at the pleasurable pain.

With a teasing swirl of his tongue to the head of my cock which made me shudder violently, we managed to fall and crawl into each others waiting arms a few moments later. The sounds of the wind and the music mixed with our completely in sync but hard pants as we swapped ridiculous smiles holding one another.

This was one thing that I had always been thankful for with Kurt, despite the need to clean up most of the time when sex got messy, we both would revel in the closeness that we craved afterwards. We would feign ignorance to the stickiness and Kurt for once ignored the body heat and sweaty proximity that I could bring on occasion, in favour of just holding me, or in this case, letting me hold him.

We stayed like that for a long time, it may have been 3 minutes or an hour, all I knew was that our lungs weren't as strained and our body temperatures were no longer boiling.

"I love you B, that was unexpected and...well mind fucking." Kurt's voice was raw from the mild abuse his throat took but he was smiling so I knew I was forgiven, so instead we giggled at his lack of post sex brain filter. He was right though, it had been so long for us but it was worth the fuzzy happiness we now shared together.

"If you'd let me fuck your face any harder Kurt, I might have actually fucked your brain. You're mouth should be illegal, it's addicting, this is coming from an addict." I laughed and it was the first time I had actually made a comment about my status as an addict that it didn't sadden me, it was actually liberating even in joke form.

"Blaine you're addicting to me, all of you. I guess we've botched the idea of taking this slowly huh?"

"Just a little bit, but you know what? I could give a rip. I'm happy, are you happy?"

Kurt just snuggled into my chest, his one arm draped completely over me like a blanket.

"More than I ever have been."

"Me too."

Kurt gathering up his nerves to surprise me again tonight with an impromptu visit, and me channelling my inner war with myself over taking this relationship slowly, finally paid off when we just stopped thinking about it too much for once, and let ourselves just enjoy each other. Isn't that what's important in a relationship...just being with the other and wanting that close happiness? I felt right, this felt right, and it was a great way of welcoming myself back into my old life, only this time with some happier changes.

Kurt snuggled in a little deeper as his breathing calmed, and it matched my own.

"You ready for tomorrow B?"

"More than anything beautiful, more than fucking anything. Sleep tight."

"M'kay...m'nite, love you.."

But Kurt was almost already asleep by the time he finished that sentence. I stayed awake as long as I could because honestly this was the first night in so long that had been able to hold him while I rested, and I wasn't not taking the opportunity to look at him, even if it was little creepy, while he slept.

He had told me so many times in recent weeks that I was worth fighting for, and I had literally just put myself back together enough so that I could see that he was right. There were certain things in life worth fighting for...like a life.

Kurt was my life, my friends and my music were my life, and now that I had it all back I got a second chance to live that life to the fullest and I wasn't about to break that promise to myself or to the man that I loved. I couldn't find the words to say to him or the sonnet I wanted to write for him, so instead I found the only musical words I could whisper sing to him, as I turned out the light on another day that held promise for a future I couldn't predict.

"_Come what may..._"

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**So? Did I do okay? I'm a little nervous for some stupid reason about this one, it's getting so hard to know if I'm doing right by the story. Reviews are love and support.**

**Song was : _Jason Mraz's I'm Yours._...and of course the tiny snippet at the end was a segment from_ Moulin Rouge's : Come What May_ (but you should no that) lol**_  
_


	21. Chapter 21

_A/N : No new words needed here. I just couldn't wait to post this, Happy belated Bday Darren! Excuse any mistakes, because this chapter has been in my brain for like um...ever, it was one of the first chapters I had plotted. Enjoy and review loves xoxox**  
**_

* * *

**Close To Home**

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Chapter 21

(BPOV)

I woke up in a contented bubble with the smell of Kurt's aftershave and hand lotion filling my nostrils. Even without opening my eyes I could tell you exactly where I was, and what had happened last night. And it was one of the first times that I had woken up that happ,y and didn't even have to worry that alcohol might have been a factor in creating that bubble. It had all been Kurt and I.

Yesterday evening and into the night I had gotten _my_ Kurt back. I may not have earned his trust completely yet but the whispered hopes and promises made were not in vain or hallow in any respects. We both meant them, and it was only punctuated when our growing and emotional need for the other took over to new heights, as we let that carnal want take over despite any previous misgivings. Kurt was mine again, and it was for that man in question that I moved my right hand around beside me waiting to feel the telltale solidity and warmth that would come from my lover; but the cold sheets were all I felt.

I had the sudden urge to fling the covers off in panic, as I wondered frantically if last night had been a mistake and that Kurt had realized this in the wee hours and stove off into the night. But there was a logical explanation for this right? He could just be in the bathroom. Training my ears I tried to listen for any of the telltale echoes that I knew from my apartment, but there was nothing.

_It's okay Blaine, just keep calm it's fine, you love him, he loves you and he wouldn't leave or anything unless he had a really good explanation._

I thanked my sober brain for being able to talk some sense into my rapidly worrying brain, as I got up and stretched my back.

Waking up naked by yourself did not have the same relaxing benefits, and I found myself suddenly very cold. Grabbing my dress robe from the back of my closed bedroom door, and upon closing it behind me once I was covered up, I went out into the living room which seemed to have somehow stayed warmer than I normally expected from my chilly apartment. I guess it meant that the last repair done on the heater might have actually worked last month. Weird.

Not wanting to second guess good luck I paddled to the bathroom. The air in here was still a little humid so that must have meant that Kurt had at least had a shower before he left, which was something noting his comfort level. If he wanted to take off he wouldn't have made sure he was presentable before running for the hills right? Maybe he just went for breakfast.

_Okay Blaine stop over analyzing everything! Can't you even pee without over thinking something?_

Once I had washed my face, brushed my teeth, put back on my glasses, and felt a little more awake despite my morning brain, I shuffled still yawning to find my slippers and get some coffee.

That was when my brain finally relaxed but instantly got excited because my kitchen looked like the pink post-it notes I had from my fridge had exploded all over the room. Apparently Kurt had gotten artistic first thing in the morning. God this must have taken him a while. The notes were everywhere, from my cabinets and littering my counters, making a pink coloured brick road from one end of the kitchen to the other.

The smell of coffee alerted me to the full pot already brewed for me but I was stopped by a very notable sign that said **Start Here** with little arrows pointing at it. So, my boyfriend was adorable, but I could play along since this had obviously been an early morning effort. I read the post it notes in succession as he had intended them to be.

_Morning Sleepy! Hope you slept well, I did! xo_

_Sorry I'm not here, Artie needed me to look over some paperwork and lease stuff 1st thing *pout*_

_I made coffee though, so you might win the battle of Blaine vs Morning :)_

_You're really adorable when you sleep, god that's creepy, oh well :)_

Every note seemed to be donned with a smiley face, it was excessively sweet because I could picture his face smiling like a kid as he wrote all these out.

_I love you, have I mentioned that? Btw I used your shower gel so I could smell like you today xo_

_I love you in glasses, like a lot_

_I love how your hair looks like an artful mess in the morning, or a know most of the time ;)_

_I love how you murmle and hum a tune all you own in your sleep_

_I really love that you hold me when you sleep, I've missed that, among other things ;)_

Could a grown man truly blush this hard without being completely awake?

As I made my way over each note that conveniently made it's way towards the coffee machine, (he knows me too well), each message seemed more sweet than the last. What a wonderful way to wake up.

The last two notes were the ones that really got to me, the last being on a much larger piece of paper which I found was Kurt's attempt at sticking three post-its together.

_I love your smile, I'm so glad I get to really see it again, it looks like this - :D_

_Hi baby, I brought this flower with me last night and I forgot to give it to you because I was preoccupied with the candles and epic food *blush*...and ya know, you. I abandoned it on your desk :( Poor Flower. Figured it would be symbolic of a new start tho, what do you think? See you at the theatre at 10 baby, I'm going over with Artie once we're done. Love you 3 xo_

And lo and behold right beside the coffee machine, just out of plain sight, was the same size rose that he had given me on that first date night at the restaurant ( I guess it could be considered a date now couldn't it?), but this time it was a red tipped yellow rose. I couldn't tell you the real symbolism for that type of rose, but I knew what Kurt's intentions were. Yellow meant forgiveness as he had told me before, and red meant love as I well knew. From forgiveness I guess you could find love; no regrets? It was great imagery for this happy and sleep man.

As I poured myself a cup of coffee I took the opportunity to smell the rose deeply. My intimate love of flowers wasn't lost on my boyfriend apparently and this insanely sweet gesture fueled my morning routine as I got dressed, and sipped my morning brew, the rose never leaving my side, almost like an anchor until I saw Kurt again.

Right before I was ready to leave, the anxious butterflies about getting this show on the road as it were hit me full force. Today I would not only get to see Kurt perform my work but I would get to see the rest of it come together as a final product that Wes said I would be much more proud of this time. I was getting fidgety as I heard my phone chime from where I had placed my bag. I looked at the text and smiled at that all knowing weirdo who seemed to be able to read my mind from across town.

**Stop being nervous ass-hat. Meet me at Jim's, we'll grab another brew and go over today's plan, that is if you can pry yourself off of Kurt...whoops I wasn't supposed to know that huh? Ne-ways, Seb's with me already, managed to get him to not drive for once. We'll take the metro together. Be ready curly sue, you have no choice but to acquiesce to this request. - Wes**

The cheek I replied with couldn't be helped, it just couldn't be ya know? Who used a word like acquiesce?

**Does this message self destruct in 5 seconds too Wesley? - B**

**Don't test me, the next one just might smart ass. See you in 15, fyi ,Bas is gonna hug the shit out of you, you have been warned - Wes**

As I put my fedora on my head, thankful when I checked the weather that there was minimal wind and tightened the scarf around my neck, I shook my head that Wes still knew me so well. I guess that's why my writing partner and I hadn't killed each other after 13 years of friendship. I was ready now.

XXXX

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(KPOV)

The morning call at 'you've got to be fucking serious o'clock" was not the way that I wanted to be woken up to be honest, and thankfully the ringing phone hadn't stirred my sleeping boyfriend. Blaine had been so warm and the human cocoon that we had made was inviting to say the least. It was a good thing that I loved Artie as much as I did, and I knew that he would handle all incidentals unless it was absolutely necessary. And the tech paperwork that had been in my name instead of his, as well as the secondary signature for the lease for the theatre, yeah okay, that constituted my presence. Santana signed the cheques but she always left creative approval to me, I personally thought she was smart that way, because getting a hold of a wayward producer when the show needed something was always important. Also...I had memorized her credit card number for any other immediate needs. This was something that she doesn't ever need to know though, so buying myself a Ferrari for my birthday, while tempting, wouldn't probably be the best idea if I valued my testicles, and I was quite fond of where they were thanks.

So I had dragged my ass out of bed, showered in a hurry and I was very thankful that I still had some of my dance wear at Blaine's because I didn't have to go home to get any for the impending rehearsal today. I had just left the rest of my clothes there, hung up in his closet like they belonged there, and it made me smile for some silly reason. Or maybe the smile had something to do with the ink coloured surprise I had left for Blaine in the kitchen. He was such a softie, I hoped he would accept those note form of apology for running out on him sleeping this morning.

As I met up with my long time friend, we fell into a comfortable chatter as we sorted out the last of my control over the production and into the gloves hands of my wheelchair bound friend. Him and I had had drinks a few times since his agreement to do this show just so we could swap creative and directorial ideas, one of those ideas being filming the show prior to opening night. Which is what we would plan to do today.

I hadn't thought it was necessary but he said we could use it like a game tape. Sports analogies were so lost on me, but I knew we had done this during our show choir days. Film the competition and see what we were up against. In this case we could pick apart our performances, and each others, and see if there was anything we could change to make it better. Maybe hiring Artie would be more awesome than I had originally anticipated.

Since Artie had bought himself his electric wheelchair keeping up with him sometimes became difficult, he always did like being a bad ass like that, showing off and such, I appreciated the divaness of it, but damn it these shoes were not made for pavement running.

"Keep up Hummel." He voice was smug but he slowed a bit seeing that navigating on foot was just as hard as him navigating with wheels.

"When I get robotic legs than we can drag race."

"Dude you've never seen a drag race."

"I've seen some pretty racy drags though, does that count?" Artie howled and shook his head.

"You really haven't changed Kurt, I missed this, it's like high school, except ya know, less sucky."

Artie had been putting it mildly, he had received 2 SAG awards from two of his films and had been nominated for everything under the sun, his life was definitely less sucky for lack of a better term.

"Totally, so you still hear from Cedes? I haven't really talked to her since her and the hubby sold their house after she started her own label."

"Yeah actually I went to her label opener a few months back and we've talked a couple times. That man of hers, mmmph he makes a mint. Like serious dough Kurt, you should see her house, it looks like a museum."

I pondered the fact that one of my best girls in high school was one of the only ones to truly set herself a goal and actually get there. It made me happy knowing that in some convoluted way I was finally doing the same thing.

"I should call her, maybe see if she wants to come to the show." Artie nodded his affirmative with that idea as I had nearly tripped over the sidewalk when I was dogging someone who wouldn't move out of the way for Artie. Honestly, does anyone hear the words excuse me and abide by it?

"Some things don't change eh?" Artie just shrugged when he said this, obviously so used to being invisible sometimes.

I looked down at my friend and coworker and just smiled as my thoughts wandered towards the theatre that we were approaching, the marquee being changed to "Home : starring Kurt Hummel and Sebastian Smythe."

"I dunno, I guess some things just take a little while to change."

Artie knew exactly where my brain had gone as he looked up at the billboard as we approached and smiled.

"Preach."

Giggling and having another sip I realized that time may be relative but change had it's own time, it was only a matter of when.

XXXX

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(BPOV)

Wes hadn't been kidding. When I met them at Jim's, Sebastian had literally put down the coffees beside Wes on the small standing table and literally squealed when he saw me. I was actually quite thankful that Wes had warned me of this impending hug attack because as much as I knew about the height difference between me and Seb, being lifted off the ground and hugged to death required a little forewarning.

Despite be a grown man as well, I couldn't help but laugh. It was in moments like this that I could find true happiness in tiny gestures, even if being hugged like you just came back from war could be considered tiny.

Sebby was and had always been an interesting individual. I can go into this over and over again about how sleazy he was, but how his centre was just squishy, so basically, Sebastian just never grew up figuratively. He loved being a kid at heart and a harlot on the side. I loved him a lot and as he hugged me and whispered in my ear just below a register that Wes couldn't hear, I knew his love for me had changed into something less unrequited and more brotherly.

"I'm sorry." So I whispered back not quite sure why he had lowered his voice.

"For what?"

"For always wanting to go for drinks, not knowing how much it hurt you to go really. For never shutting my trap about wanting to get with you, even right after Drew and all his shit. I'm just glad that you're okay now and that you don't hate me." where was this coming from?

"I could never hate you, as much as I'm sure I could try to."

"I've always loved you..." There ts was out there, and I was little tense now as he continued, but to my ultimate surprise, it lessened as soon as he continued.

"And I'm so glad you're finally happy, I just wish I could have been there properly for you, not threw temptation at you when I didn't know I truly was, and I'm glad Kurt is now...truly dude."

"Wow I...Bas you didn't make a joke."

"Shocking I know, so we're good?"

"We're good...can you not pick me up like that again? It kills my tough man status."

"And me squealing like a first grader was so manly? Suck it up, I wanted my hugs...Wes did warn you."

I pulled away from Bas finally to see Wes standing there, his elbow leaning on the table like he was posing, and just looked at his watch instead of actually saying anything.

"Okay, okay mister bossy, we're leaving, come on Bas."

I tugged his arm to follow Wes.

"Weeesley you said I could have a cookie when Blaine got here, BB you want a cookie too right?"

Wes just opened the door and pulled Seb through it as I laughed walking behind them.

"If you're good at rehearsals and don't piss off Tana or Kurt for at least an hour, maybe then we'll get you a cookie Bastian."

"Ugh you ask too much of me." Seb just tucked his ear under his beanie and sulked.

Oh my god my friends we're such four year olds sometimes, and I loved it.

XXXX

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(KPOV)

Apparently Artie and I had been the first to arrive at the theatre, and like in true tradition we waited until the main cast was all there. The actual rehearsals didn't start until 11 but Tana, Artie, Seb, Wes, Blaine and I had decided to keep tradition alive and all head into the theatre together at the same time. It was a silly tradition but one that we had all adopted in some of our previous works and we decided to keep to it.

Tana had arrived by herself only about 5 minutes later, cell phone still glued to her ear, and nodded at Artie as she finished up and kissed me quickly. Her and I had finally reconnected during Blaine's stint in rehabilitation. She understood that I wanted to distance myself a little because her and Brit had seemed so happy that the last thing that I wanted to do was be beside that much positivity; I had wanted to sulk in peace.

That was a good thing about Tana. Yeah she was rough around the edges personality wise, but she always did care for me as a brother, despite her attitude towards the rest of the world. Santana had had a hard life coming to terms with whom she really was, and even admitting that our show, having a lot of the same undertones and themes, had been hard for her. It was hard for me too. I guess we had spent the last few weeks preparing ourselves for something good for a change. She had Brit, I had come to terms that fighting for Blaine was the most important thing in my life, and between the two of us we had both closed the door on the demons that were our pasts. The shadow that forever haunted our beginnings as friends, and the troubles that we had both overcome to finally be the people we were today. She was a touch stone for me to a life that I had tried to forget for a long time, and it was only recently that I was truly thankful for that connection. She would forever be the only woman that crawled into this man's heart, and it was a spot I reserved only for Tana.

"Wes is on his way with Jack and the Beanstalk." If anyone else heard this they would give her a glance of complete confusion, but I spoke fluent Tana, meaning Blaine, Wes, and Seb would be here shortly.

As if one cue, Blaine, flanked by the aforementioned others came into view. Sue me, I only had eyes for Blaine, and I think he knew what kind of effect him wearing that hat had on me as he came to stand beside me and kissed my cheek.

"Hello love...and assorted others."

"Hi B."

He looked over at Tana who was giving him a saucy grin and as per usual Artie just watched on with an all knowing smile. Come to think of it, Artie and Wes always shared that particular talent, being the watchful eyes and looking on at observing others. It explained why the guys got along as well as they did from he start.

Sebastian was bouncing on his toes, possibly from excitement but mostly because I'm sure the guy was cold, his nose was almost as red as mine was.

"Everybody ready?" Bas just couldn't keep in his excitement this morning could he? Dork.

We all looked at each other, and for a brief second we all looked like we were 10 years old awaiting the opening of a new present with excitable anticipation. Blaine was in awe that his show's name was being placed on a Broadway billboard, his eyes skyward. Wes and Tana were exchanging knowing glances at our excitement, Artie was laughing inwardly at Bas who looked like had ants in his pants, and apparently all I wanted to do was look at the man I had wanted to wake up beside this morning, and every morning from now on. Whoa that's a new thought.

"I'm not quite ready yet." Everyone was surely looking at me, but all I could see were the few snowflakes that were falling on the exceedingly long lashes of my boyfriend beside me. I waited until he turned those seeking honey coloured eyes towards mine, when I closed the gap and kissed him much more passionately than I had initially intended. Now that was a good morning kiss.

Blaine mimicked my smile when he moved away, squeezing my waist where his arm still rested, but our happy little bubble was burst yet again by the sound of Tana and Wes making vomiting noises at us.

"Real mature guys." _So much for keeping a straight face while say that Hummel? Try to wipe the smile off your own face, I dare you?_

I looked over to see Sebastian staring at us, not creepily but warmly and it was unmistakably weird. Blaine beat me to making a comment though.

"I'm surprised you're not partaking in crude noises 101 while I kiss me boyfriend, have you gone soft Seb?" I kissed the tiny hickey beside Blaine's ear that I wasn't even sure he knew was there, that was until he shivered when Bas responded with a laugh.

"I have never, ever been accused of going soft my friend. Besides I can't chastise you, Hummel's a good kisser and I can't belittle you the need to take advantage of that fact."

Blaine quirked and eyebrow at me, not a jealous one but one that wanted an answer about such a thing. I mouthed the words _stage kiss_, which he understood immediately, but I couldn't let that smarmy bastard have the last word, he would think less of me if I wasn't smug about it.

"What can I say love, I guess my face just tastes awesome." Seb and Blaine couldn't help but laugh at me, and god was this what happiness really felt like? It was sickeningly amazing as it was terrifying. By once again, Santana decided that she needed to be heard over my inner musings of contentment.

"Well...at least we don't have to pay hydro, Smurf and Gelfling here are glowing like the fourth of July. If we're waiting for an invitation we'll be here a while. Security's already here, move your asses, mine's frozen."

"Ah Tana ever the lady." Artie said as she held the door open for him.

"Shut up and get inside Stubbs." Most people would have missed it but I saw Tana smile at our old friend. Bas walked over to Wes and sighed, as they followed Tana and Artie in

"Such love, Wes hold me." Sebastian tried to reach out and hug Wes but was shoved through the door playfully.

"Hold yourself, you've had a lot of practice at that Bas." Wes gave him a full smile which we all never saw often, still shaking his head as Sebastian continued talking as he walked in the door.

"Ohh burn. You know Wes if you want to lend a hand I'm not opposed..."

Wes just chuckled it off and nodded towards Blaine and I as we were the last to enter the building.

"Are those really are friends?" Blaine asked as he took his hat off to shake off the snow on it.  
"Yup and they're also the mature adults responsible for New York's finest theatre productions, scary isn't it?"  
"Terrifying."

As we turned the corner and the orchestra level came into view Blaine stopped dead in his tracks. Tana and Wes were talking loudly about something pertaining to the lighting crew being here in ten minutes, and Bas had hopped up on the stage and proceeded to do a very gay version of a pirouette, but Blaine had been staring open mouthed as he took it all in.

I had been expecting this. I don't think my lover really had any idea what it was like to take in the silence of a real Broadway stage before the show started, something about it was just different than other theatres, even ones in New York. Somehow it just felt more special I guess. B of course, had had some major off Broadway productions but this was a first for him. Being a lead writer on something so fantastical and having a dream literally come true was new to him. Little did he know, or maybe he did now that I thought about it, that I was dealing with the same butterflies because I would be the one on that stage for the first time in my life just like I had always secretly wanted.

"I know B."

"You're gonna be great baby."

We said this at the same time as we looked on at each other, seemingly knowing that this was a moment we'd never forget.

"So shall we?" I asked, giving his hands a squeeze

"We shall." He grabbed the side of my face and kissed my cheek really hard, basically just like a child would.

"Now if you'll excuse me." Blaine just smiled as I let his hand go, I knew this was coming too.

Blaine squealed like a little kid running down the isle holding the hat still on his head before running into Wes, grabbing his hands and proceeded to jump up and down making wooh noises. They collected themselves quickly and pretended that no one saw that.

I looked around at the small theatre and grinned, yep this was where my new life would begin.

XXXX

* * *

(BPOV)

Before the rest of the ensemble got there, we all sat in the front rows and stared at the stage and discussed what we were expecting from today's filmed run through. Artie was parked in the aisle and gave his theories about something of a climatic lack during Ben's confusion over his feelings for Michael, and that maybe we were missing something there. He said that it was also the most sensitive part in the story that hadn't been every critics favourite and that needed to be fixed quickly.

So as the ensemble got ready, Wes and I were going to go hide backstage in one of the abandoned rooms, thankfully we had wheeled the piano with us so we could get to work on a completely new number, and 2 weeks before preview...were we insane?!

"Hold on Wes, be right back."

"Hurry up Anderson, without you my words are just a really pretty bits of poetry!"

I ran back to the main staging area just as Kurt was stretching, readying himself for warm up with Sebastian and the chorus.

"Hey, I thought you wheeled out of here to go create?"

"Not without this first." I kissed him quickly but long enough that I heard half of the chorus whistle and catcall.

"Now I'm ready."

"Go on Casanova. The chorus is going to eat me alive now though. I was untouchable as their director, now I'm their equal, and I will need to dish details on that fine ass."

Kurt pinched me not so subtly which earned another round of whistles.

"Only tell them good things beautiful."

"Love you, get going Gershwin, bring back something amazing."

And with that thought fuelled in my head, and the memory of those brief public kisses in my heart, I thought that I just might.

XXXX

* * *

I was tinkering on the piano looking for a matching chord that just wouldn't come to me and I let out a whiny noise of desperation.

"Stop whining, more composing. Come on Blainers, the music is there we just need the scene."

Wes was right, shocking I know right? We had most of the melody and I was just fussing over incidentals really but the big problem was staging. We knew exactly what we were going to do to make this a climatic piece but we weren't sure how to do it exactly. We were almost at the point where we were going to go back to Artie and ask for his opinion but we knew that dragging him away from the rehearsal would just set back the practice. Plus the video had to be shot in real time so we knew if we were going to run over time wise during the actual production.

Brittany came in just a few minutes later when the grumbling had ceased on my part.

"Hi boys. Tana and Artie told me to come check on you, although I'm not sure why, you seem like good little guys doing your homework and all."

That was when I had an epiphany, Brittany's random brilliance.

"Brit hold on, you gotta a sec? I need you opinion on something."

"Sure but can I touch your hair? I haven't since you were at the place that makes you drink less and I said that I missed it. I will help you if I can touch it."

Smiling I took off my hat, springing free the shorter hair that thankfully had the relaxer in it that Brit had given me. If there was any day for brownie points I guess today was that day.

She giggled as she ran her hand through my curls and while she was occupied I decided to ask, knowing Wes was probably looking at me like I had three heads for asking Brit for advice on something this important.

"So, you know how you love Santana?"

"She gives the est lady kisses ever."

"I'll bet. But how did you know that she was the right one for you? How did you know of all the guys and girls that this was what you wanted, this was who you were."

Brit removed her hands from my hair and looked at the space beside me for a good long time blankly before she answered with a shrug.

"I dunno, I just listened to my voice over, you know that voice that follows you around and talks about your inner most feelings? Mine sounds like Sean Connery, I don't know why, but it told me, Brittany S. Pierce, look in the mirror and what do you see. I told Mr. Connery that I saw me and I was happy. It only ever happened when I thought of Santana, so I thanked the actor in my head because that's when I knew. Does that help?"

Wes was trying really hard to not laugh but it came out as a chuckle anyway, one that he muffled with a cough.

The light bulb that had been sitting above my head literally exploded as Brit had been explaining herself, and I rushed and hugged and kissed her cheek quickly.

"You're a genius has anyone ever told you that, how did you get so smart?"

Brit just blushed and pulled away.

"Thanks Blaine Warbler, I'm glad I have both my dolphins back. And when in doubt listen to your inner Sean Connery, he's always right."

Brit left then as I ran back to the piano with a questioning Wes in my ear, as I wrote down the ideas that were buzzing around in my head. I shushed him and wrote it all down before I could forget.

A few hours later and some serious apologies from Wes regarding my tactics, we had something viable to show to Artie and also to Seb and Kurt since it was going to involve just the two of them in the long run.

We waited in the wings and we knew from the regular updates that they were breaking for lunch, although it was near two pm at this point, but the filmed run through was done.

I got to be privy though to Kurt in golden pants as they did another run through of Not the Boy Next Door. I would have to remind him to bring a pair of those over to my house for a more private viewing at a later date.

"Alright guys, be back in an hour. Anderson, Montgomery you've returned from the bowels of the theatre I see. Lay it on me, you look excited n shit, and I could use some of that right now."

Once Kurt and Sebastian had time to grab towels and water, I may have teasingly licked a strip across Kurt's neck and made him squeal because he looked damn hot like this, we all settled into almost the same spaces we had occupied this morning. Santana had gone to lunch with Brit and Tina and said to keep her updated.

"Alright Blainers, go!"

"A mirror. It was actually Brittany's idea." Artie and Sebastian looked sceptical but there was a knowing grin on Kurt's face. Obviously he had been in the know regarding Brit's moments of sheer brilliance.

"Explain."

"It's still rough around the edges, we have the melody but the gist is Ben is standing in front of mirror literally have a debate with his subconscious. His subconscious is voiced over by Kurt. He keeps asking himself who he is and why he's been hiding it for so long. It's a back and forth piece, until Ben looks in the mirror and asks himself what he truly sees, and the mirror fades, and we see Michael. Michael will be dressed like Ben, conform and sleek but with his telltale wilder hair looking uncomfortable in his skin. They sing the song together, to each other, from other side of the mirror. It's called What I See. It's the click moment when he races to find Michael becasue he's finally found what he's looking for in himself, his truth. It's then that we all know he finds out Michael's gravely ill. It's just a little bit of a glimpse into Ben's mind. Ironically Brit gave the idea because she talks to her 'voice over'."

I laughed at how silly that sounded but the look of confidence that filled Artie's face was all I needed to know. He liked the idea.

"So all we need is the regular wardrobe and we just need to add a giant frame with a sheer in between and Kurt can move forward with some creative lighting and a pulley...yeah this could work, I got to talk to the props department. See you in an hour guys, grab some grub."

I was bouncing on my heel at this point, everyone seemed to be happy with the idea. I looked over towards Wes who was fist bumping with Sebastian and he gave me an approving nod. Kurt wrapped his warm arms around me and kissed me quickly.

"You're amazing." I kissed him back briefly before leaving to grab our coats to go 'grab some grub' as the man had said. I reminded myself to get something for him too.

Yep, Blaine had his groove back.

XXXX

* * *

The rest of the afternoon was filled with sorting out the final added number, at very least its basics anyway. Wes and I now used the orchestra piano as he recorded the various changes I was making to his laptop software, all while polishing off some lyrics that weren't quite working. I had the disgusted pleasure of watching Kurt and Seb practice their tango and then the kiss a few times, which I was surprisingly okay with. It hadn't been the uncomfortable, get away from my boyfriend Sebby debacle that I was planning in my head, because it wasn't Kurt and Sebastian, it was Ben and Michael, they really were becoming the characters.

It made me that much more excited seeing the rest of the number and blocking being perfected today as my writing partner and I drank more coffee than was probably healthy, as we poured over corrections.

Val had been busy for most of the morning and him and I had a moment where he hugged me to death since I hadn't seen him since my admittance where he showed me all the pictures he had taken of his new son. We had said we needed to get lunch together at some point during these last few rehearsals just to catch up, and I of course agreed. It was weird...it seemed like a lot of the company hadn't been as standoffish as I was originally anticipating regarding my return. I had expected a little more subtlety, but alas not so much; and it was actually quite helpful that they weren't as preoccupied with my addiction issues. I was still just Blaine to them.

We stayed a lot longer than we had initially intended, but the theatre was ours thanks to Santana's smooth booking prowess, and today would be the longest day for rehearsals until next week. We, the creative team and leads, of course would be there all days, but not all of the company had to be present everyday, it all depended on the progress made. But today we decided to make use of the entire company's presence and Artie worked them all pretty hard until the night was called for a late dinner around 7:30.

Wes took his leave saying that he had to meet up with Jeannie and he would work on some revisions afterwards at home, so I just told him I was going to finish up here and head home whenever Kurt and Artie were done arguing about whatever it was this time.

Kurt and Artie were hilarious together. Kurt the unabashed, over the top gay perfectionist, and Artie the blackest white guy, who was straight as an arrow, and cool as a cucumber in January. They were such polar opposites that their creative banters were really funny to hear. It was funny because most of the things they were saying were both true, it just seemed to be about who was more right. Artie won most of the arguments when Kurt got the director card flashed at him, but he made sure he pointed out that the show wouldn't exist without it's second largest part. It was a true testament to their history as friends, because they could both walk away from the day smiling and still shooting the shit with each other.

I had put away all the other assorted papers, my tablet ( a new gift from Kurt whom said that a real Broadway composer needed all the bestest toys), and re-pocketed my phone after seeing it was just after 8. I sat back down at the piano, giving a hopeful look towards the slightly darkened stage with longing.

There was a time in my youth that I had wanted to be that performer. The guy that had the lead in a Broadway musical just like the one I had written, and belted out the final notes of a fantastic finale for all of New York to hear. I used to picture that for myself until I found out that a lot of the time there were never roles that I wanted to play, only ones I wanted to write for someone else to shine through. Composing had become my dream, the dream that had overshadowed a childhood fuelled by performing in front of my mirror, singing into a hairbrush or bottle of my favourite raspberry hair gel. This was where I belonged, and it had been a long time coming. Ten years of trying, pushing and pulling at strings only to have them snap in my hands or never truly support the weight of the talent I knew I could show.

During these musings I was brought back to reality by a soft and sweet voice.

"Hey sweetie, you seem really far away, you okay?"

Kurt had changed into the heavier clothing that he had come here in, but still held his coat over his arm, the gym bag which I noticed was mine, was swung over one shoulder. But he quickly dropped it beside the piano as he sat down to join me on the bench.

"Not far away, just long ago."

"Nothing bad I hope." He pouted when he asked this, and it immediately had the effect I think he was hoping for, I sighed and laughed at him.

"No not bad, just thinking. I used to want to be a performer."

"I know Mr. Blaine Warbler, you were quite the attention seeker, and rightly so."

"It just wasn't right, I had so many ideas and I just..well I was just thinking about how different my dreams were then, as they are now. This is where I belong, and I'm happy about it."

"You ever thought about performing again? Publicly?"

"Nah, not really, I mean singing on Broadway, yeah its tempting but I can definitely say no, I don't want to."

"Will you sing on Broadway...now? For me?"

I looked around the theatre quickly noting that it was completely empty, Kurt must have been the last to finish getting ready. (Not really that shocking.) I guess I gathered what he meant. In all the years I had spent off-Broadway I had never set foot on a stage here in performance mode, it just wasn't my want or job to do so, but as I sat in the empty and waiting theatre, I couldn't help by find the idea appealing, for bucket lists purposes alone of course.

"You want me to sing...now? Here?"

Kurt smiled and bumped my hip. "Sure, scooch over." His long and strong fingers graced the keys as he played a few warm up scales. It wasn't perfect but it was enough to note that he definitely taken lessons at some point.

"You can play?" Kurt just shrugged and rolled up his sleeves a little, seeming very proud of himself.

"Have you ever asked me?"

"You continue to surprise me Kurt Hummel." He tore his gaze from me and put them back on the keys before he grinned when he mental playbook found something worth playing.

"I hope I never stop surprising you, you know this one?"

Within the first few notes I smiled and turned to him, mirroring him. I was brought back to our first shared movie night together when he got to see how much this song affected me during the film. He was so sentimental sometimes.

"You go first, I'll join in after B."

So when my cue was in, I closed my eyes and sang, for my first and probably only time on Broadway.

_Our love affair is a wondrous thing  
That we'll rejoice in remembering  
Our love was born with our first embrace  
And a page was torn out of time and space _

It was in a lower key than I was expecting but it was easier to sing since my voice wasn't really warmed up that well. Could Kurt have chosen a more perfect song for the two of us?

_Our love affair, may it always be  
A flame to burn through eternity  
So take my hand with a fervent prayer  
That we may live and we may share  
A love affair to remember_

I moved his one hand way from the keys. He continued to play the lower end while I took the top. I rested my head on his shoulder as he sang the next verse, only in an octave higher. He was amazing, and this time with another surprise.

_Ce bel amour, qui ne peut mourir,  
Sera pour nous un doux souvenir,  
Promesse ardente du premier baiser,  
Qui nous lie, tous deux, pour l'éternité_

_D'unbel amour toujour grandisant,  
Qui défiera les épreuves du temps.  
Trouvons la joie, restedans mes bras,  
Que nous vivions un bel amour,  
Affaire de couer qu'on n'oublie pas._

Kurt, I really have been looking for you forever. And I hoped that forever would be a reality.

XXXX

* * *

(Santana's POV)

Just when I thought I was going to be on time for dinner with Gallagher and 'Pissforbrains', okay his last name was Peter Forbans but the guy really had no brain, he was just my accountant and my name was funnier. Since the divorce had been actually finalized, I had promised myself that I would have a dinner date with him and my lawyer to finalize where all my investments were going in the next 6 months, but apparently I forgot my handbag at the theatre and had to come all the way back here to get it. I guess I was going to be late anyways. _Balls_.

Seeing Blaine sitting at the piano by himself almost made me call out to him from the top of the darkened theatre, but when Kurt came from backstage and joined him I loitered for a second to see what they were up to. Sure the miniature pervert who lived in my brain really hoped that they would get their wank on in an abandoned theatre so I could play peeping tom and watch for a bit, ( and have blackmail on both of them for many many moons), but something in me knew this would be something important to watch.

I couldn't hear them talk but I could see and then hear when Kurt started playing the piano. Kurt hadn't touched a piano since Burt died, so this was a special moment in time for my friend, and he was playing it down.

Soon I hear Blaine's stupidly charming tenor voice fill the hall, and it was strong yet soft, something I hadn't really heard from the usually hyperactive hobbit. The song was cheesy but it for some reason wasn't from Blaine, it almost made sense since he was basically singing it to Kurt.

I could almost say that I might have shed a tear if it wasn't against my programming to cry without extreme pain, but this, hearing Kurt sing back, and in french almost did me in. I looked up at the ceiling, trying to dry the tears that betrayed me and fell anyway.

_Que nous vivions un bel amour,  
Affaire de couer qu'on n'oublie pas._

Looking up at the ceiling I spoke aloud and to the one person that I hoped could hear me and was listening..

"I kept him safe Burt, just like I promised you silently. He's happy now, you don't have to worry anymore, he's got Blaine. He's finally healed Burt...finally."

Sniffling I backed out the door as quietly as I could, not wanting to disturb a reunion so well deserved and seemingly so right. Blaine Anderson and Kurt Hummel, wishy washy composer and director from hell...who knew? I whispered once more to the memory of a man that I had considered a father.

"They healed each other Burt, you'd be so proud."

* * *

**Review? Please? This is the second last chapter in the present time, then there will be flash forwards :) *throws cyber cupcakes* mostly because the sugary love bubble in this chapter made me crave sugar and I love to share. xoxox muah!**

**Song : An affair to Remember. Originally sung by Vic Damone in the movie An Affair to Remember, but I prefer Deborah Kerr's voice, it's so pretty :)**


	22. Chapter 22

**A/N : Hello everyone, this is it! This is the final chapter ( the epilogue will be out probably in a few days and it will be the flash forward that I promised)! Please read the note a the bottom before you leave. I hope you love this, it's been a labour of love, despite me only owning my imagination. I've loved writing this for you and sharing it with you. xoxo Pls excuse mistakes as always, I'm only imperfectly perfect, if that.**

* * *

**Close To Home**

* * *

**Chapter 22**

Opening Day

There were some things that words or actions couldn't heal. There were somethings that music itself was reserved solely for, and the feelings that were coursing around the man sitting in the empty theatre at 1:30 am on Friday afternoon, needed this music, needed this release. And so he played. And so he sang.

_I used to walk with you  
Along the avenue  
Our hearts were carefree and gay  
How could I know I'd lose you  
Somewhere along the way?_

_The friends we used to know_  
_Would always smile "Hello"_  
_No love like our love they'd say_  
_Then love slipped through our fingers_  
_Somewhere along the way_

_I should forget_  
_But with the loneliness of night I start remembering ev'rything_  
_You're gone and yet_  
_There's still a feeling deep inside_  
_That you will always be part of me_

Taking a breath he paused, channelling his emotions into the song and not really realizing how long it had been since he had belted out such a song, on his own. It felt good, and liberating but so sad at the same time. He wasn't in the right frame of mind right now and singing and showing his emotions was something he never allowed himself for the most part. He was the strength and glue that held others together, he never allowed himself the leisure of breaking down. He never lost it but this time it just hurt so much, and it was at a time where everything in his life had been hanging in the balance; he was overwhelmed.

_So now I look for you  
Along the avenue  
And as I wander I pray  
That some day soon I'll find you  
Somewhere along the way_

_I should forget_  
_But with the loneliness of night I start remembering ev'rything_  
_You're gone and yet_  
_There's still a feeling deep inside_  
_That you will always be part of me_

_So now I look for you_  
_Along the avenue_  
_And as I wander I pray_  
_That some day soon I'll find you_  
_Somewhere along the way_  
_Somewhere along the way_

The sound of his voice drifted off into the theatre from whence he sang, much like the love of his life, it had just vanished. He hoped that just like the song had said, that maybe someday, or somewhere along his way, he'd find that love again.

This was not the way he was hoping to spend the beginning of his first day as a Broadway writer, but that was at least something to look forward too, maybe as of tonight, he would be a part of a real Broadway smash, and his heartbreak would be easier to forget.

XXXX

* * *

Santana was currently in the process of swiping away more of that bastard's family's money, as she finalized the purchase of a brand new dress for tonight's opening night. It was an off the shoulder deep crimson dress, and the price tag was just as devilish. That'll teach the bastard.

Santana had just heard it through the grape vine that her ex husband had somehow procured tickets to opening night tonight, and although she was confident in the show's ability to make him seethe with jealousy over her solo success, a little hit to the proverbial pocket book from her recent alimony cheque never hurts.

_*Incoming call *_

Like always when she was out, she had her blue tooth in, and promptly hit the accept button on the device when she saw who it was calling her, preparing herself with purchase in hand, readying herself to leave Bloomingdale's.

"This is Ms. Lopez."

"Good afternoon Ms. Lopez, it's Alan Stephenson, I didn't catch you at a bad time did I?"

Santana knew when to be a bitch and when to be a professional, and what she had learned from Mr. Stephenson since he decided to back to the show, was that the guy appreciated honestly. Brutal from the hip honestly, so Santana always blended her two personality responses with him, he seemed to like the bite in her tone and truth in her answers.

"Not completely, although if you had called about 20 minutes ago and brought up my ex than I might have bought more than the four hundred dollar dress."

Alan chuckled as if he understood. I guess he did. Even though he was only 39, he had been married three times, the first two had been messy public divorces so it was a good thing that the man was rolling in it like Scrooge McDuck.

"Well then I apologize for my tardiness Ms. Lopez, would you like to go back in and I can be your on-call shopping assistant? I've clothed two ex wives, I'm sure I know just the things to stick it to the prick."

God Santana wondered if she hated her ex more or if Alan did for all of their wrong business dealings. I guess you could call it a tie for different reasons.

"As wonderful and deliciously evil as that offer sounds, I think I'm set. Gotta watch the chequebook these days now that I'm on my own. And despite the extreme tingly feeling that discussing my financials is, with a man whom to me seems richer than god, to what do I own the pleasure of this phone call? Seriously Alan is everything okay for tonight? No snags?"

Since Alan's initial investment into the show he had been there, with his lawyers usually in tow, and helped with any and all financial and media related issues regarding the show. He hadn't been just a backer, but more of an investment partner. He seemed to take everything he put his name behind seriously, and it helped that Alan and April alike, both hated her ex as a public figure. They really were the best connections that Tana could have asked for, but she would never let Sebastian know the truth in that statement.

Alan sighed in response, but it didn't sound worried. Santana had learned a while ago to read the most imperceptible noises via phone calls, it was a great way of dictating bullshit, but there wasn't bullshit in this sigh.

"Everything is perfect from my end Santana, the entertainment press is salivating. You'll have all the usual reporters and theatre columnists there tonight so be ready for that."

"I was born ready for that Alan." Alan broke the conversation and asked as delicately as he could.

"Are you going public tonight too, are you bringing Brittany?"

Ironically it was something that Santana had been pondering. Of course she would be her date for the evening but she wondered if the show was a hit, would she allow the vultures to descend on her sweet and innocent Brittany? She had decided that she would take that idea with a grain of salt and see where the night went. She didn't want to force it, because to her, it wasn't an issue that needed to be outed, it was just a happy fact in her life.

"I'm not sure, we'll see, maybe."

"Well if you decide to, I'll show my face on camera at the exact right time with my support."

"Thank you for that, but it's the last of my worries." The conversation shift was something that Tana and Alan seemed to both just silently go with and accept the change in tone.

"Ah yes worries, now I presume the ship is tight on your end? Artie's happy? Kurt and Sebastian, your company's all ready?"

"Yup, all screaming queens, obsessive compulsives and assorted others looked ready and waiting yesterday. They have rehearsal once more today before opening, as per usual. I won't see them till right before. Wait, what was the reason for the call then Alan?"

"It was just for you. You've really done it without _him_ Santana, it's going to be great and I just thought I would call and say that and um...break a leg. April and I will see you tonight, she's so excited, we both are. I wanted to be the first to congratulate you."

Santana really didn't know what to say. This was the first time someone in the business personally called her, not just her and her husband as partners, to wish her good luck on an endeavour, and she had to hold back a small sob at the happiness she felt.

"Thanks Alan, for everything. They'll knock'em dead and make you proud."

"I'm sure you will, it's gonna be great. See you tonight."

"I'll be the proud mama in a new dress courtesy of my ex."

Alan laughed saying his good-byes as Santana stepped out the doors into the sunny, albeit very cold, afternoon air after hanging up her phone.

Santana Lopez finally felt like she accomplished something on her own, completely from the ground up, and tonight would be a night mixed with happiness, because she had faith in it's success, and also smugness because she couldn't wait to show up that jerk. Yup, validation and victory were tonight's themes...that and maybe a bit of vindictiveness if she got the chance.

XXXX

* * *

(BPOV)

_Dear Journal,_

_I know it's been a while huh? Well to be honest this tool used to feel more therapeutic than it actually was, and recently I have been dealing with my shit in therapy and not just solely relying on writing down my feelings and hardships, but actually seeking out help in human form. Okay, that sounded way more bitchy that it actually should, and I guess that's alright. I'm my true self again and I just thought I would take the time (bitch comments and all) to write a little something about the journey that I have on in the last few months._

_I don't know how to really put it into words anymore journal. Tonight is opening night. OPENING NIGHT, for my fucking work! That's right I swear even in text, but it's just how happy I feel, expelatives are necessary._

_The dreams of a 13 year old boy, writing about himself in the most convoluted way, his feelings being bared about coming out to yourself and finding who you are...it's finally being seen tonight journal and I couldn't be more excited. I may even be vibrating in my chair._

_I'm currently braving the cold but enjoying the bright morning sun to sit on my roof, curled in a giant ass blanket with a huge cup of coffee. Why you ask? Because it's something that makes me happy. The street noises, the air that's never quite as fresh as that away from the city. The smell of the bakery down the street and the whispered hopes of a dream waiting to come true tonight. That's why! I just do things that make me happy, and small things like this are something that I took for granted for far too long._

_I'm basically vibrating out of my seat here journal, and I'm sure Kurt, Wes and Sebby are probably really tired of me texting them all morning saying how excited I truly was, but they never said anything otherwise. Especially Kurt._

_He's just as nervous and excited as I am apparently. He was the only man I knew that could squeal through text and I could hear it in my head. Sorry I'm rambling journal...I tend to do that. _

_I'm actually at peace journal. It's been 56 days since I last had a drink, Kurt and I are definitely on the mend, I'd say we are better off now than we were before and I had been happy then too. My friendships with my best bros were tighter than ever. Wes seemed a little out of it this morning, but he gets like that before a show opens, I'll bug him about it later._

_The only thing I'm worried about, even in the slightest is if the show is a hit, and we all head to the Hallow like we were originally planning, is the feeling of temptation that strong again. I know in my head that I will be fine because I've committed myself to fixing these things about me, but the temptation to an addict is never a good thing. I will be fine though, and psst journal, even if he's joking, Kurt said that if I get too tense in those surroundings, that we could always take off to my place where he had no problem reacquainting me with his mouth. (yeah I really hope my future children don't read this.)_

_Anyways journal, it's starting to snow, and as much as it seems to be romantic and all, I actually want to get to my opening night and not freeze to my roof. Plus I told Cooper I would meet him for lunch and his plane should be landing in...well shit it probably just landed. I should bust ass._

_Take care journal, you've been a good friend, but I honestly don't know if I need you anymore. I kind of hope I don't. If anything I may start a new journal, one that's filled with the hopes and dreams of a man who's finally found his centre, instead of the ramblings of a drunk man awaiting the ball to drop on his life. _

_PS – If you read this Kurt, I love you and I already knew you were great tonight, I just knew xoxoxo_

XXXX

* * *

"I think I over did it at breakfast, I feel fat."

"You're not fat Kurt, and carb loading in the morning before rehearsals today and then a performance tonight isn't a bad thing, we needed it. Plus tonight's celebratory sex for the both of us will require all the extra calories." Sebastian just nudged Kurt enough that he lost balance in his stretch, making him teeter and stumble. Kurt just glared at him but his telltale blush was hard to miss.

"Shut up."

Sebastian knew these small movements and intricacies in Kurt's behaviour now. It was like studying a wild animal, and he knew exactly what was bothering his friend, because he hadn't taken the bait about celebratory sex or even smacked him for the loss of balance. Kurt was nervous, and when he was, he shut down. The only problem was, Sebastian was even more nervous and he was losing his cool, even his remarks were less than stellar and he didn't know what to say in response. That never happens to him. Kurt, although internally freaking out that he would be going on stage in less than a couple hours now, had sensed the change in his co-star.

Earlier today when they had literally pigged out at a breakfast buffet downtown with Val, Ash and few others, and the atmosphere had been jovial, the impending pressure of tonight had been pushed aside for a while. But as the time got closer and closer it had become a lot more serious. Now the final run through was done, and they were literally just stretching out kinks that weren't there and procrastinating heading back into their dressing room. It was then that Sebastian and Kurt had a moment where they just looked at each other, and for once it was Kurt who broke the silence to comfort his friend.

Standing up he extended his hand. "Come on Bas, let's freak out in our dressing room with some dignity."

Sebastian literally just grabbed his hand and for once said nothing to the contrary. They would have to meet backstage again in just under and hour for the show circle Artie had insisted on, and Sebastian was thankful for the nostalgia from his director.

Weaving through the bustling backstage and into the dressing rooms was kind of a blur to both men. Kurt had been focusing his thoughts on Blaine, which was pretty normal, but his worry still stemmed from the possible disappointment of letting him down tonight. Sebastian was worried about that too, letting his friends down, but honestly he never thought, despite his cockiness, that he would get to this place in his career where he would be a headliner in something possibly this large. He always thought he would be an off Broadway performer, a member of a chorus, not the headliner, despite all the confidence that he seemed to exude. And Kurt seemed to see through this as he held his hand like a lifeline while they've weaved through moving props and lighting set-ups.

When they opened the door, the smell of flowers almost brought both men to their knees. So there they stood, still holding hands when they closed the door on a moment that seemed more private than anything they had shared previously.

Sebastian and Kurt had been forced to share a small dressing room, something they both weren't too keen on but it was comforting in some small way, at least now as they looked on at the gestures in front of them.

To the left on Bas' dressing table was a bouquet of orange tiger lilies arranged neatly in a vase, and on Kurt's table to the right was the very same bouquet that Kurt had gotten for Blaine not so long ago, red tipped yellow roses, this time mixed with some deep red ones as contrast.

Both men left to look at their bouquets with a sigh, each card reading something very personal making both men giggle in unison, and then turn to the other and laugh outright.

"We are such girls Kurt."

"I could give a fuck, I have flowers from my boyfriend on my Broadway debut, and you should give a rip either. Those from Kev?'

"Mmhmm. Gotta admit, having a boyfriend certainly has it's perks."

That's when we were brought out of our giggling bubble when we heard a muffled 'ouch' from the other side of the room, and then a deep voice that both men recognized as Kevin's.

"I would hope there are more perks than that Sebby."

That's when Kevin, followed by a stumbling Blaine, both emerged from behind the cramped partition on the back wall, both men in there formal theatre attire for the evening, looking all kinds of gorgeous.

"Yeah Kurt, there's more than flowers in this relationship right? Plus we should be both _totally_ get points for the romanticism of this gesture."

Blaine went to stand and give Kurt's cheek a little kiss as Kevin did the same for Bas. If they were bigger men they would shrug it off, but they both had men that were too sweet for words, so they settled for taking the comfort when they needed it from the two people that were the most important to them.

A few moments later, Blaine having dragged Kurt in for a mind numbing kiss, they were interrupted by Sebastian clearing his throat.

"Ahem! Unless you two are interested in a pre-show foursome, I'd say it's time we kicked out our lovers so we can mentally prepare."

Blaine responded by pulling away almost whining, from Kurt's lips.

"Happy Birthday baby." Kurt blushed, even though he had told his boyfriend that they could do something tomorrow for his birthday, he didn't really want it to be important tonight. But how could be refuse the smile and love Blaine was showing him?

"Thank you love." Kurt could do nothing more than stare in awe at the confidence and beauty that was his boyfriend as he spoke to Sebastian.

"Those were pretty tame words there Seb, Kev you must be rubbing off on him." But as usual Bas just cut him off.

"That won't be until later Blainers."

"I stand corrected." Blaine kissed Kurt again and Kevin did the same to Bas.

"Break a leg both of you." Kevin smiled warmly as he said this and moved to leave the room ahead of Blaine.

Blaine waited for a second and turned to them both. "You guys are amazing, love you both. See you at show circle."

As Blaine left, somehow Kurt and Sebastian ended up literally swooning towards the now closed door, an arm around each others waists and Bas' head resting on Kurt's. They stayed like that gawking in complete contentment over the quick change of events. A few minutes ago they had been bundles of nerves and just like that, in a flash of flowers and formal wear, their men had made everything fuzzy and normal once more. A second later Kurt realized what they were doing.

"We'll just blame this cuddle on our boyfriends right?"

"Totally. I don't want you to love me that much."

Kurt smacked him laughing as he moved away. "You wish, get your game face on Smythe, we have half an hour."

"Yes dear" But apparently he wasn't done yet. "Although I wasn't joking about the foursome." Sebastian didn't see the foundation puff thrown at him until it hit him in the cheek.

Yes, things were back to normal, and their nerves were currently kept at bay.

XXXX

* * *

(BPOV)

Everyone was in the process of making their way to the backstage area to form what was a semblance of a circle, it was 15 minutes until curtain call and the nerves were always the highest at this point. Wes had just joined me from where he had been out front talking with Cooper. Coop and I had had lunch today and it was so great seeing him. It was also great knowing that he was entertaining the idea of a promotion in his company's Boston office, and might be a lot closer in the next 6 months. Wes on the other hand had been quiet, unusually so but I had yet to corner him and ask him why that was so, so I took my chance now as we waited on Kurt, Seb and Santana to join us.

I was half of a breath away from asking him what was wrong when I heard Wes take a deep breath and reach out and grab my hand subtly. It was just a quick squeeze but it was enough to floor me with its sincerity.

Over a decade being friends with this man made our conversations a lot shorter than most, mostly it was just gestures, non nonsensical sounds or glances. Now though we had a full conversation with our eyes.

His deep brown ones looked so hurt but there was a glimmer of hope there that calmed me quickly because I had been instantly worried.

"Wesley?" I whispered.

Wes just kept looking at me and in one sentence, four words in total, everything was explained.

"Jeannie cheated, it's over."

My fists clenched at the side of my hips and I had never been this angry this quickly, or at least I have no sober recollection of ever feeling this enraged, but as always, and especially when he shouldn't have to, Wes soothed my anger.

"Blaine no." He grabbed my hand again and tried to keep his voice down because now Kurt and Seb had come into the circle in their dress robes, already having gone through basic make-up and looked at us warily.

"Yes I'm devastated B. Yes I will need a bros night soon to play vids and blow stuff up, and gosh I know you want to give her a piece of your mind which I love you for. But Blainers, I've shed enough tears today over that woman but tonight's our night."

I relaxed my gaze but turned to face him completely. Fuck it if someone looked at us weird, he needed me sometimes too, as I placed both my hands on his shoulders.

"I'm sorry man."

"We did it Blainers, that's what I'm telling my brain is important right now, and I'm not gonna let what that thundercunt did, ruin our big night."

I tried really hard, I really did. But Wesley using such colourful and vulgar language was sometimes so out of place that I couldn't help but laugh.

"Oh my god Wes! You've been waiting all day to use that term haven't you?"

"Only for the last 4 hours or so."

We continued to laugh into the hug as I pulled him in. I held him for a while.

"You deserve someone who will treat you like the badass you are Wes. And you're right though, tonight's our night, so fuck her, this is our time okay?"

Wes just allowed himself to shake his head as we pulled away from the not so subtle hug, but I could tell that he needed to hear that. We both looked over at Kurt and Sebastian, whom both wore matching concerned smiles.

Wes mouthed that he'd tell them later and not to worry about it as I slung my arm over my friends shoulders. He reciprocated just as the sound of menacing heels could be heard clunking across the hollow stage floor.

Santana looked fabulous as always, sleek, sophisticated, and on a mission; the complete picture of a devil in a red dress. On her arm was a vision in green. I couldn't help but remember the phrase that geniuses chose green, and it fit was Brit's hidden genius. The ladies looked stunning.

"Quiet down children. Well...here we are. I'm not going to tell you to go out there and break a leg, because I think, no I know, that you're better than that. Go out there and break it all! We came here from very humble beginnings. Our director is now our second lead." Kurt got nudged and he hid his head in his hand and blushed when he heard myself and a few others wolf whistled quietly.

"Our writers have battled like rabid soccer mom's in search of the new fad toy at Christmas, but they've given us a script and score that I truly believe in, even right from its beginnings."

This was a side of Santana that we rarely got to see.

"Sebastian, ladies, gents, honestly I'm so glad that you've all put your sweat, tears and other bodily fluids which I don't want to know about...into this. You've made my job as producer a proud one, and even though we hit a few snags, some of them closer to home than we would have liked..." Tana looked at me for a quick second and smiled.

"I couldn't be happier with how fast this transitioned and how well it has come together. It can sometimes take years for this to happen but it's just a testament to the epic group of people we are. Let's show them we mean business. Get your asses ready and lets dazzle this fuckin' city."

Everyone raised their hands in an empathic silent applause as was customary, until Artie wheeled into the centre of the group.

"I ain't got nothin' to say to top that. You guys do us all proud, now you heard the woman! Let's rock this shit."

tTe crowd got instantly louder as we all headed out in the directions that we were supposed to go. Wes and I arm and arm, like we had been numerous times before, stayed in place for a few seconds and just watched the organized mayhem.

Sebastian and Kurt were pulled in different directions, Kurt wasn't in the show until the third scene but Bas had to be ready to open. Santana and Brit left through the side no doubt to head to their seats followed closely by Artie.

Kurt had blown me one final kiss as a huge smile littered his face, one that I was so glad was seen on my gorgeous man's face more often than not these days. I was brought back to where I was standing when I felt Wes' hands move to my collar as he faced me.

"You'd think with the amount of years you've been wearing these things that you would know when it's straight or not." Ah Wes, my ever deflecting friend.

"That's one of the reasons I keep you around Wes, you keep me in check and looking respectable. You gonna be okay?"

Wes just extended his elbow to me.

"Not yet but eventually, much like yourself I would assume. Now shall we adjourn to the orchestra to watch our work Mr. Anderson?"

"I would be delighted Mr. Montgomery."

As we moved passed the curtain and reentered the full house, which was buzzing with excited chatter, I couldn't help the tune that popped in my head. My inner child seemed to make me want to cheer up Wes even more so, so I shared it with him.

"Dum dum dum dum da da dah...dum dum dum da dadah..."

"Are you seriously singing the opening theme from the Muppets?"

My only response was, " Dum dum da da da da dah! Da da dum dadum dadah!", and Wesley took the bait as he sung long quietly as we found our seats.

"**Why do we always come here**."  
"_I __guess__we'll never know_ ."

Wes changed up the lyrics as we sat down, getting curious looks from the the pair of patrons to my left.

"**It'll be sorta awesome.**"  
"_To sit and see our show!_"

We laughed into our sleeves as Wes took my hand as the lights flickered signalling the 5 minute warning.

"Thanks B, that really did make me feel better."

"Anything for you man; ready?"

Stifling a sniffle and nodding through happy tears, we waited on baited breath for he final verdict of this next chapter of our lives.

XXXX

* * *

(KPOV)

Celebratory kisses and hugs, some longer and more passionate than others we awaiting us once we all changed out of our costumes and had a quick shower each.

It hadn't gone perfectly in my opinion, but it had been a success to all those who had put their time and effort into it. It seemed to be the best that we could have done, but like everything in life, noting had been perfect; except one moment in my mind.

_The final scene had closed and the curtain calls had started. We had decided that for the curtain calls we , being Sebastian and myself, wouldn't come out for our curtain calls through the side stages like the rest of the company, but make a grander statement by walking through the mirror (well the frame) at the back of centre stage._

_I had come out first and only because Sebastian was the headliner, but what I wasn't prepared for was the sheer noise that I got from the crowd. I hadn't expected this kind of reaction from the crowd and of course like a true sap, I started misting as I waved and took my bows. I knew that if I followed the loudest whistles and shouts I would find my little group of co-workers and beloveds, and thus truly start crying, but I just graced aside as I swept my hand out awaiting Sebastian._

_The crowd went nuts as he came out and took one emphatic bow and then a silly kurtsie. This was where things got thrown for a loop. Bas extended his hand out to just me for a second telling me to come back into the spotlight with him, and that when it all went fuzzy._

_The noise level went up as Sebastian and I hugged and then waved again to the crowd thanking them with full smiles. My eyes drifted then to the right of orchestra where Artie was fist pumping and clapping profusely. Cooper and Santana blew us kisses and both seemed to be crying (Cooper was really the big baby that Blaine had said). April and her husband we on their feet like everyone else, and Kevin looked so proud that he might pee himself. What really ended it for me was at the exact moment Sebastian pecked my cheek, I made eye contact with a sitting Blaine and Wes who looked so happy, still frozen in their front row seats like they couldn't move from sheer shock. Blaine and Wes looked more than happy; it was a look of pride and approval. That was the minute I lost it. Kurt Hummel had not only come from the ashes of his own burnt bridges and proven to himself that he needn't sit in the shadows as a director, but finally be his own star as who mhe truly was. And that man and his writing partner, my love and his best friend loved what I could give them on stage, for their work._

_I felt more complete than in had in years._

XXXX

* * *

(BPOV)

The Hallow had been ours for the night. Kurt and I had been late arriving at the party, despite Kurt having a short interview to do, and Tana having more press to do than she originally thought, yes we were still late and it was all my fault.

So sue me. My work had been a giant success in my head, the crowd seemed to love it and my best friend and most importantly my boyfriend had both nailed their parts and gave me something to remember with its brilliance. I had to take advantage of the emotional high we were both on and take Kurt back to my house first to drop his bag and then allowed a more primal instinct to take over.

So yes, we were late getting there, but hell yes it was worth it, Kurt's body and our love was always worth all the time we could manage.

Santana had smacked us both but gave us thumbs up for the post coital smiles on our faces but we could give a rip who bugged us about it, we were happy. Kevin and Sebastian had been spending the time since they got there with Wes and I was truly happy knowing that Wes looked like he had forgotten his current heartbreak by surrounding himself with good friends and hopefully the impending musical success.

The alcohol had flowed but I hadn't been as tempted as I was fearing. Wes didn't drink except for one glass of champagne, and most of our inner circle just enjoyed the party and patiently awaited the midnight review we were all nervous bundles about.

Sooner rather than later, as the night started to calm down from the sheer emotional highs and exhaustion around 1 am, Santana and Artie asked for quiet and we knew that the moment had come. I held Kurt close, and Wes and Sebastian somehow wedged themselves between us, as Tana passed the review over to Artie almost like she was too scared to read it. Artie took a minute to scan the document and without letting himself smile or frown, started to read it.

"Home Run? I don't know if I have ever seen a production more worthy of a theatre officianato such as myself, using a sports reference than on the musical I have just witnessed. It almost seems lame using such an easy description to explain my feeling towards _Home_, a musical of all original works from writers Blaine Anderson and Wesley Montgomery, but it was and is accurate. Those two writers are definitely going to be the talk of the town for such raw and deeply impassionate music, and for once dear readers, dialogue to match. Even the biggest and toughest of people could not have at least wept at the sincerity at which the message of this story was told.

Minimal staging, with flashy costumes and over the top and seriously deep messages lined each musical or lyrical line, which leads me to believe we have another hit worthy of Company, Rent, or Godspell on our bedazzled hands. Anderson and Montgomery really did deliver the goods and I'm proud to say that the delivery was received, packaged and poured onto a waiting audience by some great work from it's performers, producer, and director.

The last minute directorial change seemed to be the kindle needed to an combust the already steady flame in my opinion. The film directing prowess of Artie Abrams, the same man from last years Screen Actor's Guide and Sundance Fame, has bled that talent into his new role as the head of this ship and it may have been a crucial part in it's success."

Artie joked around that this was where he would bow if he could. His self deprecation was an ice breaker in the breath that Kurt and Sebastian seemed to be holding as they waited for their part of the review.

"Ms. Santana Lopez, the recently divorced 5th avenue diva, seemed to know exactly what she wanted and how she wanted it in her first production assignment without her ex-husband, and if my opinion holds true for the rest of New Yorkers, than I think her solo career is safely in the bag.

Now on with the actors. The company showed cohesion and chemistry tighter than most families, well at least from this columnist's point of view anyway. There were a few opening night jitters apparent and some lighting issues but they were not noticeable to the untrained eye. But as I trained my eyes closer, I became blind sided by the sheer brilliance that was Sebastian Smythe, one of a few Ohio natives in this production, although he had been raised in Europe for a time. The Broadway new comer is no stranger to the stage, and it was beyond apparent as he owned the stage every time he opened his mouth. Welcome to Broadway sir, you're seat is safe here. That is until I mention the last performer needing focus, for he may supersede you.

I forgot I used to hate the next person in question: Kurt Hummel. I think I can speak for most of the theatre community when I say that we had more than one tryst with the infamous Kurt Hummel. There were numerous occasions where this man got under the skin of his opposers with his talent for knowing just what to ask of his company in each of his musical endeavours. But when I heard of the directorial change, and Mr. Hummel's involvement in the cast and not behind the director's chair, well let's just say I had my doubts.

What I hadn't anticipated was a countertenor, who was actually meant to sing in this key, and do it well. Where had Kurt Hummel been hiding himself and that surprisingly in tune and clear voice? It burns my gut a little to say that he nailed the part, but it would also be an understatement. Mr. Smythe may have been the title character,and as I said above, done it very,very well, but Mr. Hummel brought the soul to a show. He acted out a part as if it was character made for him, with such conviction and believablity that I was honestly moved enough to shed a tear for his character Michael. Happy 30th birthday mister, my gift to you is a glorious review.

To say that I would recommend this to anyone would be a lie. On the contrary, it's only for the non faint of heart, the ones who want substance and granduer in their musicals, which is something this community had been unfortunately lacking as of late. Basically, you have to have taste.

So aside from a few small criticisms, I can honestly, but unfortunately from a journalists point of view, (we do love to point out flaws), I have to give this two thumbs up, you know, once I finish drying my eyes that is.

I predict a long run for this one dear readers, a long, home, run."

Wes and I ignored everyone else in that moment, despite the urge to hug everyone, because like we had said earlier, this was the night we had been waiting for for so long. We held each other tightly, best friends and writing partners who had both loved, lost and gained so much over the last 6 months. Hating and then loving Kurt, Wes finding and losing Jeannie, the friendships we had rekindled or found for the first time, and the family and work we had created. Surrounded by all that knowledge, all we could do was hold onto this one moment and smile.

"You did it B."

"No Wes, we did it."

It may not have been the perfect ending, not every reviewer would be that pleased surely, but the story I finally got to show the world was an accomplishment of a lifetime. And if only one person got the message, to love and accept who you truly are, than it was worth my entire lifetime of struggle with whom I was, so that I could share that struggle with others.

One smiling face, one tear of joy or sadness, or any emotion that we could invoke from an audience of strangers, was really everything that being a writer was all about. Addictions, relationships, friendships and hardships put aside, because whether my message was close to home, or completely off base to you, as long as you understood the meaning and the journey, than we did our jobs as writers.

* * *

**Okay guys, that's the last one, and I honestly can't believe it's over, only the epi left. *cries while baking more muffins* Please leave a note for me here now that this is pretty much it, and let me know your feelings towards this, I've loved writing it for you, each and every one of you has blown me away with your kindness towards my ramblings, so I sincerely thank you.**

**Song was _Nat King Cole : Somewhere Along the Way_. I would love to hear Wes actually sing this.**

**And yeah, I think Darren is a Muppet incognito, and thusly Blaine's inner Darren shows so I had to include the Muppet's theme song, it was something that fit too well to not use for a little bit of needed tension release.**

**And yes...I'm going to finish this screenplay eventually since many of you have asked me to.**

**Reviews are love, and also greatly appreciated. Be well ladies and gents, and remember to keep flailing over "I Do", b/c I sure as hell am! Muah! xoxo**


	23. Epilogue

**A/N: So here's the epilogue. I won't say anything here except any mistakes are my own, and that I own nada. Love you and read on! See the note at the bottom :) xoxo**

* * *

**Close To Home**

* * *

**Epilogue**

(2 1/2 years later- Late August)

(BPOV)

_Kurt Hummel will be the death of me; but what a way to go._

The sun had just finally set on a very long day, and beginning of a very long night for the two of us had begun. We had finally pried ourselves away from the party, trying to avoid family members and friends long enough to search around the giant house so we could find a room to be alone in.

The decor here was rich with dark browns, reds, and taupes. The Persian rugs matched beautifully, giving the entire house, which I had only been to once before, an earthly and warm glow. Kurt had pulled me down the long hallway to the first lockable room and literally pulled me into the room by my bow tie. There had been a playful glint in his eye, a mischief that always told me I was in for a ride of my life every time that I saw it, and today had been no exception.

It may have been hours ago now but it still felt like we were living in the same moment on repeat, each touch, caress or scrape of nail on skin seemingly going on forever; and that's exactly what I wanted. I didn't want this moment to end.

Our matching tuxedos jackets had literally been shed in a flurry of desperate wants, their landing not even registering, as Kurt had pinned me to the door, kissing me like my breath would save his life. We were only careful enough to not tear seams or buttons but that had been the extent of our restraint. It had been months of shows for Kurt, and Wes and I had been busy sorting through offers for other project ideas, but all of us had been so utterly consumed with this wedding and all of its details, that we had made very little time to just sit and enjoy one another.

I guess a combination of wedding hook-up fever and the serious lack of 'couple time' that Kurt and I seemed to have these days were showing their true colours.

Kurt had been on a relentless pursuit mapping my body with his mouth, and my hands, slick with the sweat from the summer's eve and the passion that my other half and I were sharing caused them to glide over every curve of this man as he worshipped me.

Slick and long fingers opened me up as Kurt moved us to the opposite wall, content to keep me upright, feet then still on the floor, and watch me fall apart from just his fingers.

It wasn't before long that he had me lifted and supported against the wall, his long cock buried to it's hilt in me and I almost wept at the need I had for him.

"God I love you B." Kurt had his head buried in my neck, his strong hands supporting under my thighs and ass, and I couldn't help the noise of my head hitting the wall at the stimulation of him and I connected like this. I don't think I would ever get tired of it.

Our dress clothes made a trail from the door to where Kurt had me pinned to the wall as he fucked into me quickly, and we probably looked like a bad romance cliché to be honest. Two wedding day lovers overcome with their passion for one another that they couldn't even wait for dinner to be over before they took advantage of the love that was in the air.

"Harder, god Kurt."

Kurt obliged with a small grunt. The animalistic noises that came from Kurt when he topped should have been illegal, and god was I glad that I was the only one that got to see Kurt this unravelled; this untamed.

The sweat from wearing suits in the midday summer sun and from the exertion of our actions, made our skin's shine and glow in the fading light from the large bay window that over looked the garden, The wedding was set up below and god if the people outside knew what was going on this room, we'd probably give some of the older guests a heart attack.

But all of that was forgotten for the few moments that we stole from time to just indulge our needs. With every movement Kurt made, and every imperceptible movement I made against him, we pushed each other to the max of our devotion for the other, as well as tested our own desperation. It seemed like so long but it was also so fast and rushed that I was losing it, not able to forms any words.

"Fuck, baby...I can't.."

Kurt was whimpering with every thrust now as he said those words, the telltale that he was close and thankfully for him and myself his thrusts just egged me closer and closer to my own end.

"I love, I love you...you, _unff _baby."

The friction from Kurt's sweaty chest pressed against my leaking cock was enough extra to push me over the edge surprising me with an orgasm so powerful it should have knocked Kurt clean away from me.

I screamed, not caring that people, if they were in the hallway, had surely heard me. Instead I focused on the intense pleasure that my love could give me. I had been so blissed out that I almost missed the growl mixed with my name as Kurt stuttered and I felt the pulsing inside me as he huffed in laboured breaths.

As Kurt slowly lowered me to the ground on very shaky legs, he held me close, letting me kiss him and explore his mouth in detail like I knew he loved, all tongue but gentle. Kurt and I were literally shaking in each others arms, holding each other up and lazily kissing for a few minutes without anything being said. The stickiness between our chests had gone completely ignored as Kurt held me tightly, his left hand petting my hair as he cooed and kissed along my jaw and neck.

"I love you so much B, so fucking much, you're too beautiful for words."

My love for him never ceased to amaze me after all this time, no matter how many times we let our bodies want more than anything.

Slowly we actually took in our surroundings, and we thankfully came to realize that we were in a room with a bathroom. Kurt had taken a few tissues to clean us both up, but didn't stop kissing me or me kissing him as we started to collect ourselves. The moment had been so much what we both had craved that we weren't completely ready to get dressed yet.

That decision however was unhappily made for us as we heard a tapping on the door not a few minutes later.

"That better not be Wes again!" Kurt shouted this from where his lips were still teasing the tight skin on my chest. Wes had been cock-blocking us all week it seemed, but it wasn't Mr. Montgomery like Kurt had feared, but someone far worse.

"Manos! Bravo on the fornication but we have to cut the cake, you've been gone for over half an hour and people are starting to ask questions."

"Fuck" Kurt hissed. But there's a giggle and an immediate response.

"You just did that, and it sounded pretty amazing from here. Pants on, make yourself looked less well shagged and get front and centre boys! You've got 5 or I'm coming in there and I'm not above asking for a free show. Move your asses!"

Kurt sighed as we heard Santana walk off from outside the heavy wooden door, but I couldn't help laugh against Kurt's neck. God we must look like horny teenagers and not like the thirty somethings that we actually were.

"It's not funny Mr. Hummel-Anderson!" I kissed his nose first.

"I think it's extremely funny Mr. Hummel-Anderson." I kissed him roughly for a quick second before I slipped out his grasp to survey the formal wear explosion that we had turned this room into. "I mean look at this place, it looks like a menswear department blew up in here, that's pretty damn funny."

Kurt rubbed his forehead with a small chuckle gracing his face.

"I guess we lost a little control huh?"

"Do you care?" Kurt glided over to me and allowed me to loop my hands around his still naked torso, which had gotten even more toned in the last few years if that was possible. He just smiled and folded his arms around my neck as he spoke.

"Not in the slightest. Guess we should rejoin the guests."

"If not for any other reason than.."

"Tana?"

"Tana." I confirmed with yet another chuckle. He kissed me again and this one was so full of emotion and love it reminded of yet another reason why I loved my husband, we could read each others mind.

"I'm so glad we eloped, avoided this whole circus." I nodded against his lips.

"Me too Kurt, me too."

Begrudgingly we got dressed, slowly but we really didn't want to deal with our irate lesbian friend any more than we would in the first place. She was all too happy bursting a happy bubble if it got in the way of her plans. And to top it all off, it wasn't like we only had Tana to fear today all that much, it was Sebastian's wrath that we both feared. He may actually skin us alive if he knew that we had defiled a room his Maine home in the way that we just did, and his important day to boot.

XXXX

* * *

The crowd had laughed the entire time I was regaling them in the exploits of one of my best friends in his high school days, as well as during his stint in _Le Cages_. Because there were minors around, still I kept some of the close guarded Smythe shenanigans to a minimal and finished my speech for him quickly before I got too emotional. I never thought I would see this day in my lifetime and it was effecting me more than I thought it would. _My little Bas is all grown up!_

"Basically I just wanted to tell Sebby that, well you're one of my best friends and I love you so much, more than I ever thought I would love you to be honest, but I was so honoured that you wanted me to stand up with you today. You healed me once, protected me with a shield all your own and helped me find and hold onto the love of _my_ life. So yes Sebby, I do in fact understand the awesome factor, and it seems you've found an amazing guy who agrees with me so the least I can do, is wish you all the best. Congratulations you guys, Kevin you found one hell of a guy that loves with all his being, and Sebby, don't mess this up, I'm watching you! Cheers guys!"

XXXX

* * *

(KPOV)

"Hello everyone, glad to see everyone dancing out there. I'm Kurt Hummel, I'm one third of Sebastian's best men, mostly because he couldn't say no to either Wes, Blaine or myself so he gets three bits of fabulous standing with him today. Now I know that I've had a reputation in the past..."

"Understatement!"

Tana had yelled this cross the tent in my direction but all she got was a bitch glare in her direction from where she was snuggled with Brit.

"Any...ways, as I was saying. I'm Kurt and Sebastian is my friend, on stage partner in crime and the most unlikely person I would have ever thought would be so important to me. But Bas, I love you, I really do in all your meerkat glory and Kevin, I adore everything that you've been and forever will be for my friend. I hope that you will be that for each other for many more years. Now...gentleman?"

As rehearsed I was joined on the small dance floor by Wes, Blaine and five other men whom I had been introduced to via Skype over the last few weeks. There was Nick, Thad, Jeff, Trent and David from Wes' year. All of them hadn't been able to make the actual ceremony but had pulled some last-minute strings in their lives to fly here to Maine, to Sebastian's old family house to surprise their long-lost Warbler brethren. The look on his face as they all joined me was priceless.

"Get up and dance lovebirds, this is my gift to you, my eight part harmonized gift. Today I'm an honorary Warbler."

Blaine started with the solo and it changed between him, Wes and myself throughout the song, all with the Warbler men behind us literally doowhopping in perfect harmony.

_My love must be a kind of blind love  
I can't see anyone but you _

Bas and his new husband looked like they were both on the verge of tears as they held each other now on the dance floor, as we serenaded our friends on a night they would hopefully remember for the rest of their lives.

_And dear, I wonder if you find love  
An optical illusion, too?_

_Are the stars out tonight?_  
_I don't know if it's cloudy or bright_  
_'Cause I only have eyes for you, dear_  
_The moon may be high_  
_But I can't see a thing in the sky_  
_'Cause I only have eyes for you._

_I don't know if we're in a garden_  
_Or on a crowded avenue_  
_You are here, so am I_  
_Maybe millions of people go by_  
_But they all disappear from view_  
_And I only have eyes... for you_

Blaine and I turned to look at each other right then. The hot passion from earlier in the spare bedroom of this glorious house not forgotten, but replaced by the sheer truth of love that this song spoke of. Our friends had it and we both knew even before we had married ourselves, that this was a love that would last no matter the obstacle.

XXXX

* * *

(10 years later) (BPOV)

It had been unseasonably warm yet again this summer, and even though Kurt had told me, okay he had basically said I would regret it if I didn't wear a thinner shirt, but had I listened? Not so much.

So here I was a little warm in layers, thin ones, but layer nonetheless, walking hand in hand with my little man. The 6 year old was a little tentative but that was to be expected as we sauntered along the neatly trimmed grasses in suburban Ohio. My boy, Alexander, had done this before but it would still a little scary to any small child. I had explained what we would be doing and he seemed a little apprehensive again but he was just as excited to show off his drawings, so he was at war with himself whether to be excited or scared.

As we seated ourselves in our usual family spots I took my time saying my hellos.

"Hi Burt, Hello Elizabeth it's me Blaine, and of course your little grandson Alex..."

"Hi Grandma, hi poppy. Daddy misses you." I just chuckled as I fixed his hat on his head yet again.

"Like this little guy says, Kurt misses you. But he's on tour right now and even though he said we could come n a few weeks I told him that..."

"Dad, dad, can I show my drawings now...?"

I frowned and turned a stern looking face towards my son.

"Alex what have I said about interrupting people?" He hung his head and pouted a tiny bit. The serious face always worked; mostly because I was rarely the serious one.

"That it's not nice, and that I should let other people finish talking."

"Thank you Al, now let me finish please, then you can show your grandparents your pictures. Now as I was saying, Kurt said we could come in a few weeks but I said that there was no reason why that should deprive you of seeing your grandson and how big he's gotten. Say hi Alex and yes you can show your picture now."

My silly son waved and it was at moments like this that I craved a deeper childlike innocence, even more than the one that I already had.

"I drew a picture grandpa, it of a duck, he's yellow and he's playing the piano like dad does, cool huh?!"

Alex placed the photo on his late grandparents grave and decided that he felt comfortable enough to talk to them. So he rambled on and on about how he was starting grade 1 this year and it made him a big boy because he got a desk all his own, and how he'd be at school all day without little kid nap time and everything. I just listened and unbeknownst to my son, recorded it all so that I could show Kurt when I talked to him later tonight on Skype.

And like a typical kid, complete with attention spans smaller than uncle Sebastian's, soon Alex was asking if he could have his trucks to play with. Since he had been so good up until now, I gave them to him as long as he continued to be respectful.

So there I sat, for the better part of an hour talking with the sky and gravestones hoping that Burt and Elizabeth, and of course my father, wherever he might be too, all about the last few months of my family's life. Since Kurt had brought me here just over a decade ago to introduce me to his folks, it had become a tradition to spend an afternoon in late august, but usually on the first of September, here in Ohio. We would play at the park across the road first, letting Alex gets his energy out, share a packed lunch, and then say hello to both of his parents and talk to my own. It was peaceful, sometimes sad, but always looked upon fondly because we got to share the joy we had in our lives and reflect on what we had. It kept us humble and thankful.

But before long, and like always, time had passed rather quickly. Since we had an early morning flight back to New York tomorrow morning and preparations to be finalized for Alex's first day at school, we both said our good-bye to the Hummels.

"Bye grammy, poppie. I''ll make you more pictures soon."

I"'m sure they would love that Al. Bye Lizzie, I'll keep Kurt safe and Burt yes I know I will tell Kurt to bring you a beer when we come next."

As I walked back towards our family car, matching backpacks on my son's and my back, and our joined hands swinging in between us, I had an uncanny feeling of home, even when we were so far from the one we knew. My phone went off signalling message from Kurt as I got Alex into his seat. It almost made me want to cry, because he seemed to always read my mind from wherever he was...

**I miss my family. Can't wait to come home. xoxoxo - K**

He hit the nail on the head in one word, _Home_.

* * *

**_Song : I Only Have Eyes For You : The Flamingos_**

* * *

_**A/N**: Okay I need to breathe here because I can't honestly believe this is over. I planned all this out so long ago in my head and now that its finally out on "paper", I'm having a hard time letting go of it. There will not be any one shots in this verse because I have way too many ideas for future works that there is currently no room in my brain for it anymore._

_But...I just want to say that I am truly touched, blessed and completely honoured that anyone read this, and that it was actually well received. I know that I am nothing special, and I know that there are other authours out there that are far superior to me, but I just want to say thank you for making me feel special in anyway. Each favourite, review or alert headed in my direction brought a smile to my face and brightened this woman's day, so thank you. I will be continuing my crisscolfer Honeymoon piece now until that is done, and then I have at least two more ideas for Klaine/Crisscolfer in the works so if you're interested...follow me and I'll do my best to make you guys happy. Also suggest anything, I'm always willing to go over ideas for stories or one-shots. _

_You are all my angels so thank you again. *throws last batch of cupcakes...they have sprinkles*_


	24. Note

**A/N :**

Hi everyone, no this is not an update but a greeting to those that asked for a flag on this story whenever I posted another. So here ya go.

The new story is called **Stand by Me**, and its a little different from some of the stuff I usually write. Yes, it's Klaine but with a twist as per usual. Giv'r a go if you like and let me know if it meets the standards that you've usually expected from me.

- Sam


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